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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would say forget about the back story for a second.

What are the other good things about your ex? Who’s more kind? Even tempered? Stable? Emotionally intelligent? Good in a conflict? Better at communicating and problem solving?

You don’t really know the new guy yet.

Also both of them are a little late to not get married. What’s the deal with that? [/quote]

OP here.

My ex is a better communicator and more even tempered. Nothing ever really gets him upset, and even when it does, he handles things calmly. We were able to resolve any fights or conflict we had very well.

Current bf is more stable in terms of being settled and ready for marriage/kids. He’s also a good communicator but not as even tempered.[b] He doesn’t get mad often, but  he can get angry when very upset. [/b]He still handles his emotions well.

Both are kind, have treated me well, respectful, good in bed ( ex is slightly better), faithful, etc. [/quote]

Um, you’ve only been dating four months.  What’s happened that you’ve seen him angry about?[/quote]

+1 and how did it manifest? Please share. This is very relevant,[/quote]

OP here.

One time one of his friends made a joke about sleeping with me ( over the line) while drunk and he got angry. He didn’t yell or scream but he was visibly pissed off and wanted to leave.

Another time someone cut him off him traffic and he screamed out of the window at them.

Nothing major but my ex was not like that. He never let much get him upset, and even when he was, he never showed outward anger. [/quote]

New poster. Those examples are not indicators of some kind of anger problem (which I think some "go back to the ex" posters were hoping was the case wtih the new BF, frankly, so they could keep pushing the romantic notion of the ex's return). The one in traffic? Well, have you never, ever cursed or let out even one little yell while driving? If he goes nuts at every traffic issue, yes, he's got a problem. You mention ONE time it happened, so that's not a pattern. It's like you're straining to find something that's "anger" you can use to answer the PP's question.

And the one where he got angry because someone joked about sleeping with you -- that was actually an excellent sign that the BF doesn't tolerate typical crude male sexual talk about women and about YOU. I would hope and expect that my BF or husband would be angry at a rude joke about sex with me. Why weren't you glad that your BF didn't play along with that "joke," OP?

The fact you can only come up with these examples for BF's supposed "anger" might mean you have a skewed sense of what anger is, and what your ex was really like. "He never let much get him upset" can be fine or it can mean he's just not very emotional or invested in things. That can have other repercussions in a relationship. Not necessarily good ones.

You were right to tell the ex you don't want to reconnect. But I can't help wondering if you're going to be back here, second-guessing yourself and waffling on your (correct) decision. Listen to the people here telling you that it really DOES matter that you and BF could not make long distance work and that he did not propose when the initial move happened. --From someone who made long distance work internationally and then domestically, so I know it can be done and can end in successful marriage...when both people do whatever it takes to see each other enough that it's an actual relationship. Job schedules can be worked around--if seeing each other is truly the priority. It was not, for either you or your ex.

Move. On. [/quote]

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