Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Delusional are women like you, who want to ignore the overwhelming majority case (wife lost interest, husband cheats) to talk about the tiny fractional minority case (man has regular sex at home yet still cheats).

Nobody claimed it NEVER happens. But it’s like pointing at the broken clock during the 1 minute (ok, 2) per day that it’s right and claiming that is the norm.

JUST ONCE, cite a reputable source for this. Just one widely recognized, reputable source that has conducted any kind of study that concluded the "the overwhelming majority" of spouses who cheat were in sexless marriages. I dare you.

Soooo, common Fing sense just doesn't work for you?

Oh please such drama. Just state some source like the pp requested. Stop diverting. I don't even care what is the stat but just don't like how you minimize what the pp is asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

If you are okay with being a whore. Fine. Do you have daughters or sons or both?

Sons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

If you are okay with being a whore. Fine. Do you have daughters or sons or both?

Sons

The affair will blow up your marriages. Don’t be an idiot.

Everyone gets caught eventually.

Finding out your mom is a whore will be tough on your sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.


With 5 kids between you, how do you and AP find time? How did you meet? And how do you hid the expenses from you DH? That's the part I never understand. How do all these people find the time and money to have an affair without their spouses finding out

We meet during work hours. He has an apartment so no real expense(?). We worked together years before we began the affair.

[Anonymous]

If you are okay with being a whore. Fine. Do you have daughters or sons or both?


Sons

Does your husband (or his wife) have an AP as well?

Would you be good with your husband having an AP if he played by the same rules? I ask because if you are getting what you need from your DH and your AP, you should be okay with your DH getting what he needs as well.

[Anonymous]

Soooo, common Fing sense just doesn't work for you?

Oh, I have plenty of common sense - enough not to believe a cheating idiot on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Soooo, common Fing sense just doesn't work for you?

Haha gaslighting might work on your spouse (common cheater tactic) but not on me. What's your source?

[Anonymous]

We meet during work hours. He has an apartment so no real expense(?). We worked together years before we began the affair.

Is that supposed to make it better? Wait till your sons find out there mom is a liar and cheater - your relationship will never be the same. I hope your DH finds out and exposes your AP as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We meet during work hours. He has an apartment so no real expense(?). We worked together years before we began the affair.

Is that supposed to make it better? Wait till your sons find out there mom is a liar and cheater - your relationship will never be the same. I hope your DH finds out and exposes your AP as well.

My DH was doing this with some married woman. They were bold like this. It wasn’t 7 years, but it was several. They meticulously covered tracks and it was in the middle of his work day twice per month. She didn’t work so it was at her house when kids and husband were at school.

It destroyed our family. I found one tiny slip up and then it all came out- what they had been doing. Neither thought they’d ever get caught so they didn’t contemplate what the spouses would do.

“Get the f@ck out!” was my response. I think he banked I’m me being such a faithful spouse and a devoted mother that I would ever ask for a divorce. He is a shell of himself—cried, begged, pleaded.

I told her spouse. No idea what happened. I don’t give a sh@t. But, her spouse needed to know since they were having unprotected sex.

You destroy families. Both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Soooo, common Fing sense just doesn't work for you?

Oh, I have plenty of common sense - enough not to believe a cheating idiot on the internet.

OK, don't believe me. You want me to spoon feed you some kind of "study" because you just can't believe the obvious? I have no reason to lie to you. I gain nothing from whatever you believe. If you want to believe that most cheating men have a very active sex life at home, as illogical as that is, don't let me shatter your fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We meet during work hours. He has an apartment so no real expense(?). We worked together years before we began the affair.

Is that supposed to make it better? Wait till your sons find out there mom is a liar and cheater - your relationship will never be the same. I hope your DH finds out and exposes your AP as well.

My DH was doing this with some married woman. They were bold like this. It wasn’t 7 years, but it was several. They meticulously covered tracks and it was in the middle of his work day twice per month. She didn’t work so it was at her house when kids and husband were at school.

It destroyed our family. I found one tiny slip up and then it all came out- what they had been doing. Neither thought they’d ever get caught so they didn’t contemplate what the spouses would do.

“Get the f@ck out!” was my response. I think he banked I’m me being such a faithful spouse and a devoted mother that I would ever ask for a divorce. He is a shell of himself—cried, begged, pleaded.

I told her spouse. No idea what happened. I don’t give a sh@t. But, her spouse needed to know since they were having unprotected sex.

You destroy families. Both of you.

Just curious - what was the slip?

[Anonymous]

-^ I am not divulging. It just helps cheaters. Like the whore doing the same thing mine did a few posts up.

Lady with AP of 7 years, I had a break down when I found out about my spouse’s double life of 4 years. I have severe PTSD. I will never be the same mentally. I had no idea this was going on because things were good at home. It sounds so much like your arrangement. Long term affairs are a killer to a marriage. The absolute worst with very little to no chance for reconciliation.

What you are doing will destroy your family as well as his family. It is incredibly selfish and wrong not to have told your spouse before you opened the marriage to other partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Delusional are women like you, who want to ignore the overwhelming majority case (wife lost interest, husband cheats) to talk about the tiny fractional minority case (man has regular sex at home yet still cheats).

Nobody claimed it NEVER happens. But it’s like pointing at the broken clock during the 1 minute (ok, 2) per day that it’s right and claiming that is the norm.

JUST ONCE, cite a reputable source for this. Just one widely recognized, reputable source that has conducted any kind of study that concluded the "the overwhelming majority" of spouses who cheat were in sexless marriages. I dare you.

I'm a reputable source. Serial cheater for over a decade and in that time, I've met hundreds of cheaters and very few of them were what we call, cake eaters. I've frequented discussion boards where cheaters hang out and I've even attended events where we got together. That's as reputable as you will get. You won't find any "studies." Cheaters don't participate in studies.

You are a troll.

Here's a stat that blows up your theory - about 10% of marriages are sexless but the infidelity rate is between 30-60%. I would bet my life savings its far closer to the higher end of that range. Having done the business travel and convention circuit for years, the infidelity rate for professionally successful and charismatic men has to be near 100% and not all of them are sex starved at home.

So while I agree with you that an active sex life will minimize your chances of getting cheated on and depriving your spouse of sex will assure you will get cheated on, there is obviously some overlap between those who have some sex life at home and those who are cheating.

Just as I believe there are some men who would be faithful but cheated (justifiably) when deprived at home, I believe the women on here who say they were sexually generous but their husband still cheated. Monogamy is freakin' hard, and temptation is out there if you are a man with options.

[Anonymous]

^ sounds like you cheated on your wife. Did she ever find out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Delusional are women like you, who want to ignore the overwhelming majority case (wife lost interest, husband cheats) to talk about the tiny fractional minority case (man has regular sex at home yet still cheats).

Nobody claimed it NEVER happens. But it’s like pointing at the broken clock during the 1 minute (ok, 2) per day that it’s right and claiming that is the norm.

JUST ONCE, cite a reputable source for this. Just one widely recognized, reputable source that has conducted any kind of study that concluded the "the overwhelming majority" of spouses who cheat were in sexless marriages. I dare you.

I'm a reputable source. Serial cheater for over a decade and in that time, I've met hundreds of cheaters and very few of them were what we call, cake eaters. I've frequented discussion boards where cheaters hang out and I've even attended events where we got together. That's as reputable as you will get. You won't find any "studies." Cheaters don't participate in studies.

You are a troll.

Here's a stat that blows up your theory - about 10% of marriages are sexless but the infidelity rate is between 30-60%. I would bet my life savings its far closer to the higher end of that range. Having done the business travel and convention circuit for years, the infidelity rate for professionally successful and charismatic men has to be near 100% and not all of them are sex starved at home.

So while I agree with you that an active sex life will minimize your chances of getting cheated on and depriving your spouse of sex will assure you will get cheated on, there is obviously some overlap between those who have some sex life at home and those who are cheating.

Just as I believe there are some men who would be faithful but cheated (justifiably) when deprived at home, I believe the women on here who say they were sexually generous but their husband still cheated. Monogamy is freakin' hard, and temptation is out there if you are a man with options.

The claim (sexlessness) is specific to why MEN cheat. And where did you get those self serving numbers? Follow along:
Google “sexless marriage percentage” it says 20% which means BOTH the husband and the wife.
Google “infidelity statistics” and it says 25% of marriages BUT then subtract out where it’s the woman cheating.

I never claimed there aren’t super attractive frequent flying men who cheat in every city. That’s not the majority case for cheating men. The Ashley Maddison membership is comprised of average joe husbands (perhaps yours?) whose wife lost interest (perhaps you?). This is the overwhelming reason for married men who cheat.

You won’t find many articles that come right out and tell uninterested wives they better f$&k their husbands otherwise he will cheat. But that’s the cold hard truth.