Middle school boys suck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

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There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

OP here: Yup. These are his friends. I mean as I said the main kid here practically lives at our house. These are people he considers his best friends, and they consider him their best friends. It still hurts when your friends rag on you. The kids don't seem to know the line. Which I know they are learning and will figure it out one day (i hope!). Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt along the way.

I don't think he has any desire to ditch these people, but just wishes they would recognize his other accomplishments sometimes and not just care about sports.

You said in your original post that his one true friend moved. Now you’re saying they consider your son their best friend. Best friends go to each others activities.

My son was horrible at sports. One summer when he was nine years old I sent him to a local that was held at a private school that had a lake. I did not realize that the sports would be taken so seriously. His first two days the bullies were laughing at him, mimicking him, mocking him. I called to tell them the problem he was having. They apologized and the bullying stopped right away.

That was the last time I made the mistake of thinking I could just sign him up for any camp. I picked appropriate camps from then on with no problems.

The top athletes usually don’t bother tormenting the less talented team mates. It’s usually the ones who are better than their target but not that great themselves. And his sobbing makes it apparent that it wasn’t just fun trash talking.

I hope you can find a great STEM summer camp program where he will be his element and can hold his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

They should know the difference. Trash talking is directed to opponents on the other team. It’s used to try and intimidate them so they won’t be on top of their game.

Cruel bullying and trashing your own teammate is low and there’s nothing to gain except making your teammate sink into more insecurity and eventually quitting . It’s a real nasty thing to do and it serves one purpose- to push the kid over the edge.

[Anonymous]

I have 12 and 14yo boys. They are both smart and athletic. My boys are athletic and they have both had times where they have had others putting them down. Trash talking is common and they tune it out and move on. One of the biggest trash talkers on my son’s travel soccer team had an older brother and parents who would should and yell from the sidelines. I remember thinking that is where the kid gets it from.

My point is even the athletic kids feel bad. My younger kid seems less sensitive than my older son.

The science and chess kids can also be just as bad as the sports kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

OP here: Yup. These are his friends. I mean as I said the main kid here practically lives at our house. These are people he considers his best friends, and they consider him their best friends. It still hurts when your friends rag on you. The kids don't seem to know the line. Which I know they are learning and will figure it out one day (i hope!). Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt along the way.

I don't think he has any desire to ditch these people, but just wishes they would recognize his other accomplishments sometimes and not just care about sports.

You said in your original post that his one true friend moved. Now you’re saying they consider your son their best friend. Best friends go to each others activities.

My son was horrible at sports. One summer when he was nine years old I sent him to a local that was held at a private school that had a lake. I did not realize that the sports would be taken so seriously. His first two days the bullies were laughing at him, mimicking him, mocking him. I called to tell them the problem he was having. They apologized and the bullying stopped right away.

That was the last time I made the mistake of thinking I could just sign him up for any camp. I picked appropriate camps from then on with no problems.

The top athletes usually don’t bother tormenting the less talented team mates. It’s usually the ones who are better than their target but not that great themselves. And his sobbing makes it apparent that it wasn’t just fun trash talking.

I hope you can find a great STEM summer camp program where he will be his element and can hold his own.

My son plays tennis. He used to be the best in his tennis clinic full of supposed elite tennis players. The other kids would try to knock my son down. I never knew exactly what they said but my kid withdrew from us and tennis and was depressed. We left that tennis academy and he took a break from tennis. That was back when he was 12. We have moved to a different tennis club and he has grown and is winning tournaments.

My friend’s son joined a similar tennis academy and worst in his group. My friend said her son often comes home crying. He is also 12.

So kids knock down the best kid, the worst kid and the middle kid. I am pretty sure my kids don’t do that to others. They better not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Developing more down to earth interests could be an option too

Yeah, and having “something cool in the kitchen.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

OP here: Yup. These are his friends. I mean as I said the main kid here practically lives at our house. These are people he considers his best friends, and they consider him their best friends. It still hurts when your friends rag on you. The kids don't seem to know the line. Which I know they are learning and will figure it out one day (i hope!). Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt along the way.

I don't think he has any desire to ditch these people, but just wishes they would recognize his other accomplishments sometimes and not just care about sports.

You said in your original post that his one true friend moved. Now you’re saying they consider your son their best friend. Best friends go to each others activities.

My son was horrible at sports. One summer when he was nine years old I sent him to a local that was held at a private school that had a lake. I did not realize that the sports would be taken so seriously. His first two days the bullies were laughing at him, mimicking him, mocking him. I called to tell them the problem he was having. They apologized and the bullying stopped right away.

That was the last time I made the mistake of thinking I could just sign him up for any camp. I picked appropriate camps from then on with no problems.

The top athletes usually don’t bother tormenting the less talented team mates. It’s usually the ones who are better than their target but not that great themselves. And his sobbing makes it apparent that it wasn’t just fun trash talking.

I hope you can find a great STEM summer camp program where he will be his element and can hold his own.

Oh i don't think I said "one true friend" I said the one new friend he made this year. He has camps he love (mostly outdoor survival camps and he goes to sleep away camp). But he is doing a marine science based camp in Florida this year which is new. He is excited

[Anonymous]

The program is smaller and your kids have been clustered together for a long time, sometimes hat leads to sibling-like spats. Maybe try to limit their interactions for a bit and see if it helps.

[Anonymous]

My son stopped playing sports at school once he hit 9th grade because while he loved his sport, he was a middle of the pack player and got nothing but grief.

He has other passions and interests so it's not as if quitting his sport left him with nothing else at school but trash talk culture is a bummer. Because NONE OF THESE KIDS ARE GOING TO THE NFL/NBA/MLB. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

They should know the difference. Trash talking is directed to opponents on the other team. It’s used to try and intimidate them so they won’t be on top of their game.

Cruel bullying and trashing your own teammate is low and there’s nothing to gain except making your teammate sink into more insecurity and eventually quitting . It’s a real nasty thing to do and it serves one purpose- to push the kid over the edge.

Mkay. Now spend some time around real boys and see how they behave instead of this fantasy version you have that doesn't reflect reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

They should know the difference. Trash talking is directed to opponents on the other team. It’s used to try and intimidate them so they won’t be on top of their game.

Cruel bullying and trashing your own teammate is low and there’s nothing to gain except making your teammate sink into more insecurity and eventually quitting . It’s a real nasty thing to do and it serves one purpose- to push the kid over the edge.

Mkay. Now spend some time around real boys and see how they behave instead of this fantasy version you have that doesn't reflect reality.

This is true for the vast majority of boys. My kid is both a very serious STEM student and a trash talker with his friends. I understand and support you encouraging him to diversify his friends but know that most boys will be like that, even the nerds. Maybe try to help him spot the difference between banter and bullying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

They should know the difference. Trash talking is directed to opponents on the other team. It’s used to try and intimidate them so they won’t be on top of their game.

Cruel bullying and trashing your own teammate is low and there’s nothing to gain except making your teammate sink into more insecurity and eventually quitting . It’s a real nasty thing to do and it serves one purpose- to push the kid over the edge.

Mkay. Now spend some time around real boys and see how they behave instead of this fantasy version you have that doesn't reflect reality.

This is true for the vast majority of boys. My kid is both a very serious STEM student and a trash talker with his friends. I understand and support you encouraging him to diversify his friends but know that most boys will be like that, even the nerds. Maybe try to help him spot the difference between banter and bullying

My friend’s son was bullied in chess.

My son tried out science Olympiad when he was in elementary. There was this Indian girl who said nasty things to my son daily basically calling him dumb and dead weight. My kid never was that interested in science but was especially turned off after the mean girl on his team.

He is very athletic.

[Anonymous]

op here: I apologize for giving off the impression that I thought STEM would mean he would never be bullied or whatever. It would just be nice to have a friend with similar interests who he could talk to about his passions. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

They should know the difference. Trash talking is directed to opponents on the other team. It’s used to try and intimidate them so they won’t be on top of their game.

Cruel bullying and trashing your own teammate is low and there’s nothing to gain except making your teammate sink into more insecurity and eventually quitting . It’s a real nasty thing to do and it serves one purpose- to push the kid over the edge.

Mkay. Now spend some time around real boys and see how they behave instead of this fantasy version you have that doesn't reflect reality.

This is true for the vast majority of boys. My kid is both a very serious STEM student and a trash talker with his friends. I understand and support you encouraging him to diversify his friends but know that most boys will be like that, even the nerds. Maybe try to help him spot the difference between banter and bullying

My friend’s son was bullied in chess.

My son tried out science Olympiad when he was in elementary. There was this Indian girl who said nasty things to my son daily basically calling him dumb and dead weight. My kid never was that interested in science but was especially turned off after the mean girl on his team.

He is very athletic.

Can't it just be a girl, dimwit
It's good your son is athletic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 12 and 14yo boys. They are both smart and athletic. My boys are athletic and they have both had times where they have had others putting them down. Trash talking is common and they tune it out and move on. One of the biggest trash talkers on my son’s travel soccer team had an older brother and parents who would should and yell from the sidelines. I remember thinking that is where the kid gets it from.

My point is even the athletic kids feel bad. My younger kid seems less sensitive than my older son.

The science and chess kids can also be just as bad as the sports kids.

Did they trash talk their own teammates? At a game???? Trash talk is reserved for the opponent to rattle him so he won’t play well. Why would you want to do that to a team player on your team.

There’s a difference between trash talking the other team and bullying a teammate at practice so that he loses any self confidence he may have had playing the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

They should know the difference. Trash talking is directed to opponents on the other team. It’s used to try and intimidate them so they won’t be on top of their game.

Cruel bullying and trashing your own teammate is low and there’s nothing to gain except making your teammate sink into more insecurity and eventually quitting . It’s a real nasty thing to do and it serves one purpose- to push the kid over the edge.

Mkay. Now spend some time around real boys and see how they behave instead of this fantasy version you have that doesn't reflect reality.

This is true for the vast majority of boys. My kid is both a very serious STEM student and a trash talker with his friends. I understand and support you encouraging him to diversify his friends but know that most boys will be like that, even the nerds. Maybe try to help him spot the difference between banter and bullying

Based on her post I think it would be determined to be bullying. Too many posters have a kid or two and base what that see with their kids and friends as typical and every boy is just like that.

My son and his close friend did not say things to each other so mean that they would cry as soon as they got away from them. I would never say every kid is like that but I hope the encouraging nice kids are still a majority.