SO hired someone other than me

[Anonymous]

Are you getting alimony from your former relationship? In addition to child support for the first 2 children?

Is there a reason he has not married you after 7 years?

Your partner did not think you were a good fit for any of the jobs.

Start applying for your own marketing job elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Get your own full time job with health insurance, retirement and benefits.

Use his paycheck to pay for child care and/or nanny.

[Anonymous]

You need to make your own plans for your future. The guy does not seem willing to put a ring on it.

[Anonymous]

I agree that he really can’t hire his girlfriend. It would totally undermine him in front of his employees. Go get a job elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to make your own plans for your future. The guy does not seem willing to put a ring on it.

Plus 1. You need alimony if possible and child support and need to be married to this guy not an employee. Don’t be mad at him for not hiring you. But honestly hope you both want to and get married. If he doesn’t want to, then I would be concerned. I would get the support from the prior baby daddy lined up and then talk to a lawyer about this one. And have NO more children.

[Anonymous]

Op I guess you are not qualified for the position. Just because you're married to him doesn't mean you get to expect the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

Why don't you talk to him about this, since you're supposed to be partners?
That's a rhetorical question because we know why you haven't talked to him about it. You know that he's going to dither or dismiss and you won't be any further ahead but you'll have created awkwardness.

Yes to the above bold. This is your real issue. Married or not you have been together 7 years, share a kid, and haven’t talked about these points? This is your real issue. If you know you need to talk about this stuff but something is holding you back then that thing is also your issue.

And I agree that as a general rule it is not a good idea to hire family or gf/bf for roles. There are few instances where spouses or family work together and they are pretty much always messy.

[Anonymous]

I am the Op here and I appreciate the feedback, which is 100% team partner. It stings that he KNOWS that I am in need of a job and that he’d rather give it to someone else then offer it to me…..he has hired family and friends in the past, in fact , one person he newly hired is a family member of an employee. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care what happens to me down the road. I have to say that if the situation was reversed I would give him the job. It sucks and it’s a terrible feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the Op here and I appreciate the feedback, which is 100% team partner. It stings that he KNOWS that I am in need of a job and that he’d rather give it to someone else then offer it to me…..he has hired family and friends in the past, in fact , one person he newly hired is a family member of an employee. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care what happens to me down the road. I have to say that if the situation was reversed I would give him the job. It sucks and it’s a terrible feeling.

If he gave you the job, that would make him a bad CEO. It would be wrong for him to give his baby mama a job, full stop. Hiring a family member of an employee is not the same thing.

The fact that he doesn't care about what happens to you is a different issue entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

Why don't you talk to him about this, since you're supposed to be partners?
That's a rhetorical question because we know why you haven't talked to him about it. You know that he's going to dither or dismiss and you won't be any further ahead but you'll have created awkwardness.

Yes to the above bold. This is your real issue. Married or not you have been together 7 years, share a kid, and haven’t talked about these points? This is your real issue. If you know you need to talk about this stuff but something is holding you back then that thing is also your issue.

And I agree that as a general rule it is not a good idea to hire family or gf/bf for roles. There are few instances where spouses or family work together and they are pretty much always messy.

It’s always weird when people say, “Why haven’t you two talked about it?” Of course she has talked to him about marriage, probably repeatedly. He apparently said no.

Maybe she was hoping that working together would bring them closer.

[Anonymous]

What happens if you aren’t together? He gets 50% custody of your kid (hopefully not the older ones? I don’t know how it works with step kids) and pays you child support. You file taxes as HoH and get a great tax return. You also get some of your common assets.
He doesn’t want to hire you because either he thinks you just aren’t a great employee, or because he doesn’t want to get too enmeshed. Or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the Op here and I appreciate the feedback, which is 100% team partner. It stings that he KNOWS that I am in need of a job and that he’d rather give it to someone else then offer it to me…..he has hired family and friends in the past, in fact , one person he newly hired is a family member of an employee. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care what happens to me down the road. I have to say that if the situation was reversed I would give him the job. It sucks and it’s a terrible feeling.

It’s not that he doesn’t care. He just wants to be able to cut his losses quickly if you two separate. Or maybe you aren’t a great employee as I said above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

Why don't you talk to him about this, since you're supposed to be partners?
That's a rhetorical question because we know why you haven't talked to him about it. You know that he's going to dither or dismiss and you won't be any further ahead but you'll have created awkwardness.

Yes to the above bold. This is your real issue. Married or not you have been together 7 years, share a kid, and haven’t talked about these points? This is your real issue. If you know you need to talk about this stuff but something is holding you back then that thing is also your issue.

And I agree that as a general rule it is not a good idea to hire family or gf/bf for roles. There are few instances where spouses or family work together and they are pretty much always messy.

It’s always weird when people say, “Why haven’t you two talked about it?” Of course she has talked to him about marriage, probably repeatedly. He apparently said no.

Maybe she was hoping that working together would bring them closer.

Why are you assuming this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the Op here and I appreciate the feedback, which is 100% team partner. It stings that he KNOWS that I am in need of a job and that he’d rather give it to someone else then offer it to me…..he has hired family and friends in the past, in fact , one person he newly hired is a family member of an employee. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care what happens to me down the road. I have to say that if the situation was reversed I would give him the job. It sucks and it’s a terrible feeling.

You struggle with basic grammar yet you think you can do the job. Has it occurred to you that maybe you are a sh***y employee? Get your head in the game and quit being the victim. Go make something of yourself. Quit whining. I’m a CEO and based on your two posts, I wouldn’t hire you. You sound like the lazy and incompetent crowd who sits around doing nothing while crying about wanting a “living wage”. You control your own destiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop having kids with men who won’t marry you.

So marry a sucker?