Almost done with freshman year! And lessons learned.

[Anonymous]

I have to giggle about parents paying for everything for the child, sometimes up to $70,000+, and then calling them “independent.” They proceed to assert superiority over their neighbor’s child who goes to a “commuter school.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Please don't be embarrased for my - I promise you I am not. I would kindly ask you to STFU and get off your judgmental and self important high horse

I think parents like you are naive or can be borderline neglectful. There is a happy medium you know? Just because you want to help your 17/18 year old with some advice and guidance to successfully navigate one of the biggest changes to their lives to set themselves up for success does NOT mean you are helicoptering. It means your a decent parent. No one is saying make the calls for them, or help them with their school work. Its about helping them stay relatively health, safe, and on track.

I find people like you who throw out the helicoptering thing any time a parent is actually interested and supportive of their kids ridiculous. I am not a helicopter parent. I believe in giving kids the freedom to fail - when it's not fatal. I don't plan on helicoptering my college student, but I do plan on helping them figure out how to get healthcare for themselves if they get sick and need it (did your college freshman handle ALL of their healthcare needs and insurance as a teenager before they left for college? ). Or how to make my life easier by having a plan in place if I need to quickly send money, or ya know, inquire as to what kind of plan they have to map out classes so I'm not paying for 5+ years of college.

Okay - I feel better getting that off my chest. LOL. Flame away!

NP here. You're just not doing yourself any favors with this defense. You are doing too much for your college freshmen. They should have figured out their own housing and registered for their own classes. They obviously have advisors and it's their job to go to them--not their mommy--if they are unsure. My college freshman, with severe ADHD and executive function deficit, did all this himself. The night he woke up with acute apendicitis, he got himself to the hospical, and didn't call me until the morning--about 7 hours later to say, basically, "they seem to feel pretty strongly I should have it removed, I feel like I just wanted to check with you and dad to make sure that's the right thing to do before I consent to it," Two weeks later got himself to his post-surgical follow-up appointment. And you are concerned that your kids won't know what to do if they have a cold. So yes, the whole premise of the thread is flameworthy--sorry. I do think I may show it to my kids, who complain that I am too hands on. If only they knew.

I think you need to take a moment and really think about that. He was trying to figure out his own health care in a new place while in serious pain and he didn't even think to call you bc why? He must have figured you weren't going to be much help or sympathy or that you would look down on him for asking for help. It's pretty bad that he didn't even feel the need to ask for help from his own parents in this situation and sadly since you are trying to brag about this, it's clear you don't recognize this isn't a good situation. Also be careful about bringing op this situation IRL. I know you think it is a bragging point but no people won't see it that way and will just think less of you as a person.

Nope. You have it all wrong. The kid just came home for a long weekend just because he wanted to. Because he loves his family and knows where to find comfort. I asked him why he didn't call me at 3 am when he was in pain, and he said, "well, it was really bad and I knew the most important thing was to get to the hospital. And, it's not like you can remove an appendix." Anyone who knows me, my kid, and our family, knows how cool and capable, and loved, he is. I know you believe it has to be one way or the other. That either they are independent with cold, unfeeling parents (by the way, my husband's parents raised him that way), or else they have to be smothered to feel loved. The most loving gift I gave to my kid was to raise him to be independent and confident. And smart enough to know that your mommy three hours away can't help you if your appendix is about to burst. God help your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

A full stock of vitamins for a college student? What does that even mean?

This is confusing for you? A big bottle of multivitamins, and another zinc. I may include refills in care packages. Stocked also means medicines for common ailments like benadryl, advil, Pepto-Bismol, NyQuil, Tums, etc.... Did that help?

Yes, thank you for clarifying! Overkill, as I suspected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

A full stock of vitamins for a college student? What does that even mean?

This is confusing for you? A big bottle of multivitamins, and another zinc. I may include refills in care packages. Stocked also means medicines for common ailments like benadryl, advil, Pepto-Bismol, NyQuil, Tums, etc.... Did that help?

NP. Why do you need to stock your children up with medicine they can get at the 7-11 or CVS? Do some of you not see you're removing basic level problem solving skills? I don't feel well, gee I better go get some Advil. Wow, I'm still not improving, time to visit the health clinic. Can I just walk in or do I need to make an appointment? Let me find out and get it done. I mean, c'mon! And yes, if it turns into a serious issue or a chronic issue, they call parents for help.

And I think it's also baffling some posters are acting like there are two options: drop kid off and never see again or be involved in everything. There are more options. Really.

[Anonymous]

I bet you will all blow your minds when I tell you my kid is coming home for the whole summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet you will all blow your minds when I tell you my kid is coming home for the whole summer.

????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet you will all blow your minds when I tell you my kid is coming home for the whole summer.

????

According to DCUM, I should charge my child rent. Or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

A full stock of vitamins for a college student? What does that even mean?

This is confusing for you? A big bottle of multivitamins, and another zinc. I may include refills in care packages. Stocked also means medicines for common ailments like benadryl, advil, Pepto-Bismol, NyQuil, Tums, etc.... Did that help?

Yes, thank you for clarifying! Overkill, as I suspected.

.

PP here. Yes it is absolutely overkill!
Somehow, my kid in college is still a very independent and capable person.
I may have to alter my behavior for her younger brother, who is built differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Please don't be embarrased for my - I promise you I am not. I would kindly ask you to STFU and get off your judgmental and self important high horse

I think parents like you are naive or can be borderline neglectful. There is a happy medium you know? Just because you want to help your 17/18 year old with some advice and guidance to successfully navigate one of the biggest changes to their lives to set themselves up for success does NOT mean you are helicoptering. It means your a decent parent. No one is saying make the calls for them, or help them with their school work. Its about helping them stay relatively health, safe, and on track.

I find people like you who throw out the helicoptering thing any time a parent is actually interested and supportive of their kids ridiculous. I am not a helicopter parent. I believe in giving kids the freedom to fail - when it's not fatal. I don't plan on helicoptering my college student, but I do plan on helping them figure out how to get healthcare for themselves if they get sick and need it (did your college freshman handle ALL of their healthcare needs and insurance as a teenager before they left for college? ). Or how to make my life easier by having a plan in place if I need to quickly send money, or ya know, inquire as to what kind of plan they have to map out classes so I'm not paying for 5+ years of college.

Okay - I feel better getting that off my chest. LOL. Flame away!

NP here. You're just not doing yourself any favors with this defense. You are doing too much for your college freshmen. They should have figured out their own housing and registered for their own classes. They obviously have advisors and it's their job to go to them--not their mommy--if they are unsure. My college freshman, with severe ADHD and executive function deficit, did all this himself. The night he woke up with acute apendicitis, he got himself to the hospical, and didn't call me until the morning--about 7 hours later to say, basically, "they seem to feel pretty strongly I should have it removed, I feel like I just wanted to check with you and dad to make sure that's the right thing to do before I consent to it," Two weeks later got himself to his post-surgical follow-up appointment. And you are concerned that your kids won't know what to do if they have a cold. So yes, the whole premise of the thread is flameworthy--sorry. I do think I may show it to my kids, who complain that I am too hands on. If only they knew.

Your kid had Major surgery and you didn’t go to the hospital to check on him?!!! Wtf!!!! That’s not giving independence that’s friggen neglect! My kid is across the country and if she needed an appendectomy I’d be on the first plane out the next day. Wow. I’m glad I’m not your kid.

Wow...calm down. At what point in my post did I say I didn't go? When he called me, 7 after hours after getting himself admitted, seeing a doctor, and getting diagnosed, I actually did go to see him (although it was hours before I could because they kept him in the ER until pre-op and would not allow visitors because of COVID). Then I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours while he was in surgery and then you know what I did? Because he was in so much pain? I spent the night in his room. And by the way, even if I hadn't, it wouldn't be "neglect." He's an adult. Would it be unfeeling, cold? Sure, but not neglect. But again, I went, cared for him, and spent the night with him in his hospital room. Was it because he needed his mommy to deal with his life? No, he takes care of himself. It's because he needed somebody to be compassionate and care for him. Also, I would never let a loved one stay alone in a hospital room if I can help it. Calm TF down.

Ah well, but you didn’t paint the picture that way did you PP. In fact you left that whole middle part out of your original post with the aim of portraying the situation as if your son handled it all himself. And now called out on it, you’re backpedaling!! A lie of omission for the purposes for bragging and trying to look superior to others is still well, a lie. Do you regularly airbrush stories of your life to make you look good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Please don't be embarrased for my - I promise you I am not. I would kindly ask you to STFU and get off your judgmental and self important high horse

I think parents like you are naive or can be borderline neglectful. There is a happy medium you know? Just because you want to help your 17/18 year old with some advice and guidance to successfully navigate one of the biggest changes to their lives to set themselves up for success does NOT mean you are helicoptering. It means your a decent parent. No one is saying make the calls for them, or help them with their school work. Its about helping them stay relatively health, safe, and on track.

I find people like you who throw out the helicoptering thing any time a parent is actually interested and supportive of their kids ridiculous. I am not a helicopter parent. I believe in giving kids the freedom to fail - when it's not fatal. I don't plan on helicoptering my college student, but I do plan on helping them figure out how to get healthcare for themselves if they get sick and need it (did your college freshman handle ALL of their healthcare needs and insurance as a teenager before they left for college? ). Or how to make my life easier by having a plan in place if I need to quickly send money, or ya know, inquire as to what kind of plan they have to map out classes so I'm not paying for 5+ years of college.

Okay - I feel better getting that off my chest. LOL. Flame away!

NP here. You're just not doing yourself any favors with this defense. You are doing too much for your college freshmen. They should have figured out their own housing and registered for their own classes. They obviously have advisors and it's their job to go to them--not their mommy--if they are unsure. My college freshman, with severe ADHD and executive function deficit, did all this himself. The night he woke up with acute apendicitis, he got himself to the hospical, and didn't call me until the morning--about 7 hours later to say, basically, "they seem to feel pretty strongly I should have it removed, I feel like I just wanted to check with you and dad to make sure that's the right thing to do before I consent to it," Two weeks later got himself to his post-surgical follow-up appointment. And you are concerned that your kids won't know what to do if they have a cold. So yes, the whole premise of the thread is flameworthy--sorry. I do think I may show it to my kids, who complain that I am too hands on. If only they knew.

Your kid had Major surgery and you didn’t go to the hospital to check on him?!!! Wtf!!!! That’s not giving independence that’s friggen neglect! My kid is across the country and if she needed an appendectomy I’d be on the first plane out the next day. Wow. I’m glad I’m not your kid.

Wow...calm down. At what point in my post did I say I didn't go? When he called me, 7 after hours after getting himself admitted, seeing a doctor, and getting diagnosed, I actually did go to see him (although it was hours before I could because they kept him in the ER until pre-op and would not allow visitors because of COVID). Then I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours while he was in surgery and then you know what I did? Because he was in so much pain? I spent the night in his room. And by the way, even if I hadn't, it wouldn't be "neglect." He's an adult. Would it be unfeeling, cold? Sure, but not neglect. But again, I went, cared for him, and spent the night with him in his hospital room. Was it because he needed his mommy to deal with his life? No, he takes care of himself. It's because he needed somebody to be compassionate and care for him. Also, I would never let a loved one stay alone in a hospital room if I can help it. Calm TF down.

Ah well, but you didn’t paint the picture that way did you PP. In fact you left that whole middle part out of your original post with the aim of portraying the situation as if your son handled it all himself. And now called out on it, you’re backpedaling!! A lie of omission for the purposes for bragging and trying to look superior to others is still well, a lie. Do you regularly airbrush stories of your life to make you look good?

Oh run along. Sonny needs to Facetime you about his grade in Psych 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some of the people crying helicopter don't have kids.

Also, agree with the poster who said the novelty wears off of being so independent. In fact, I've seen time and time again where students with those 'hands off' parents end up relying on their friends' parents for advice and support and help. If you're proud to be that parent that's MIA while your kid bonds with/relies on another adult your age, good for you....I question your values and mental health.

Why can't you understand that there's middle ground? You can raise independent kids with love and compassion, without going MIA. It's not one or the other.

My point is that if you read the OP, and you find that to be helicopter-y, I'd hate to see what your definition of independent is. That's all.

+1 apparently the PP's calling the thread OP a helicopter parent didn't actually READ the original post. There is NOTHING in there that is helicoptering, just some times and things to keep in mind as a parent.

Handling their housing, talking to them about drinking--after they have left for college. And frankly, just having so much knowledge about their day to day lives. That's helicoptering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

A full stock of vitamins for a college student? What does that even mean?

This is confusing for you? A big bottle of multivitamins, and another zinc. I may include refills in care packages. Stocked also means medicines for common ailments like benadryl, advil, Pepto-Bismol, NyQuil, Tums, etc.... Did that help?

Yes, thank you for clarifying! Overkill, as I suspected.

I would love to see the face of PP's kid when he gets these "care packages" full of zinc and Pepto Bismol. And when PP comes inevitably to help the kid move out, I suspect she will find it all shoved in the bottom of a drawer. If it wasn't thrown into the trash.