Frustrated with husband and mother in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

I don't know of any grandparent who want to watch their grandkids on their own for a couple of weeks. I know of grandparents (husband and wife pair), who will look after a grandchild or multiple grandkids, for part of the day, in their own house. No one is doing this when they are single and alone and elderly, in someone else's house, 24/7 for two weeks. No. One. And two kids below 6? No way.

OP seems like one of those people who believe in getting the last drop of blood from the MIL because it seems the MIL is dependent on her son for financial help. OP is basically a disgusting POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I really don't relate to posters who are defending the grandmother. Any responsible person would make sure to cancel before anything is set in stone. It has nothing to do with length of trip, etc. The Grandma knew this before hand. Don't give me the "cold feet" crap. Grandma just ruined the start of OP's holiday and OP is left trying to salvage some fun and relaxation. Any of you would be furious if someone did this to your plans! I would.

+100

-100. I would not be furious. I would change my plans, and that’s life. Because my kids’ health and well-being and safety is more important than a vacation. And I’ve seen directly bad outcomes from caregivers who were stretched to thin, and we’ve certainly all read about them.

+1

Absolutely agree. If the grandmother feels she cannot take care of the kids, then you have to respect her health and state of mind and accept it.

She is not the parent of these children and she does not have to babysit these kids, especially if she thinks she cannot manage it. I am aghast at people who are not concerned that an elderly person is saying that they cannot manage to provide childcare to their grandkids. I would be more concerned about the MIL and make sure that she has her support system and she is looked after. And I would not allow my kids to be taken care of by anyone who is feeling that they cannot do this. There is a big difference to providing care for an hour every day vs taking care of these kids for long stretches for 12 days.

Anyways, what kind of sicko leaves their kids (less than 6 yrs old) for 12 days and goes for an international vacation?

This. Right. Here.

Something similar happened with my mom backtracking on grandkid help for my sister a few years ago. It was so sudden and out of character for her that my sister pressed a bit. It turns out that my mom had had two recent near-accidents in the car and was just starting to question her driving abilities. She wasn’t yet ready to face it, but as my sister’s vacation drew nearer, my mom panicked and pulled out. My sister and her husband reworked their vacation and got some other family members to help out. But what The Deal was turned out to indeed be something significant with my mom’s overall health, independence and yes, capacity to take care of her grandchildren.

Say what you want, neither of you would be happy with your MILs if they backed out of caregiving at the last minute, before an international (and expensive!) trip.
The MIL can have the best reasons in the world, but OP is out a lot of money, was counting on MIL, and you should acknowledge that it's a big disappointment.

I would be furious, OP. The least MIL could have done is back out sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

I don't know of any grandparent who want to watch their grandkids on their own for a couple of weeks. I know of grandparents (husband and wife pair), who will look after a grandchild or multiple grandkids, for part of the day, in their own house. No one is doing this when they are single and alone and elderly, in someone else's house, 24/7 for two weeks. No. One. And two kids below 6? No way.

OP seems like one of those people who believe in getting the last drop of blood from the MIL because it seems the MIL is dependent on her son for financial help. OP is basically a disgusting POS.

Troll. OP is paying for full day camp. OP is paying for meals delivered. OP has arranged weekends when friends will care for her children.

Basically MIL has nothing to do except morning and evening routines 5 days a week for two weeks, and the rest of the time she can nap, watch TV and sit on the couch eating bonbons!

So stop it with the trolling. I am convinced that all of the threads critical of OP are either by people who didn't actually her original post, or trolls who just want to attack her for no good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I really don't relate to posters who are defending the grandmother. Any responsible person would make sure to cancel before anything is set in stone. It has nothing to do with length of trip, etc. The Grandma knew this before hand. Don't give me the "cold feet" crap. Grandma just ruined the start of OP's holiday and OP is left trying to salvage some fun and relaxation. Any of you would be furious if someone did this to your plans! I would.

+100

-100. I would not be furious. I would change my plans, and that’s life. Because my kids’ health and well-being and safety is more important than a vacation. And I’ve seen directly bad outcomes from caregivers who were stretched to thin, and we’ve certainly all read about them.

+1

Absolutely agree. If the grandmother feels she cannot take care of the kids, then you have to respect her health and state of mind and accept it.

She is not the parent of these children and she does not have to babysit these kids, especially if she thinks she cannot manage it. I am aghast at people who are not concerned that an elderly person is saying that they cannot manage to provide childcare to their grandkids. I would be more concerned about the MIL and make sure that she has her support system and she is looked after. And I would not allow my kids to be taken care of by anyone who is feeling that they cannot do this. There is a big difference to providing care for an hour every day vs taking care of these kids for long stretches for 12 days.

Anyways, what kind of sicko leaves their kids (less than 6 yrs old) for 12 days and goes for an international vacation?

This. Right. Here.

Something similar happened with my mom backtracking on grandkid help for my sister a few years ago. It was so sudden and out of character for her that my sister pressed a bit. It turns out that my mom had had two recent near-accidents in the car and was just starting to question her driving abilities. She wasn’t yet ready to face it, but as my sister’s vacation drew nearer, my mom panicked and pulled out. My sister and her husband reworked their vacation and got some other family members to help out. But what The Deal was turned out to indeed be something significant with my mom’s overall health, independence and yes, capacity to take care of her grandchildren.

Say what you want, neither of you would be happy with your MILs if they backed out of caregiving at the last minute, before an international (and expensive!) trip.
The MIL can have the best reasons in the world, but OP is out a lot of money, was counting on MIL, and you should acknowledge that it's a big disappointment.

I would be furious, OP. The least MIL could have done is back out sooner.

NOPE. DH and I depended on ourselves alone to look after our kids. Sure, every once in a while family members would help out here or there, but our children were our responsibility and we did not ask relatives to pitch in. We took our kids with us for all vacations/trips or one of us stayed home with the kids.

The low class thing was to ask the MIL to look after the kids. Even now the MIL is only asking them to shorten their trip and not cancel it altogether. OP is probably able to afford the money lost because she is throwing a lot of $$$ to ensure that she does not have to look after her children and take them on the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

I don't know of any grandparent who want to watch their grandkids on their own for a couple of weeks. I know of grandparents (husband and wife pair), who will look after a grandchild or multiple grandkids, for part of the day, in their own house. No one is doing this when they are single and alone and elderly, in someone else's house, 24/7 for two weeks. No. One. And two kids below 6? No way.

OP seems like one of those people who believe in getting the last drop of blood from the MIL because it seems the MIL is dependent on her son for financial help. OP is basically a disgusting POS.

Troll. OP is paying for full day camp. OP is paying for meals delivered. OP has arranged weekends when friends will care for her children.

Basically MIL has nothing to do except morning and evening routines 5 days a week for two weeks, and the rest of the time she can nap, watch TV and sit on the couch eating bonbons!

So stop it with the trolling. I am convinced that all of the threads critical of OP are either by people who didn't actually her original post, or trolls who just want to attack her for no good reason.

Hi OP, can yoy stop trolling and stop sock-puppeting. You are really a disgusting mother who thinks that someone else should take care of your kids. You do not have to pay MIL. You do not have to buy childcare on weekends. You do not have to buy food and camps. Take all that money and instead pay for your kids to go on the vacation with you. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

White mother problem!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry people are being so mean to you. I have never left my kids (except for work travel), as my parents are too elderly and my MIL is not trustworthy. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it! My parents did it for my siblings when they were in their 60s and 70s and still able to, and my grandmother did it for me in her 70s. I know lots of younger grandparents who would be thrilled o do this, including my sister who is now a youngish grandparent.
She should have said no if she wasn’t comfortable doing it.

If I were you, I would take the kids and try to see if you can get a credit from the camps. And not rely on MIL again, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Do you not like your kids?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a huge adjustment for the kids to go from 8 hours per week of preschool to very long days at camp every day. I don’t have a problem with parents traveling, but this trip seems like going from 0-100 very quickly; sounds like a lot of change for such young kids to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Good of your MIL to let you know before the vacation that she cannot handle it. At least now you can make other arrangements. I don't see a problem. Won't you rather know this before your kids suffered in her care?

I think MIL was very responsible to let you know. Your DH sounds sane and has accepted your MIL's situation, so you should also do the same.

[Anonymous]

What happens if the kids get sick? Then the whole plan falls apart. Whatever can go wrong will. 12 days was waaaayyy too long.

[Anonymous]

I think there’s a non-trivial chance she’s been trying to communicate her concerns for a while but he’s been turning a deaf ear til now because he didn’t want it to mess with the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's HORRENDOUSLY RUDE to announce this just a few days before an international trip, when everything has been booked.

I would be LIVID.

It's beyond entitled of her to expect you to eat up all these costs to shorten your trip.

She should have declined before you made your reservations, like any normal person would do.


I would yell at MIL that she has derailed an extremely expensive plan with her last minute cold feet, and that you cannot trust her again.

Then try to book plane seats for your kids and whatever else so that you take your kids with you, regardless of what your idiot husband says.
If you can't, you'll be forced to shorten your trip, but I would never give her money or include her again. I would be done with that kind of person. And your husband should be in the doghouse for a while.

Agree 100percent

[Anonymous]

Can you get a refund on the camps and aftercare that you had signed them up for?

[Anonymous]

Four and six are awfully young ages to leave kids with someone other than a parent for over two weeks. Maybe this is better and you’ll look back in the future and realize it would have been hard on them to leave them for such a long time.