Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why there is such a discussion on it being solely men who do this.

All the divorces I know about in our circles it is the women who have cheated. All of them. Only one couple have stayed together and that was because the husband didn't want to disrupt the kids lives.

Of the couples who have divorced and I don't know the circumstances it was the woman who initiated the divorce.

This isn't the old days where the woman is sitting at home while the man cheats, I actually think these days females are far more likely to cheat especially if she earns as much or more than the partner.

It's because if a woman cheats she is done with the marriage. If the man cheats, he is usually fine with the marriage but missing sex, either frequency or variety. Affairs for women are often exit affairs

Of course there are exceptions, but this is largely true and no I don't think it's a tiny fraction of men who are having regular sex who cheat. But still, men are cheating for sexual reasons and can still want to be married because often the rest of the marriage is ok

I don't agree. I've been on AM on and off for just over 10 years and met many married women who have no intention of leaving their marriage, but are missing sex. Many of them were still very much in love with their husbands even if the guy was an alcoholic. I can assure you, as a serial cheater who is now single there is no imbalance of men:women who are willing. Women are a LOT more discreet about affairs and not as likely to likely to discuss such things, even on an anonymous forum, but the numbers who cheat these days are just as many as men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why there is such a discussion on it being solely men who do this.

All the divorces I know about in our circles it is the women who have cheated. All of them. Only one couple have stayed together and that was because the husband didn't want to disrupt the kids lives.

Of the couples who have divorced and I don't know the circumstances it was the woman who initiated the divorce.

This isn't the old days where the woman is sitting at home while the man cheats, I actually think these days females are far more likely to cheat especially if she earns as much or more than the partner.

Cheating women come in all flavors from SAHM to CEOs. You never know who they are but they have one thing in common with most cheating men, they aren't getting the sex they need from their marriage. OK, all except that one woman who just couldn't get enough even though her H gave it to her 33-4 times a week. She just needed a little more excitement than his vanilla antics.

[Anonymous]

^ they say it initially. If the affair keeps going they start talking about the possibility of being together permanently. Almost every single one of them. If u blow you load a few times and ghost fine—but if u start stringing along for long periods of time to blow your load—they all start expressing love eventually. It’s how women work. Men will say anything just to keep that free poo-tang coming. Even when they don’t really like them that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ they say it initially. If the affair keeps going they start talking about the possibility of being together permanently. Almost every single one of them. If u blow you load a few times and ghost fine—but if u start stringing along for long periods of time to blow your load—they all start expressing love eventually. It’s how women work. Men will say anything just to keep that free poo-tang coming. Even when they don’t really like them that much.

Truth. I got the feels real bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ they say it initially. If the affair keeps going they start talking about the possibility of being together permanently. Almost every single one of them. If u blow you load a few times and ghost fine—but if u start stringing along for long periods of time to blow your load—they all start expressing love eventually. It’s how women work. Men will say anything just to keep that free poo-tang coming. Even when they don’t really like them that much.

This. You can’t string them along too long. The Ashley Madison women play a good “game” up front- but if you continue they all suddenly want more than just sex. They start pushing for more and more time, intimacy and eventually start bringing up being together permanently.

Get out early. Cut and run. Don’t make it a multi-year thing. You are asking for severe trouble if you do.

[Anonymous]

There is a reason they are on there. The SAHMs are looking for an exit affair and even when they claim it’s just sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ they say it initially. If the affair keeps going they start talking about the possibility of being together permanently. Almost every single one of them. If u blow you load a few times and ghost fine—but if u start stringing along for long periods of time to blow your load—they all start expressing love eventually. It’s how women work. Men will say anything just to keep that free poo-tang coming. Even when they don’t really like them that much.

Man here who had three affairs and won't do it again. All of them fall in love over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ they say it initially. If the affair keeps going they start talking about the possibility of being together permanently. Almost every single one of them. If u blow you load a few times and ghost fine—but if u start stringing along for long periods of time to blow your load—they all start expressing love eventually. It’s how women work. Men will say anything just to keep that free poo-tang coming. Even when they don’t really like them that much.

Man here who had three affairs and won't do it again. All of them fall in love over time.

Or you could pick up men, who’d be just like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ they say it initially. If the affair keeps going they start talking about the possibility of being together permanently. Almost every single one of them. If u blow you load a few times and ghost fine—but if u start stringing along for long periods of time to blow your load—they all start expressing love eventually. It’s how women work. Men will say anything just to keep that free poo-tang coming. Even when they don’t really like them that much.

Very true. 6 months is the ideal time limit, maybe 10 months max in my experience. Just as many ended with me as I ended it. A lot of times they were guilt queens, or her husband mentioned trying to save the marriage, quit drinking, etc. So she felt she had to give him a chance. Those were always back again after a few short months. Do this long enough and you will hook up a experienced pro cheating women. I was with one for almost a year who cheated for nearly her entire marriage of 20 years. She wasn't going to get clingy or want more. Met a few like that but the rest all wanted reciprocal love eventually and to at least hold the fantasy of some day running off together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ they say it initially. If the affair keeps going they start talking about the possibility of being together permanently. Almost every single one of them. If u blow you load a few times and ghost fine—but if u start stringing along for long periods of time to blow your load—they all start expressing love eventually. It’s how women work. Men will say anything just to keep that free poo-tang coming. Even when they don’t really like them that much.

Very true. 6 months is the ideal time limit, maybe 10 months max in my experience. Just as many ended with me as I ended it. A lot of times they were guilt queens, or her husband mentioned trying to save the marriage, quit drinking, etc. So she felt she had to give him a chance. Those were always back again after a few short months. Do this long enough and you will hook up a experienced pro cheating women. I was with one for almost a year who cheated for nearly her entire marriage of 20 years. She wasn't going to get clingy or want more. Met a few like that but the rest all wanted reciprocal love eventually and to at least hold the fantasy of some day running off together.

So sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ they say it initially. If the affair keeps going they start talking about the possibility of being together permanently. Almost every single one of them. If u blow you load a few times and ghost fine—but if u start stringing along for long periods of time to blow your load—they all start expressing love eventually. It’s how women work. Men will say anything just to keep that free poo-tang coming. Even when they don’t really like them that much.

This. You can’t string them along too long. The Ashley Madison women play a good “game” up front- but if you continue they all suddenly want more than just sex. They start pushing for more and more time, intimacy and eventually start bringing up being together permanently.

Get out early. Cut and run. Don’t make it a multi-year thing. You are asking for severe trouble if you do.

Learned the hard way on this one. She started bringing up being together permanently all the time even though I categorically and up-front said I would never leave my wife. I was in love with her. I kept it going longer to try to ease out of it gently because I was afraid if I cut and ran she’d blow up and tell my wife. It dragged out much longer than I wanted. I never really like her that much. It was easy sex to deal with a host of my own issues. Frankly, she had a bitchy side and would make snide comments. The real personality started emerging over time.

[Anonymous]

Delusional are women like you, who want to ignore the overwhelming majority case (wife lost interest, husband cheats) to talk about the tiny fractional minority case (man has regular sex at home yet still cheats).

Nobody claimed it NEVER happens. But it’s like pointing at the broken clock during the 1 minute (ok, 2) per day that it’s right and claiming that is the norm.

JUST ONCE, cite a reputable source for this. Just one widely recognized, reputable source that has conducted any kind of study that concluded the "the overwhelming majority" of spouses who cheat were in sexless marriages. I dare you.

[Anonymous]

I've been scrolling past this thread for weeks. I don't have the bandwidth to read it all, so I randomly clicked from last page and back. This pp is whacko!

Listen, I've stopped responding to you because you're a troll. One thing I want to say here to you and any man who thinks like you: instead of me educating wives-turned-low-libido that sexless lilfestyle leads to cheating, why doesn't this generation of fathers start educating their daughters that sex is the most important thing to men in a relationship and men will cheat if there's no sex. I don't understand men's viewpoint as you have previously indicated and so you fathers will do better job in educating your daughters/nieces. You'll be doing your brethren/sons/nephews a favor by educating your daughters on what are men really like. Also make sure to tell your daughters that it's not only about frequency of sex but it's also about new acts/excitement, and that women should never turn a man down for sex (....you know, leads to cheating), and that marriage gets boring and so will likely lead to divorce when kids leave for school. Instead of posting your viewpoints on here, it's better you start with girls in your household. You'll be doing society a favor.

Gotta say ladies, your responses are fear based! I'm assuming women who are having great sex with their husbands aren't reading this thread. Monogamy is a grind, instituted by archaic men to own and keep women virtuous. Y'all are still drinking the kool aid. Monogamy is a boring grind for many women too, but they're not screaming from the hilltop about it. We have not evolved, as is evident by our current society. Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Delusional are women like you, who want to ignore the overwhelming majority case (wife lost interest, husband cheats) to talk about the tiny fractional minority case (man has regular sex at home yet still cheats).

Nobody claimed it NEVER happens. But it’s like pointing at the broken clock during the 1 minute (ok, 2) per day that it’s right and claiming that is the norm.

JUST ONCE, cite a reputable source for this. Just one widely recognized, reputable source that has conducted any kind of study that concluded the "the overwhelming majority" of spouses who cheat were in sexless marriages. I dare you.

I'm a reputable source. Serial cheater for over a decade and in that time, I've met hundreds of cheaters and very few of them were what we call, cake eaters. I've frequented discussion boards where cheaters hang out and I've even attended events where we got together. That's as reputable as you will get. You won't find any "studies." Cheaters don't participate in studies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Delusional are women like you, who want to ignore the overwhelming majority case (wife lost interest, husband cheats) to talk about the tiny fractional minority case (man has regular sex at home yet still cheats).

Nobody claimed it NEVER happens. But it’s like pointing at the broken clock during the 1 minute (ok, 2) per day that it’s right and claiming that is the norm.

JUST ONCE, cite a reputable source for this. Just one widely recognized, reputable source that has conducted any kind of study that concluded the "the overwhelming majority" of spouses who cheat were in sexless marriages. I dare you.

Soooo, common Fing sense just doesn't work for you?