SO hired someone other than me

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

[Anonymous]

You’re way off base. Don’t make your employment dependent on your romantic relationship. If you want a job, go find one.

Don’t ask your boyfriend to hire you. Too many eggs in one basket that way.

[Anonymous]

He runs the company. You didn’t get hired. Grow up. With your whining, I wouldn’t hire you either. He’s running a business, not a daycare.

[Anonymous]

I would never hire a family member. Definitely not a romantic partner, which will cause all sorts of problems. Nepotism is bad enough without everything thinking you got the job because you're boning the CEO. Have fun telling your partner that their job performance is subpar. A job isn't charity; if you are worried about your financial future, work that out with him.

[Anonymous]

Stop having kids with men who won’t marry you.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh he definitely made the right choice. Working together would be terrible for your relationship and for the business.

If you want a job as an admin go get a job as an admin.

[Anonymous]

Seven years? Honey he ain’t going to buy the cow when he is getting the milk for free no matter how much the likes being milked!

[Anonymous]

He should marry you, not hire you. You’re not focusing on what’s important here. There is no way I would hire a relative or boyfriend/girlfriend. Get a job elsewhere please. Right now you’re caring for his child without any guarantees. Very bad judgement here, OP.

[Anonymous]

Working for your partner would be a terrible, terrible idea. I'm team partner on this one 100%.

[Anonymous]

If you want a job go out and get a job that has nothing to do with him. What if you two break up and you're working for him? Then you'd lose your job.

[Anonymous]

You need to take a hard look at your own choices and your relationship. Why would you want your employment to be dependent on a man who won't marry you and is treating you badly?

Why do you think your lack of a job and lack of savings is his problem to solve? It sounds like you need to get a job and support yourself and your children. They don't need to do as many activities. Put them in aftercare and get a better job.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he needed someone to actually do the work, and you wanted the money/benefits alongside the flexibility to not actually do the work in the event your family obligations made doing so inconvenient. If it were otherwise, why would you want to work for him instead of getting any of the many admin jobs that are out there? Why want to work for him instead of anywhere else?

[Anonymous]

Working for (or hiring) a partner/spouse would be a nightmare. How does he give you performance reviews? What if he has to fire you? No. He made the right call, although he was wrong in not fessing up to the reasons.

You guys should formalize your finances because you have kids together. And, as part of that conversation you should discuss your finding a full time job and both of you paying for childcare if that's necessary.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he made the correct decision. He wanted someone with some sense and work ethic.

[Anonymous]

I think it’d be a huge mistake to hire you given you’re in a relationship. It’s a bad look to other employees, what if they decided you weren’t cut out for position…how would they handle that. I don’t think you should be offended at all. It’s a very black and white issue. Find a job elsewhere if that’s what you need