Middle school boys suck

[Anonymous]

Is he in AAP? Luckily, my son has found a very supportive group of friends that don’t care about sports through the AAP center school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he in AAP? Luckily, my son has found a very supportive group of friends that don’t care about sports through the AAP center school.

No, we are in APS.

[Anonymous]

My son started to have these feelings in upper elementary school. He’s on the smaller side, not gifted in athletics, but very bright and will go far in school. He would cry to me saying he wished he was good at sports. I kept reminding him that smart people, not athletes rule the world as adults. I’m not sure if it really resonates with him now that he is in middle school, but we just keep acknowledging his academic achievements and hope that these years go fast.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. Sports culture has become really gross. A lot of the parents are making it worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son started to have these feelings in upper elementary school. He’s on the smaller side, not gifted in athletics, but very bright and will go far in school. He would cry to me saying he wished he was good at sports. I kept reminding him that smart people, not athletes rule the world as adults. I’m not sure if it really resonates with him now that he is in middle school, but we just keep acknowledging his academic achievements and hope that these years go fast.

I do tell him this a lot! But I think it is hard to look that far in the future sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Has he joined the school's STEM/STEAM club? At least he's smart enough to know an average player is not a good player. You should be honest with yourself about that and be careful with team placement when there are people like that potentially lowering his self confidence. It can be very damaging.

[Anonymous]

I have a 6th grade boy who is fairly athletic and he's not a fan of the sports bros either. He gravitates to the quieter kids who excel academically.

He'll find his people. You need to have confidence in him and he needs to have confidence in himself. Boys trash talk sports in MS. It happens. He has to figure out how to weather the storm and identify people who are healthier for him. It's part of the maturing process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he joined the school's STEM/STEAM club? At least he's smart enough to know an average player is not a good player. You should be honest with yourself about that and be careful with team placement when there are people like that potentially lowering his self confidence. It can be very damaging.

Thanks! He has joined design and engineering and really likes it. That is some good advice about team placement.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. My DS had a hard time in middle school for the same reasons- middle school boys can be absolutely brutal. Mine was actually pretty decent at his sport but so short/tiny, and the group of super athletic boys was really mean to him. Usually there is a mean kid ringleader and the rest just go along.

DS is now a freshman and is having a great year in high school. Has plenty of friends, most of them non-sporty. Openly picking on kids is much less of a thing in high school IME. The boys care more about what teachers and coaches think, what girls think, are concerned about their futures/reputations etc- if nothing else.

And my DS is actually still playing his sport- and many of those same boys are now fairly nice to him (although not friends outside of the sport). My DS has now pretty much caught up to them height-wise too, and is continuing to grow rapidly…he is not small anymore. So that often changes too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 6th grade boy who is fairly athletic and he's not a fan of the sports bros either. He gravitates to the quieter kids who excel academically.

He'll find his people. You need to have confidence in him and he needs to have confidence in himself. Boys trash talk sports in MS. It happens. He has to figure out how to weather the storm and identify people who are healthier for him. It's part of the maturing process.

+1. I don't have a middle schooler but have worked with them extensively in after-school/mentoring programs and you can't waive away or diminish the overwhelming-ness of peer pressure at that age. I read something recently about the biggest risk factor for kids' mental health being a lack of feeling like a contributor (whether that's to a sport, a club, the family unit). Are there STEM clubs your son could join, apart from school, where he'd find that chance to contribute to a group? Alternately, are there chores or odd jobs he could do locally? A way to apply his STEM skills (say, freelance computer repair, or tutoring for younger kids)?

Somewhat related anecdote: I was grocery shopping with my toddler a few weeks ago and a loud gaggle of middle school boys passed us in an aisle chomping on donuts in a big box from the Dunkin' next door. Snack-obsessed toddler stared at them intensely as they walked by and I laughed, "she's jealous!". The boys sort of chuckled as they turned down the next aisle - then a minute later, they came back and asked me if toddler would like one of their donuts. It was such a sweet glimpse of the good hearts that lurk behind snarky teen exteriors. Give the kids opportunities to rise to the occasion, and most of them will.

[Anonymous]

Google NCAC STEM Scouts. It is a local program run by the NCAC BSA Scout Council. Stupid easy to run, they provide you with the lecture notes, projects, and gear. You provide 3-5 adults who are willing to go through the training (3-4 hours) and a Chartering Organization (like a PTA or Church or VFW Post) willing to support the organization. STEM Scouts is so much easier to run then a regular Scout unit. There is no fund raising, no camping or outdoor activities, no committee, no bank account. The modules (4-6 per unit) are pretty solid and leave room for the adult volunteers to be creative.

There are a few labs in t he area, I am not certain if there is one in Arlington. But it is a great program. You might just need to create the program yoru kid needs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry your son is struggling. That's really hard as a parent.

I will say, though, that I think the trash talking among boys especially is pretty universal, even if it's not right, and it can target anything, not just academics and STEM.

Keep trying to encourage connections where you can. But I'd also suggest avoiding commentary about smarts over sports. Putting another entire category of talent down is not okay, either....

[Anonymous]

Have a daughter but it was very similar for her in middle school. Sports were huge in our smallish school and they just weren't my daughters thing. She had many interests outside of sports but in her school if you weren't into sports you were always on the outside. We switched to a much bigger school for high school and its been wonderful. The more varied student body allows her to have friends of all types and she no longer feels isolated because of her interests. Its not always an option but for kids who are having a hard time finding their people I always think that switching to a larger school for HS is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

I have a smaller kid with a big brain. I remember looking at him in early elementary and thinking that he was going to find his people in college or maybe even late high school. Boys/men like him were all over the campus when I went to school for engineering, thriving in that environment. But my job was to safety get him to that point without his self-esteem getting overly squashed by what he was currently experiencing.

We never bothered with sports. I'm sure they are great but it wouldn't have worked out well for him (we make sure he gets physical activity in a solo sport.) But besides stem activities we tried to get him involved in music. He's found a second group of friends in band who aren't into stem but are hard workers who appreciate each other.

All this difficulty has made him into a pretty tough but cheerful kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Google NCAC STEM Scouts. It is a local program run by the NCAC BSA Scout Council. Stupid easy to run, they provide you with the lecture notes, projects, and gear. You provide 3-5 adults who are willing to go through the training (3-4 hours) and a Chartering Organization (like a PTA or Church or VFW Post) willing to support the organization. STEM Scouts is so much easier to run then a regular Scout unit. There is no fund raising, no camping or outdoor activities, no committee, no bank account. The modules (4-6 per unit) are pretty solid and leave room for the adult volunteers to be creative.

There are a few labs in t he area, I am not certain if there is one in Arlington. But it is a great program. You might just need to create the program yoru kid needs.

Thanks! I will check it out. He is in BSA and LOVES it (doing a chemistry program later this month through BSA). I will look more into STEM scouts .