I didn't grow up with my birth family because of the Baptists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it sounds to me like you are mourning for your mother. Accelerated by her letters and the Alito draft.

I hope you find a way to place your anger into something constructive. <3

You are probably right.
Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

+1

My grandma came from a very religious family and had an out of wedlock son in 1938. She kept her son. She was 19. She had a lifelong relationship with both her parents and siblings, and also her children. She married and had more kids, my father being one.

Op’s details that mom was states away but somehow the church caused her to give her child up…and then is staying she wishes her mom could
have aborted her. ok.

Just because you don't like my story doesn't mean it isn't true. The church was the daily life of her whole family. It didn't matter she didn’t live there. She was only a couple hours drive and saw her family frequently. She was steeped in the Baptist sin culture.

If you had a brain in your head you'd know there was zero support for a unwed mother in the 60s. She had to leave her job, no company wanted an employee like her. Pregnant and unmarried? She was considered a whore.

If she saw them frequently, didn’t they wonder where she’d gone when she disappeared for several months while pregnant?

Also, regarding southern Baptists… I grew up in another denomination but knew many southern Baptists. I can assure you that today they’d make no attempt to force/encourage an unwed mother to give up her baby. If you did show up at their church, they would not feel guilty since they weren’t likely there 50 years ago, & they would likely think your story was sad & offer to pray for you.

In her letters, she told her friend she made up a story about having a babysitting gig in the Midwest for a few months.

And your second part is lies. They still judge. I she didn't need their "prayers" she need lots of money, childcare, and good access to birth control. And abortion, ultimately.

No -- the may still judge, but they also still pray, regardless of what people may really need. Prayer is easy - and free. Plus you can say "I'll pray for you" and then not do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

+1

My grandma came from a very religious family and had an out of wedlock son in 1938. She kept her son. She was 19. She had a lifelong relationship with both her parents and siblings, and also her children. She married and had more kids, my father being one.

Op’s details that mom was states away but somehow the church caused her to give her child up…and then is staying she wishes her mom could
have aborted her. ok.

Sounds like you really don’t understand any of this.

It was about what society forced on women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You were not wronged. In fact you were helped. You grew up with what you grew up with. Nothing was taken from you.

You need to get over this victim mentality. You live the life you are dealt. Deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Unless you grew up in the fundie southern baptist church (I did), you have no idea what you are talking about. Do some research on Bill Gothard and IBLP. Women do not have choices. Do you see ANY women in leadership positions? Women don’t get to make decisions. The SBC is pushing for head of household voting, ffs. After my ex threw me down a set of stairs dislocation my shoulder, held a knife to my throat, tried to hold my head under water, held a pillow over my face…… I went to my pastor. I was told divorce was never an option. That it was my fault for not being more submissive and sweet.

We are talking years of brainwashing. Pregnancy out of wedlock means giving the baby up to be raised by a decent family. Then, you repent of your whorish ways and pray for forgiveness. You won’t ever be forgiven. Ever.

It is a cult, friends. If you are a member of the SBC and haven’t experienced abuse, I’m so glad. Do not discount the many who were horribly abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You were not wronged. In fact you were helped. You grew up with what you grew up with. Nothing was taken from you.

You need to get over this victim mentality. You live the life you are dealt. Deal with it.

This is not OP, but I gotta ask you this.. how did you come to the conclusion that nothing was taken from her?

Her MOTHER was taken from her. Her MOTHER. And this child was taken from the MOTHER.

Are you the beagle poster, you know, the one supporting the Catholic mom who kept having kids but could afford them so she gave a bunch away, like a dog? And, somehow that was just fine? Are you that poster? Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you grew up in the fundie southern baptist church (I did), you have no idea what you are talking about. Do some research on Bill Gothard and IBLP. Women do not have choices. Do you see ANY women in leadership positions? Women don’t get to make decisions. The SBC is pushing for head of household voting, ffs. After my ex threw me down a set of stairs dislocation my shoulder, held a knife to my throat, tried to hold my head under water, held a pillow over my face…… I went to my pastor. I was told divorce was never an option. That it was my fault for not being more submissive and sweet.

We are talking years of brainwashing. Pregnancy out of wedlock means giving the baby up to be raised by a decent family. Then, you repent of your whorish ways and pray for forgiveness. You won’t ever be forgiven. Ever.

It is a cult, friends. If you are a member of the SBC and haven’t experienced abuse, I’m so glad. Do not discount the many who were horribly abused.

Not, OP- but Interesting that you mention this. Recently I've just started learning more about this group and the fundie movement. Why it's important? Their goal is to infiltrate our legislature to return laws to protect the patriarchial, Christian, white, nuclear heterosexual family.


And it's working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

OP here. It's complicated.

What I feel most of all in angry that my mother was punished for being a sexual person. This anti Roe nonsense from Alito is very "triggering" for me, though I hate that term.

I wish:

--my mother would have had access to good birth control, which she didn't because she was unmarried in the 60s
--my mother would have had access to legal abortion, which she didn't because it was pre-Roe
--That if my mother didn't choose an abortion, HER CHOICE, that she knew she had a loving family that would have welcomed us both regardless
--That my father wasn't such a egomaniac, selfish, arrogant jerk who would have stood by my mother
--that there wasn't this raging double standard, that you still see on here, that women should just "keep their legs closed"
--that adoption is pushed because babies like me are/were commodities
--that the adoption would have been open, so I could have met my birth family at 18 years or so.

I’m so sorry for your trauma, OP.

Sounds like your birth mother was raised in a cult-like environment and was also a victim.

Hopefully you can tell your story - anyone working on a documentary about forced adoptions by Baptists? - and you can find peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You were not wronged. In fact you were helped. You grew up with what you grew up with. Nothing was taken from you.

You need to get over this victim mentality. You live the life you are dealt. Deal with it.

This is not OP, but I gotta ask you this.. how did you come to the conclusion that nothing was taken from her?

Her MOTHER was taken from her. Her MOTHER. And this child was taken from the MOTHER.

Are you the beagle poster, you know, the one supporting the Catholic mom who kept having kids but could afford them so she gave a bunch away, like a dog? And, somehow that was just fine? Are you that poster? Good Lord.

NP. I agree that the PP above you and the beagle poster are horrifying. They speak of parent-child relationships as if the child was a puppy who was rescued. It is abjectly horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you grew up in the fundie southern baptist church (I did), you have no idea what you are talking about. Do some research on Bill Gothard and IBLP. Women do not have choices. Do you see ANY women in leadership positions? Women don’t get to make decisions. The SBC is pushing for head of household voting, ffs. After my ex threw me down a set of stairs dislocation my shoulder, held a knife to my throat, tried to hold my head under water, held a pillow over my face…… I went to my pastor. I was told divorce was never an option. That it was my fault for not being more submissive and sweet.

We are talking years of brainwashing. Pregnancy out of wedlock means giving the baby up to be raised by a decent family. Then, you repent of your whorish ways and pray for forgiveness. You won’t ever be forgiven. Ever.

It is a cult, friends. If you are a member of the SBC and haven’t experienced abuse, I’m so glad. Do not discount the many who were horribly abused.

Not, OP- but Interesting that you mention this. Recently I've just started learning more about this group and the fundie movement. Why it's important? Their goal is to infiltrate our legislature to return laws to protect the patriarchial, Christian, white, nuclear heterosexual family.


And it's working.

BapTists don’t have that kind of power. Fundamentalists don’t either. I think you need to expand your sources of reading

[Anonymous]

OP if you want something concrete to do, find the groups in your state working to change the tax-exempt status of churches. That’s going to be a decades-long fight, but more and more people support the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you want something concrete to do, find the groups in your state working to change the tax-exempt status of churches. That’s going to be a decades-long fight, but more and more people support the idea.

sweet jesus yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

+1

My grandma came from a very religious family and had an out of wedlock son in 1938. She kept her son. She was 19. She had a lifelong relationship with both her parents and siblings, and also her children. She married and had more kids, my father being one.

Op’s details that mom was states away but somehow the church caused her to give her child up…and then is staying she wishes her mom could
have aborted her. ok.

Sounds like you really don’t understand any of this.

It was about what society forced on women.

This. I am OP’s mother’s age. Her mother’s difficulties had nothing to do with Baptists -it had to do with prevailing mores of the time. I used to volunteer at Florence Crittenden homes. That’s where my high school friends who got in trouble. The homes served all faiths and then arranged for adoptions. It is what was back then. Blaming the Baptists is not helpful. Back the. It was almost every religion, especially Catholic and orthodox Christian churches. Lots of young girls disappeared, had their babies and put them up for adoption

[Anonymous]

Fundie churches today deal with out-of-wedlock babies all the time and there’s no shunning or pressure to adopt out. There might be pressure to marry a guy you shouldn’t be married to, but even that’s pushed less these days. I’m not a fan of their theology, but ask me how I know—BIL had an out of wedlock child in one of these churches (the pastor’s sermons were practically illiterate) and adopting out and abortion were equally out of the question.

So OP, if you go back to your mom’s church to confront them, they won’t understand, but they’ll be nice about it and then they’ll want to pray over it with you, which you might find aggravating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a 14 year old troll.

+1

My grandma came from a very religious family and had an out of wedlock son in 1938. She kept her son. She was 19. She had a lifelong relationship with both her parents and siblings, and also her children. She married and had more kids, my father being one.

Op’s details that mom was states away but somehow the church caused her to give her child up…and then is staying she wishes her mom could
have aborted her. ok.

Sounds like you really don’t understand any of this.

It was about what society forced on women.

This. I am OP’s mother’s age. Her mother’s difficulties had nothing to do with Baptists -it had to do with prevailing mores of the time. I used to volunteer at Florence Crittenden homes. That’s where my high school friends who got in trouble. The homes served all faiths and then arranged for adoptions. It is what was back then. Blaming the Baptists is not helpful. Back the. It was almost every religion, especially Catholic and orthodox Christian churches. Lots of young girls disappeared, had their babies and put them up for adoption

Op here. Which home? My mother went to a Florence Crittenden home