Middle school boys suck

[Anonymous]

This is what happens in middle school when there’s no homework or academic expectations and all the focus is on ECs, largely sports. It’s even worse now than before because everyone thinks they are hot shit when school has so little demands. In the old days there were at least groups that focused and competed on academics that your son could be part of.

I would recommend considering transferring to a G&T program somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens in middle school when there’s no homework or academic expectations and all the focus is on ECs, largely sports. It’s even worse now than before because everyone thinks they are hot shit when school has so little demands. In the old days there were at least groups that focused and competed on academics that your son could be part of.

I would recommend considering transferring to a G&T program somewhere.

Yeah I don't honestly remember middle school enough to say whether it was different but I often wonder about debate club or model UN? But maybe that is a HS thing not MS.

[Anonymous]

All of your kids sound like magnet STEM kids who are stuck with normies. They are being picked on because they are high achievers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ds is 9 and already dealing with this, I agree it is awful. These boys treat each other so terribly and it’s all very much based on whatever a few kids decide is the most compelling “currency”. I’m hopefully that ds will find some nice friends but he’s really struggling. There are days when he doesn’t want to go to school at all because of the bullying behavior of the other boys.
Sorry I don’t have any advice, just solidarity.

Yep, I could have written this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of your kids sound like magnet STEM kids who are stuck with normies. They are being picked on because they are high achievers.

Ha yeah. We did talk about going to TJ when he gets older, but last night in the depths of his doom spiral he was unconvinced he had any chance at getting in. I wish of all the option schools APS did they had a real STEM pathway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry your son is struggling. That's really hard as a parent.

I will say, though, that I think the trash talking among boys especially is pretty universal, even if it's not right, and it can target anything, not just academics and STEM.

Keep trying to encourage connections where you can. But I'd also suggest avoiding commentary about smarts over sports. Putting another entire category of talent down is not okay, either....

This. This whole thread is a bit odd with some of the comments.

FWIW, my kid is on a competitive Math team and PLENTY of the ‘smart’ boys on that Math team trash talk and gatekeep. It’s not just sports. Some boys are just competitive and it comes out in various arenas.

And, there are plenty of jerky STEM kids. Also, plenty of nice, supportive athlete-types.

OP, don’t worry so much about finding similar STEM kids or non-athletes. Most people don’t fit into one singular box. Just help your kid make connections with other NICE kids, regardless of what those kids’ interests are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of your kids sound like magnet STEM kids who are stuck with normies. They are being picked on because they are high achievers.

This comment is just gross. And I have a kid at an MCPS STEM Magnet high school.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

They'll knock it off if I push them, but there's a certain amount of skepticism that it hurts peoples' feelings, and my kids are considered pretty nice. All of which is to say that maybe the boys aren't down on your son that much--they're just being jerks and feeding off each other, and maybe he could have fine relationships with them in smaller numbers if he wanted.

Kids can indeed be dumb and annoying. I'm sorry your son was feeling so sad, but I'm really glad you let him cry and get it out. Most of the time when mine are upset, they just want someone to affirm their feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

They'll knock it off if I push them, but there's a certain amount of skepticism that it hurts peoples' feelings, and my kids are considered pretty nice. All of which is to say that maybe the boys aren't down on your son that much--they're just being jerks and feeding off each other, and maybe he could have fine relationships with them in smaller numbers if he wanted.

Kids can indeed be dumb and annoying. I'm sorry your son was feeling so sad, but I'm really glad you let him cry and get it out. Most of the time when mine are upset, they just want someone to affirm their feelings.

I mean it is a strange dynamic. He is otherwise very close with these kids, which is maybe why it hurts so much I guess? The kid who was the ringleader practically lives at our house! I think most of the time things are okay with them? But sometimes it goes too far and they don't realize where that point is yet? I don't know. I don't want to make excuses for any of them at all! But yes, kids are dumb.

I agree with wanting someone to affirm feelings. I don't think anything I said really mattered. He just wanted to be heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what happens in middle school when there’s no homework or academic expectations and all the focus is on ECs, largely sports. It’s even worse now than before because everyone thinks they are hot shit when school has so little demands. In the old days there were at least groups that focused and competed on academics that your son could be part of.

I would recommend considering transferring to a G&T program somewhere.

Nah, it's not this at all. It's kids at this age, both boys and girls, trying to flex where they can, regardless how stupid. It doesn't matter the topic, the actual ability of the other person, or how good they are themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

They'll knock it off if I push them, but there's a certain amount of skepticism that it hurts peoples' feelings, and my kids are considered pretty nice. All of which is to say that maybe the boys aren't down on your son that much--they're just being jerks and feeding off each other, and maybe he could have fine relationships with them in smaller numbers if he wanted.

Kids can indeed be dumb and annoying. I'm sorry your son was feeling so sad, but I'm really glad you let him cry and get it out. Most of the time when mine are upset, they just want someone to affirm their feelings.

My kids say this too. Literally the same sentiment. I think they just roast each other, not really intending harm, but obviously some kids do take it personally. If I were a kid, I’m sure I would be upset and take it personally too. But my kids insist this is how kids talk. They’re all so idiotic at times, but hopefully in a few years they’ll mature out of it.

[Anonymous]

Also, your son probably just needs empathy and an ear to hear his feelings. You don’t need to “solve” this for him or find him stem friends or whatnot. Let him vent and validate his feelings. He will find ways to develop resilience and find friends and situations that fill his bucket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he joined the school's STEM/STEAM club? At least he's smart enough to know an average player is not a good player. You should be honest with yourself about that and be careful with team placement when there are people like that potentially lowering his self confidence. It can be very damaging.

With so many people posting how athletic their kids are I have a feeling a lot of people over estimate their kid's skills.

Sports has become a big business, a massive money maker. That doesn’t mean everyone has to sign up for it. If he was an average player, which would mean he was somewhere in the middle of the pack, then he wouldn’t be a target. Is it recreational sports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't there for that trash talk, but sometimes I see my kids (one boy, one girl) pile on each other just to score points/try to be funny/have something to say. I discourage it and sometimes they'll tell me, "That's just how we talk!" I truly see them not knowing what to talk about sometimes, so they'll just go in on each other. I'm not proud of it and not excusing it, but maybe that's an answer to the, "Why so much trash talk?"

.

There’s a difference between trash talk amongst peers and friends and cruel ridicule of kids who are weaker. They know the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he joined the school's STEM/STEAM club? At least he's smart enough to know an average player is not a good player. You should be honest with yourself about that and be careful with team placement when there are people like that potentially lowering his self confidence. It can be very damaging.

With so many people posting how athletic their kids are I have a feeling a lot of people over estimate their kid's skills.

Sports has become a big business, a massive money maker. That doesn’t mean everyone has to sign up for it. If he was an average player, which would mean he was somewhere in the middle of the pack, then he wouldn’t be a target. Is it recreational sports?

Yes rec sports or just sports on the playground/back yard. Nothing high stakes.