Reply to I didn't grow up with my birth family because of the Baptists

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.[/quote]

OP here. It's complicated.

What I feel most of all in angry that my mother was punished for being a sexual person. This anti Roe nonsense from Alito is very "triggering" for me, though I hate that term.

I wish:

--my mother would have had access to good birth control, which she didn't because she was unmarried in the 60s
--my mother would have had access to legal abortion, which she didn't because it was pre-Roe
--That if my mother didn't choose an abortion, HER CHOICE, that she knew she had a loving family that would have welcomed us both regardless
--That my father wasn't such a egomaniac, selfish, arrogant jerk who would have stood by my mother
--that there wasn't this raging double standard, that you still see on here, that women should just "keep their legs closed" 
--that adoption is pushed because babies like me are/were commodities
--that the adoption would have been open, so I could have met my birth family at 18 years or so.
[/quote]

You are upset at trauma in the world. I'm sorry. Life has suffering. It's not because of you. Maybe you could spend your time working on these things to pass on goodness to the world and yourself:

1. How to manage your own sexual desires and encounters.
2. How to manage good healthcare for yourself and good health laws for you.
3. How to be a loving person yourself and manage your emotions
4. How to attract and work with men who are balanced individuals. And how to be balanced yourself
5. How to feel confident in your sexuality and keep up good health
6. How to welcome children into your family and community
7. How to keep good relations with your family
[/quote]

Are you talking about me personally or helping others to understand this for themselves?

I have a 38 year marriage and grown children. I have a lot of friends and a 40 year career in an industry I love.

I am not the issue. I was wronged and I am angry the Baptists and other religions try to punish women for sex.

[/quote]
NP here..
So, I am curious since, I am in a similar situation, both in relative age and experience, with just a different story, what prompted your immediate feelings of anger? Did you just  find out about your background or are have you kind of  been simmering over  the reality and don't know where to put  the shock?

If so, I had a longer time to process,  and what helped  me was doing a lot of reflection regarding the general roles woman played, how trapped and under control by society they were,  the accepted misogyny,  the roles of men  (and religion) in all of this. By today's microscope it's just shocking. At that time, it was fully encouraged and accepted. Those Baptists,  Catholics, Methodists,  Presbyterians, Lutherans,  parents, grandparents, everyone- really thought they were doing the  right thing. In fact, it was virtuous! Doctors also participated, lawyers too. Adoption agencies did. Adoptive parents thought they were "saving" children. It was wrong and everyone, or mostly everyone reading some unfortunate posts here ( ugh), knows that now. As an aside- read Little Fires Everywhere. You will read about the nuances of privilege and motherhood. ** Don't watch the movie first- it ruined the entire theme of the book..misses the whole point and creates a new story.

You are now seeing the attempt  of all of the past  trying to rise again now,  and yes- it's because of some religious bent and other terrible assumptions that should have been left in the past. It helps to know this to put things into perspective.  My role now is to make sure,  by my own activism, to reverse this unfortunate trend.  It is your role now, too.

Meanwhile,  adoptees are rising up in great numbers- calling this out, challenging secrets and antiquated laws, calling out the human stain and showing the world what has happened. They are busting  the myths of adoption, the entire sad narrative. If you get online, you can  find these outlets. There is a fair amount of discussion of trauma, and while I won't dismiss that,  I urge you not to get trapped in that, feel free to explore, but don't get  trapped in it, sometimes it overwhelms the focus of what's next. Focus on facts and what needs to change.

We have a lot to say and a lot to do to make sure the women and children in generations after us, our families  and their families, never have to make a choice about their children, or lack of children, that isn't their own choice.
I'll see you out there! Good luck.[/quote]

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