I didn't grow up with my birth family because of the Baptists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.



My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

Uh huh....read your words. Her mother actually had a number of children she couldn't keep. And she kept having them
She was used as a brood mare. You write this with such nonchalance, as in " where's the problem?"

Let's keep our eye on the larger picture here. Adoption is not the remedy for forced birth.

Um, her mother was happy to have the kids. She just couldn't raise them. They have a good relationship now

Please examine the absolutely awful situation you are purporting here. They are Catholic, so repeated unprotected sexual encounters producing more and more kids that she can't keep was SOMEHOW ok? Are you f-ing insane? Somehow this was all ok because other people wanted them? Her kids? She had to give away HER CHILDREN. You are the most disturbing poster here. Are you a priest ?

Are you on the wrong thread, maybe you thought this was the PETS thread. Was this woman a beagle by any chance?

Get out of here, please.

immediate pp who is so uncivil should take his/her own advice.

Uncivil, huh? Anyone who writes here how it was just a "thing"where a Catholic woman continued to have children that she had to give away, and, see it all worked out, so what's the problem, is seriously mentally ill. That is you.

I repeat.. Get out of here. I am calling you out and throwing you out - and I will continue to do so in the name of civility and all that is humane. Get out. Put your phone down and NEVER repeat what you said here to anyone ever again. Ever. Not online. Not in person. Not in writing.

You are talking to two different posters. and then there is the obvious thing: you can't force anyone to leave. You can make a lot of noise, though, and sound tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

.
There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.



My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

Uh huh....read your words. Her mother actually had a number of children she couldn't keep. And she kept having them
She was used as a brood mare. You write this with such nonchalance, as in " where's the problem?"

Let's keep our eye on the larger picture here. Adoption is not the remedy for forced birth.

Um, her mother was happy to have the kids. She just couldn't raise them. They have a good relationship now

Please examine the absolutely awful situation you are purporting here. They are Catholic, so repeated unprotected sexual encounters producing more and more kids that she can't keep was SOMEHOW ok? Are you f-ing insane? Somehow this was all ok because other people wanted them? Her kids? She had to give away HER CHILDREN. You are the most disturbing poster here. Are you a priest ?

Are you on the wrong thread, maybe you thought this was the PETS thread. Was this woman a beagle by any chance?

Get out of here, please.

immediate pp who is so uncivil should take his/her own advice.

Uncivil, huh? Anyone who writes here how it was just a "thing"where a Catholic woman continued to have children that she had to give away, and, see it all worked out, so what's the problem, is seriously mentally ill. That is you.

I repeat.. Get out of here. I am calling you out and throwing you out - and I will continue to do so in the name of civility and all that is humane. Get out. Put your phone down and NEVER repeat what you said here to anyone ever again. Ever. Not online. Not in person. Not in writing.

You are talking to two different posters. and then there is the obvious thing: you can't force anyone to leave. You can make a lot of noise, though, and sound tough.

Plan to do that. Some people require a check up regarding their horrific thoughts, which until now perhaps weren't tested. It's likely, that for quite a while, they (you) weren't fully aware that their thought process was just disgusting, and so it takes a thread like this to illuminate that. Consider it a gift before it comes out of the mouth at work or a party.

And yes, you are the same poster. We all know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, adoptee anger is extremely common. You have a right to your feelings. Directing all of your years of built up rage on the Baptists in particular appears to be a bit misplaced and irrational. I no fan of southern baptists, however clearly there are some other issues here that need to be worked through with a professional. I hope you take the earlier posters advice to seek therapy instead of spiraling on internet forums. Good luck.

NP. She isn't spiraling. Because it's an anonymous forum, it's a way to open a vent. I agree. This isn't about that one church. Lots of people really don't understand adoption.

Maybe a lot of people learned something. Especially one poster, OMG, that should've frightened everyone here.

Thanks. I am OP.

Yes it is a vent. I will eventually figure out how to get my revenge. It is not just church, but many that need to be taught a lesson.

They are indeed the American Taliban and cannot be tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

OP here. It's complicated.

What I feel most of all in angry that my mother was punished for being a sexual person. This anti Roe nonsense from Alito is very "triggering" for me, though I hate that term.

I wish:

--my mother would have had access to good birth control, which she didn't because she was unmarried in the 60s
--my mother would have had access to legal abortion, which she didn't because it was pre-Roe
--That if my mother didn't choose an abortion, HER CHOICE, that she knew she had a loving family that would have welcomed us both regardless
--That my father wasn't such a egomaniac, selfish, arrogant jerk who would have stood by my mother
--that there wasn't this raging double standard, that you still see on here, that women should just "keep their legs closed"
--that adoption is pushed because babies like me are/were commodities
--that the adoption would have been open, so I could have met my birth family at 18 years or so.

You are upset at trauma in the world. I'm sorry. Life has suffering. It's not because of you. Maybe you could spend your time working on these things to pass on goodness to the world and yourself:

1. How to manage your own sexual desires and encounters.
2. How to manage good healthcare for yourself and good health laws for you.
3. How to be a loving person yourself and manage your emotions
4. How to attract and work with men who are balanced individuals. And how to be balanced yourself
5. How to feel confident in your sexuality and keep up good health
6. How to welcome children into your family and community
7. How to keep good relations with your family

Are you talking about me personally or helping others to understand this for themselves?

I have a 38 year marriage and grown children. I have a lot of friends and a 40 year career in an industry I love.

I am not the issue. I was wronged and I am angry the Baptists and other religions try to punish women for sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

OP here. It's complicated.

What I feel most of all in angry that my mother was punished for being a sexual person. This anti Roe nonsense from Alito is very "triggering" for me, though I hate that term.

I wish:

--my mother would have had access to good birth control, which she didn't because she was unmarried in the 60s
--my mother would have had access to legal abortion, which she didn't because it was pre-Roe
--That if my mother didn't choose an abortion, HER CHOICE, that she knew she had a loving family that would have welcomed us both regardless
--That my father wasn't such a egomaniac, selfish, arrogant jerk who would have stood by my mother
--that there wasn't this raging double standard, that you still see on here, that women should just "keep their legs closed"
--that adoption is pushed because babies like me are/were commodities
--that the adoption would have been open, so I could have met my birth family at 18 years or so.

You are upset at trauma in the world. I'm sorry. Life has suffering. It's not because of you. Maybe you could spend your time working on these things to pass on goodness to the world and yourself:

1. How to manage your own sexual desires and encounters.
2. How to manage good healthcare for yourself and good health laws for you.
3. How to be a loving person yourself and manage your emotions
4. How to attract and work with men who are balanced individuals. And how to be balanced yourself
5. How to feel confident in your sexuality and keep up good health
6. How to welcome children into your family and community
7. How to keep good relations with your family

Are you talking about me personally or helping others to understand this for themselves?

I have a 38 year marriage and grown children. I have a lot of friends and a 40 year career in an industry I love.

I am not the issue. I was wronged and I am angry the Baptists and other religions try to punish women for sex.

NP here..
So, I am curious since, I am in a similar situation, both in relative age and experience, with just a different story, what prompted your immediate feelings of anger? Did you just find out about your background or are have you kind of been simmering over the reality and don't know where to put the shock?


If so, I had a longer time to process, and what helped me was doing a lot of reflection regarding the general roles woman played, how trapped and under control by society they were, the accepted misogyny, the roles of men (and religion) in all of this. By today's microscope it's just shocking. At that time, it was fully encouraged and accepted. Those Baptists, Catholics, Methodists, Presbyterians, Lutherans, parents, grandparents, everyone- really thought they were doing the right thing. In fact, it was virtuous! Doctors also participated, lawyers too. Adoption agencies did. Adoptive parents thought they were "saving" children. It was wrong and everyone, or mostly everyone reading some unfortunate posts here ( ugh), knows that now. As an aside- read Little Fires Everywhere. You will read about the nuances of privilege and motherhood. ** Don't watch the movie first- it ruined the entire theme of the book..misses the whole point and creates a new story.

You are now seeing the attempt of all of the past trying to rise again now, and yes- it's because of some religious bent and other terrible assumptions that should have been left in the past. It helps to know this to put things into perspective. My role now is to make sure, by my own activism, to reverse this unfortunate trend. It is your role now, too.

Meanwhile, adoptees are rising up in great numbers- calling this out, challenging secrets and antiquated laws, calling out the human stain and showing the world what has happened. They are busting the myths of adoption, the entire sad narrative. If you get online, you can find these outlets. There is a fair amount of discussion of trauma, and while I won't dismiss that, I urge you not to get trapped in that, feel free to explore, but don't get trapped in it, sometimes it overwhelms the focus of what's next. Focus on facts and what needs to change.

We have a lot to say and a lot to do to make sure the women and children in generations after us, our families and their families, never have to make a choice about their children, or lack of children, that isn't their own choice.
I'll see you out there! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

Pot calling the kettle....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged. Why do you defend these idiots? I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You're right that you did nothing wrong. But don't you have siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles from your adopted family? Why are you discounting them? I'm not defending baptists who shame women for getting pregnant outside of marriage yet being against abortions. I'm just saying you walking into their church as an out-of-town stranger and sharing your story will just not create the change you want - they'll just think you ungrateful for the adoptive family you were given and they'll be sad for you and think you need to pray to Jesus more or something like that.

This is the thing they don't tell you about adoption. You are accepted into your immediate family. But once your parents pass, it’s easy to find yourself out of the club.

Several cousins keep in touch through Facebook. That is about it.

Yes, this is true. My parents died, aunts and uncles,too- basically my entire extended family disappeared. Likes on FB, and a FB birthday greeting... that's it. Until someone dies, and there's a funeral, we won't be in touch much. No one's mad, but thet have their own nuclear family orbit now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged. Why do you defend these idiots? I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You're right that you did nothing wrong. But don't you have siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles from your adopted family? Why are you discounting them? I'm not defending baptists who shame women for getting pregnant outside of marriage yet being against abortions. I'm just saying you walking into their church as an out-of-town stranger and sharing your story will just not create the change you want - they'll just think you ungrateful for the adoptive family you were given and they'll be sad for you and think you need to pray to Jesus more or something like that.

This is the thing they don't tell you about adoption. You are accepted into your immediate family. But once your parents pass, it’s easy to find yourself out of the club.

Several cousins keep in touch through Facebook. That is about it.

Yes, this is true. My parents died, aunts and uncles,too- basically my entire extended family disappeared. Likes on FB, and a FB birthday greeting... that's it. Until someone dies, and there's a funeral, we won't be in touch much. No one's mad, but thet have their own nuclear family orbit now.

This isn’t unique to adoption. Once my dad’s parents died, he never sees a couple of his siblings. It’s been years. An occasional email is exchanged. Like above no one is mad, but no one makes an effort. Most aunts/uncles are dead, & he already had almost no contact with his cousins for decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

OP here. It's complicated.

What I feel most of all in angry that my mother was punished for being a sexual person. This anti Roe nonsense from Alito is very "triggering" for me, though I hate that term.

I wish:

--my mother would have had access to good birth control, which she didn't because she was unmarried in the 60s
--my mother would have had access to legal abortion, which she didn't because it was pre-Roe
--That if my mother didn't choose an abortion, HER CHOICE, that she knew she had a loving family that would have welcomed us both regardless
--That my father wasn't such a egomaniac, selfish, arrogant jerk who would have stood by my mother
--that there wasn't this raging double standard, that you still see on here, that women should just "keep their legs closed"
--that adoption is pushed because babies like me are/were commodities
--that the adoption would have been open, so I could have met my birth family at 18 years or so.

You are upset at trauma in the world. I'm sorry. Life has suffering. It's not because of you. Maybe you could spend your time working on these things to pass on goodness to the world and yourself:

1. How to manage your own sexual desires and encounters.
2. How to manage good healthcare for yourself and good health laws for you.
3. How to be a loving person yourself and manage your emotions
4. How to attract and work with men who are balanced individuals. And how to be balanced yourself
5. How to feel confident in your sexuality and keep up good health
6. How to welcome children into your family and community
7. How to keep good relations with your family

Are you talking about me personally or helping others to understand this for themselves?

I have a 38 year marriage and grown children. I have a lot of friends and a 40 year career in an industry I love.

I am not the issue. I was wronged and I am angry the Baptists and other religions try to punish women for sex.

NP here..
So, I am curious since, I am in a similar situation, both in relative age and experience, with just a different story, what prompted your immediate feelings of anger? Did you just find out about your background or are have you kind of been simmering over the reality and don't know where to put the shock?


If so, I had a longer time to process, and what helped me was doing a lot of reflection regarding the general roles woman played, how trapped and under control by society they were, the accepted misogyny, the roles of men (and religion) in all of this. By today's microscope it's just shocking. At that time, it was fully encouraged and accepted. Those Baptists, Catholics, Methodists, Presbyterians, Lutherans, parents, grandparents, everyone- really thought they were doing the right thing. In fact, it was virtuous! Doctors also participated, lawyers too. Adoption agencies did. Adoptive parents thought they were "saving" children. It was wrong and everyone, or mostly everyone reading some unfortunate posts here ( ugh), knows that now. As an aside- read Little Fires Everywhere. You will read about the nuances of privilege and motherhood. ** Don't watch the movie first- it ruined the entire theme of the book..misses the whole point and creates a new story.

You are now seeing the attempt of all of the past trying to rise again now, and yes- it's because of some religious bent and other terrible assumptions that should have been left in the past. It helps to know this to put things into perspective. My role now is to make sure, by my own activism, to reverse this unfortunate trend. It is your role now, too.

Meanwhile, adoptees are rising up in great numbers- calling this out, challenging secrets and antiquated laws, calling out the human stain and showing the world what has happened. They are busting the myths of adoption, the entire sad narrative. If you get online, you can find these outlets. There is a fair amount of discussion of trauma, and while I won't dismiss that, I urge you not to get trapped in that, feel free to explore, but don't get trapped in it, sometimes it overwhelms the focus of what's next. Focus on facts and what needs to change.

We have a lot to say and a lot to do to make sure the women and children in generations after us, our families and their families, never have to make a choice about their children, or lack of children, that isn't their own choice.
I'll see you out there! Good luck.

I found my mother's family last year.

But the dismantling of Roe has made me furious. A million more women like her, every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

+1

My grandma came from a very religious family and had an out of wedlock son in 1938. She kept her son. She was 19. She had a lifelong relationship with both her parents and siblings, and also her children. She married and had more kids, my father being one.

Op’s details that mom was states away but somehow the church caused her to give her child up…and then is staying she wishes her mom could
have aborted her. ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

+1

My grandma came from a very religious family and had an out of wedlock son in 1938. She kept her son. She was 19. She had a lifelong relationship with both her parents and siblings, and also her children. She married and had more kids, my father being one.

Op’s details that mom was states away but somehow the church caused her to give her child up…and then is staying she wishes her mom could
have aborted her. ok.

Just because you don't like my story doesn't mean it isn't true. The church was the daily life of her whole family. It didn't matter she didn’t live there. She was only a couple hours drive and saw her family frequently. She was steeped in the Baptist sin culture.

If you had a brain in your head you'd know there was zero support for a unwed mother in the 60s. She had to leave her job, no company wanted an employee like her. Pregnant and unmarried? She was considered a whore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

+1

My grandma came from a very religious family and had an out of wedlock son in 1938. She kept her son. She was 19. She had a lifelong relationship with both her parents and siblings, and also her children. She married and had more kids, my father being one.

Op’s details that mom was states away but somehow the church caused her to give her child up…and then is staying she wishes her mom could
have aborted her. ok.

Just because you don't like my story doesn't mean it isn't true. The church was the daily life of her whole family. It didn't matter she didn’t live there. She was only a couple hours drive and saw her family frequently. She was steeped in the Baptist sin culture.

If you had a brain in your head you'd know there was zero support for a unwed mother in the 60s. She had to leave her job, no company wanted an employee like her. Pregnant and unmarried? She was considered a whore.

If she saw them frequently, didn’t they wonder where she’d gone when she disappeared for several months while pregnant?

Also, regarding southern Baptists… I grew up in another denomination but knew many southern Baptists. I can assure you that today they’d make no attempt to force/encourage an unwed mother to give up her baby. If you did show up at their church, they would not feel guilty since they weren’t likely there 50 years ago, & they would likely think your story was sad & offer to pray for you.

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds to me like you are mourning for your mother. Accelerated by her letters and the Alito draft.

I hope you find a way to place your anger into something constructive. <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

+1

My grandma came from a very religious family and had an out of wedlock son in 1938. She kept her son. She was 19. She had a lifelong relationship with both her parents and siblings, and also her children. She married and had more kids, my father being one.

Op’s details that mom was states away but somehow the church caused her to give her child up…and then is staying she wishes her mom could
have aborted her. ok.

Just because you don't like my story doesn't mean it isn't true. The church was the daily life of her whole family. It didn't matter she didn’t live there. She was only a couple hours drive and saw her family frequently. She was steeped in the Baptist sin culture.

If you had a brain in your head you'd know there was zero support for a unwed mother in the 60s. She had to leave her job, no company wanted an employee like her. Pregnant and unmarried? She was considered a whore.

If she saw them frequently, didn’t they wonder where she’d gone when she disappeared for several months while pregnant?

Also, regarding southern Baptists… I grew up in another denomination but knew many southern Baptists. I can assure you that today they’d make no attempt to force/encourage an unwed mother to give up her baby. If you did show up at their church, they would not feel guilty since they weren’t likely there 50 years ago, & they would likely think your story was sad & offer to pray for you.

In her letters, she told her friend she made up a story about having a babysitting gig in the Midwest for a few months.

And your second part is lies. They still judge. I she didn't need their "prayers" she need lots of money, childcare, and good access to birth control. And abortion, ultimately.