Almost done with freshman year! And lessons learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter’s freshman year was last year. We sent the world’s best first aid kit and a COVID bug out bag in case she got sick and moved to the isolation dorm. Thankfully, neither she nor her roommate got sick and both got vaccinated as soon as they could. Encourage them to use the resources at their school. They have a free gym membership. Ours has a lake with free kayaks and canoes and camping trips. There are career counselors and festivals, etc. There was free outdoor ice skating during Covid last year - our daughter and her roommate went several times. Her school requires on campus living the first 2 years so we didn’t have to worry about off campus housing right away. She is living off campus next year and will be able to stay in the house for two years if this year works out.

I would really love to know what school this is! It sounds great.

I thought the OP had a lot of good info and I wish the thread weren't up to 12 pages with the standard helicoptering parent debate. To the extent any other masochists have made it through this thread as far as I have, I'd add:

1) For your kids moving off-campus or living in dorms that have suites where they have to clean their own bathrooms and kitchens -- make sure they know how to clean common living areas. This is a high school skill but may need some refreshing. I had no issue buying and sending my kid with the tools and products he needed so he wouldn't waste money on ineffective products, and going over with him how to clean a sink, toilet, counters, stove, etc.

2) Make sure you have the legal paperwork in order before your kid leaves for school. The whole HIPAA thing kicks in -- you don't have the right to be involved in your kid's medical care, or know whether they're failing at school, unless they have signed waivers/power of attorney forms. I went through Mama Bear Legal Forms although I'm sure there are similar services available. Make sure you do state-specific forms.

Well, you clearly aren't interested in any constructive feedback people are providing about helicoptering. Doesn't the very fact that the company is called "Mama Bear" say anything to you about the appropriateness of this? You all think you have open, caring relationships, but yet, you need legal forms to know your kids' grades? If the smothering is so effective, why aren't they just telling you their grades? If your child is incapacitated, you do not need legal forms to act in his interest. That legal form is only so you can monitor if they get an STD and a prescription for birth control. The debate is standard because it's so unfuriating to read stuff like this. These poor 18-year-olds!

OMG! You are absolutely insane. And no, I don't think anyone on this thread is interested in your "constructive feedback" about helicoptering. The reason people get these forms completed is related to HIPAA, not grades. If your kid was admitted to the hospital (over 18) and you need to speak to a doctor about their condition, you simply cannot without this release in place. So you're saying, that you are comfortable with that?

Actually, my kid was in the hospital. The nurse walked over to his bed, said, "can I tell your mom what's up?" And he said, yes. Then I got all the information. He had a right to say no and he is allowed that, Mama Bear.

[Anonymous]

It feels like very few people on this thread can distinguish between sending a kid to school with Advil and Band-Aids (which honestly, isn't this just common sense?) versus replenishing their zinc and organic toothpaste weekly and making them send photos of their meal every day. There is middle ground. Most parents these days really do tend to veer toward the overprotective. I get it. I was that way for a long time. When my kid left for college, he was practically crippled with fear because he didn't know how he was going to figure anything out--and I was responsible for that. I majorely pulled back the reins and now at the end of freshman year he has so much figured out and acts like a really confident, capable adult, but one who knows he can call or text me anytime. Given the choice to do it over, I would have coddled him a lot less throughout high school so he would have known sooner what he is capable of. I recommend it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It feels like very few people on this thread can distinguish between sending a kid to school with Advil and Band-Aids (which honestly, isn't this just common sense?) versus replenishing their zinc and organic toothpaste weekly and making them send photos of their meal every day. There is middle ground. Most parents these days really do tend to veer toward the overprotective. I get it. I was that way for a long time. When my kid left for college, he was practically crippled with fear because he didn't know how he was going to figure anything out--and I was responsible for that. I majorely pulled back the reins and now at the end of freshman year he has so much figured out and acts like a really confident, capable adult, but one who knows he can call or text me anytime. Given the choice to do it over, I would have coddled him a lot less throughout high school so he would have known sooner what he is capable of. I recommend it!

+1 and the funny thing is that the PP who said she provided all the whole food supplies for the semester even I think said she was aware that others may think it was too much but she did not care, that's what she did. And you know what, WE should not care what any other parent chooses to do for their kid.

the OP said she'd send more airborne I think it was and meds if she'd realized how often it was needed, so why is that bad? Seems like good advice. Why are we still arguing about this 12-13 pages in?

[Anonymous]

Send the medicine kit.
I had walking pneumonia for 2 months late in my freshman year. Had no idea. Walked to the pharmacy in the frigid cold and stared at the shelves of medicine. Really didn't know what to take. I never thought to ask my parents as I thought it was a really long cold. They are still upset about that.

[Anonymous]

Have your phone in sleep mode 12-6 am. If a true emergency it will break thru.

No need to get a text at 3am telling you they just made the best Mac and cheese ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your phone in sleep mode 12-6 am. If a true emergency it will break thru.

No need to get a text at 3am telling you they just made the best Mac and cheese ever.

hahah so true! or some boy might have just broken your DD's heart at 2 AM. hahah I try not to sleep with my cell phone near me and I've told my college kids to call the HOME phone if its an emergency in the middle of the night. I have woken up to some pretty funny middle of the night texts though, as well as some sad ones.

[Anonymous]

Your Boy may only want to see you for one dinner on parent's weekend

Your Girl might want to go shopping and hang out in your hotel.

Both are OK.

[Anonymous]

Wait do people’s seniors not already know how to buy Advil?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait do people’s seniors not already know how to buy Advil?

oh goody you're back!

Obviously they do. Many freshmen do not have access to cars, so when they are not feeling well and don't have access to a car, it is a NICE thing to do to provide them a stash of the essentials so they don't have to trek out in a storm to get something simple like that. Such a dumb hill to die over people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, you clearly aren't interested in any constructive feedback people are providing about helicoptering. Doesn't the very fact that the company is called "Mama Bear" say anything to you about the appropriateness of this? You all think you have open, caring relationships, but yet, you need legal forms to know your kids' grades? If the smothering is so effective, why aren't they just telling you their grades? If your child is incapacitated, you do not need legal forms to act in his interest. That legal form is only so you can monitor if they get an STD and a prescription for birth control. The debate is standard because it's so unfuriating to read stuff like this. These poor 18-year-olds!

JFC you're an idiot, and I hope no one takes your "constructive feedback" seriously. You're demonstrably ignorant as to why parents need these forms. (Also, it's "infuriating" not "unfuriating").

I'm an attorney and even I'm not going to try to draw up my own forms for ensuring I have a healthcare proxy, HIPAA and FERPA waiver, and durable/medical powers of attorney in case of emergency, whether physical, mental, or financial. I want to be able to get information on his condition from hospital personnel who are otherwise *not allowed* to give me that information if my child can't consent verbally to disclosure. I want to be able to make healthcare decisions for him if he's unconscious. I also want to be able to contact his school and get a list of his professors to let them know he's in the hospital. If he studies abroad, I need to be able to complete tasks for him like completing financial transactions.

My spouse and I have these forms for each other, because we're responsible adults. It's not "helicoptering" my spouse to have him sign these forms. Neither is it "helicoptering" my child to have him sign the same forms. It's about commonsense preparation for emergency situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Actually, my kid was in the hospital. The nurse walked over to his bed, said, "can I tell your mom what's up?" And he said, yes. Then I got all the information. He had a right to say no and he is allowed that, Mama Bear.

Your child was conscious and able to give verbal consent to disclosure. Totally different ball of wax if he'd been unconscious. Lucky you that he wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Please don't be embarrased for my - I promise you I am not. I would kindly ask you to STFU and get off your judgmental and self important high horse

I think parents like you are naive or can be borderline neglectful. There is a happy medium you know? Just because you want to help your 17/18 year old with some advice and guidance to successfully navigate one of the biggest changes to their lives to set themselves up for success does NOT mean you are helicoptering. It means your a decent parent. No one is saying make the calls for them, or help them with their school work. Its about helping them stay relatively health, safe, and on track.

I find people like you who throw out the helicoptering thing any time a parent is actually interested and supportive of their kids ridiculous. I am not a helicopter parent. I believe in giving kids the freedom to fail - when it's not fatal. I don't plan on helicoptering my college student, but I do plan on helping them figure out how to get healthcare for themselves if they get sick and need it (did your college freshman handle ALL of their healthcare needs and insurance as a teenager before they left for college? ). Or how to make my life easier by having a plan in place if I need to quickly send money, or ya know, inquire as to what kind of plan they have to map out classes so I'm not paying for 5+ years of college.

Okay - I feel better getting that off my chest. LOL. Flame away!

Love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Please don't be embarrased for my - I promise you I am not. I would kindly ask you to STFU and get off your judgmental and self important high horse

I think parents like you are naive or can be borderline neglectful. There is a happy medium you know? Just because you want to help your 17/18 year old with some advice and guidance to successfully navigate one of the biggest changes to their lives to set themselves up for success does NOT mean you are helicoptering. It means your a decent parent. No one is saying make the calls for them, or help them with their school work. Its about helping them stay relatively health, safe, and on track.

I find people like you who throw out the helicoptering thing any time a parent is actually interested and supportive of their kids ridiculous. I am not a helicopter parent. I believe in giving kids the freedom to fail - when it's not fatal. I don't plan on helicoptering my college student, but I do plan on helping them figure out how to get healthcare for themselves if they get sick and need it (did your college freshman handle ALL of their healthcare needs and insurance as a teenager before they left for college? ). Or how to make my life easier by having a plan in place if I need to quickly send money, or ya know, inquire as to what kind of plan they have to map out classes so I'm not paying for 5+ years of college.

Okay - I feel better getting that off my chest. LOL. Flame away!

NP here. You're just not doing yourself any favors with this defense. You are doing too much for your college freshmen. They should have figured out their own housing and registered for their own classes. They obviously have advisors and it's their job to go to them--not their mommy--if they are unsure. My college freshman, with severe ADHD and executive function deficit, did all this himself. The night he woke up with acute apendicitis, he got himself to the hospical, and didn't call me until the morning--about 7 hours later to say, basically, "they seem to feel pretty strongly I should have it removed, I feel like I just wanted to check with you and dad to make sure that's the right thing to do before I consent to it," Two weeks later got himself to his post-surgical follow-up appointment. And you are concerned that your kids won't know what to do if they have a cold. So yes, the whole premise of the thread is flameworthy--sorry. I do think I may show it to my kids, who complain that I am too hands on. If only they knew.

Your kid had Major surgery and you didn’t go to the hospital to check on him?!!! Wtf!!!! That’s not giving independence that’s friggen neglect! My kid is across the country and if she needed an appendectomy I’d be on the first plane out the next day. Wow. I’m glad I’m not your kid.

Wow...calm down. At what point in my post did I say I didn't go? When he called me, 7 after hours after getting himself admitted, seeing a doctor, and getting diagnosed, I actually did go to see him (although it was hours before I could because they kept him in the ER until pre-op and would not allow visitors because of COVID). Then I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours while he was in surgery and then you know what I did? Because he was in so much pain? I spent the night in his room. And by the way, even if I hadn't, it wouldn't be "neglect." He's an adult. Would it be unfeeling, cold? Sure, but not neglect. But again, I went, cared for him, and spent the night with him in his hospital room. Was it because he needed his mommy to deal with his life? No, he takes care of himself. It's because he needed somebody to be compassionate and care for him. Also, I would never let a loved one stay alone in a hospital room if I can help it. Calm TF down.

You can't have it both ways. It's OK to spend the night in his hospital room, but don't rail on other parents who are also just looking out for their kids. the PPP didn't suggest anything outrageous. Why must everything be a conflagration here?!?!

[Anonymous]

Why do people make other people feel bad about having great relationships wit their kids, or helping them? I see nothing here (though, granted, I didn't read ALL the pages!) that suggests the kind of debilitating hovering that would stunt a young adult's growth. Just let people love their kids in their own way, and you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter’s freshman year was last year. We sent the world’s best first aid kit and a COVID bug out bag in case she got sick and moved to the isolation dorm. Thankfully, neither she nor her roommate got sick and both got vaccinated as soon as they could. Encourage them to use the resources at their school. They have a free gym membership. Ours has a lake with free kayaks and canoes and camping trips. There are career counselors and festivals, etc. There was free outdoor ice skating during Covid last year - our daughter and her roommate went several times. Her school requires on campus living the first 2 years so we didn’t have to worry about off campus housing right away. She is living off campus next year and will be able to stay in the house for two years if this year works out.

I would really love to know what school this is! It sounds great.

I thought the OP had a lot of good info and I wish the thread weren't up to 12 pages with the standard helicoptering parent debate. To the extent any other masochists have made it through this thread as far as I have, I'd add:

1) For your kids moving off-campus or living in dorms that have suites where they have to clean their own bathrooms and kitchens -- make sure they know how to clean common living areas. This is a high school skill but may need some refreshing. I had no issue buying and sending my kid with the tools and products he needed so he wouldn't waste money on ineffective products, and going over with him how to clean a sink, toilet, counters, stove, etc.

2) Make sure you have the legal paperwork in order before your kid leaves for school. The whole HIPAA thing kicks in -- you don't have the right to be involved in your kid's medical care, or know whether they're failing at school, unless they have signed waivers/power of attorney forms. I went through Mama Bear Legal Forms although I'm sure there are similar services available. Make sure you do state-specific forms.

Well, you clearly aren't interested in any constructive feedback people are providing about helicoptering. Doesn't the very fact that the company is called "Mama Bear" say anything to you about the appropriateness of this? You all think you have open, caring relationships, but yet, you need legal forms to know your kids' grades? If the smothering is so effective, why aren't they just telling you their grades? If your child is incapacitated, you do not need legal forms to act in his interest. That legal form is only so you can monitor if they get an STD and a prescription for birth control. The debate is standard because it's so unfuriating to read stuff like this. These poor 18-year-olds!

OMG! You are absolutely insane. And no, I don't think anyone on this thread is interested in your "constructive feedback" about helicoptering. The reason people get these forms completed is related to HIPAA, not grades. If your kid was admitted to the hospital (over 18) and you need to speak to a doctor about their condition, you simply cannot without this release in place. So you're saying, that you are comfortable with that?

Actually, my kid was in the hospital. The nurse walked over to his bed, said, "can I tell your mom what's up?" And he said, yes. Then I got all the information. He had a right to say no and he is allowed that, Mama Bear.

And if he had been unconscious or in a coma? Every adult needs SOMEONE who as their back medically and legally. Single adults need to get this stuff in place.