Almost done with freshman year! And lessons learned.

[Anonymous]

My kid has his own account and gets a lump sum at the beginning of the semester for incidentals. If it runs out, it runs out. (He does have his own earnings saved from summer.)
I advised both my kids to think of their academics as a 9-5 job, ie, to make use of their free time during the day. Sounds obvious, but I was the queen of all-nighters in my day. They seem to have taken heed. The advice neither of them tools was to join a team or club freshman year to make friends. They still did fine socially, even my introvert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a checking account joint with your young adult. Makes moving funds fast and easy.
The roommate thing is no big deal. Short of a psychopath they will either be great friends or acquaintances. And honestly both are fine.
I did ask about grades. It’s her job to get good grades. Yes skip class. Yes f up get high and party. But also start learning the tipping points and balance needed to still be successful. That’s life.
The advisors are there to help. Ask questions. Keep pushing your kid back to asking their questions to the right persons. How many study abroad? Which credits count? How much? Which classes should they take this semester? Next semester?
If college is a plane flight away, pack clothes, then buy the bedding etc when you get there at target etc.
If mental health is a priority look it up ahead of time, find in network resources, learn what is offered at student health services
Encourage your kid to make a class plan for their time in undergrad. Mine did by second semester. It might change as interests change but they have a plan for graduating in 4 years with major and minor in areas of interest and a semester study abroad. They are future focused which at this age they should be.
Ask about alcohol and drug use. It’s very real thing on campuses. Keep ‘em talking to you.
Care packages are happily received.

Kids do not write checks. Venmo is their currency.

My kid has a debit card linked to our banking account. As do most of her friends. Easy to transfer money in and keep an eye on spending.

New poster- our dd is finishing her sophomore year. We all have Ally bank accounts. She has a savings and checking that we are also listed on. This means we can transfer funds really easily between accounts. She has only written 1 check but has her Venmo linked to the checking account. The savings account has "buckets" that she can name. They are basically virtual cookie jars. She has ones for travel, car, emergency. Everytime she gets paid a set amount goes into each bucket with the remainder into her general account.

[Anonymous]

Apartments start signing leases in Oct/Nov. That means you need to start thinking about roommates for next year shortly after you start the year. Pay attention to the lease dates. At our dd's school there are a huge range of dates on when the lease starts and ends. Some as early as May 1. Some as late as August 15. This can be a big problem if you don't pay attention. Every year seniors are shocked when they have to move out of their apartment on May 1 in the middle of finals and before graduation.

If your student is going to do a study abroad semester start looking early and figure out how you are going to deal with housing the other semester. Also pay attention to the start and end dates of the study abroad program. They don't always match the school dates.

Grades matter for merit aid- make sure your student is paying attention to their grades and the number of credits they are earing and what they need to keep their merit aid.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Supply them with more medicine and first aid
tool box
dont check grades - they will figure it out.


+1 DS rolled his eyes at the meds/first aid box I left with him at move in. But he really appreciated it when he got a bad cold.

[Anonymous]

My kid did not drink in high school and chose to avoid such situations for most of college also. (Now that she is of legal age, she occasionally--like 1x a month--will go to a bar with friends.)

I know this for a fact, and am not sharing it for purposes of comparing. But I am trying to reassure parents who can't imagine their daughter "passed out on a bathroom floor."
Yes, some freshmen go that route, but many do not...despite what some posters here claim.

[Anonymous]

Your kid, and you, are adjusting to a new phase of your relationship. There may be times that you are unhappy with the lack of contact/closeness and they are unhappy with your desire to know how they are / what they are up to.

This gets better, as you both learn your new roles. I think it is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the first year end up for the class of 2025 and parents?!

I can’t believe the year is almost done. Little over two weeks of classes left and then finals for mine. It was a year of amazing growth both academically and socially for one. For the other (twins obviously), it was a year of sickness and injury. I can count on one hand how many weeks they were healthy since august drop off. Very tough year because of dealing with that and the transition.

Lessons learned:
1. More vitamins and meds on hand for the inevitable sicknesses. Also air filter.
2. We were told not to succumb to the pressure to rent an apartment for sophomore year in October but in reality that IS when you need to book
Something if you’re at a large state school. Glad the kids found a place then as there is nothing good left this spring.
3. Encourage the kids to bring home fall clothes at Thanksgiving and winter clothes at Easter.
4. Don’t stress about their grades. Don’t even ask. Trust me they are plenty stressed about it without you adding to it. If they stay out all night drinking and miss a class or an assignment, they will learn from their mistakes. Freshman year is going to be hard, don’t expect As even if your kid has never gotten worse than an A.
5. The piece of advice I have my kids when I left them at drop off was, “don’t be the drink freshman passed out on the bathroom floor”. Happy to say they never were and in fact are quite proud of that. Overall drinking has slowed down but those first few weeks (really until Midterms) were pretty out of control for many kids.

Who else wants to report?

Why and how would you know this? And why would you believe you know everything that is going on even if you are pressing for them to tell you or asking these questions in the first place? What normally developing 18 or 19 year old tells mommy about drinking at college. So odd to me.

Yes, have conversations about drinking. Don't drink something you haven't poured or opened yourself, don't leave your drink, don't leave your friends behind, etc. But honestly you people should not be this involved in the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

This is why they graduate from college and can't function.

[Anonymous]

My advice:

Make sure they know where the college health center is.

Respond to texts and phone calls and offer guidance when asked.

The end.

[Anonymous]

I learned….

The frequency of “how to do laundry” queries dwindled and eventually stopped after 2 month mark.

She will learn to co-exist with others. My messy and disorganized DD has a roommate with completely opposite attributes.

The frequency of Facetime from her reduced after 2-3 months. She still keeps in touch occasionally, but we mainly wait until she contacts us.

The advisor is important. They need guidance especially the first semester. College is overwhelming especially class enrollments.

We see incremental progress both on the emotional quotient and cognitive side. We learned that letting her know we trust her yields positive outcomes.

She didn’t like the first aid/med box we sent but we know she was glad to have it when she needed it.

[Anonymous]

Air purifier! If dorms are carpeted, see if they will shampoo before they move in. My friend lied and said her kid had very bad allergies and got them to do it. She is a genius!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid, and you, are adjusting to a new phase of your relationship. There may be times that you are unhappy with the lack of contact/closeness and they are unhappy with your desire to know how they are / what they are up to.

This gets better, as you both learn your new roles. I think it is normal.

This is great perspective. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

We dropped our youngest off last fall. Highly recommend scheduling something shortly afterwards to look forward to.

Some may think this is corny/helicopterish but I asked for a picture a week from them as the only communication I needed. Pic could be of them, campus, food, etc. I was of course available for calls and texts at any time, but I promised I wouldn't bug them if they did this. It was a great way to get a peak into their lives. I then put together a photo book which I gave to them the next Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the first year end up for the class of 2025 and parents?!

I can’t believe the year is almost done. Little over two weeks of classes left and then finals for mine. It was a year of amazing growth both academically and socially for one. For the other (twins obviously), it was a year of sickness and injury. I can count on one hand how many weeks they were healthy since august drop off. Very tough year because of dealing with that and the transition.

Lessons learned:
1. More vitamins and meds on hand for the inevitable sicknesses. Also air filter.
2. We were told not to succumb to the pressure to rent an apartment for sophomore year in October but in reality that IS when you need to book
Something if you’re at a large state school. Glad the kids found a place then as there is nothing good left this spring.
3. Encourage the kids to bring home fall clothes at Thanksgiving and winter clothes at Easter.
4. Don’t stress about their grades. Don’t even ask. Trust me they are plenty stressed about it without you adding to it. If they stay out all night drinking and miss a class or an assignment, they will learn from their mistakes. Freshman year is going to be hard, don’t expect As even if your kid has never gotten worse than an A.
5. The piece of advice I have my kids when I left them at drop off was, “don’t be the drink freshman passed out on the bathroom floor”. Happy to say they never were and in fact are quite proud of that. Overall drinking has slowed down but those first few weeks (really until Midterms) were pretty out of control for many kids.

Who else wants to report?

Why and how would you know this? And why would you believe you know everything that is going on even if you are pressing for them to tell you or asking these questions in the first place? What normally developing 18 or 19 year old tells mommy about drinking at college. So odd to me.

Yes, have conversations about drinking. Don't drink something you haven't poured or opened yourself, don't leave your drink, don't leave your friends behind, etc. But honestly you people should not be this involved in the details.

Strikes me as odd that you don't talk to your kids about drinking or presumably anything else? I guess you were probably the poster last fall who proudly said they dropped off the kid and didn't expect to hear from them until break.

I talk to my kids, they trust me to they tell me things. They know I will not judge them. They ask for advice. I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have that relationship with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Disagree. This is good, reasonable advice.

Most colleges have parent Facebook groups, and they are CRAZY with helicopter parents. They post about how their kid's floor is too noisy, the food is bad, etc. OP's advice is none of that.

My DC has had a pretty good year, and we are grateful, especially in COVID times. YES, they got COVID. YES, they handled it.

Couple of tips from a kid at a large state university:

-- At a big school, an activity makes it feel a lot smaller. Join SOMETHING, even if you think you're not a joiner. There is so much for these kids to do ... they just have to push themselves out of their comfort zone and do it.

-- Find a nice place to study. This won't be the same for every kid, but creating positive associations with a certain place on campus seemed to light a fire under my kid.

-- Watch out for deadlines (housing, honors program, scholarship). The information is usually out there somewhere, but sometimes isn't well communicated.

This is good advice