Reply to SO hired someone other than me

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "SO hired someone other than me"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up.  DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company.  We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much.  He is for sure the breadwinner.  I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so [b]I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.[/b]

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue.  I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied).  One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate.  I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course.  Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that.  My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings.  [b]He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.[/b]

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?[/quote]

Why don't you talk to him about this, since you're supposed to be partners?
That's a rhetorical question because we know why you haven't talked to him about it. You know that he's going to dither or dismiss and you won't be any further ahead but you'll have created awkwardness.

[/quote]

Yes to the above bold. This is your real issue. Married or not you have been together 7 years, share a kid, and haven’t talked about these points? This is your real issue. If you know you need to talk about this stuff but something is holding you back then that thing is also your issue.

And I agree that as a general rule it is not a good idea to hire family or gf/bf for roles. There are few instances where spouses or family work together and they are pretty much always messy. [/quote]

It’s always weird when people say, “Why haven’t you two talked about it?” [b]Of course she has talked to him about marriage, probably repeatedly. He apparently said no. [/b]

Maybe she was hoping that working together would bring them closer. [/quote]

Why are you assuming this? [/quote]

Yea, pp here that asked if they’ve talked about it. Actually the reason I asked that is because there really are couples who just don’t talk about things, whether consciously or unconsciously. I know because I have a couple friends who do this. One of them openly states it’s because she is too overwhelmed by what she might uncover and she can’t handle it right now. She’ll ask if we can talk about something else and I don’t push her. Another friend is actually a family member and over the decades I have noticed she just does not confront anything uncomfortable with spouse or even friends. One time I asked her why she does this and she said it works for her (even though from my perspective it doesn’t because she is not emotionally intimate with anyone), but I get what she means… she means it “works” because she avoids whatever thing she is trying to avoid.

People handle relationships differently. In my life I’ve noticed people avoid bringing things up even though it bother them because there is something they fear. They would rather live with the not knowing than confront the fear.

Fwiw I am the exact opposite which is why this became something I even noticed in others…[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics