I didn't grow up with my birth family because of the Baptists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

Maybe it would if their nose was rubbed in it.

Op it wouldn't change anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted.

My birth mother grew up poor in Sorth Carolina. Her big family was very Baptist. So when she got pregnant, she had to go to an unwed mother's home and give me up. I was considered a worthless b@stard and so her devout parents would have disowned her if they ever found out. She hid it and a friend helped her get to the unwed more home.

I have since identified my birth parents. I know which church she went to. It is my fantasy to go there and denounce them. I want to embarrass and punish them.

What would you do? They still push the no sex before marriage BS. Only the women and children suffer.

I grew up without my family because of their preaching.

Where did her family think she was for 9 months while she was at the unwed mother’s home? That’s a long time to be in hiding from your family. What about your dad? Do you know where he is?

Do you think your mom loved you and did the best she could? At that time it wasn’t just “the baptists” who didn’t like children being born out of wedlock. It was American society as a whole.

“The parents of Wilson-Buterbaugh and Ellerby were ashamed and embarrassed about their daughters’ pregnancies, a typical reaction for most families at the time.”


The maternity homes where ‘mind control’ was used on teen moms to give up their babies

https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2018/11/19/maternity-homes-where-mind-control-was-used-teen-moms-give-up-their-babies/

I grew up in the late 60s and at that time, it wasn’t just religious people who sent their unwed and pregnant daughters away.

You have a lot of anger about something that you are focusing on “the Baptists” when it wasn’t just baptists forcing girls to give up their babies.

[Anonymous]

You think a disowned teenager with no money could have raised you?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. My adopted child also has so much anger and resentment towards the birth family, particularly the mother. Therapy helps a bit but I guess for some people, you and my child included, healing is hard to come by. I hope you and my child can find peace some day but it won’t come from confrontation. I think if you do that you likely won’t have a satisfying experience.

[Anonymous]

Or maybe they just didn’t want to be parents then and didn’t want to marry each other?

My parents adopted a baby from two teens. The mom was 16. They were good kids, just didn’t use protection. They knew they were too young to parent, had no income and wanted the baby to have 2 parents. They didn’t want to marry. I’m glad they didn’t abort because then I wouldn’t have had a sibling. (I am pro choice)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

So if we take one of your kids (our choice) and rehome them like an errant puppy, you won't complain, right? They grew up with a family, no?

[Anonymous]

Listen, adoptees have now joined together to deal with these patriarchial systems that resulted in millions of baby/ mother separations. The narratives adoptees were fed, some seen here, are all being busted and outed- that adoptees were chosen not given up, the birth mothers were acting in the baby's best interest, white married well to do families are/ were better equipped to raise children, that adoptees were lucky, should be grateful, etc.

It's called "coming out of the fog." That being said, many adoptees were happy and well adjusted growing up, but that still doesn't change the reality of what happened for decades. The narrative of the truth needs to be told.

You are not alone. Check out communities on IG and elsewhere :
BABYBEBRAVE
KARPOOZY
THEADOPTEDCHAMELEON

Three are many more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think a disowned teenager with no money could have raised you?

She is pointing out the inequity of what happened to that mother. That is the problem. Instead of separating mother and and baby, the birth mother could have received help. Unmarried mothers and children shouldn't be punished by society's standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted.

My birth mother grew up poor in Sorth Carolina. Her big family was very Baptist. So when she got pregnant, she had to go to an unwed mother's home and give me up. I was considered a worthless b@stard and so her devout parents would have disowned her if they ever found out. She hid it and a friend helped her get to the unwed more home.

I have since identified my birth parents. I know which church she went to. It is my fantasy to go there and denounce them. I want to embarrass and punish them.

What would you do? They still push the no sex before marriage BS. Only the women and children suffer.

I grew up without my family because of their preaching.

Where did her family think she was for 9 months while she was at the unwed mother’s home? That’s a long time to be in hiding from your family. What about your dad? Do you know where he is?

Do you think your mom loved you and did the best she could? At that time it wasn’t just “the baptists” who didn’t like children being born out of wedlock. It was American society as a whole.

“The parents of Wilson-Buterbaugh and Ellerby were ashamed and embarrassed about their daughters’ pregnancies, a typical reaction for most families at the time.”


The maternity homes where ‘mind control’ was used on teen moms to give up their babies

https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2018/11/19/maternity-homes-where-mind-control-was-used-teen-moms-give-up-their-babies/

I grew up in the late 60s and at that time, it wasn’t just religious people who sent their unwed and pregnant daughters away.

You have a lot of anger about something that you are focusing on “the Baptists” when it wasn’t just baptists forcing girls to give up their babies.

Don't get us started on the Catholics. Thousands and thousands of babies stolen from unmarried mothers. And many killed.

Religion and patriarchy go hand in hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.

My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

[Anonymous]

This seems a little circular...you hate these people because they didn't raise you because of beliefs that you hate...so in theory you wish you had been raised in that setting and held the beliefs you think are wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.



My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

Uh huh....read your words. Her mother actually had a number of children she couldn't keep. And she kept having them
She was used as a brood mare. You write this with such nonchalance, as in " where's the problem?"

Let's keep our eye on the larger picture here. Adoption is not the remedy for forced birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.



My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

Uh huh....read your words. Her mother actually had a number of children she couldn't keep. And she kept having them
She was used as a brood mare. You write this with such nonchalance, as in " where's the problem?"

Let's keep our eye on the larger picture here. Adoption is not the remedy for forced birth.

Um, her mother was happy to have the kids. She just couldn't raise them. They have a good relationship now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

OP, I'm familiar with the story of a woman who was taken advantage of when she was young and naive and at a very vulnerable point of her life (her parents had just been tragically killed in a car crash). The man was a creep to take advantage of this girl. She got pregnant. She chose to raise the baby. Things went terrible for her. She did not have a good life, and her child who is now in her 60s has not had a good life. Society can be very cruel in these situations.

You don't know your biological mother's story. Keep that in mind.

The PP above has solid advice.