Caught between two men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say forget about the back story for a second.

What are the other good things about your ex? Who’s more kind? Even tempered? Stable? Emotionally intelligent? Good in a conflict? Better at communicating and problem solving?

You don’t really know the new guy yet.

Also both of them are a little late to not get married. What’s the deal with that?

OP here.

My ex is a better communicator and more even tempered. Nothing ever really gets him upset, and even when it does, he handles things calmly. We were able to resolve any fights or conflict we had very well.

Current bf is more stable in terms of being settled and ready for marriage/kids. He’s also a good communicator but not as even tempered. He doesn’t get mad often, but he can get angry when very upset. He still handles his emotions well.

Both are kind, have treated me well, respectful, good in bed ( ex is slightly better), faithful, etc.

Um, you’ve only been dating four months. What’s happened that you’ve seen him angry about?

+1 and how did it manifest? Please share. This is very relevant,

OP here.

One time one of his friends made a joke about sleeping with me ( over the line) while drunk and he got angry. He didn’t yell or scream but he was visibly pissed off and wanted to leave.

Another time someone cut him off him traffic and he screamed out of the window at them.

Nothing major but my ex was not like that. He never let much get him upset, and even when he was, he never showed outward anger.

OP - you made a wrong choice. Screaming out of the window is a very short temper. You don’t want to be with this guy.

[Anonymous]

Maybe neither of them?

Ex because he didn’t prioritize your relationship (if you were really special to him, he should’ve proposed or at least made more effort to keep the relationship going and if you truly loved him you would’ve done more to stay w him too)

New guy because he has anger management issues and it’s a red flag he’s 38 and single. I’m 39. I don’t know any truly great straight guys my age who are still single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say forget about the back story for a second.

What are the other good things about your ex? Who’s more kind? Even tempered? Stable? Emotionally intelligent? Good in a conflict? Better at communicating and problem solving?

You don’t really know the new guy yet.

Also both of them are a little late to not get married. What’s the deal with that?

OP here.

My ex is a better communicator and more even tempered. Nothing ever really gets him upset, and even when it does, he handles things calmly. We were able to resolve any fights or conflict we had very well.

Current bf is more stable in terms of being settled and ready for marriage/kids. He’s also a good communicator but not as even tempered. He doesn’t get mad often, but he can get angry when very upset. He still handles his emotions well.

Both are kind, have treated me well, respectful, good in bed ( ex is slightly better), faithful, etc.

Um, you’ve only been dating four months. What’s happened that you’ve seen him angry about?

+1 and how did it manifest? Please share. This is very relevant,

OP here.

One time one of his friends made a joke about sleeping with me ( over the line) while drunk and he got angry. He didn’t yell or scream but he was visibly pissed off and wanted to leave.

Another time someone cut him off him traffic and he screamed out of the window at them.

Nothing major but my ex was not like that. He never let much get him upset, and even when he was, he never showed outward anger.

New poster. Those examples are not indicators of some kind of anger problem (which I think some "go back to the ex" posters were hoping was the case wtih the new BF, frankly, so they could keep pushing the romantic notion of the ex's return). The one in traffic? Well, have you never, ever cursed or let out even one little yell while driving? If he goes nuts at every traffic issue, yes, he's got a problem. You mention ONE time it happened, so that's not a pattern. It's like you're straining to find something that's "anger" you can use to answer the PP's question.

And the one where he got angry because someone joked about sleeping with you -- that was actually an excellent sign that the BF doesn't tolerate typical crude male sexual talk about women and about YOU. I would hope and expect that my BF or husband would be angry at a rude joke about sex with me. Why weren't you glad that your BF didn't play along with that "joke," OP?

The fact you can only come up with these examples for BF's supposed "anger" might mean you have a skewed sense of what anger is, and what your ex was really like. "He never let much get him upset" can be fine or it can mean he's just not very emotional or invested in things. That can have other repercussions in a relationship. Not necessarily good ones.

You were right to tell the ex you don't want to reconnect. But I can't help wondering if you're going to be back here, second-guessing yourself and waffling on your (correct) decision. Listen to the people here telling you that it really DOES matter that you and BF could not make long distance work and that he did not propose when the initial move happened. --From someone who made long distance work internationally and then domestically, so I know it can be done and can end in successful marriage...when both people do whatever it takes to see each other enough that it's an actual relationship. Job schedules can be worked around--if seeing each other is truly the priority. It was not, for either you or your ex.

Move. On.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He tried to get you back for months? This is new info. You are the problem. You should not have met up with him at all. You are awful.

OP here. I didn’t think that was super relevant. I ended the relationship. He made a number of attempts to get back with me but I had already made up just mind that point. I didn’t want to wait until he got home to start our lives together. I felt like there was no compromise and the sacrifice was all from me. It wasn’t an easy decision but I just couldn’t wait around for up to 3 years to get engaged/married/have kids. The way I looked at it was I was 31. If he was gone for 3 years, I would be 34. We get engaged and married at 35. Then he said he wanted to be married for a couple of years before we had kids. That would put having kids at 37/38. I don’t want to miss my chance at motherhood.

It was relevant and you know that so you deliberately took it out to get people on your side.

It was also cold of you to have coffee with him you could have simply texted him back saying thanks but no thanks.

But you wanted to get a kick in.

You're just a mean spirited and dramatic person.

As someone else said He is better off without you and he will see what a blessing it is someday.

You however good luck being married to and raising kids with a man who has an anger problem

OP here. I’m not dramatic. It was honestly nice to see him and I felt it was better to do it in person than over text. I wanted to hear what he had to say because I still wasn't 100% sure of what I wanted to do.

Whatever. girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe neither of them?

Ex because he didn’t prioritize your relationship (if you were really special to him, he should’ve proposed or at least made more effort to keep the relationship going and if you truly loved him you would’ve done more to stay w him too)

New guy because he has anger management issues and it’s a red flag he’s 38 and single. I’m 39. I don’t know any truly great straight guys my age who are still single.

No, he really doesn't, based on the "examples" OP used. "Anger management issues" those examples definitely are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say forget about the back story for a second.

What are the other good things about your ex? Who’s more kind? Even tempered? Stable? Emotionally intelligent? Good in a conflict? Better at communicating and problem solving?

You don’t really know the new guy yet.

Also both of them are a little late to not get married. What’s the deal with that?

OP here.

My ex is a better communicator and more even tempered. Nothing ever really gets him upset, and even when it does, he handles things calmly. We were able to resolve any fights or conflict we had very well.

Current bf is more stable in terms of being settled and ready for marriage/kids. He’s also a good communicator but not as even tempered. He doesn’t get mad often, but he can get angry when very upset. He still handles his emotions well.

Both are kind, have treated me well, respectful, good in bed ( ex is slightly better), faithful, etc.

Um, you’ve only been dating four months. What’s happened that you’ve seen him angry about?

+1 and how did it manifest? Please share. This is very relevant,

OP here.

One time one of his friends made a joke about sleeping with me ( over the line) while drunk and he got angry. He didn’t yell or scream but he was visibly pissed off and wanted to leave.

Another time someone cut him off him traffic and he screamed out of the window at them.

Nothing major but my ex was not like that. He never let much get him upset, and even when he was, he never showed outward anger.

New poster. Those examples are not indicators of some kind of anger problem (which I think some "go back to the ex" posters were hoping was the case wtih the new BF, frankly, so they could keep pushing the romantic notion of the ex's return). The one in traffic? Well, have you never, ever cursed or let out even one little yell while driving? If he goes nuts at every traffic issue, yes, he's got a problem. You mention ONE time it happened, so that's not a pattern. It's like you're straining to find something that's "anger" you can use to answer the PP's question.

And the one where he got angry because someone joked about sleeping with you -- that was actually an excellent sign that the BF doesn't tolerate typical crude male sexual talk about women and about YOU. I would hope and expect that my BF or husband would be angry at a rude joke about sex with me. Why weren't you glad that your BF didn't play along with that "joke," OP?

The fact you can only come up with these examples for BF's supposed "anger" might mean you have a skewed sense of what anger is, and what your ex was really like. "He never let much get him upset" can be fine or it can mean he's just not very emotional or invested in things. That can have other repercussions in a relationship. Not necessarily good ones.

You were right to tell the ex you don't want to reconnect. But I can't help wondering if you're going to be back here, second-guessing yourself and waffling on your (correct) decision. Listen to the people here telling you that it really DOES matter that you and BF could not make long distance work and that he did not propose when the initial move happened. --From someone who made long distance work internationally and then domestically, so I know it can be done and can end in successful marriage...when both people do whatever it takes to see each other enough that it's an actual relationship. Job schedules can be worked around--if seeing each other is truly the priority. It was not, for either you or your ex.

Move. On.

They sure as hell are ! Screaming out the window because someone cut you off in traffic is completely out of control behavior. Not someone I'd want driving me or my children around.

I know you really want to make the ex the bad guy here because you have some Hollywood idea of what love should be and how it should be demonstrated ie if he gives up something really important for me it's real love, but he's not the bad guy here.. Maybe he's not the one and that's fine, but lets not manufacture red flags for him.

Current bf has a major red flag. and she'd be wise to move on from him too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say forget about the back story for a second.

What are the other good things about your ex? Who’s more kind? Even tempered? Stable? Emotionally intelligent? Good in a conflict? Better at communicating and problem solving?

You don’t really know the new guy yet.

Also both of them are a little late to not get married. What’s the deal with that?

OP here.

My ex is a better communicator and more even tempered. Nothing ever really gets him upset, and even when it does, he handles things calmly. We were able to resolve any fights or conflict we had very well.

Current bf is more stable in terms of being settled and ready for marriage/kids. He’s also a good communicator but not as even tempered. He doesn’t get mad often, but he can get angry when very upset. He still handles his emotions well.

Both are kind, have treated me well, respectful, good in bed ( ex is slightly better), faithful, etc.

Um, you’ve only been dating four months. What’s happened that you’ve seen him angry about?

+1 and how did it manifest? Please share. This is very relevant,

OP here.

One time one of his friends made a joke about sleeping with me ( over the line) while drunk and he got angry. He didn’t yell or scream but he was visibly pissed off and wanted to leave.

Another time someone cut him off him traffic and he screamed out of the window at them.

Nothing major but my ex was not like that. He never let much get him upset, and even when he was, he never showed outward anger.

New poster. Those examples are not indicators of some kind of anger problem (which I think some "go back to the ex" posters were hoping was the case wtih the new BF, frankly, so they could keep pushing the romantic notion of the ex's return). The one in traffic? Well, have you never, ever cursed or let out even one little yell while driving? If he goes nuts at every traffic issue, yes, he's got a problem. You mention ONE time it happened, so that's not a pattern. It's like you're straining to find something that's "anger" you can use to answer the PP's question.

And the one where he got angry because someone joked about sleeping with you -- that was actually an excellent sign that the BF doesn't tolerate typical crude male sexual talk about women and about YOU. I would hope and expect that my BF or husband would be angry at a rude joke about sex with me. Why weren't you glad that your BF didn't play along with that "joke," OP?

The fact you can only come up with these examples for BF's supposed "anger" might mean you have a skewed sense of what anger is, and what your ex was really like. "He never let much get him upset" can be fine or it can mean he's just not very emotional or invested in things. That can have other repercussions in a relationship. Not necessarily good ones.

You were right to tell the ex you don't want to reconnect. But I can't help wondering if you're going to be back here, second-guessing yourself and waffling on your (correct) decision. Listen to the people here telling you that it really DOES matter that you and BF could not make long distance work and that he did not propose when the initial move happened. --From someone who made long distance work internationally and then domestically, so I know it can be done and can end in successful marriage...when both people do whatever it takes to see each other enough that it's an actual relationship. Job schedules can be worked around--if seeing each other is truly the priority. It was not, for either you or your ex.

Move. On.

They sure as hell are ! Screaming out the window because someone cut you off in traffic is completely out of control behavior. Not someone I'd want driving me or my children around.

I know you really want to make the ex the bad guy here because you have some Hollywood idea of what love should be and how it should be demonstrated ie if he gives up something really important for me it's real love, but he's not the bad guy here.. Maybe he's not the one and that's fine, but lets not manufacture red flags for him.

Current bf has a major red flag. and she'd be wise to move on from him too.

She says he yelled one time. Not at her.

Ypu have never once been angry in traffic? How lovely to be as perfect as you are.

People here are not getting what an actual anger problem looks like.

And she, and the pro-ex PPs, are the ones clinging to romantic notions here. The ex is not the answer. They didnt "love" each other enough to work out ways to visit and keep things alive when he moved. The new BF is not necessarily the answer either (I never said he was!).

The problem is OP's time frame for marriage and kids which she seems to see as forcing her into some either-or choice wuth only these two men.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar situation except I moved away for my job but I had only known my ex for 6 months at that point. We did long distance, I broke up with him after 8 months because I was 30 and wanted a family and neither wanted to move for the other. Dated a great guy for a bit but never got over my ex so moved back after a year. He hadn’t moved on either and we got back together, moved in, got married and started a family. It’s hard in your 30s. We also experienced infertility at 33 but had luck with IVF. Just saying those situations can work but it’s hard at 30 with your biological clock ticking (and it’s real!). First I was rooting for the new guy but his age (to still be single at 38 is usually a red flag but the reasons sometimes hidden until you spend more time with them - and sometimes just bad luck on their part) and the fact he’s yelled out his window in traffic is pretty alarming. I get road rage and swear a lot but I’ve never yelled out my window and haven’t come across any grown person who has, let alone someone I’m dating - at least a yellow flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe neither of them?

Ex because he didn’t prioritize your relationship (if you were really special to him, he should’ve proposed or at least made more effort to keep the relationship going and if you truly loved him you would’ve done more to stay w him too)

New guy because he has anger management issues and it’s a red flag he’s 38 and single. I’m 39. I don’t know any truly great straight guys my age who are still single.

No, he really doesn't, based on the "examples" OP used. "Anger management issues" those examples definitely are not.

To me they are. I’d not want to be w someone who yells at other cars in traffic. That kind of behavior gets people shot these days when every other person has a gun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say forget about the back story for a second.

What are the other good things about your ex? Who’s more kind? Even tempered? Stable? Emotionally intelligent? Good in a conflict? Better at communicating and problem solving?

You don’t really know the new guy yet.

Also both of them are a little late to not get married. What’s the deal with that?

OP here.

My ex is a better communicator and more even tempered. Nothing ever really gets him upset, and even when it does, he handles things calmly. We were able to resolve any fights or conflict we had very well.

Current bf is more stable in terms of being settled and ready for marriage/kids. He’s also a good communicator but not as even tempered. He doesn’t get mad often, but he can get angry when very upset. He still handles his emotions well.

Both are kind, have treated me well, respectful, good in bed ( ex is slightly better), faithful, etc.

Um, you’ve only been dating four months. What’s happened that you’ve seen him angry about?

+1 and how did it manifest? Please share. This is very relevant,

OP here.

One time one of his friends made a joke about sleeping with me ( over the line) while drunk and he got angry. He didn’t yell or scream but he was visibly pissed off and wanted to leave.

Another time someone cut him off him traffic and he screamed out of the window at them.

Nothing major but my ex was not like that. He never let much get him upset, and even when he was, he never showed outward anger.

New poster. Those examples are not indicators of some kind of anger problem (which I think some "go back to the ex" posters were hoping was the case wtih the new BF, frankly, so they could keep pushing the romantic notion of the ex's return). The one in traffic? Well, have you never, ever cursed or let out even one little yell while driving? If he goes nuts at every traffic issue, yes, he's got a problem. You mention ONE time it happened, so that's not a pattern. It's like you're straining to find something that's "anger" you can use to answer the PP's question.

And the one where he got angry because someone joked about sleeping with you -- that was actually an excellent sign that the BF doesn't tolerate typical crude male sexual talk about women and about YOU. I would hope and expect that my BF or husband would be angry at a rude joke about sex with me. Why weren't you glad that your BF didn't play along with that "joke," OP?

The fact you can only come up with these examples for BF's supposed "anger" might mean you have a skewed sense of what anger is, and what your ex was really like. "He never let much get him upset" can be fine or it can mean he's just not very emotional or invested in things. That can have other repercussions in a relationship. Not necessarily good ones.

You were right to tell the ex you don't want to reconnect. But I can't help wondering if you're going to be back here, second-guessing yourself and waffling on your (correct) decision. Listen to the people here telling you that it really DOES matter that you and BF could not make long distance work and that he did not propose when the initial move happened. --From someone who made long distance work internationally and then domestically, so I know it can be done and can end in successful marriage...when both people do whatever it takes to see each other enough that it's an actual relationship. Job schedules can be worked around--if seeing each other is truly the priority. It was not, for either you or your ex.

Move. On.

They sure as hell are ! Screaming out the window because someone cut you off in traffic is completely out of control behavior. Not someone I'd want driving me or my children around.

I know you really want to make the ex the bad guy here because you have some Hollywood idea of what love should be and how it should be demonstrated ie if he gives up something really important for me it's real love, but he's not the bad guy here.. Maybe he's not the one and that's fine, but lets not manufacture red flags for him.

Current bf has a major red flag. and she'd be wise to move on from him too.

She says he yelled one time. Not at her.

Ypu have never once been angry in traffic? How lovely to be as perfect as you are.

People here are not getting what an actual anger problem looks like.

And she, and the pro-ex PPs, are the ones clinging to romantic notions here. The ex is not the answer. They didnt "love" each other enough to work out ways to visit and keep things alive when he moved. The new BF is not necessarily the answer either (I never said he was!).

The problem is OP's time frame for marriage and kids which she seems to see as forcing her into some either-or choice wuth only these two men.

I’m neither of the PPs but I’ve never seen any man I dated to scream out of the window in this situation. Would be a turn off for me.
But if OP is kind of the girl who herself shows middle finger out the window, they would be a good match

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say forget about the back story for a second.

What are the other good things about your ex? Who’s more kind? Even tempered? Stable? Emotionally intelligent? Good in a conflict? Better at communicating and problem solving?

You don’t really know the new guy yet.

Also both of them are a little late to not get married. What’s the deal with that?

OP here.

My ex is a better communicator and more even tempered. Nothing ever really gets him upset, and even when it does, he handles things calmly. We were able to resolve any fights or conflict we had very well.

Current bf is more stable in terms of being settled and ready for marriage/kids. He’s also a good communicator but not as even tempered. He doesn’t get mad often, but he can get angry when very upset. He still handles his emotions well.

Both are kind, have treated me well, respectful, good in bed ( ex is slightly better), faithful, etc.

Um, you’ve only been dating four months. What’s happened that you’ve seen him angry about?

+1 and how did it manifest? Please share. This is very relevant,

OP here.

One time one of his friends made a joke about sleeping with me ( over the line) while drunk and he got angry. He didn’t yell or scream but he was visibly pissed off and wanted to leave.

Another time someone cut him off him traffic and he screamed out of the window at them.

Nothing major but my ex was not like that. He never let much get him upset, and even when he was, he never showed outward anger.

New poster. Those examples are not indicators of some kind of anger problem (which I think some "go back to the ex" posters were hoping was the case wtih the new BF, frankly, so they could keep pushing the romantic notion of the ex's return). The one in traffic? Well, have you never, ever cursed or let out even one little yell while driving? If he goes nuts at every traffic issue, yes, he's got a problem. You mention ONE time it happened, so that's not a pattern. It's like you're straining to find something that's "anger" you can use to answer the PP's question.

And the one where he got angry because someone joked about sleeping with you -- that was actually an excellent sign that the BF doesn't tolerate typical crude male sexual talk about women and about YOU. I would hope and expect that my BF or husband would be angry at a rude joke about sex with me. Why weren't you glad that your BF didn't play along with that "joke," OP?

The fact you can only come up with these examples for BF's supposed "anger" might mean you have a skewed sense of what anger is, and what your ex was really like. "He never let much get him upset" can be fine or it can mean he's just not very emotional or invested in things. That can have other repercussions in a relationship. Not necessarily good ones.

You were right to tell the ex you don't want to reconnect. But I can't help wondering if you're going to be back here, second-guessing yourself and waffling on your (correct) decision. Listen to the people here telling you that it really DOES matter that you and BF could not make long distance work and that he did not propose when the initial move happened. --From someone who made long distance work internationally and then domestically, so I know it can be done and can end in successful marriage...when both people do whatever it takes to see each other enough that it's an actual relationship. Job schedules can be worked around--if seeing each other is truly the priority. It was not, for either you or your ex.

Move. On.

They sure as hell are ! Screaming out the window because someone cut you off in traffic is completely out of control behavior. Not someone I'd want driving me or my children around.

I know you really want to make the ex the bad guy here because you have some Hollywood idea of what love should be and how it should be demonstrated ie if he gives up something really important for me it's real love, but he's not the bad guy here.. Maybe he's not the one and that's fine, but lets not manufacture red flags for him.

Current bf has a major red flag. and she'd be wise to move on from him too.

She says he yelled one time. Not at her.

Ypu have never once been angry in traffic? How lovely to be as perfect as you are.

People here are not getting what an actual anger problem looks like.

And she, and the pro-ex PPs, are the ones clinging to romantic notions here. The ex is not the answer. They didnt "love" each other enough to work out ways to visit and keep things alive when he moved. The new BF is not necessarily the answer either (I never said he was!).

The problem is OP's time frame for marriage and kids which she seems to see as forcing her into some either-or choice wuth only these two men.

I’ve been angry in traffic plenty of times but I know better than to use that anger to yell at another driver! I can control myself. Would you want someone who yells at other drivers to be driving your kids around? Road rage gets people killed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say forget about the back story for a second.

What are the other good things about your ex? Who’s more kind? Even tempered? Stable? Emotionally intelligent? Good in a conflict? Better at communicating and problem solving?

You don’t really know the new guy yet.

Also both of them are a little late to not get married. What’s the deal with that?

OP here.

My ex is a better communicator and more even tempered. Nothing ever really gets him upset, and even when it does, he handles things calmly. We were able to resolve any fights or conflict we had very well.

Current bf is more stable in terms of being settled and ready for marriage/kids. He’s also a good communicator but not as even tempered. He doesn’t get mad often, but he can get angry when very upset. He still handles his emotions well.

Both are kind, have treated me well, respectful, good in bed ( ex is slightly better), faithful, etc.

Um, you’ve only been dating four months. What’s happened that you’ve seen him angry about?

+1 and how did it manifest? Please share. This is very relevant,

OP here.

One time one of his friends made a joke about sleeping with me ( over the line) while drunk and he got angry. He didn’t yell or scream but he was visibly pissed off and wanted to leave.

Another time someone cut him off him traffic and he screamed out of the window at them.

Nothing major but my ex was not like that. He never let much get him upset, and even when he was, he never showed outward anger.

New poster. Those examples are not indicators of some kind of anger problem (which I think some "go back to the ex" posters were hoping was the case wtih the new BF, frankly, so they could keep pushing the romantic notion of the ex's return). The one in traffic? Well, have you never, ever cursed or let out even one little yell while driving? If he goes nuts at every traffic issue, yes, he's got a problem. You mention ONE time it happened, so that's not a pattern. It's like you're straining to find something that's "anger" you can use to answer the PP's question.

And the one where he got angry because someone joked about sleeping with you -- that was actually an excellent sign that the BF doesn't tolerate typical crude male sexual talk about women and about YOU. I would hope and expect that my BF or husband would be angry at a rude joke about sex with me. Why weren't you glad that your BF didn't play along with that "joke," OP?

The fact you can only come up with these examples for BF's supposed "anger" might mean you have a skewed sense of what anger is, and what your ex was really like. "He never let much get him upset" can be fine or it can mean he's just not very emotional or invested in things. That can have other repercussions in a relationship. Not necessarily good ones.

You were right to tell the ex you don't want to reconnect. But I can't help wondering if you're going to be back here, second-guessing yourself and waffling on your (correct) decision. Listen to the people here telling you that it really DOES matter that you and BF could not make long distance work and that he did not propose when the initial move happened. --From someone who made long distance work internationally and then domestically, so I know it can be done and can end in successful marriage...when both people do whatever it takes to see each other enough that it's an actual relationship. Job schedules can be worked around--if seeing each other is truly the priority. It was not, for either you or your ex.

Move. On.

They sure as hell are ! Screaming out the window because someone cut you off in traffic is completely out of control behavior. Not someone I'd want driving me or my children around.

I know you really want to make the ex the bad guy here because you have some Hollywood idea of what love should be and how it should be demonstrated ie if he gives up something really important for me it's real love, but he's not the bad guy here.. Maybe he's not the one and that's fine, but lets not manufacture red flags for him.

Current bf has a major red flag. and she'd be wise to move on from him too.

She says he yelled one time. Not at her.

Ypu have never once been angry in traffic? How lovely to be as perfect as you are.

People here are not getting what an actual anger problem looks like.

And she, and the pro-ex PPs, are the ones clinging to romantic notions here. The ex is not the answer. They didnt "love" each other enough to work out ways to visit and keep things alive when he moved. The new BF is not necessarily the answer either (I never said he was!).

The problem is OP's time frame for marriage and kids which she seems to see as forcing her into some either-or choice wuth only these two men.

Yeah yelling at another driver isn't okay either that's the kind of behavior that gets people killed. That's a lack of self-control. He takes things as personal offenses and tantrums because of it, that's not a good sign for a marriage relationship either.

[Anonymous]

Also, new BF seems to have A-hole friends. What?!? The friend made a joke about sleeping with you? Ugh. I judge people by their crowd.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My current bf broke up with me. So now I’m single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My current bf broke up with me. So now I’m single.

Why?