Almost done with freshman year! And lessons learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter’s freshman year was last year. We sent the world’s best first aid kit and a COVID bug out bag in case she got sick and moved to the isolation dorm. Thankfully, neither she nor her roommate got sick and both got vaccinated as soon as they could. Encourage them to use the resources at their school. They have a free gym membership. Ours has a lake with free kayaks and canoes and camping trips. There are career counselors and festivals, etc. There was free outdoor ice skating during Covid last year - our daughter and her roommate went several times. Her school requires on campus living the first 2 years so we didn’t have to worry about off campus housing right away. She is living off campus next year and will be able to stay in the house for two years if this year works out.

I would really love to know what school this is! It sounds great.

I thought the OP had a lot of good info and I wish the thread weren't up to 12 pages with the standard helicoptering parent debate. To the extent any other masochists have made it through this thread as far as I have, I'd add:

1) For your kids moving off-campus or living in dorms that have suites where they have to clean their own bathrooms and kitchens -- make sure they know how to clean common living areas. This is a high school skill but may need some refreshing. I had no issue buying and sending my kid with the tools and products he needed so he wouldn't waste money on ineffective products, and going over with him how to clean a sink, toilet, counters, stove, etc.

2) Make sure you have the legal paperwork in order before your kid leaves for school. The whole HIPAA thing kicks in -- you don't have the right to be involved in your kid's medical care, or know whether they're failing at school, unless they have signed waivers/power of attorney forms. I went through Mama Bear Legal Forms although I'm sure there are similar services available. Make sure you do state-specific forms.

Well, you clearly aren't interested in any constructive feedback people are providing about helicoptering. Doesn't the very fact that the company is called "Mama Bear" say anything to you about the appropriateness of this? You all think you have open, caring relationships, but yet, you need legal forms to know your kids' grades? If the smothering is so effective, why aren't they just telling you their grades? If your child is incapacitated, you do not need legal forms to act in his interest. That legal form is only so you can monitor if they get an STD and a prescription for birth control. The debate is standard because it's so unfuriating to read stuff like this. These poor 18-year-olds!

OMG! You are absolutely insane. And no, I don't think anyone on this thread is interested in your "constructive feedback" about helicoptering. The reason people get these forms completed is related to HIPAA, not grades. If your kid was admitted to the hospital (over 18) and you need to speak to a doctor about their condition, you simply cannot without this release in place. So you're saying, that you are comfortable with that?

Actually, my kid was in the hospital. The nurse walked over to his bed, said, "can I tell your mom what's up?" And he said, yes. Then I got all the information. He had a right to say no and he is allowed that, Mama Bear.

But if he had been unconscious from a car accident or alcohol overdose, it would be a different matter. And you could be hundreds of miles away, with no information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter’s freshman year was last year. We sent the world’s best first aid kit and a COVID bug out bag in case she got sick and moved to the isolation dorm. Thankfully, neither she nor her roommate got sick and both got vaccinated as soon as they could. Encourage them to use the resources at their school. They have a free gym membership. Ours has a lake with free kayaks and canoes and camping trips. There are career counselors and festivals, etc. There was free outdoor ice skating during Covid last year - our daughter and her roommate went several times. Her school requires on campus living the first 2 years so we didn’t have to worry about off campus housing right away. She is living off campus next year and will be able to stay in the house for two years if this year works out.

I would really love to know what school this is! It sounds great.

I thought the OP had a lot of good info and I wish the thread weren't up to 12 pages with the standard helicoptering parent debate. To the extent any other masochists have made it through this thread as far as I have, I'd add:

1) For your kids moving off-campus or living in dorms that have suites where they have to clean their own bathrooms and kitchens -- make sure they know how to clean common living areas. This is a high school skill but may need some refreshing. I had no issue buying and sending my kid with the tools and products he needed so he wouldn't waste money on ineffective products, and going over with him how to clean a sink, toilet, counters, stove, etc.

2) Make sure you have the legal paperwork in order before your kid leaves for school. The whole HIPAA thing kicks in -- you don't have the right to be involved in your kid's medical care, or know whether they're failing at school, unless they have signed waivers/power of attorney forms. I went through Mama Bear Legal Forms although I'm sure there are similar services available. Make sure you do state-specific forms.

Well, you clearly aren't interested in any constructive feedback people are providing about helicoptering. Doesn't the very fact that the company is called "Mama Bear" say anything to you about the appropriateness of this? You all think you have open, caring relationships, but yet, you need legal forms to know your kids' grades? If the smothering is so effective, why aren't they just telling you their grades? If your child is incapacitated, you do not need legal forms to act in his interest. That legal form is only so you can monitor if they get an STD and a prescription for birth control. The debate is standard because it's so unfuriating to read stuff like this. These poor 18-year-olds!

OMG! You are absolutely insane. And no, I don't think anyone on this thread is interested in your "constructive feedback" about helicoptering. The reason people get these forms completed is related to HIPAA, not grades. If your kid was admitted to the hospital (over 18) and you need to speak to a doctor about their condition, you simply cannot without this release in place. So you're saying, that you are comfortable with that?

Actually, my kid was in the hospital. The nurse walked over to his bed, said, "can I tell your mom what's up?" And he said, yes. Then I got all the information. He had a right to say no and he is allowed that, Mama Bear.

But if he had been unconscious from a car accident or alcohol overdose, it would be a different matter. And you could be hundreds of miles away, with no information.

Colleges don’t want you to know about the HIPAA because they don’t want to deal with parents. I’m an education lawyer. Both of our kids signed it because they knew the ropes. And twice we needed to intervene- in one case a faculty member hung up on us (special needs kid -don’t judge) so I went to the President whim I m we with the HIPAA. I was also on the Board. Smart parents do it. Read up on it before judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our daughter’s freshman year was last year. We sent the world’s best first aid kit and a COVID bug out bag in case she got sick and moved to the isolation dorm. Thankfully, neither she nor her roommate got sick and both got vaccinated as soon as they could. Encourage them to use the resources at their school. They have a free gym membership. Ours has a lake with free kayaks and canoes and camping trips. There are career counselors and festivals, etc. There was free outdoor ice skating during Covid last year - our daughter and her roommate went several times. Her school requires on campus living the first 2 years so we didn’t have to worry about off campus housing right away. She is living off campus next year and will be able to stay in the house for two years if this year works out.

I would really love to know what school this is! It sounds great.

I thought the OP had a lot of good info and I wish the thread weren't up to 12 pages with the standard helicoptering parent debate. To the extent any other masochists have made it through this thread as far as I have, I'd add:

1) For your kids moving off-campus or living in dorms that have suites where they have to clean their own bathrooms and kitchens -- make sure they know how to clean common living areas. This is a high school skill but may need some refreshing. I had no issue buying and sending my kid with the tools and products he needed so he wouldn't waste money on ineffective products, and going over with him how to clean a sink, toilet, counters, stove, etc.

2) Make sure you have the legal paperwork in order before your kid leaves for school. The whole HIPAA thing kicks in -- you don't have the right to be involved in your kid's medical care, or know whether they're failing at school, unless they have signed waivers/power of attorney forms. I went through Mama Bear Legal Forms although I'm sure there are similar services available. Make sure you do state-specific forms.

It’s W&M and, but for the food, it has been a really good experience. And I totally agree about the release forms. I have several different kinds. I also have had her update her info at each of our doctors offices naming her parents as people the office is permitted to communicate with. Without her release I wouldn’t even be able to discuss billing issues with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, you clearly aren't interested in any constructive feedback people are providing about helicoptering. Doesn't the very fact that the company is called "Mama Bear" say anything to you about the appropriateness of this? You all think you have open, caring relationships, but yet, you need legal forms to know your kids' grades? If the smothering is so effective, why aren't they just telling you their grades? If your child is incapacitated, you do not need legal forms to act in his interest. That legal form is only so you can monitor if they get an STD and a prescription for birth control. The debate is standard because it's so unfuriating to read stuff like this. These poor 18-year-olds!

JFC you're an idiot, and I hope no one takes your "constructive feedback" seriously. You're demonstrably ignorant as to why parents need these forms. (Also, it's "infuriating" not "unfuriating").

I'm an attorney and even I'm not going to try to draw up my own forms for ensuring I have a healthcare proxy, HIPAA and FERPA waiver, and durable/medical powers of attorney in case of emergency, whether physical, mental, or financial. I want to be able to get information on his condition from hospital personnel who are otherwise *not allowed* to give me that information if my child can't consent verbally to disclosure. I want to be able to make healthcare decisions for him if he's unconscious. I also want to be able to contact his school and get a list of his professors to let them know he's in the hospital. If he studies abroad, I need to be able to complete tasks for him like completing financial transactions.

My spouse and I have these forms for each other, because we're responsible adults. It's not "helicoptering" my spouse to have him sign these forms. Neither is it "helicoptering" my child to have him sign the same forms. It's about commonsense preparation for emergency situations.

Agree, and I also had these forms with my elderly parents. This is just smart legal planning for family members. You're cutting off your nose to spite your face if you think not doing this is making your kid more independent than mine. I am interested in where the attorney that I am responding to is getting their forms from if they are not comfortable doing it on their own. Last time I did these we had pre-paid legal which I don't at the moment and I don't want to pay attorney fees if I can avoid.

[Anonymous]

PP, I am the attorney poster and I did mine on Mama Bear. I took a look at the ones our attorney prepared back in the day when my spouse and I married and did all the fun durable power of attorney/health care proxy/etc. forms and they looked pretty comparable. That's not the field I practice in, so no way would I have done them myself and I too didn't want to pay an arm and a leg for what's essentially boilerplate.

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty funny that parents on a college forum are accusing others of being a helicopter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty funny that parents on a college forum are accusing others of being a helicopter!

Yep Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Disagree. This is good, reasonable advice.

Most colleges have parent Facebook groups, and they are CRAZY with helicopter parents. They post about how their kid's floor is too noisy, the food is bad, etc. OP's advice is none of that.

My DC has had a pretty good year, and we are grateful, especially in COVID times. YES, they got COVID. YES, they handled it.

Couple of tips from a kid at a large state university:

-- At a big school, an activity makes it feel a lot smaller. Join SOMETHING, even if you think you're not a joiner. There is so much for these kids to do ... they just have to push themselves out of their comfort zone and do it.

-- Find a nice place to study. This won't be the same for every kid, but creating positive associations with a certain place on campus seemed to light a fire under my kid.

-- Watch out for deadlines (housing, honors program, scholarship). The information is usually out there somewhere, but sometimes isn't well communicated.

This is good advice

+1
This actually is good advice. Sorry OP but you and a few others do indeed come across as way too invested in your kids’ day to day lives at this age. My parents basically cut me loose, so I acknowledge that there’s a sweet spot between that and the kind of granular detail some of you demand of your kids.

To the pp in this thread, this is helpful stuff parents can provide (especially the first year; probably less so in subsequent years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Disagree. This is good, reasonable advice.

Most colleges have parent Facebook groups, and they are CRAZY with helicopter parents. They post about how their kid's floor is too noisy, the food is bad, etc. OP's advice is none of that.

My DC has had a pretty good year, and we are grateful, especially in COVID times. YES, they got COVID. YES, they handled it.

Couple of tips from a kid at a large state university:

-- At a big school, an activity makes it feel a lot smaller. Join SOMETHING, even if you think you're not a joiner. There is so much for these kids to do ... they just have to push themselves out of their comfort zone and do it.

-- Find a nice place to study. This won't be the same for every kid, but creating positive associations with a certain place on campus seemed to light a fire under my kid.

-- Watch out for deadlines (housing, honors program, scholarship). The information is usually out there somewhere, but sometimes isn't well communicated.

This is good advice

+1
This actually is good advice. Sorry OP but you and a few others do indeed come across as way too invested in your kids’ day to day lives at this age. My parents basically cut me loose, so I acknowledge that there’s a sweet spot between that and the kind of granular detail some of you demand of your kids.

To the pp in this thread, this is helpful stuff parents can provide (especially the first year; probably less so in subsequent years).

Nothing the OP said is anywhere near too invested. Not sure what you are seeing there but some of the subsequent posters, yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I am the attorney poster and I did mine on Mama Bear. I took a look at the ones our attorney prepared back in the day when my spouse and I married and did all the fun durable power of attorney/health care proxy/etc. forms and they looked pretty comparable. That's not the field I practice in, so no way would I have done them myself and I too didn't want to pay an arm and a leg for what's essentially boilerplate.

Mama Bear?

Reminds me of the RWNJ crazy moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I am the attorney poster and I did mine on Mama Bear. I took a look at the ones our attorney prepared back in the day when my spouse and I married and did all the fun durable power of attorney/health care proxy/etc. forms and they looked pretty comparable. That's not the field I practice in, so no way would I have done them myself and I too didn't want to pay an arm and a leg for what's essentially boilerplate.

Mama Bear?

Reminds me of the RWNJ crazy moms.

Bigoted much?