Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with assumption that the betrayed spouse will in fact destroy your life and haunt you for the rest of it. Tell everyone that knows you.

If you are willing to take that risk and the risk your spouse will divorce you when he/she tells them, then by all means play ball.

You seriously overestimate how much people care. Adultery is common. A betrayed spouse has very little power to "destroy your life" simply because the number of people who'd care is very, very small. Like her parents+sister small. Seriously. Nobody cares. A betrayed spouse who tells "everyone that knows you" makes herself look pathetic and small. You have no idea how little people care. I mean he can get divorced today, remarry tomorrow and five years from now no one will remember. Get some perspective. I say this as a wronged spouse.

You are wrong. Most people care. Like, the American people would never elect a man who cheated on his wife because they care too much, especially the conservatives. Just like how when Bill Clinton was caught, his approval ratings went down and he was thrown out of office his second term. And you never hear people chanting "tiger" anymore on the golf course, since he was shunned since the cheating.

Thus the bill to remove MLK Day from our national holiday line-up, since he was a notorious philanderer.

You are unhinged. Bill Clinton wasn't thrown out of office. He was impeached and then went on to finish his term. And the electoral college did choose a man who cheated on his wife, remember Marla Maples. Take your misery and mental illness to a therapist.

Are you really so dumb you don't recognize sarcasm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

IN all my years of cheating, going on 11 now, I never once entered an AP's home, or had her in mine. That's not common at all.

Yiu are human garbage no matter where you are.

You are a horrible woman and your H is miserable. Feel better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

The fact that you saw your AP on mother's day and the fact that you can't wait to see your AP again means this isn't emotionless. You're taking away time from your family, not just your wife, to be with your AP. Whether you believe it or not, you're on your way to mentally divorcing from you wife. Do her a favor and let her move on now. At least show her some respect for the time you spent together and that you have kids. I mean you are pretty disgusting for the way you treat your wife. Also, I'm sorry for your sons because their role model for how a woman should be treated and what is the right thing to do comes from you. Just feel bad for your sons and that you are their role model and not setting them up well for relationships with women (your attitude is pretty dismissive and uncaring for women). Maybe you don't care how women are treated and their plight doesn't make a difference to you (otherwise you would have told your wife about cheating/exploring divorce)--It certainly seems that way and so you sound misogynistic.

Oh my God, think of the children! Once again, I never said anything about having a son or a daughter. Why is it you can't have this discussion without dragging children into it? If I had a puppy, would I be neglecting him also?

So if you're not thinking of children and you don't have respect for your wife, why do you stay in the marriage? Is it financial reason? Also, you ignored the fact that you were planning to spend a part of Mother's Day with your AP. This is just sick. You are already leaving your wife emotionally so why not make it official? See----I'm not asking you to go without sex, just go without lying/cheating. BTW, you should think about the children. The way you treat women is the model for your kids/sons. As I mentioned earlier, if you have sons and you don't care about how sons treat their wives, that's just misogyny. You'll be leaving your wife sooner or later and so at least let her know your plans. Maybe she decides to stay in this marriage for kids as well. Give her respect by giving her choice. You are treating her poorly. Do you care at all about your wife and so whether you treat her poorly?

Once again, I'm not going into detail about my marriage or my reasons for staying. It's enough for you to know that I am and it's best for everyone. I'm not ignoring the fact that I got away with my AP on Mother's day. What about it? The way I treat women is no model for any child who has no business concerning themselves with adult sexual situations any more than I would involve them in knowing such things. TBC

[Anonymous]

You are a horrible woman and your H is miserable. Feel better?

The difference is, you are wrong. My spouse and I are solid and happy - but neither of us are liars or cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Once again, I'm not going into detail about my marriage or my reasons for staying. It's enough for you to know that I am and it's best for everyone. I'm not ignoring the fact that I got away with my AP on Mother's day. What about it? The way I treat women is no model for any child who has no business concerning themselves with adult sexual situations any more than I would involve them in knowing such things. TBC

You really should stop posting, because you make yourself sound worse every time you do. Any sympathy that anyone might have had for your sexless marriage is totally destroyed by your utter lack of respect for your DW and family. Meeting your AP on Mother’s Day adds a huge degree of callousness, for you and your AP, and your DW will definitely think so when she finds out. You keep talking about children not concerning themselves with adult sexual situations, but anyone with two brain cells knows an affair doesn’t come down to sex for kids - it’s about the betrayal to their other parent and them. All you have to do is read other threads on this forum to understand the long-term damage affairs do to kids and their relationship with their cheating parent. Based on your views about children you have written here, I’m guessing your relationship with your kids is not good anyway. Your affair is not best for everyone, it’s best for you only. At least be honest with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dramatic much? I have been having an affair for seven years with a guy who is open about the fact his marriage is pretty good, other than the infrequent, low passion sex. He never even said he doesn't get sex from his wife. Neither of us want to leave our spouses in general, and we do not want to be married to each other. We both find the sex and friendship worthwhile and gives us somethings we don't get in our marriages. We have five kids between us. I don't see how it would be better to be transparent and blow up two families than to continue seeing each other. We haven't seen each other since early March, so it's not like we can't live without each other.

Don't bother. I've tried explaining the obvious for more than 30 pages. These women like to play dumb and live in denial bout how real life works.

Actually it’s you who lives in denial about what you’re doing to your wife is wrong. Yiu have said that it’s a 10 year horizon for you to consider divorcing your wife. That’s just wrong and selfish of you to keep her in dark about your plans. No need to put up with sexlessness, just divorce your wife so that she can find her future the way you are already planning your future while you keep her in the dark.

Thanks, but I think I'll run things my way. You can have sympathy for her if you like but she's fine. I don't remember what i said about ten years but I'm pretty sure I never said I have a ten year plan for divorcing her. If she doesn't come around and wants to continue denying me sex or even talking about it, I'm sure we won't last ten years. I did say it's day to day and it is. For today, I'm managing alright, not that you care. I know you have nothing but scorn for me. But I feel alive again and I like looking forward to the next time I can see my AP. Meanwhile, I'm nothing but kind to my wife where before, I didn't feel like she deserved any kindness when she didn't care how I felt at all. Now, it doesn't matter and I don't resent her one bit. She enjoys being sexless and I'm done fighting a hopeless battle I can't win.

The fact that you saw your AP on mother's day and the fact that you can't wait to see your AP again means this isn't emotionless. You're taking away time from your family, not just your wife, to be with your AP. Whether you believe it or not, you're on your way to mentally divorcing from you wife. Do her a favor and let her move on now. At least show her some respect for the time you spent together and that you have kids. I mean you are pretty disgusting for the way you treat your wife. Also, I'm sorry for your sons because their role model for how a woman should be treated and what is the right thing to do comes from you. Just feel bad for your sons and that you are their role model and not setting them up well for relationships with women (your attitude is pretty dismissive and uncaring for women). Maybe you don't care how women are treated and their plight doesn't make a difference to you (otherwise you would have told your wife about cheating/exploring divorce)--It certainly seems that way and so you sound misogynistic.

Oh my God, think of the children! Once again, I never said anything about having a son or a daughter. Why is it you can't have this discussion without dragging children into it? If I had a puppy, would I be neglecting him also?

So if you're not thinking of children and you don't have respect for your wife, why do you stay in the marriage? Is it financial reason? Also, you ignored the fact that you were planning to spend a part of Mother's Day with your AP. This is just sick. You are already leaving your wife emotionally so why not make it official? See----I'm not asking you to go without sex, just go without lying/cheating. BTW, you should think about the children. The way you treat women is the model for your kids/sons. As I mentioned earlier, if you have sons and you don't care about how sons treat their wives, that's just misogyny. You'll be leaving your wife sooner or later and so at least let her know your plans. Maybe she decides to stay in this marriage for kids as well. Give her respect by giving her choice. You are treating her poorly. Do you care at all about your wife and so whether you treat her poorly?

Once again, I'm not going into detail about my marriage or my reasons for staying. It's enough for you to know that I am and it's best for everyone. I'm not ignoring the fact that I got away with my AP on Mother's day. What about it? The way I treat women is no model for any child who has no business concerning themselves with adult sexual situations any more than I would involve them in knowing such things.

You, and maybe others-I can't tell keep repeating that I should just come clean and give her a choice, let her decide if she wants to divorce me now or continue to live like this. You ignore that she has that choice. Isn't it on her to tell me what her plans are? Has she decided for good that nothing will change? Does she want to live like this in a sexless marriage,, work to solve this problem, leave me to find another man she does want to have sex with, or..?? Shouldn't she tell me her plans? Is she not treating me just as poorly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sweet irony for sexless married dude would be to find out that his wife is not sexless, but just sexless with him.

That's a great fantasy but OK, I'll play along. If that were the case, the outcome is the same for me so it makes no difference to how this plays out. Either way, she isn't willing to resume our sex life.

So are you only about you? Does it matter that you will affect her for a very long time if she finds out about your infidelity? If not, then you should be divorcing her anyway. If you do care for her, then do the right thing. I guess it comes down to whether you care for anyone but yourself.

I don't know what matters to her but I doubt this will affect her for a very long time. She will get over it the same as anyone else and move on. Hopefully to a more compatible relationship with her changed way of thinking. Or maybe some man who can re-ignite that spark that has died. Indeed, I care for her. This is just sex. It's not the entirety of my marraige.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without wading through 43 pages....

My mindset was 100% sexual. Here's the easiest way to test it. I would have the overwhelming urge to call my AP. But if I took care of myself, the urge went away, completely. In fact, the idea then seemed risky and stupid.

Just one view that sometimes it's just an unfulfilled primal urge.

Yeah well, not all of us are content to just JO the rest of our lives but I'm glad you are keeping the various porn sites in business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without wading through 43 pages....

My mindset was 100% sexual. Here's the easiest way to test it. I would have the overwhelming urge to call my AP. But if I took care of myself, the urge went away, completely. In fact, the idea then seemed risky and stupid.

Just one view that sometimes it's just an unfulfilled primal urge.

Maybe for some but you'll find many women who say they were having sex with their husbands but they still cheated. Also, if that is the case, just taking care of yourself should solve the problem but it clearly doesn't with the cheaters. There's more to it.

No, you really won't, as much as you'd like people to believe that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IN all my years of cheating, going on 11 now, I never once entered an AP's home, or had her in mine. That's not common at all.

It happens about 2% of the time...they cite it as the most depraved people being able to do this. Have the AP in their home repeatedly.

It is depraved. It is a sick, sick person that is capable of bringing another person into the family home and screw them over and over again.

And then go to bed in that same bed with their spouse. Look their children in the eyes when they come home from middle school/high school with the sex from just an hour ago lingering in the air.

Sick, sick, sickos. The majority are stay at home mothers living off their husband's $ too.

Gross. People actually do this?

Double wides in West VA ok. But, educated people in the DMV are bringing people they meet off of the Internet into their family’s homes to f@ck?!?!!

Don’t they have neighbors??? My neighborhood- everybody knows everyone. It wouldn’t go unnoticed if some dude or chick nobody knew started to become a regular visitor. Surely they are all talking behind his/her back. Those poor kids!!! If they are in MS/HS- it will get back to them.

What kind of parent does that? Christ- that’s dirty.

Hardly anyone does that. But sure, it happens with some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one in our neighborhood. It’s endless gossip among the dog walkers.

He comes mid-day same day of the week a few times per month. We toyed with leaving an anonymous note to her husband.

That’s crazy!! And stupid. Playing with fire

When I lived in an apartment, there was a couple across the street. The wife was very heavy set. Sometimes I'd see a different woman who looked somewhat similar to her, also heavy set. It came to light that they were wife swapping and the women would spend that day at the other's house. They actually invited my wife to join in the fun and we politely declined.

My point being, you really don't know what is going on with this other man or why he is there on a regular basis. Maybe he has some legitimate business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with assumption that the betrayed spouse will in fact destroy your life and haunt you for the rest of it. Tell everyone that knows you.

If you are willing to take that risk and the risk your spouse will divorce you when he/she tells them, then by all means play ball.

That's kind of like a revenge fantasy that is running through these threads, like the BS story of the woman who was held down and had her head shaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with assumption that the betrayed spouse will in fact destroy your life and haunt you for the rest of it. Tell everyone that knows you.

If you are willing to take that risk and the risk your spouse will divorce you when he/she tells them, then by all means play ball.

You seriously overestimate how much people care. Adultery is common. A betrayed spouse has very little power to "destroy your life" simply because the number of people who'd care is very, very small. Like her parents+sister small. Seriously. Nobody cares. A betrayed spouse who tells "everyone that knows you" makes herself look pathetic and small. You have no idea how little people care. I mean he can get divorced today, remarry tomorrow and five years from now no one will remember. Get some perspective. I say this as a wronged spouse.

Seriously, they really don't. Exposing the cheater isn't going to ruin his/her life in most cases. If I hear of some man who cheated, I'm right away wondering what I'm not hearing and what drove him to such lengths. I'm not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with assumption that the betrayed spouse will in fact destroy your life and haunt you for the rest of it. Tell everyone that knows you.

If you are willing to take that risk and the risk your spouse will divorce you when he/she tells them, then by all means play ball.

You seriously overestimate how much people care. Adultery is common. A betrayed spouse has very little power to "destroy your life" simply because the number of people who'd care is very, very small. Like her parents+sister small. Seriously. Nobody cares. A betrayed spouse who tells "everyone that knows you" makes herself look pathetic and small. You have no idea how little people care. I mean he can get divorced today, remarry tomorrow and five years from now no one will remember. Get some perspective. I say this as a wronged spouse.

You are wrong. Most people care. Like, the American people would never elect a man who cheated on his wife because they care too much, especially the conservatives. Just like how when Bill Clinton was caught, his approval ratings went down and he was thrown out of office his second term. And you never hear people chanting "tiger" anymore on the golf course, since he was shunned since the cheating.

Thus the bill to remove MLK Day from our national holiday line-up, since he was a notorious philanderer.

Wow, the amount of gullible in this thread is astounding.

You are unhinged. Bill Clinton wasn't thrown out of office. He was impeached and then went on to finish his term. And the electoral college did choose a man who cheated on his wife, remember Marla Maples. Take your misery and mental illness to a therapist.

Wow, the amount of gullible in this thread is astounding. Thanks for the history lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are a horrible woman and your H is miserable. Feel better?

The difference is, you are wrong. My spouse and I are solid and happy - but neither of us are liars or cheaters.

That's great. I hope you aren't denying him sex as is my spouse. I envy your relationship.