SO hired someone other than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the reason he won't hire you is because as mother of his child, you would have child support claims to a portion of his business income if you were tied to it in any way. He also won't marry you for similar reasons in case of divorce. OP, this man has no interest in your economic wellbeing. He doesn't see a future with you. Sorry.

Whut? She'll have child support claims to all his income no matter where it comes from.

She would be entitled to MORE if she was involved in his business.

Why?

Because a partner involved in a family business could make the argument that her involvement was critical to the business's success and is entitled to a portion of that success. I have been witness to this situation 3 times - 2 for marriages and 1 for unmarried partner. Rightly or wrongly, judges award more to woman involved in spouse/partners family business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

The bolded really stands out.

OP, you should have discussed your job and financial stability back when he told you (and you agreed?) to take a back seat and take care of the kids. You cannot fix the past and it is a bad idea to get a job at his company. That is not your biggest issue. Being able to work is. Are you able to look for a full time job elsewhere now, or are you still tied up because of taking care of kids? Figure out that first.

And if this is the case, change it. It makes you too vulnerable. It makes sense for you to be the one responsible because you don't make the money, but you can't make any money if you are the one responsible. Hopefully this experience will allow you to see that he does not have your best interests at heart, so you will have to take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, he just wanted some younger company ink.

[Anonymous]

You can't hire your underqualified baby mama (who is currently working "very part time" and has an unstable employment history) for jobs if you're a CEO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

Why don't you talk to him about this, since you're supposed to be partners?
That's a rhetorical question because we know why you haven't talked to him about it. You know that he's going to dither or dismiss and you won't be any further ahead but you'll have created awkwardness.

Yes to the above bold. This is your real issue. Married or not you have been together 7 years, share a kid, and haven’t talked about these points? This is your real issue. If you know you need to talk about this stuff but something is holding you back then that thing is also your issue.

And I agree that as a general rule it is not a good idea to hire family or gf/bf for roles. There are few instances where spouses or family work together and they are pretty much always messy.

It’s always weird when people say, “Why haven’t you two talked about it?” Of course she has talked to him about marriage, probably repeatedly. He apparently said no.

Maybe she was hoping that working together would bring them closer.

Why are you assuming this?

Yea, pp here that asked if they’ve talked about it. Actually the reason I asked that is because there really are couples who just don’t talk about things, whether consciously or unconsciously. I know because I have a couple friends who do this. One of them openly states it’s because she is too overwhelmed by what she might uncover and she can’t handle it right now. She’ll ask if we can talk about something else and I don’t push her. Another friend is actually a family member and over the decades I have noticed she just does not confront anything uncomfortable with spouse or even friends. One time I asked her why she does this and she said it works for her (even though from my perspective it doesn’t because she is not emotionally intimate with anyone), but I get what she means… she means it “works” because she avoids whatever thing she is trying to avoid.

People handle relationships differently. In my life I’ve noticed people avoid bringing things up even though it bother them because there is something they fear. They would rather live with the not knowing than confront the fear.

Fwiw I am the exact opposite which is why this became something I even noticed in others…

[Anonymous]

^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

you are right about one thing-you have no job or financial secuirty. I am assuming you aren't married? Holy cow, YOU need to get your act together. If you all split I can;t see you gettign anything from him. He is definitly not going to marry you which is another reason he didn't hire you. He doesn't want to have remaining ties once you all split up. Why on earth don't you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

OMG, open your eyes. He tells you you're comfortable? What does that even mean? Clearly you are NOT comfortable with this situation. And you have no security. You're in poverty the instant he decides to break up with you.

If he pays all the bills, at least try to save some of what you earn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

What about making it legal? It affords you more protections, and protects your child as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

What about making it legal? It affords you more protections, and protects your child as well.

You are right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

I assume that a CEO would have made legal arrangements so his child was financially looked after if something happened to him, especially if you already raised it as an issue. Beyond that, he’s telling you not to expect anything. I’m guessing some of that is because you have kids who aren’t his. And you could get even more if he died. So he wants to make sure his money goes to his child only.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t want your nose in his business and financials.
Hiring you would change the dynamics at home, at work, and among other staff.

If you’re qualified, then go get your own go get your marketing job.

I wouldn’t want to work for my partner.

[Anonymous]

I suspect a significant age gap. How old are you both? Does he have other kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

The silent part of that is "As long as he wants you around". He will kick you to the curb when he doesn't, and he doesn't care what happens to you or your eldest children, and possibly not to his child either. That should have been your cue to look for a job.