SO hired someone other than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're hurt because you're getting your head around the truth of your situation. He's not your husband and he won't ever be. You're not "partners" just like married. You're more like co-parents that have sex. He's not taking responsibility for your well-being or helping you solve your financial problems. You're not business partners and you won't ever be.

You need to focus on providing for your kids and stop thinking a man is going to fix this for you. Put the kids in after-school care and get a better job.

I love how everyone thinks they knows OPs situation. How do you know they won’t get married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're hurt because you're getting your head around the truth of your situation. He's not your husband and he won't ever be. You're not "partners" just like married. You're more like co-parents that have sex. He's not taking responsibility for your well-being or helping you solve your financial problems. You're not business partners and you won't ever be.

You need to focus on providing for your kids and stop thinking a man is going to fix this for you. Put the kids in after-school care and get a better job.

I love how everyone thinks they knows OPs situation. How do you know they won’t get married?

Oh come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're hurt because you're getting your head around the truth of your situation. He's not your husband and he won't ever be. You're not "partners" just like married. You're more like co-parents that have sex. He's not taking responsibility for your well-being or helping you solve your financial problems. You're not business partners and you won't ever be.

You need to focus on providing for your kids and stop thinking a man is going to fix this for you. Put the kids in after-school care and get a better job.

I love how everyone thinks they knows OPs situation. How do you know they won’t get married?

Because it's been seven years and a baby. Seven (7) years! She clearly wants to, and he's resisting any more enmeshment financial or otherwise.

He might be more interested in marriage if OP showed a little initiative and sorted out her own problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're hurt because you're getting your head around the truth of your situation. He's not your husband and he won't ever be. You're not "partners" just like married. You're more like co-parents that have sex. He's not taking responsibility for your well-being or helping you solve your financial problems. You're not business partners and you won't ever be.

You need to focus on providing for your kids and stop thinking a man is going to fix this for you. Put the kids in after-school care and get a better job.

I love how everyone thinks they knows OPs situation. How do you know they won’t get married?

Because it's been 7 years. Maybe OP can wear him down, but it will be a marriage of convenience. If he truly loved her, he would have proposed already. However, even a marriage of convenience would be better than what OP has now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're hurt because you're getting your head around the truth of your situation. He's not your husband and he won't ever be. You're not "partners" just like married. You're more like co-parents that have sex. He's not taking responsibility for your well-being or helping you solve your financial problems. You're not business partners and you won't ever be.

You need to focus on providing for your kids and stop thinking a man is going to fix this for you. Put the kids in after-school care and get a better job.

I love how everyone thinks they knows OPs situation. How do you know they won’t get married?

I love how so many people think they’re the exception to the rule, that they’re such a special snowflake that their situation defies the accumulated wisdom of 300 years of human experience. There’s just *no* way to know common sense, the things that can be observed with one’s own two eyes, the obvious…anything. Truly mystifying!

[Anonymous]

He did the right thing to not hire you.

If you need an admin job and could do it easily then go get one somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're hurt because you're getting your head around the truth of your situation. He's not your husband and he won't ever be. You're not "partners" just like married. You're more like co-parents that have sex. He's not taking responsibility for your well-being or helping you solve your financial problems. You're not business partners and you won't ever be.

You need to focus on providing for your kids and stop thinking a man is going to fix this for you. Put the kids in after-school care and get a better job.

I love how everyone thinks they knows OPs situation. How do you know they won’t get married?

Because it's been seven years and a baby. Seven (7) years! She clearly wants to, and he's resisting any more enmeshment financial or otherwise.

He might be more interested in marriage if OP showed a little initiative and sorted out her own problems.

She needs to stop having kids with men who don’t respect her. That’s her biggest problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, the reason he won't hire you is because as mother of his child, you would have child support claims to a portion of his business income if you were tied to it in any way. He also won't marry you for similar reasons in case of divorce. OP, this man has no interest in your economic wellbeing. He doesn't see a future with you. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the reason he won't hire you is because as mother of his child, you would have child support claims to a portion of his business income if you were tied to it in any way. He also won't marry you for similar reasons in case of divorce. OP, this man has no interest in your economic wellbeing. He doesn't see a future with you. Sorry.

Whut? She'll have child support claims to all his income no matter where it comes from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the reason he won't hire you is because as mother of his child, you would have child support claims to a portion of his business income if you were tied to it in any way. He also won't marry you for similar reasons in case of divorce. OP, this man has no interest in your economic wellbeing. He doesn't see a future with you. Sorry.

Whut? She'll have child support claims to all his income no matter where it comes from.

She would be entitled to MORE if she was involved in his business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the reason he won't hire you is because as mother of his child, you would have child support claims to a portion of his business income if you were tied to it in any way. He also won't marry you for similar reasons in case of divorce. OP, this man has no interest in your economic wellbeing. He doesn't see a future with you. Sorry.

Whut? She'll have child support claims to all his income no matter where it comes from.

She would be entitled to MORE if she was involved in his business.

Not if she were just an admin assistant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the reason he won't hire you is because as mother of his child, you would have child support claims to a portion of his business income if you were tied to it in any way. He also won't marry you for similar reasons in case of divorce. OP, this man has no interest in your economic wellbeing. He doesn't see a future with you. Sorry.

Whut? She'll have child support claims to all his income no matter where it comes from.

She would be entitled to MORE if she was involved in his business.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

The bolded really stands out.

OP, you should have discussed your job and financial stability back when he told you (and you agreed?) to take a back seat and take care of the kids. You cannot fix the past and it is a bad idea to get a job at his company. That is not your biggest issue. Being able to work is. Are you able to look for a full time job elsewhere now, or are you still tied up because of taking care of kids? Figure out that first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty angry about this situation and have tried to let it go, but I just can’t and it’s eating me up. DCUM, am I overreacting about this?

My partner is a ceo of a small(ish) company. We have been together 7 years and have one child together (I have two others from previous marriage).

I work very part time but definitely don’t earn much. He is for sure the breadwinner. I haven’t actively been looking for a full time job however my financial situation is very unstable as we aren’t married so I’m not sure what would happen if we are no longer together.

Originally (years ago) he told me he couldn’t hire me to work at his company because I’m responsible for getting the kids to school pick them up and take them to activities.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, when he hired three new full time employees out of the blue. I had no idea he was hiring (or I would have applied). One of the employees he brought on was more of a higher level manager but another one he told me was a marketing associate. I asked him why he hadn’t told me about the job and he said I needed a marketing course. Turns out all she’s doing now is administrative work and I could definitely have done that. My thought is if I’m capable of doing the work, why would he hire a random person over me, when he knows I need all the benefits and security for the future?

Basically I’m angry because he chose someone other than me when he knows I have no real job security or retirement savings. He hasn’t included me in discussions of planning for the future so I’m very clueless as to what will happen.

Is that mean and unkind of him or am I way off base here?

The bolded really stands out.

OP, you should have discussed your job and financial stability back when he told you (and you agreed?) to take a back seat and take care of the kids. You cannot fix the past and it is a bad idea to get a job at his company. That is not your biggest issue. Being able to work is. Are you able to look for a full time job elsewhere now, or are you still tied up because of taking care of kids? Figure out that first.

This. Should have said "I'm not comfortable reducing my earnings unless we are married." And the time to say that was BEFORE getting pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Why aren’t you looking for a job if you want a job? Waiting for your partner to create a position for you as a gift isn’t a life plan.