Frustrated with husband and mother in law

[Anonymous]

Well as far as liking my kids, we are traveling with the kids for 2 weeks also this summer to the beach and mountains. I also stay home with my kids and I’m with them plenty, since my son who is younger is only in school 2 half days. This was a once in a lifetime chance due to my husband’s work and was planned around that. She could have just said no. No one was trying to take advantage of her or we would not be paying her and providing childcare for the majority of every day. It’s really just managing that they get to camp everyday and that no emergencies occur. She’s not cooking and they shower themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a refund on the camps and aftercare that you had signed them up for?

Yes I can

[Anonymous]

I am mildly Team OP, but 12 days is really a ton of time away from a 4 and 6 year old. I wouldn’t do it, even though OP clearly made careful arrangements to make sure the kids had fun activities and MIL was not overburdened. MIL is ridiculous for canceling 3 days before the trip. That’s just awful.

The thing I find most shocking about this situation is that OP and her DH were going to pay the MIL for babysitting. I’ve never heard of that, and I grew up lower income and am now UMC. Is that actually a common thing? No grandparent I know would accept money for watching grandkids, though it’s very common for kids to either have parents move in with them or to pay for assisted living costs. I found it jarring that OP’s DH thought this plan was good because it was a money making opportunity for his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a refund on the camps and aftercare that you had signed them up for?

Yes I can

Then cancel them and take the kids like you wanted, regardless of what your husband says and whether your MIL is expecting the babysitting money. I’m guessing this option would be cheaper and easier for you than trying to change all the trip arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am mildly Team OP, but 12 days is really a ton of time away from a 4 and 6 year old. I wouldn’t do it, even though OP clearly made careful arrangements to make sure the kids had fun activities and MIL was not overburdened. MIL is ridiculous for canceling 3 days before the trip. That’s just awful.

The thing I find most shocking about this situation is that OP and her DH were going to pay the MIL for babysitting. I’ve never heard of that, and I grew up lower income and am now UMC. Is that actually a common thing? No grandparent I know would accept money for watching grandkids, though it’s very common for kids to either have parents move in with them or to pay for assisted living costs. I found it jarring that OP’s DH thought this plan was good because it was a money making opportunity for his mom.

Why is that jarring?
His mom doesn’t work and she lives off social security. It’s a personal decision to do so, not health related. She’s in her early 60’s. We will definitely be taking care of her in retirement and old age due to no savings and we help but it’s just one way she can also make money for travel, etc. We pay for a lot of her travel to visit family but we also have our own expenses and can’t pay for everything she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he doesn’t even try to reason with her

This is on you. Asking her to stay with kids for 12 days taking advantage of her. *
Twelve days is also too long to be away. I imagine she started thinking about the length of time and realized she simply could not do this. Is your mother (or sister) available for the other six days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a refund on the camps and aftercare that you had signed them up for?

Yes I can

Then cancel them and take the kids like you wanted, regardless of what your husband says and whether your MIL is expecting the babysitting money. I’m guessing this option would be cheaper and easier for you than trying to change all the trip arrangements.

I decided just not to go at all. We will lose several thousand but lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because he doesn’t even try to reason with her

This is on you. Asking her to stay with kids for 12 days taking advantage of her. *
Twelve days is also too long to be away. I imagine she started thinking about the length of time and realized she simply could not do this. Is your mother (or sister) available for the other six days.

She’s only working 1-2 hours a day. The kids aren’t even home for 10 waking hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Four and six are awfully young ages to leave kids with someone other than a parent for over two weeks. Maybe this is better and you’ll look back in the future and realize it would have been hard on them to leave them for such a long time.

[Anonymous]

I and DH took international trip for 1 week when our only child back then was 2 year old, and my parents took care of him with zero problem. Now I have 2 kids age 3 and age 6, we have not been on any childless trips since that international trip. Both kids are old enough to understand if we decide to go on trips having fun without them. They would want to tag along. And, it is painful to take care of them, and I do not want to bother my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mildly Team OP, but 12 days is really a ton of time away from a 4 and 6 year old. I wouldn’t do it, even though OP clearly made careful arrangements to make sure the kids had fun activities and MIL was not overburdened. MIL is ridiculous for canceling 3 days before the trip. That’s just awful.

The thing I find most shocking about this situation is that OP and her DH were going to pay the MIL for babysitting. I’ve never heard of that, and I grew up lower income and am now UMC. Is that actually a common thing? No grandparent I know would accept money for watching grandkids, though it’s very common for kids to either have parents move in with them or to pay for assisted living costs. I found it jarring that OP’s DH thought this plan was good because it was a money making opportunity for his mom.

Why is that jarring?
His mom doesn’t work and she lives off social security. It’s a personal decision to do so, not health related. She’s in her early 60’s. We will definitely be taking care of her in retirement and old age due to no savings and we help but it’s just one way she can also make money for travel, etc. We pay for a lot of her travel to visit family but we also have our own expenses and can’t pay for everything she wants.

I just think the dynamic where you are treating her like an employee is bizarre. If you have money and she needs money, you help her out without asking for her to work for you, I’d think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mildly Team OP, but 12 days is really a ton of time away from a 4 and 6 year old. I wouldn’t do it, even though OP clearly made careful arrangements to make sure the kids had fun activities and MIL was not overburdened. MIL is ridiculous for canceling 3 days before the trip. That’s just awful.

The thing I find most shocking about this situation is that OP and her DH were going to pay the MIL for babysitting. I’ve never heard of that, and I grew up lower income and am now UMC. Is that actually a common thing? No grandparent I know would accept money for watching grandkids, though it’s very common for kids to either have parents move in with them or to pay for assisted living costs. I found it jarring that OP’s DH thought this plan was good because it was a money making opportunity for his mom.

Why is that jarring?
His mom doesn’t work and she lives off social security. It’s a personal decision to do so, not health related. She’s in her early 60’s. We will definitely be taking care of her in retirement and old age due to no savings and we help but it’s just one way she can also make money for travel, etc. We pay for a lot of her travel to visit family but we also have our own expenses and can’t pay for everything she wants.

I just think the dynamic where you are treating her like an employee is bizarre. If you have money and she needs money, you help her out without asking for her to work for you, I’d think.

Agree. It is extremely bizarre for an adult to treat their own parent like a household employee like this. Very disrespectful to your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mildly Team OP, but 12 days is really a ton of time away from a 4 and 6 year old. I wouldn’t do it, even though OP clearly made careful arrangements to make sure the kids had fun activities and MIL was not overburdened. MIL is ridiculous for canceling 3 days before the trip. That’s just awful.

The thing I find most shocking about this situation is that OP and her DH were going to pay the MIL for babysitting. I’ve never heard of that, and I grew up lower income and am now UMC. Is that actually a common thing? No grandparent I know would accept money for watching grandkids, though it’s very common for kids to either have parents move in with them or to pay for assisted living costs. I found it jarring that OP’s DH thought this plan was good because it was a money making opportunity for his mom.

Why is that jarring?
His mom doesn’t work and she lives off social security. It’s a personal decision to do so, not health related. She’s in her early 60’s. We will definitely be taking care of her in retirement and old age due to no savings and we help but it’s just one way she can also make money for travel, etc. We pay for a lot of her travel to visit family but we also have our own expenses and can’t pay for everything she wants.

I just think the dynamic where you are treating her like an employee is bizarre. If you have money and she needs money, you help her out without asking for her to work for you, I’d think.

Really? do you take care of your parents 100
percent financially? Usually parents help the kids, from what I’ve seen. We help her a lot financially but she’s in good health and just chooses not to work. I really don’t see how that’s our problem. When she’s in poor health we plan to take over but if she’s capable I don’t see why it falls on us to financially support her. That day will come when she’s older. We don’t treat her like she’s an employee at all but this certainly wasn’t a situation we were taking advantage of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

I don't know of any grandparent who want to watch their grandkids on their own for a couple of weeks. I know of grandparents (husband and wife pair), who will look after a grandchild or multiple grandkids, for part of the day, in their own house. No one is doing this when they are single and alone and elderly, in someone else's house, 24/7 for two weeks. No. One. And two kids below 6? No way.

OP seems like one of those people who believe in getting the last drop of blood from the MIL because it seems the MIL is dependent on her son for financial help. OP is basically a disgusting POS.

You just don’t know people outside your circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White mother problem!!

Where did OP mention her race?