Middle school boys suck

[Anonymous]

My kid isn’t sporty at all but he seems to not be the target.
I guess what helps is that he isn’t overly nerdy, is tall, and fairly good looking.
Not bragging, just saying that these things are mostly luck, not skill or smarts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your son is a middle school boy

ha ha yes. I think that is a fair assessment. Just broke my heart last night, even if it is 100% a typical experience. It is never fun to see your kid hurting.

[Anonymous]

I am completely against teaching kids to run from their problems but in this case I think you should run to a different school. At my kids k-12 this would never fly and is just not a thing. I have kids from 10-14 there w/ various interests and all are respected. Everyone has to do sports and the kids also do various clubs such as robotics, speech, etc. You need a different environmental for him. Our school has core values that the kids really take to heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son started to have these feelings in upper elementary school. He’s on the smaller side, not gifted in athletics, but very bright and will go far in school. He would cry to me saying he wished he was good at sports. I kept reminding him that smart people, not athletes rule the world as adults. I’m not sure if it really resonates with him now that he is in middle school, but we just keep acknowledging his academic achievements and hope that these years go fast.

Confident people rule the world.

[Anonymous]

Aw this is heartbreaking. It’s so hard for the nice genuine kids to suddenly realize their interests or ethics have zero value on the social market. And in fact they are an impairment. It’s very hard when your friends spurn your interests. My only advice is to make friends with nice kids who are similar.

[Anonymous]

Developing more down to earth interests could be an option too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Developing more down to earth interests could be an option too

Yeah? What is a down to earth interest? Not trying to be sparky I am just curious.

He loves camping/hiking too, but those really aren't topics that come up much I guess? And video games. They do talk video games a lot. I was talking to another mom friend from their group ans she says her son has similar complaints but over being made fun of for not playing video games.

I think all the kids probably have something they get harped on about. Just overwhelming occasionally I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Developing more down to earth interests could be an option too

Yeah? What is a down to earth interest? Not trying to be sparky I am just curious.

He loves camping/hiking too, but those really aren't topics that come up much I guess? And video games. They do talk video games a lot. I was talking to another mom friend from their group ans she says her son has similar complaints but over being made fun of for not playing video games.

I think all the kids probably have something they get harped on about. Just overwhelming occasionally I guess.

Totally meant snarky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Developing more down to earth interests could be an option too

F this advice. Really.

Develop the interests you are interested in and you'll find your people.

[Anonymous]

He needs people that share the same interest. Sounds like this school has a high sports culture but he is not into that so why have him go there? I am a teacher at a Creative Arts school. All of our kids are what others may deem as “nerdy” but there is no making fun of one another because they would literally be making fun of themselves too. Our students do not thrive off of sports. They thrive off of the Arts.

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering if your kid is in one of the programs at GMS. If he is know that there are a couple other boys like him in the traditional program. Hopefully they’ll link up if my hunch in correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent post. DS12 came home after sports practice last night and just opened the car door and started sobbing. I guess kids were trash talking his skills in basketball (and height) and he just reached a breaking point. He was upset and saying how is isn't good at any sports (not true, but he is just average) and how no one cares about what he cares about (science/academics) and he just wants friends that can care about science as much as he does. He was so upset and cried for a long time, and I just feel so bad for him.

We talked a lot about how you don't need to remain friends with people who don't make you feel good about yourself. But at this point he feels like he doesn't know anyone at his school who is into what he is into science/STEM wise. His one friend he had made this year that was just as into science moved to Ashburn I think he was really upset because he was the only 6th grader at his school to move on to regional science fair and none of his friends congratulated him. Which I know MS kids (and maybe boys in particular) can be self-centered and don't think about these things, but ugh I feel for him.

I guess i just wish that sports weren't so important at this age or middle school boys didn't care so much about strength or height. I mean 10 years from now when they are in college the percent of them still playing sports will probably be small!

But also why so much trash talking? I feel like that is all they do! My husband said it was normal when he was growing up too, but I know if it bothers him it probably bothers more of them. There is such a fine line between being funny and hurtful.

Not only that. . . Some of these boys who are 5 foot 8 and muscled up in MS and think they are hot shit get cut from the team in HS when the late bloomers end up 6 ft 3. Happens all the time! Focus on teaching your kid what real friendships look like. Have his dad talk to home about make friendships!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs people that share the same interest. Sounds like this school has a high sports culture but he is not into that so why have him go there? I am a teacher at a Creative Arts school. All of our kids are what others may deem as “nerdy” but there is no making fun of one another because they would literally be making fun of themselves too. Our students do not thrive off of sports. They thrive off of the Arts.

Not everyone can afford tuition for a creative arts program

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

OP here: Yup. These are his friends. I mean as I said the main kid here practically lives at our house. These are people he considers his best friends, and they consider him their best friends. It still hurts when your friends rag on you. The kids don't seem to know the line. Which I know they are learning and will figure it out one day (i hope!). Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt along the way.

I don't think he has any desire to ditch these people, but just wishes they would recognize his other accomplishments sometimes and not just care about sports.

Middle School is hard and this is when hormones really start to kick in for some. Add in a tough day/week and being exhausted and I can see where trashtalk could cause it all to bubble over.

I would be concerned if this was a group of boys who your son thought were his friends but he’s always the butt of the joke or the main target of trashtalk. The fact that these kids hang out with eachother outside of class and sports is definitely good.

Sounds like he just needed to vent and cry himself, I don’t think there’s really much else you should do except validate his feelings and a shoulder to cry on.

Middle school really is the worst, it does get better though and most kids learn in a year or two about the fine line between playful banter and hurtful comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m wondering if your kid is in one of the programs at GMS. If he is know that there are a couple other boys like him in the traditional program. Hopefully they’ll link up if my hunch in correct.

He is! That would be nice. I am not sure how much interaction the two groups have unfortunately. But glad to hear this