Horrible Marriage Counselors

[Anonymous]

Is there a list on here because I am not seeing a lot of success stories?

My wife had an affair and we went to see Dr. Sarah Hedlund and I regret every minute of it. I thought that the point was to stop the affair and improve the marriage, but I was in for a huge surprise. We were pretty much there to make my wife feel better about herself. At no point did she even suggest to stop contact. In fact, during the first session she said this: "It's perfectly normal to feel like you want to see him again and you probably will." After that, the Dr. was surprised to learn that my wife continued contact after three months of therapy.

If you are an expert on affairs then knowing how to read a cheater would be a necessary skill. This is only second to ending affairs. That was clearly not the focus.


If you have a cheating spouse don't waste your time with a therapist unless you know who you are dealing with. I get the feeling that folks usually attend because they have to and the therapist is just there to make an easy buck. Sometimes it's even required before a divorce, so it's just a way for a spouse that cheated to torment their partners.


Seriously, don't fall for it.

[Anonymous]

I went for couple's counseling after a guy got physical with me in an argument and had the same experience -- the counselor just wanted to talk about his childhood and why I made him so mad. When I finally asked if he was even going to address the violence he rolled his eyes and said in a sarcastic voice, "okay, don't hit her." I was completely floored by how terrible of a person he was, let alone therapist. Frank Abate, if we're making a list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a list on here because I am not seeing a lot of success stories?

My wife had an affair and we went to see Dr. Sarah Hedlund and I regret every minute of it. I thought that the point was to stop the affair and improve the marriage, but I was in for a huge surprise. We were pretty much there to make my wife feel better about herself. At no point did she even suggest to stop contact. In fact, during the first session she said this: "It's perfectly normal to feel like you want to see him again and you probably will." After that, the Dr. was surprised to learn that my wife continued contact after three months of therapy.

If you are an expert on affairs then knowing how to read a cheater would be a necessary skill. This is only second to ending affairs. That was clearly not the focus.


If you have a cheating spouse don't waste your time with a therapist unless you know who you are dealing with. I get the feeling that folks usually attend because they have to and the therapist is just there to make an easy buck. Sometimes it's even required before a divorce, so it's just a way for a spouse that cheated to torment their partners.


Seriously, don't fall for it.

I don't have a cheating spouse (yet, but you never know). But I wouldn't spend a dime in therapy. I'd go straight to a legal separation, then he could come crawling back when he's finished screwing around, then we'd get a post-nup agreement entirely in my favor, and if he cheats again (which he would, because cheaters are liars and always cheat), we'd get divorced and I'd bank $$$$$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went for couple's counseling after a guy got physical with me in an argument and had the same experience -- the counselor just wanted to talk about his childhood and why I made him so mad. When I finally asked if he was even going to address the violence he rolled his eyes and said in a sarcastic voice, "okay, don't hit her." I was completely floored by how terrible of a person he was, let alone therapist. Frank Abate, if we're making a list.

Before my experience and talking to others, I wouldn't have believed you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a list on here because I am not seeing a lot of success stories?

My wife had an affair and we went to see Dr. Sarah Hedlund and I regret every minute of it. I thought that the point was to stop the affair and improve the marriage, but I was in for a huge surprise. We were pretty much there to make my wife feel better about herself. At no point did she even suggest to stop contact. In fact, during the first session she said this: "It's perfectly normal to feel like you want to see him again and you probably will." After that, the Dr. was surprised to learn that my wife continued contact after three months of therapy.

If you are an expert on affairs then knowing how to read a cheater would be a necessary skill. This is only second to ending affairs. That was clearly not the focus.


If you have a cheating spouse don't waste your time with a therapist unless you know who you are dealing with. I get the feeling that folks usually attend because they have to and the therapist is just there to make an easy buck. Sometimes it's even required before a divorce, so it's just a way for a spouse that cheated to torment their partners.


Seriously, don't fall for it.

I don't have a cheating spouse (yet, but you never know). But I wouldn't spend a dime in therapy. I'd go straight to a legal separation, then he could come crawling back when he's finished screwing around, then we'd get a post-nup agreement entirely in my favor, and if he cheats again (which he would, because cheaters are liars and always cheat), we'd get divorced and I'd bank $$$$$$.

Bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a list on here because I am not seeing a lot of success stories?

My wife had an affair and we went to see Dr. Sarah Hedlund and I regret every minute of it. I thought that the point was to stop the affair and improve the marriage, but I was in for a huge surprise. We were pretty much there to make my wife feel better about herself. At no point did she even suggest to stop contact. In fact, during the first session she said this: "It's perfectly normal to feel like you want to see him again and you probably will." After that, the Dr. was surprised to learn that my wife continued contact after three months of therapy.

If you are an expert on affairs then knowing how to read a cheater would be a necessary skill. This is only second to ending affairs. That was clearly not the focus.

If you have a cheating spouse don't waste your time with a therapist unless you know who you are dealing with. I get the feeling that folks usually attend because they have to and the therapist is just there to make an easy buck. Sometimes it's even required before a divorce, so it's just a way for a spouse that cheated to torment their partners.

Seriously, don't fall for it.

The thing about therapy is that the people seeking therapy get to set the focus the vast majority of the time. A good therapist will ask about goals, for example. That is the point at which you speak up and say, "I want to improve our marriage and for my wife to not speak to the other man ever again." A therapist is not going to tell you what to do. They will make suggestions and provide guidance, but at the end of the day, if you wanted your wife to not talk to her AP again, it's your responsibility to communicate that to her, in therapy or out of it.

If you have a cheating spouse and you want to stay married to them, going to therapy is a good way to learn how to communicate and improve your marriage. It's not flawless and not all couples counselors are good. It's pretty hard not to be more sympathetic to one party than the other. We talk about that kind of issue a lot in professional development.

[Anonymous]

If you were looking for someone to tell your wife not to cheat, you went to the wrong place. Your wife had to make that choice herself. Therapists don't judge (outwardly) and they don't tell people what to do. The goal of therapy is to identify the problems in your marriage and help you solve them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a list on here because I am not seeing a lot of success stories?

My wife had an affair and we went to see Dr. Sarah Hedlund and I regret every minute of it. I thought that the point was to stop the affair and improve the marriage, but I was in for a huge surprise. We were pretty much there to make my wife feel better about herself. At no point did she even suggest to stop contact. In fact, during the first session she said this: "It's perfectly normal to feel like you want to see him again and you probably will." After that, the Dr. was surprised to learn that my wife continued contact after three months of therapy.

If you are an expert on affairs then knowing how to read a cheater would be a necessary skill. This is only second to ending affairs. That was clearly not the focus.


If you have a cheating spouse don't waste your time with a therapist unless you know who you are dealing with. I get the feeling that folks usually attend because they have to and the therapist is just there to make an easy buck. Sometimes it's even required before a divorce, so it's just a way for a spouse that cheated to torment their partners.


Seriously, don't fall for it.

I don't have a cheating spouse (yet, but you never know). But I wouldn't spend a dime in therapy. I'd go straight to a legal separation, then he could come crawling back when he's finished screwing around, then we'd get a post-nup agreement entirely in my favor, and if he cheats again (which he would, because cheaters are liars and always cheat), we'd get divorced and I'd bank $$$$$$.

Bullshit.

I'm really sorry you have a hard time with this, but statistically, cheaters repeat cheating behaviors over and over. Look it up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were looking for someone to tell your wife not to cheat, you went to the wrong place. Your wife had to make that choice herself. Therapists don't judge (outwardly) and they don't tell people what to do. The goal of therapy is to identify the problems in your marriage and help you solve them.

Now you sound like the therapist. I think that it's pretty obvious why we were there. If that needs to be explained then it truly is a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were looking for someone to tell your wife not to cheat, you went to the wrong place. Your wife had to make that choice herself. Therapists don't judge (outwardly) and they don't tell people what to do. The goal of therapy is to identify the problems in your marriage and help you solve them.

Incorrect. The goal in therapy is to milk the client and their insurer as much as possible.

As for shitty ones, well, I won't name her but she's ancient and in Old Town and everyone knows her. She blamed me for my wife's affair and had the gaul to send me harassing texts for not continuing to use her services after I explained that I had no intention of listening to someone blame me for my wife sucking her coworker's cock. I point blank asked to condemn infidelity and she sat there, silent, with a smirk on her face staring me right in the eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a list on here because I am not seeing a lot of success stories?

My wife had an affair and we went to see Dr. Sarah Hedlund and I regret every minute of it. I thought that the point was to stop the affair and improve the marriage, but I was in for a huge surprise. We were pretty much there to make my wife feel better about herself. At no point did she even suggest to stop contact. In fact, during the first session she said this: "It's perfectly normal to feel like you want to see him again and you probably will." After that, the Dr. was surprised to learn that my wife continued contact after three months of therapy.

If you are an expert on affairs then knowing how to read a cheater would be a necessary skill. This is only second to ending affairs. That was clearly not the focus.

If you have a cheating spouse don't waste your time with a therapist unless you know who you are dealing with. I get the feeling that folks usually attend because they have to and the therapist is just there to make an easy buck. Sometimes it's even required before a divorce, so it's just a way for a spouse that cheated to torment their partners.

Seriously, don't fall for it.

The thing about therapy is that the people seeking therapy get to set the focus the vast majority of the time. A good therapist will ask about goals, for example. That is the point at which you speak up and say, "I want to improve our marriage and for my wife to not speak to the other man ever again." A therapist is not going to tell you what to do. They will make suggestions and provide guidance, but at the end of the day, if you wanted your wife to not talk to her AP again, it's your responsibility to communicate that to her, in therapy or out of it.

If you have a cheating spouse and you want to stay married to them, going to therapy is a good way to learn how to communicate and improve your marriage. It's not flawless and not all couples counselors are good. It's pretty hard not to be more sympathetic to one party than the other. We talk about that kind of issue a lot in professional development.

This is easy. You directly address the issues. Something like "if you want this marriage to work then you need to stop all contact. If you can't do that then you are wasting your partner's time and money." That's easy but probably not as profitable.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the therapist.

One of my family member’s went to therapy for her crappy marriage. The therapist told her that her husband (who cheated) would never change and to come back for individual counseling when they were getting a divorce. Which is exactly what I would have said....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were looking for someone to tell your wife not to cheat, you went to the wrong place. Your wife had to make that choice herself. Therapists don't judge (outwardly) and they don't tell people what to do. The goal of therapy is to identify the problems in your marriage and help you solve them.

Incorrect. The goal in therapy is to milk the client and their insurer as much as possible.

As for shitty ones, well, I won't name her but she's ancient and in Old Town and everyone knows her. She blamed me for my wife's affair and had the gaul to send me harassing texts for not continuing to use her services after I explained that I had no intention of listening to someone blame me for my wife sucking her coworker's cock. I point blank asked to condemn infidelity and she sat there, silent, with a smirk on her face staring me right in the eye.

Couple therapist can be bitter husband haters. In that case, the goal is also to make you as miserable as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the therapist.

One of my family member’s went to therapy for her crappy marriage. The therapist told her that her husband (who cheated) would never change and to come back for individual counseling when they were getting a divorce. Which is exactly what I would have said....

+1

[Anonymous]

My wife was cheating and we saw three different therapists and she was also seeing a therapist individually. My wife did not stop the affair and yes she is an exDW. Therapy is a waste of money and time if your wife is cheating. Save it to pay the lawyers.