Worth breaking up over a birthday?

[Anonymous]

My birthday is coming up in 2 days and I'll be catching a flight that morning for work. My boyfriend of 6 months knows it's my birthday (he's been saying, "you're birthday's coming up soon") for a few weeks. But so far, he has not asked me to do anything or indicated there are any plans. I admit, I'm kind of bummed.

I feel like if he doesn't do anything special and/or get a gift (doesn't have to be expensive at all!), I might just break it off. Is this crazy? My reasoning is that life is too short to be with a partner who isn't thoughtful or willing to show they care. When I was married, my ex never wanted to celebrate my birthday AT ALL- even my 40th, and it was really hurtful. BF knows this, as it came up in discussion once.

Am I thinking about this correctly? Or am I off track?

[Anonymous]

Um, who says he won't be giving you a gift? Why is he saying it's coming up soon if he wouldn't be giving you a gift? Or at least a card and flowers and a cake or something.

[Anonymous]

He might not know your birthday is important to you. It's not important to me.

You need to communicate to him "I'm trying to make plans - do you have anything planned for my birthday? I like to know there's something to look forward to, rather than thinking you've planned nothing but then you surprise me."

[Anonymous]

Why would he ask you to do something if you are going to be out of town?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, who says he won't be giving you a gift? Why is he saying it's coming up soon if he wouldn't be giving you a gift? Or at least a card and flowers and a cake or something.

OP: I guess that's still possible, but the only time he could give it would be tomorrow night and he hasn't asked if I'm free or indicated he'd like to see me. We were only dating 3 months when his birthday arrived and I took him out for very swanky drinks and had a special dessert delivered, made a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would he ask you to do something if you are going to be out of town?

OP: I thought he would ask me to do something tonight or tomorrow (the night before).

[Anonymous]

I find grown adults who insist on making a big deal out of their birthdays to be so, so tiresome and high maintenance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He might not know your birthday is important to you. It's not important to me.

You need to communicate to him "I'm trying to make plans - do you have anything planned for my birthday? I like to know there's something to look forward to, rather than thinking you've planned nothing but then you surprise me."

OP: he knows it's important. We had a whole discussion about love languages and how we each feel loved and it came up then as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find grown adults who insist on making a big deal out of their birthdays to be so, so tiresome and high maintenance.

OP: I do too! I don't make a big deal at all- don't expect a single friend to remember or care. However, a partner, in my mind, is supposed to be the ONE person who does show they care about your birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would he ask you to do something if you are going to be out of town?

OP: I thought he would ask me to do something tonight or tomorrow (the night before).

DP here, not everyone grows up in a household where birthdays are treated like huge celebrations. You might acknowledge it or get a gift, but a not huge extravagant treat someone like a queen to do. Just keep that in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, who says he won't be giving you a gift? Why is he saying it's coming up soon if he wouldn't be giving you a gift? Or at least a card and flowers and a cake or something.

OP: I guess that's still possible, but the only time he could give it would be tomorrow night and he hasn't asked if I'm free or indicated he'd like to see me. We were only dating 3 months when his birthday arrived and I took him out for very swanky drinks and had a special dessert delivered, made a big deal.

Dude, to you, you expect to "do something." As in a dinner reservation or fancy drinks or whatever. In his mind, maybe he got you a nice, wrapped gift and he will give it to you when he sees you closest to your birthday. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Use your words, OP.

Sitting there silent and waiting to see if your BF comes through or not -- and putting the entire relationship on the line without ever making that clear -- is something a 12 year old does.

Will you be turning 13 in a few days?

[Anonymous]

So, the birthday hasn’t even happened and you are already talking about breaking up with him? Do this poor poor guy a favor and break up with him because you are too immature to be in an adult relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find grown adults who insist on making a big deal out of their birthdays to be so, so tiresome and high maintenance.

Agree. I think it is really weird and immature.

[Anonymous]

Um, your birthday hasn't even occurred yet and you're already catastrophizing that he's not going to do anything and your relationship is doomed. I agree your relationship may be doomed, but it isn't his fault...