My school emails me nearly every day with a complaint about something dc has said and Idk what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he?

op - 10.
they emailed today to say he did something else hurtful and they would be calling to explain.
i dont mean to be defensive but part of me wants to just say - look why dont I come pick him up and we'll skip the rest of the week and you can all have a break and so can he.

BTDT. Everyone needed a break. And then I pulled him from the private about a week later. Enrolled in our local public and got an IEP. Best decision I ever made.

Not every school is right for every kid.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the .ove to public crowd.
He will continue have social issues at public. No one will do anything about it at school but the kids will isolate and reject him. Public school will also let him slip through the cracks academically.
If I had to do it all over again with my audhd sons I would put both in small privates and put both in sports ASAP.
Teammates have looser social expectations and he will find acceptance more easily plus all the other benefits of sports.
Honestly a phone call or email is just their policy. Ask for a weekly report. If they accept it, read it over a glass of wine and have a laugh.
I mean really.. someone who had been left back a year was teasing him? Sounds like other kid learned a great lesson about throwing stones. And yes slaves were sold. Great opportunity to discuss with him and also talk about things that are political. He's only 10. One of what he's done has been remotely off the wall.
Don't let them chase you out.

[Anonymous]

I was a struggling kid in a private and they were always trying to oust me. It was so uncomfortable because my mom made it a goal, a vendetta of sorts, to keep me there on principle. So I struggled and was mistreated by teachers. Please move your kid.

[Anonymous]

Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

[Anonymous]

Let me further say--- if he had said that slaves were sold at the market in public school he would have been socially "canceled" and you'd be .moving back to private..

[Anonymous]

You can try to fight it but the fact is he isn’t a good fit for his private school and the private school doesn’t have the patience to provide what he needs. Public schools are much more forgiving places when it comes to behavioral issues. Even if he has a diagnosis that makes it more difficult to control his comments, the fact is they are hurtful and the school doesn’t have to accommodate him. A public school has to try. It sounds like all the calls are a means to document a pattern of behavior and demonstrate that they tried to engage you but it didn’t ameliorate the behavior.

[Anonymous]

We did the small private all the way through 8th and basically dealt with the calls through much of it (it got a little better in MS). Some of it is what you can stand. Our subsequent public HS experience was terrible in some ways, but no calls. I do think the private was a better place for my kid than public at that age.

The year is almost over, they are out of patience. Maybe a couple mental health days are a good idea. It sucks, but the more you can emotionally disengage the easier it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a huge downside of private. They are not necessarily trying to get rid of your child but they will make you hyper aware of anything and everything. It is very stressful, but typical.

When our child moved to public, the silence of no phone calls was a sweet relief.

But in public you're dealing with the other end of that spectrum. There's very little accountability, communication, or engagement and next to no sense of goals or urgency. Not great either. Parents trade one type of stress for another.

[Anonymous]

You need to focus on what environment is best for your child. Are they trying to help him? Support him academically and socially? Is he interested in his work? All of this is more important than whether you get interrupted!

As PPs have explained, in public he won’t be seen as so difficult, but you will be in the dark. If it were me I would try a real pivot during these last few weeks of school. You call THEM and ask for a meeting. Thank them for keeping you informed. Say you want sincere feedback and advice for interventions /approaches you can try over the summer. Take the day off if you need to so you can focus. Their backs are up and so is yours and your child is stuck in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a huge downside of private. They are not necessarily trying to get rid of your child but they will make you hyper aware of anything and everything. It is very stressful, but typical.

When our child moved to public, the silence of no phone calls was a sweet relief.

But in public you're dealing with the other end of that spectrum. There's very little accountability, communication, or engagement and next to no sense of goals or urgency. Not great either. Parents trade one type of stress for another.

Oh, yeah. There’s no good solution, just the least bad.

[Anonymous]

Look into other schools. Privates can counsel out and make life hell until then.

Also. jot down the issues causing problems so it can be used in therapy for problem solving strategies. You sometimes have to overly PC to get by and it's helpful to think about your audience. If he was being teased first, he was simply throwing verbal punch right back with the whole being held back part, but it's useful to learn ways to de-escalate too. I have a mean-spirited elderly mother. There are a million true zingers I could throw back at her, but it would just set off an explosion so I use humor, distraction, deflection and other de-escalation strategies and I just see her less. Can they be seated far apart and not be put together for group projects?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The certainly can oust him outright and may in fact be laying the groundwork to do so. Your DC isn't a fit with the school and it's time for you to make a change. You can be sure DC feels it. Why drag it out?

Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. On what grounds?

Not the poster you are asking, but private schools can legally throw out kids pretty easily as long as they don't get federal fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the .ove to public crowd.
He will continue have social issues at public. No one will do anything about it at school but the kids will isolate and reject him. Public school will also let him slip through the cracks academically.
If I had to do it all over again with my audhd sons I would put both in small privates and put both in sports ASAP.
Teammates have looser social expectations and he will find acceptance more easily plus all the other benefits of sports.
Honestly a phone call or email is just their policy. Ask for a weekly report. If they accept it, read it over a glass of wine and have a laugh.
I mean really.. someone who had been left back a year was teasing him? Sounds like other kid learned a great lesson about throwing stones. And yes slaves were sold. Great opportunity to discuss with him and also talk about things that are political. He's only 10. One of what he's done has been remotely off the wall.
Don't let them chase you out.

OP’s child was teasing the kid who had been left back a year. Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Public. He will probably be counseled out anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of it is they’re trying to make you decide he’s not a fit. And it sounds like he’s not.

This. They can’t outright oust him so they are wearing you down in hopes to do it yourself. I point blank told our school that whatever they hope I will say to my child, we already say every single day, and I don’t want to be bothered about non-violent and minor things my child says.

To a parent it might seem minor. To the school, having potentially ten or more kids DC is upsetting (and ten parents complaining to teacher about your kid) with each incident - well it’s not so minor. People pay for private expecting the school to not tolerate this kind of behavior and address the situation.