SO hired someone other than me

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why women do this to themselves and their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted in website feedback. This has to be a troll!

Why do people cry troll on like every thread?!! I am not OP, I commented and I think the thread is interesting. Why do you make Jeff look into it and possibly delete it?! It’s not even politics!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

Ok so he responds with silence when you express concern about if something were to happen to him. So do you want security, do you want to be married, do you want to come up with a plan together? If you do and he isn’t on the same page then your options are to remain in this pseudo limbo or to do something about it. I get that you are hurt by his not hiring you but I don’t think that’s the root issue here. THIS is the root issue and it is getting projected onto this job situation because it triggers in you this knowing or suspicion that you are not secure in this relationship.

I am speculating here on some points but if it’s on point then I have to ask, what are you thinking and why have you gotten yourself into this situation? Did you think he would eventually propose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

Ok so he responds with silence when you express concern about if something were to happen to him. So do you want security, do you want to be married, do you want to come up with a plan together? If you do and he isn’t on the same page then your options are to remain in this pseudo limbo or to do something about it. I get that you are hurt by his not hiring you but I don’t think that’s the root issue here. THIS is the root issue and it is getting projected onto this job situation because it triggers in you this knowing or suspicion that you are not secure in this relationship.

I am speculating here on some points but if it’s on point then I have to ask, what are you thinking and why have you gotten yourself into this situation? Did you think he would eventually propose?

+1
The job has nothing to do with this.
The issue is that OP feels insecure in this relationship, because she knows she's at her partner's mercy.
The question is what she's going to do about it.
I think this would be a good time to outsource childcare and re-train/actively look for a job.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree most of the people here. I would've been furious. He knows your needs better than anyone. Even if it was a short-term situation until you found something else he should've hired you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted in website feedback. This has to be a troll!

Why do people cry troll on like every thread?!! I am not OP, I commented and I think the thread is interesting. Why do you make Jeff look into it and possibly delete it?! It’s not even politics!!!

I was not trying to get it deleted. I just thought it had all of the ingredients of a perfect troll post.

[Anonymous]

Also, it's wild that people here keep posting about buying cows (this ain't the 50s) and how he's not going to marry OP. Who said either of them want to be married. She didn't ask for anyone's opinion about their romantic relationship or marriage. Y'all suck. Just because that's what you wanted in life doesn't mean it suits everyone. She posted about a JOB not a RING. Reading is fundamental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP was a single mom with two kids when she hooked up with him. They have a kid together (probably unplanned), but he does not want to get married.

OP with 3 kids is financial-dependent on him. He does not want to hire her to avoid creating problems which lead to a breakup and child support payments.

A lot of assumptions being made here. A lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with you? He absolutely should NOT have hired you. It could potentially ruin his reputation and cause all sorts of problems with his employees. You need to get help, OP.

How so? Also, your response was really dramatic for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

Why don't you talk to him about this, since you're supposed to be partners?
That's a rhetorical question because we know why you haven't talked to him about it. You know that he's going to dither or dismiss and you won't be any further ahead but you'll have created awkwardness.

Yes to the above bold. This is your real issue. Married or not you have been together 7 years, share a kid, and haven’t talked about these points? This is your real issue. If you know you need to talk about this stuff but something is holding you back then that thing is also your issue.

And I agree that as a general rule it is not a good idea to hire family or gf/bf for roles. There are few instances where spouses or family work together and they are pretty much always messy.

It’s always weird when people say, “Why haven’t you two talked about it?” Of course she has talked to him about marriage, probably repeatedly. He apparently said no.

Maybe she was hoping that working together would bring them closer.

Or maybe she thought him hiring her would make her employed. WTF? How do you know that she's talked to him about marriage repeatedly?? Like, how? Do you know them? Do you know OP? I swear, you people are insane here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never hire a family member. Definitely not a romantic partner, which will cause all sorts of problems. Nepotism is bad enough without everything thinking you got the job because you're boning the CEO. Have fun telling your partner that their job performance is subpar. A job isn't charity; if you are worried about your financial future, work that out with him.

+1

This goes for birth family and also your nuclear family - simply do not hire friends or family. If you must choose between two, always, always, always choose the better worker who is more professional. But, better not to hire any friends or family - you may think you know how they operate in an office, but if you are very wrong, it will be a very long and difficult process to get rid of them, should they be prove themselves unprofessional and/or incapable - not least of all because they know they would never have that job title or money elsewhere. People take advantage, OP. It seems you might be one of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with you? He absolutely should NOT have hired you. It could potentially ruin his reputation and cause all sorts of problems with his employees. You need to get help, OP.

How so? Also, your response was really dramatic for no reason.

+1

DP here. It seems someone is projecting onto OP. OP might be a better worker than all y'all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^question still stands though - OP, have you talked to him about your financial concerns etc… and if not, what’s holding you back?

Op here. Yes, I have talked to him. He tells me I’m comfortable and he pays all the bills. He won’t tell me what will happen if something happens to him however.

Ok so he responds with silence when you express concern about if something were to happen to him. So do you want security, do you want to be married, do you want to come up with a plan together? If you do and he isn’t on the same page then your options are to remain in this pseudo limbo or to do something about it. I get that you are hurt by his not hiring you but I don’t think that’s the root issue here. THIS is the root issue and it is getting projected onto this job situation because it triggers in you this knowing or suspicion that you are not secure in this relationship.

I am speculating here on some points but if it’s on point then I have to ask, what are you thinking and why have you gotten yourself into this situation? Did you think he would eventually propose?

We are engaged. We’ve been engaged for awhile now. No immediate plans to get married. I know I’ll have to sign a pre nuptial as he’s told me already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the Op here and I appreciate the feedback, which is 100% team partner. It stings that he KNOWS that I am in need of a job and that he’d rather give it to someone else then offer it to me…..he has hired family and friends in the past, in fact , one person he newly hired is a family member of an employee. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care what happens to me down the road. I have to say that if the situation was reversed I would give him the job. It sucks and it’s a terrible feeling.

If he hired you, he wouldn’t keep employing you if you broke up. Most states have at will employment. Even in the unlikely event that yours doesn’t, he could manufacture a performance issue or an “change in the needs of the business” and get rid of you that way.

You have three kids. Time to (finally) become an adult and solve your own problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP was a single mom with two kids when she hooked up with him. They have a kid together (probably unplanned), but he does not want to get married.

OP with 3 kids is financial-dependent on him. He does not want to hire her to avoid creating problems which lead to a breakup and child support payments.

A lot of assumptions being made here. A lot.

. Op here. I have 2 other kids. Their dad pays child support.