Middle school boys suck

[Anonymous]

I have a sweet DD. Let me tell you, MS girls suck even more. Especially the poorly parented ones, of which there is an abundance in our private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a vent post. DS12 came home after sports practice last night and just opened the car door and started sobbing. I guess kids were trash talking his skills in basketball (and height) and he just reached a breaking point. He was upset and saying how is isn't good at any sports (not true, but he is just average) and how no one cares about what he cares about (science/academics) and he just wants friends that can care about science as much as he does. He was so upset and cried for a long time, and I just feel so bad for him.

We talked a lot about how you don't need to remain friends with people who don't make you feel good about yourself. But at this point he feels like he doesn't know anyone at his school who is into what he is into science/STEM wise. His one friend he had made this year that was just as into science moved to Ashburn I think he was really upset because he was the only 6th grader at his school to move on to regional science fair and none of his friends congratulated him. Which I know MS kids (and maybe boys in particular) can be self-centered and don't think about these things, but ugh I feel for him.

I guess i just wish that sports weren't so important at this age or middle school boys didn't care so much about strength or height. I mean 10 years from now when they are in college the percent of them still playing sports will probably be small!

But also why so much trash talking? I feel like that is all they do! My husband said it was normal when he was growing up too, but I know if it bothers him it probably bothers more of them. There is such a fine line between being funny and hurtful.

Not only that. . . Some of these boys who are 5 foot 8 and muscled up in MS and think they are hot shit get cut from the team in HS when the late bloomers end up 6 ft 3. Happens all the time! Focus on teaching your kid what real friendships look like. Have his dad talk to home about make friendships!

I so hope this happens for my smart, small but athletic middle school son. He’s currently middle of the pack on his team, but the ones who dominate seem to be early bloomers.

We keep telling him he’ll grow and to keep working, but it’s rough. There’s a pretty good chance the ones who are already muscular and taller than their short parents are about done growing, meanwhile he hasn’t started. And yes, those are the kids who like to “talk trash” to the others.

[Anonymous]

Al good advice.

Another perspective based on driving sucky MS boys for years.

This is how they communicate. They probably are just joking and he should not take it personally. He should give it back.

True bullying is a different thing but he needs to learn resilience and that they may not mean it or are not targeting him. They will sense if he can’t handle it and then drop him. (Of course maybe he wants that anyway)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Developing more down to earth interests could be an option too

Yeah, and having “something cool in the kitchen.”

Come on, it’s not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Developing more down to earth interests could be an option too

Yeah? What is a down to earth interest? Not trying to be sparky I am just curious.

He loves camping/hiking too, but those really aren't topics that come up much I guess? And video games. They do talk video games a lot. I was talking to another mom friend from their group ans she says her son has similar complaints but over being made fun of for not playing video games.

I think all the kids probably have something they get harped on about. Just overwhelming occasionally I guess.

Videogames, what to wear, memes, school as in daily life at school and other people at school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am completely against teaching kids to run from their problems but in this case I think you should run to a different school. At my kids k-12 this would never fly and is just not a thing. I have kids from 10-14 there w/ various interests and all are respected. Everyone has to do sports and the kids also do various clubs such as robotics, speech, etc. You need a different environmental for him. Our school has core values that the kids really take to heart.

DP. Thank you for this post! I was shocked reading everyone’s comments saying how it is normal to be mistreated in MS. Just because it is easier for school administrators/sports coaches not to have to deal with any of this, it does not make it normal. Do you mind sharing your K-12?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am completely against teaching kids to run from their problems but in this case I think you should run to a different school. At my kids k-12 this would never fly and is just not a thing. I have kids from 10-14 there w/ various interests and all are respected. Everyone has to do sports and the kids also do various clubs such as robotics, speech, etc. You need a different environmental for him. Our school has core values that the kids really take to heart.

DP. Thank you for this post! I was shocked reading everyone’s comments saying how it is normal to be mistreated in MS. Just because it is easier for school administrators/sports coaches not to have to deal with any of this, it does not make it normal. Do you mind sharing your K-12?

+1 exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Al good advice.

Another perspective based on driving sucky MS boys for years.

This is how they communicate. They probably are just joking and he should not take it personally. He should give it back.

True bullying is a different thing but he needs to learn resilience and that they may not mean it or are not targeting him. They will sense if he can’t handle it and then drop him. (Of course maybe he wants that anyway)

+1 I posted upthread but notice this when I drive kids. Even very nice kids who are good friends get in on it.
Middle school years are full of big feelings and sometimes they bubble over. We had a crying spell over something small this week too. It’s probably not about any one thing, just the massive changes going on. It’s overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

OP here: Yup. These are his friends. I mean as I said the main kid here practically lives at our house. These are people he considers his best friends, and they consider him their best friends. It still hurts when your friends rag on you. The kids don't seem to know the line. Which I know they are learning and will figure it out one day (i hope!). Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt along the way.

I don't think he has any desire to ditch these people, but just wishes they would recognize his other accomplishments sometimes and not just care about sports.

You said in your original post that his one true friend moved. Now you’re saying they consider your son their best friend. Best friends go to each others activities.

My son was horrible at sports. One summer when he was nine years old I sent him to a local that was held at a private school that had a lake. I did not realize that the sports would be taken so seriously. His first two days the bullies were laughing at him, mimicking him, mocking him. I called to tell them the problem he was having. They apologized and the bullying stopped right away.

That was the last time I made the mistake of thinking I could just sign him up for any camp. I picked appropriate camps from then on with no problems.

The top athletes usually don’t bother tormenting the less talented team mates. It’s usually the ones who are better than their target but not that great themselves. And his sobbing makes it apparent that it wasn’t just fun trash talking.

I hope you can find a great STEM summer camp program where he will be his element and can hold his own.

Oh i don't think I said "one true friend" I said the one new friend he made this year. He has camps he love (mostly outdoor survival camps and he goes to sleep away camp). But he is doing a marine science based camp in Florida this year which is new. He is excited

That sounds excellent. He’s got a lot going for him. There is no need for him to play basketball if it makes him that unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

OP here: Yup. These are his friends. I mean as I said the main kid here practically lives at our house. These are people he considers his best friends, and they consider him their best friends. It still hurts when your friends rag on you. The kids don't seem to know the line. Which I know they are learning and will figure it out one day (i hope!). Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt along the way.

I don't think he has any desire to ditch these people, but just wishes they would recognize his other accomplishments sometimes and not just care about sports.

You said in your original post that his one true friend moved. Now you’re saying they consider your son their best friend. Best friends go to each others activities.

My son was horrible at sports. One summer when he was nine years old I sent him to a local that was held at a private school that had a lake. I did not realize that the sports would be taken so seriously. His first two days the bullies were laughing at him, mimicking him, mocking him. I called to tell them the problem he was having. They apologized and the bullying stopped right away.

That was the last time I made the mistake of thinking I could just sign him up for any camp. I picked appropriate camps from then on with no problems.

The top athletes usually don’t bother tormenting the less talented team mates. It’s usually the ones who are better than their target but not that great themselves. And his sobbing makes it apparent that it wasn’t just fun trash talking.

I hope you can find a great STEM summer camp program where he will be his element and can hold his own.

Oh i don't think I said "one true friend" I said the one new friend he made this year. He has camps he love (mostly outdoor survival camps and he goes to sleep away camp). But he is doing a marine science based camp in Florida this year which is new. He is excited

That sounds excellent. He’s got a lot going for him. There is no need for him to play basketball if it makes him that unhappy.

+1 basketball is kind of a trash talk sport traditionally. It’s very physical and you are literally in people’s faces. If wants to play a sport he could try baseball. There are lots of opportunities to be good at something between the positions

[Anonymous]

OP, I found this helpful when talking to my tween about the differences between teasing and bullying.

Maybe you’ve heard that kids are teasing your child or your student at school. You can ask a few questions to see whether it’s good-natured or harmful:

Are the kids who tease you your friends?
Do you like it when they tease you?
Do you tease them back?
If you told them to stop teasing, would they?
If you told them that they hurt your feelings, would they say they were sorry?

https://www.understood.org/en/articles/difference-between-teasing-and-bullying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sweet DD. Let me tell you, MS girls suck even more. Especially the poorly parented ones, of which there is an abundance in our private.

Agree. Honestly, the poorly parented private school kids are so worse than the poorly parented title 1 public school kids.

[Anonymous]

Have him play tennis. Tennis is filled with a bunch of smart kids that love STEM.

[Anonymous]

Middle school kids suck, period. When I was younger I used to be a teachers aide in middle school programs, and it’s just a terrible age. Your kid will need to find himself and gain the confidence to turn around and tell those kids trash talking him to eff off and toss something right back. Bullying works by picking off the perceived weakest in the group. If it doesn’t work, it loses its luster.

That being said, my non-sporty kid went through APS schools and never got crap from anyone, and he’s not particularly confident. I can’t see any APS middle school being so anti science that there isn’t someone else to hang with. It sounds like he’s focused on one group of kids and isn’t looking at all the other kids in school. Your kid sounds like he’s in the group that never gave my kid the time of day - but my son and his cohort were there the whole time. So maybe see where the “dorky weirdos” are and find a new tribe. And also, girls exist. My son’s closer friends are female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

No they don't the difference. At all. Kids are horribly insecure at that age. They can't tell the difference. They know whey they are doing it but to the recipient of the trash talk, their feelings are easily hurt.

OP here: Yup. These are his friends. I mean as I said the main kid here practically lives at our house. These are people he considers his best friends, and they consider him their best friends. It still hurts when your friends rag on you. The kids don't seem to know the line. Which I know they are learning and will figure it out one day (i hope!). Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt along the way.

I don't think he has any desire to ditch these people, but just wishes they would recognize his other accomplishments sometimes and not just care about sports.

You said in your original post that his one true friend moved. Now you’re saying they consider your son their best friend. Best friends go to each others activities.

My son was horrible at sports. One summer when he was nine years old I sent him to a local that was held at a private school that had a lake. I did not realize that the sports would be taken so seriously. His first two days the bullies were laughing at him, mimicking him, mocking him. I called to tell them the problem he was having. They apologized and the bullying stopped right away.

That was the last time I made the mistake of thinking I could just sign him up for any camp. I picked appropriate camps from then on with no problems.

The top athletes usually don’t bother tormenting the less talented team mates. It’s usually the ones who are better than their target but not that great themselves. And his sobbing makes it apparent that it wasn’t just fun trash talking.

I hope you can find a great STEM summer camp program where he will be his element and can hold his own.

Oh i don't think I said "one true friend" I said the one new friend he made this year. He has camps he love (mostly outdoor survival camps and he goes to sleep away camp). But he is doing a marine science based camp in Florida this year which is new. He is excited

That sounds excellent. He’s got a lot going for him. There is no need for him to play basketball if it makes him that unhappy.

+1 basketball is kind of a trash talk sport traditionally. It’s very physical and you are literally in people’s faces. If wants to play a sport he could try baseball. There are lots of opportunities to be good at something between the positions

The trash talking can be almost as bad in baseball. I’ve been in tournaments and games where the umpires have had to call time to reprimand teams for their lack of sportsmanship. Of course, parents do it too. I’ve heard cross country parents are very supportive.

But agree basketball is bad because it’s so physical and spectators are jammed packed next to each other.