Worth breaking up over a birthday?

[Anonymous]

Good lord. Grow up OP.

[Anonymous]

OP - sounds like you BF is the one who should do the breaking up. You sound high maintenance.

[Anonymous]

I had been casually dating a guy during the pandemic for two months. When my birthday was coming up, none of my friends were going to be in town (it's at a holiday) so I asked him if he would go out to dinner with me for my birthday. I said, I just want to have a nice steak and have sex later.

Expectations were made clear and met. When Christmas came, we both said we hate giving gifts and didn't exchange them or get together. It is ok to disuss this stuff and not try to make people read minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find grown adults who insist on making a big deal out of their birthdays to be so, so tiresome and high maintenance.

Agree. I think it is really weird and immature.

Why is it considered "immature" to hope that the MOST important person in your life acknowledges your birthday in some nice way? Genuine question.

After six months he is the MOST important person? My parents aren't living but I would still not consider my BF of six months to be the most important....

NP. The idea is that if you get married that person will be the most important person in life, and you cannot that once a person becomes the most important person in life they will step up and do what you hope a spouse does. My husband is the most important person in my life and I expect him to acknowledge my birthday in a nice way. It seems like people are suggesting that is immature.

I think it is the fact that she is already so stressed that she is posting on a message board about it, and pre-emptively planning a break up. Wny not wait to see what happens? She could break up with him next week. What is the rush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.

Let's take this from the BF's perspective:

I'm really into this girl. We've been dating for 6 months and she is awesome. She is smart, and funny and has a successful, busy career. I don't want to mess things up. Her birthday is coming up in two days, and I'm trying to feel out whether she is as in to me as I am into her, and whether she wants to celebrate with me. On about 5 different occasions over the last two weeks, i have NOT subtly said something like "hey, your bday is coming up!" and she has gotten weird and looked the other way. I'm want to do something for her, but I don't want to come across as creepy or more into her than she is into me, and i'm getting pretty strong vibes from her that she doesn't want to celebrate her bday with me. I don't want to mess this up, so i'm going to respect the vibes I'm getting from her. If she wanted to spend her bday with me, she would have said something by now.

Just sayin....

This could be exactly what is happening. Just use your words!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes please break up with him and save him the pain and suffering of being in a relationship with you.

You're a grown person and it's a birthday you're not so special that you need to be celebrated for an entire week

Your boyfriend probably assumed he was dating an adult and a happy birthday call on your actual birthday would suffice . And maybe a small gift or dinner the day of.

Show me where OP says she needs to be celebrated for an entire week. Or even have a huge celebration. Dinner or lunch isn't a huge expiration.

[Anonymous]

*expectation *

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

[Anonymous]

Op it’s possible the guy is a dud but it’s also possible you are too. USE YOUR WORDS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope that OP keeps us updated. This is the best will-he-or-won't-he I've read in a while.

For the record, I'm Team OP. She told him it was important to celebrate her birthday. If he drops the ball, they are incompatible. Doesn't matter how any of us celebrate or don't celebrate our birthdays.

OP: thank you We went for a walk last night and grabbed a quick bit to eat and at one point he again said, "someone's birthday's coming up!" and I smiled. But, no mention of any plans for before (it would have to be tonight) or after birthday. Trying to be chill- it's hard!

Op you blew it right there IMO. Why didn't you ask if he has any plans? Maybe he's been hoping for ideas.

Op: to clarify, all I was hoping for is maybe lunch or dinner, as PP stated- nothing extravagant. But per your question, we talked a few weeks ago about things we’ve always wanted to do in the city that we haven’t done yet, and I named 5-6 things (shows, museums, etc).

Are you being purposefully dense? You need to tell him you want to do something WITH HIM for your birthday!! Listing activities you want to do sometimes, but then blowing him off when he says your birthday is coming up?! He keeps bringing up your birthday and you are shooting him down every time! I totally agree the with poster up thread who said you are giving him a clear signal that you do NOT want to celebrate your birthday with him.

Op: I’m not shooting him down at all! And if we don’t do anything but he gets me a gift, I’ll be very happy! For everyone saying I need to TELL HIM, I am trying to find out if we’re compatible long-term. And if he doesn’t do anything, I know we’re not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, your birthday hasn't even occurred yet and you're already catastrophizing that he's not going to do anything and your relationship is doomed. I agree your relationship may be doomed, but it isn't his fault...

+1 I gently suggest that you have unresolved baggage from your last relationship. You had ONE discussion with your BF about it and it's early enough in your relationship that he may not really understand just what you're looking for. And, as the PP says, you birthday hasn't even happened yet and your already catastrophizing!

Why don't you text him and tell him that having your birthday recognized is really important to you and that you'd like him to make plans? Why leave any room for guess work on his part?

OP: I get what you are saying, but obviously having to tell someone explicitly is not as meaningful as if they did it on their own. I'm not interested in changing anyone, so I figure if he is not the thoughtful type, we probably aren't a good match.

I’m not a birthday person at all. Yet, I agree with OP. This matters to you, you made it clear, he made no effort at a time when he should be highly invested. I would wait to see what he does. A poorly executed plan would at least be a good sign. If he does nothing, you have the info you need. You are very right not to try to change someone.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the people telling you that thing that matters to you doesn’t matter. You get to decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had been casually dating a guy during the pandemic for two months. When my birthday was coming up, none of my friends were going to be in town (it's at a holiday) so I asked him if he would go out to dinner with me for my birthday. I said, I just want to have a nice steak and have sex later.

Expectations were made clear and met. When Christmas came, we both said we hate giving gifts and didn't exchange them or get together. It is ok to disuss this stuff and not try to make people read minds.

She made her expectations clear. This topic has come up in the past and she was very vocal about the fact that her exDH did nothing to celebrate special occasions and that this is something very important to her. If he was not paying attention to that, he is a bad listener and does not care.

Although I agree that OP jumped the gun. Needs to wait for her actual BD and/or when she gets back from trip.