My school emails me nearly every day with a complaint about something dc has said and Idk what to do.
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Anonymous
Pp what sn does your child struggle with that has never impacted any other child? |
Anonymous
op - ty for this. i think this may be the answer. there are some privates in nyc that have supports for sn kids; the reason we haven't gone down that path so far is that ds has been happy and done well up until now. I guess I wonder whether one of these privates (which are also expensive) is better than a 'good' burb public which also has services. the bolded is also 100%. I think this was my badly articulated frustration. It's that they seem to think I can 'fix' dc's autism. 'if i had a nickel' (literally) for every single thing we've said or podcast we've listened to or book read about kindness and perspectives I would be a billionaire. Our younger dc who is nt and on the accidental receiving end of all this is so ridiculously nice and mature and kind as a result that the school suggested accelerating him a year due to maturity level. |
Anonymous
NP. You’re pretty patronizing. Does that make you feel like a big girl? |
Anonymous
Inattentive-type ADHD + cognitive processing issues, thanks for asking? Have never had a call home for behavior. She's 2e and we opted for a private school with small classes that would minimize distraction and allow for individual attention. Her school has counseled out disruptive kids and I think it was warranted 🤷🏽♀️ And there's a big difference between "occasionally disruptive" and "daily calls home," again especially by age 10. OP has said the school is a small private that focuses on SEL but is not SN. Consistent classroom disruptions are not going to be ignored in that environment, nor are they fair to the students who want a calm learning environment and instead the teacher is constantly redirecting a kid who's clearly not a good fit. |
Anonymous
I wonder if the problem *is* that they have an entirely social emotionally focused curriculum, because these often suck. At the best, they do roughly nothing. At the worst, they encourage people to be on hair triggers -- e.g. freaking out and calling mom when a child references the empirically fact that Greek markets had slaves. An autistic kid is not going to realize -- because it isn't explicitly taught! -- that this is exactly the kind of thing that will freak out the social-emotional crowd. |
Anonymous
Pp is right. I will report the post to Jeff. The teacher should not be posting here. |
Anonymous
our school has consistently counseled out inattentive adhd above kids with impulse control issues. they consider it more distracting for students overall to have a kid who isn't able to independently self regulate attention and thus distracting others with inability to attend. kids with occasional behavioral flares are overall in some ways less disruptive. |
Anonymous
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op it sounds like your dc goes to a private like ours where as long as kids are academically on track, they aren't too concerned (until situations like you describe).
It's much easier to counsel out a kid with 'obvious' learning disabilities because those kids are in some ways much more of an issue for teachers and other kids at younger ages in that they cant keep up with the class and derail learning from a young age, and plus there are sn schools geared towards them. Whereas kids who are keeping up with learning 'blend in' for much longer - until they dont. Private mainstream schools are always going to be more focused on academics than social skills and consider that more important. It's a q for you as to whether you think keeping your dc in behavioral norm territory is going to be achievable |
Anonymous
Teacher perspective, with all due respect, that's way easier said than done. Autism and ADHD are neurological disorders. One does not just decide to behave well or not. Can you make a blind person quit not being able to see...like ask them to try harder at seeing? Or a person with loss of hearing be able to hear? It does not work that way. Autism and ADHD are not just flip a switch and once you tell them "that's annoying" they just go, OK, and stop. It does not work that way here either. If it did, that would be incredible! And yet here we are. OP, please consider leaving this small private before they counsel you out (or maybe you are full pay and they need your money). Go to a public. They will still call you, and call you, and email you there too (ask me how I know). Sooner or later you will get an IEP for your student and hopefully it will be one piece of the puzzle in finding success. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't answer the phone anymore |
Anonymous
DP I also have a 2e girl, that sounds similar to yours. Honestly, I think girls present differently, so we are comparing apples and oranages a bit. My daughter is in a strong academic private with a focus on SEL and Leadership development. I've seen them counsel out boys and turn around a compliment my daughter, because she's quiet. My daughter falls through the cracks while the boys are disruptive. The parents of both types of kids have to be vigilant always. That said, my older daughter was at the same school and was getting hit everyday on the playground by a kids that sounds a bit like OPs. The best thing the school did was ask him to leave. He ended up at an all boys school that takes kids with mild autism, adhd, and mild LDs. I hear he is thriving in his new school. OP need to be very open about his struggles when finding a new school placement. Those schools are out there and well within her budget. He probably doesn't need a school explicitly for SN, but one that caters to mild SN and average to above average intelligence. If she's in NYC there are plenty of options. |
Anonymous
Why do you think it is he has such hurtful impulses? |
Anonymous
Actually, it kind of does work that way. You can HELP a blind person to "see" with sound if they are completely blind, which is why they carry a clicker or stick. A deaf person has a a larger set of options and if they choose can carry a pen and paper. If your kid is neurodivergent you are correct that you cannot change how their brain works, but you very much can teach them to thrive in the world as it is using different abilities that they have intrinsically. Example Some ASD kids don't feel empathy the way others do, but they can understand it like a math equation. Other example My ADHD kid carries a pocket sized organizer and writes everything he might forget immediately. He only needs to remember one thing now and we set a timer on his watch for that. Neuro divergent kids need to learn coping mechanisms that help the individual function. It's worth taking the time to explore those with your therapist. It's not a one sized fits all solution; it's bespoke for each kid. |
Anonymous
What are some of these options? |
Anonymous
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I would find another school. I have written a version of this many times before but think how this is feeling to your son, who is getting the equivalent of this message roughly 10x as often as you and *also* does know how to fix it. It’s incredibly toxic for them. Keep working on every intervention and medication you can but he will not thrive being called out like this all day every day. He needs a more tolerant and understanding environment.
My biggest parenting regret by FAR was leaving my child in this situation too long- it took years to rebuild their self esteem. |