I didn't grow up with my birth family because of the Baptists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

NP But presumably those siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles are all fundamentalists too, right? So you're disgusted by the culture because it deprived you of being raised in that culture?

I get that you're angry I just think you need to reason this out a little more. What are you hoping to achieve, exactly? They'll likely just think "she wasn't raised in the Church, she doesn't know any better" if you show up and denounce a community.

OP -- You said earlier that your siblings had different mothers because your father was a "player" so it sounds like you wouldn't have been raised with them anyhow. It also sounds like you've done tons of research and gotten lots of input from your family of origin. This is much more than many adoptees have.

I'm the pp who said near the beginning of this thread that you should seek counseling - and I still think that's a good idea. Meanwhile, you've received tons of good advice here. I hope you take it to heart.

[Anonymous]

How exactly would this embarrass or punish them? The current church members either were mostly not even born when your mother was a member of the church.
If they have any emotion at all, it will be sadness that you're not a Christian, but happiness that your mother didn't choose abortion. Bonus points if your mother went on to live a stable life.

You have so much anger about the past. Please seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a class thing rather than a religious thing. Adoption agencies have been buying poor women's children for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged. Why do you defend these idiots? I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

You're right that you did nothing wrong. But don't you have siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles from your adopted family? Why are you discounting them? I'm not defending baptists who shame women for getting pregnant outside of marriage yet being against abortions. I'm just saying you walking into their church as an out-of-town stranger and sharing your story will just not create the change you want - they'll just think you ungrateful for the adoptive family you were given and they'll be sad for you and think you need to pray to Jesus more or something like that.

This is the thing they don't tell you about adoption. You are accepted into your immediate family. But once your parents pass, it’s easy to find yourself out of the club.

Several cousins keep in touch through Facebook. That is about it.

That's not much different for me even though I'm not adopted, probably because I live abroad. My adopted cosuin is much more involved with our extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How exactly would this embarrass or punish them? The current church members either were mostly not even born when your mother was a member of the church.
If they have any emotion at all, it will be sadness that you're not a Christian, but happiness that your mother didn't choose abortion. Bonus points if your mother went on to live a stable life.

You have so much anger about the past. Please seek therapy.

Why on Earth would you assume I am not a Christian?

It would embarrass them because they Like to pretend no one in their little kingdom is having premarital sex.

They are all lying hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How exactly would this embarrass or punish them? The current church members either were mostly not even born when your mother was a member of the church.
If they have any emotion at all, it will be sadness that you're not a Christian, but happiness that your mother didn't choose abortion. Bonus points if your mother went on to live a stable life.

You have so much anger about the past. Please seek therapy.

Why on Earth would you assume I am not a Christian?

It would embarrass them because they Like to pretend no one in their little kingdom is having premarital sex.

They are all lying hypocrites.

THEY will think you're not a Christian, not me. Sorry if that was poorly worded. And they will think that because you're demonstrating such rage at their church and beliefs.

They will not be embarrassed that one of their church members--who wasn't attending their church at the time--got pregnant 50 years ago. Again, if they have any feeling at all about what will be ancient history to them, it's maybe a vague feeling that she was led astray by a godless man when she left the protection of her father's home. Trust me, it's 2022 and although they preach abstinence, a Baptist congregation isn't going to be shocked to realize that some people in their current congregation are having premarital sex. Premarital sex is pretty far down the list of current moral issues for most current Southern Baptist churches. Now, a pregnant teen likely would be given a baby shower by church members to help persuade her to keep the baby. She would be treated in a condescending but not hostile manner.

I hope that this stays just a fantasy--a place to channel your anger from not having the family you wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is a class thing rather than a religious thing. Adoption agencies have been buying poor women's children for years.

This is true. Not to mention all the "private adoptions."

Years of human trafficking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.



My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

Uh huh....read your words. Her mother actually had a number of children she couldn't keep. And she kept having them
She was used as a brood mare. You write this with such nonchalance, as in " where's the problem?"

Let's keep our eye on the larger picture here. Adoption is not the remedy for forced birth.

Um, her mother was happy to have the kids. She just couldn't raise them. They have a good relationship now

Please examine the absolutely awful situation you are purporting here. They are Catholic, so repeated unprotected sexual encounters producing more and more kids that she can't keep was SOMEHOW ok? Are you f-ing insane? Somehow this was all ok because other people wanted them? Her kids? She had to give away HER CHILDREN. You are the most disturbing poster here. Are you a priest ?

Are you on the wrong thread, maybe you thought this was the PETS thread. Was this woman a beagle by any chance?

Get out of here, please.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand the frustration, and the anger. However it's misdirected to one source, when, really, it was the whole system at whatever time. It wasn't just this church. It was a society, a community, her family, the support system of her family that encouraged this- and it wasn't just the church. It was societal thing, a trafficking, elitist, racist, misogynistic thing.
So, it's not this church or even the whole religion. I am quite sure there were babies in Baptist communities who were supported and not adopted out. Also, check out the racism issues here. Very few babies of color, in Baptist or other religions, were adopted out. Saying it's the fault of this church is reductive, and I am no fan of organized religion of any kind.

Get involved in adoption circles, those that advocate for adoptee's rights, work to help under resourced mothers, work to help women and rights of women.

We need you now, as you can see in the news.

The one Baptist church isn't the source of your problem of how you were given away- it's a much larger systemic problem than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.



My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

Uh huh....read your words. Her mother actually had a number of children she couldn't keep. And she kept having them
She was used as a brood mare. You write this with such nonchalance, as in " where's the problem?"

Let's keep our eye on the larger picture here. Adoption is not the remedy for forced birth.

Um, her mother was happy to have the kids. She just couldn't raise them. They have a good relationship now

Please examine the absolutely awful situation you are purporting here. They are Catholic, so repeated unprotected sexual encounters producing more and more kids that she can't keep was SOMEHOW ok? Are you f-ing insane? Somehow this was all ok because other people wanted them? Her kids? She had to give away HER CHILDREN. You are the most disturbing poster here. Are you a priest ?

Are you on the wrong thread, maybe you thought this was the PETS thread. Was this woman a beagle by any chance?

Get out of here, please.

immediate pp who is so uncivil should take his/her own advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand the frustration, and the anger. However it's misdirected to one source, when, really, it was the whole system at whatever time. It wasn't just this church. It was a society, a community, her family, the support system of her family that encouraged this- and it wasn't just the church. It was societal thing, a trafficking, elitist, racist, misogynistic thing.
So, it's not this church or even the whole religion. I am quite sure there were babies in Baptist communities who were supported and not adopted out. Also, check out the racism issues here. Very few babies of color, in Baptist or other religions, were adopted out. Saying it's the fault of this church is reductive, and I am no fan of organized religion of any kind.

Get involved in adoption circles, those that advocate for adoptee's rights, work to help under resourced mothers, work to help women and rights of women.

We need you now, as you can see in the news.

The one Baptist church isn't the source of your problem of how you were given away- it's a much larger systemic problem than this.

+1. Excellent comment -- hope OP takes it to heart.

[Anonymous]

OP, adoptee anger is extremely common. You have a right to your feelings. Directing all of your years of built up rage on the Baptists in particular appears to be a bit misplaced and irrational. I no fan of southern baptists, however clearly there are some other issues here that need to be worked through with a professional. I hope you take the earlier posters advice to seek therapy instead of spiraling on internet forums. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

OP here. It's complicated.

What I feel most of all in angry that my mother was punished for being a sexual person. This anti Roe nonsense from Alito is very "triggering" for me, though I hate that term.

I wish:

--my mother would have had access to good birth control, which she didn't because she was unmarried in the 60s
--my mother would have had access to legal abortion, which she didn't because it was pre-Roe
--That if my mother didn't choose an abortion, HER CHOICE, that she knew she had a loving family that would have welcomed us both regardless
--That my father wasn't such a egomaniac, selfish, arrogant jerk who would have stood by my mother
--that there wasn't this raging double standard, that you still see on here, that women should just "keep their legs closed"
--that adoption is pushed because babies like me are/were commodities
--that the adoption would have been open, so I could have met my birth family at 18 years or so.

You are upset at trauma in the world. I'm sorry. Life has suffering. It's not because of you. Maybe you could spend your time working on these things to pass on goodness to the world and yourself:

1. How to manage your own sexual desires and encounters.
2. How to manage good healthcare for yourself and good health laws for you.
3. How to be a loving person yourself and manage your emotions
4. How to attract and work with men who are balanced individuals. And how to be balanced yourself
5. How to feel confident in your sexuality and keep up good health
6. How to welcome children into your family and community
7. How to keep good relations with your family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, adoptee anger is extremely common. You have a right to your feelings. Directing all of your years of built up rage on the Baptists in particular appears to be a bit misplaced and irrational. I no fan of southern baptists, however clearly there are some other issues here that need to be worked through with a professional. I hope you take the earlier posters advice to seek therapy instead of spiraling on internet forums. Good luck.

NP. She isn't spiraling. Because it's an anonymous forum, it's a way to open a vent. I agree. This isn't about that one church. Lots of people really don't understand adoption.

Maybe a lot of people learned something. Especially one poster, OMG, that should've frightened everyone here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.



My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

Uh huh....read your words. Her mother actually had a number of children she couldn't keep. And she kept having them
She was used as a brood mare. You write this with such nonchalance, as in " where's the problem?"

Let's keep our eye on the larger picture here. Adoption is not the remedy for forced birth.

Um, her mother was happy to have the kids. She just couldn't raise them. They have a good relationship now

Please examine the absolutely awful situation you are purporting here. They are Catholic, so repeated unprotected sexual encounters producing more and more kids that she can't keep was SOMEHOW ok? Are you f-ing insane? Somehow this was all ok because other people wanted them? Her kids? She had to give away HER CHILDREN. You are the most disturbing poster here. Are you a priest ?

Are you on the wrong thread, maybe you thought this was the PETS thread. Was this woman a beagle by any chance?

Get out of here, please.

immediate pp who is so uncivil should take his/her own advice.

Uncivil, huh? Anyone who writes here how it was just a "thing"where a Catholic woman continued to have children that she had to give away, and, see it all worked out, so what's the problem, is seriously mentally ill. That is you.

I repeat.. Get out of here. I am calling you out and throwing you out - and I will continue to do so in the name of civility and all that is humane. Get out. Put your phone down and NEVER repeat what you said here to anyone ever again. Ever. Not online. Not in person. Not in writing.