Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with assumption that the betrayed spouse will in fact destroy your life and haunt you for the rest of it. Tell everyone that knows you.

If you are willing to take that risk and the risk your spouse will divorce you when he/she tells them, then by all means play ball.

You seriously overestimate how much people care. Adultery is common. A betrayed spouse has very little power to "destroy your life" simply because the number of people who'd care is very, very small. Like her parents+sister small. Seriously. Nobody cares. A betrayed spouse who tells "everyone that knows you" makes herself look pathetic and small. You have no idea how little people care. I mean he can get divorced today, remarry tomorrow and five years from now no one will remember. Get some perspective. I say this as a wronged spouse.

You are wrong. Most people care. Like, the American people would never elect a man who cheated on his wife because they care too much, especially the conservatives. Just like how when Bill Clinton was caught, his approval ratings went down and he was thrown out of office his second term. And you never hear people chanting "tiger" anymore on the golf course, since he was shunned since the cheating.

Thus the bill to remove MLK Day from our national holiday line-up, since he was a notorious philanderer.

Haha. Even in America not many people care at all. Affairs in Europe and Asia are quite well accepted. Wake up and get a grip. Nobody cares who you have sex with.

I’m French. That’s a fallacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with assumption that the betrayed spouse will in fact destroy your life and haunt you for the rest of it. Tell everyone that knows you.

If you are willing to take that risk and the risk your spouse will divorce you when he/she tells them, then by all means play ball.

You seriously overestimate how much people care. Adultery is common. A betrayed spouse has very little power to "destroy your life" simply because the number of people who'd care is very, very small. Like her parents+sister small. Seriously. Nobody cares. A betrayed spouse who tells "everyone that knows you" makes herself look pathetic and small. You have no idea how little people care. I mean he can get divorced today, remarry tomorrow and five years from now no one will remember. Get some perspective. I say this as a wronged spouse.

Right. The spouse of a colleague sent an email about the colleague's cheating to us. We gossiped about it, sure, but work still got done, they didn't get fired, life moved on. Nobody cares. And frankly it made the spouse who sent the email seem nuts and I think they were barred from the building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with assumption that the betrayed spouse will in fact destroy your life and haunt you for the rest of it. Tell everyone that knows you.

If you are willing to take that risk and the risk your spouse will divorce you when he/she tells them, then by all means play ball.

You seriously overestimate how much people care. Adultery is common. A betrayed spouse has very little power to "destroy your life" simply because the number of people who'd care is very, very small. Like her parents+sister small. Seriously. Nobody cares. A betrayed spouse who tells "everyone that knows you" makes herself look pathetic and small. You have no idea how little people care. I mean he can get divorced today, remarry tomorrow and five years from now no one will remember. Get some perspective. I say this as a wronged spouse.

You are wrong. Most people care. Like, the American people would never elect a man who cheated on his wife because they care too much, especially the conservatives. Just like how when Bill Clinton was caught, his approval ratings went down and he was thrown out of office his second term. And you never hear people chanting "tiger" anymore on the golf course, since he was shunned since the cheating.

Thus the bill to remove MLK Day from our national holiday line-up, since he was a notorious philanderer.

You are unhinged. Bill Clinton wasn't thrown out of office. He was impeached and then went on to finish his term. And the electoral college did choose a man who cheated on his wife, remember Marla Maples. Take your misery and mental illness to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

^ stop being so aggressive against people who disagree with you. There are people with examples on both ends of whether others care. I said that people in my world would care but that’s in my personal sphere. At work, you work with whomever you need to and so a different case. Stop being so aggressive with people who disagree with you. Clearly people aren’t going to change their perspective just because you say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^+1000
In my world, people would definitely care . . . where do people live that they think their friends would not care about a spouse destroying their spouse and family, let alone another spouse and family?

Also, to people who said kids don't care - that may be true about young kids WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG, but just read all over these threads about the teens and young adults who care a lot and hold resentment about the cheating parent and say that it damages their relationship forever, if they even speak to the cheating parent.

Of course your friends care about you getting cheated on. But come on, the world does not consist of your friends. The world mostly doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go into it with assumption that the betrayed spouse will in fact destroy your life and haunt you for the rest of it. Tell everyone that knows you.

If you are willing to take that risk and the risk your spouse will divorce you when he/she tells them, then by all means play ball.

You seriously overestimate how much people care. Adultery is common. A betrayed spouse has very little power to "destroy your life" simply because the number of people who'd care is very, very small. Like her parents+sister small. Seriously. Nobody cares. A betrayed spouse who tells "everyone that knows you" makes herself look pathetic and small. You have no idea how little people care. I mean he can get divorced today, remarry tomorrow and five years from now no one will remember. Get some perspective. I say this as a wronged spouse.

You are wrong. Most people care. Like, the American people would never elect a man who cheated on his wife because they care too much, especially the conservatives. Just like how when Bill Clinton was caught, his approval ratings went down and he was thrown out of office his second term. And you never hear people chanting "tiger" anymore on the golf course, since he was shunned since the cheating.

Thus the bill to remove MLK Day from our national holiday line-up, since he was a notorious philanderer.

You must be joking! Conservatives would never elect a man who cheated on his wife? They did! And they're about to do it again!

Bill Clinton retained his popularity, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. You definitely are the one in need of therapy if you think an affair is just a bit of sex that hurts nobody. It’s the way you justify your actions. If you have been blindsided and thrust into PTSD you would understand. It’s a worse feeling than a parent’s death. There are entire practices devoted to affair/infidelity PTSD. If you have a marriage where you do not live your spouse and it was a “settled” thing you did for finances or family/societal expectation, of course you would have zero empathy or idea how that feels when it’s done to you. And these aren’t situations where there is no sex at home, quite the opposite.

I've been blindsided by my DH's adultery and no, it's not worse than a parent's death. I'd live through dozens of affairs before I would get over the death of my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^+1000
In my world, people would definitely care . . . where do people live that they think their friends would not care about a spouse destroying their spouse and family, let alone another spouse and family?

Also, to people who said kids don't care - that may be true about young kids WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG, but just read all over these threads about the teens and young adults who care a lot and hold resentment about the cheating parent and say that it damages their relationship forever, if they even speak to the cheating parent.

Of course your friends care about you getting cheated on. But come on, the world does not consist of your friends. The world mostly doesn't care.

I'm NP. The world does consist of her friends/family and so some people would care and some wouldn't. I would think it's important what people you care about think and how they act.

[Anonymous]

People cheat because they feel justified. Whether they are is a matter of opinion.

"She got fat"

"He ignores me"

"She doesn't keep the house clean enough"

"He got fat"

"I pay for everything, why shouldn't I have a little fun now and then"

"I have to do everything around the house while he sits around watching TV"

"I don't love him anymore"

"I don't love her anymore"

"He/she refuses sex, why should I go without?"

"He/she cheated first, payback is only fair"

[Anonymous]

Disgusting lowlifes. That’s what I think of when I hear “cheater”.

[Anonymous]

Loss of respect. I couldn’t look at my spouse again.

He and the AP are a couple of low lifes. Losers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ stop being so aggressive against people who disagree with you. There are people with examples on both ends of whether others care. I said that people in my world would care but that’s in my personal sphere. At work, you work with whomever you need to and so a different case. Stop being so aggressive with people who disagree with you. Clearly people aren’t going to change their perspective just because you say so.

The problem you have is that you assume all people agree with you. Several of us here wouldn't care. I wouldn't. My friend's husband cheated and now he is gone. I spend no time thinking about him or his being a cheater. She is with someone else now, the world continues spinning on its axis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. You definitely are the one in need of therapy if you think an affair is just a bit of sex that hurts nobody. It’s the way you justify your actions. If you have been blindsided and thrust into PTSD you would understand. It’s a worse feeling than a parent’s death. There are entire practices devoted to affair/infidelity PTSD. If you have a marriage where you do not live your spouse and it was a “settled” thing you did for finances or family/societal expectation, of course you would have zero empathy or idea how that feels when it’s done to you. And these aren’t situations where there is no sex at home, quite the opposite.

I've been blindsided by my DH's adultery and no, it's not worse than a parent's death. I'd live through dozens of affairs before I would get over the death of my mom.

DH’s adultery was a death for me. It was his death. The person I thought he was no longer existed, yet he was still walking around and just when I thought he was alive, he would do something that would make me realize that person was really dead. Multiple repeated betrayals over a long period of time left me with complex PTSD.

If either of my parents die it will be an expected part of the cycle of life and many friends and family members will support me through it and I will have positive memories of my relationship with my mom and dad. None of that applies to the walking dead zombie that is my ex.

My ex is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ stop being so aggressive against people who disagree with you. There are people with examples on both ends of whether others care. I said that people in my world would care but that’s in my personal sphere. At work, you work with whomever you need to and so a different case. Stop being so aggressive with people who disagree with you. Clearly people aren’t going to change their perspective just because you say so.

The problem you have is that you assume all people agree with you. Several of us here wouldn't care. I wouldn't. My friend's husband cheated and now he is gone. I spend no time thinking about him or his being a cheater. She is with someone else now, the world continues spinning on its axis.

Yes but the issue is you are aggressive toward anyone who disagrees with you. People around you may not care but people around others may care. Even if you don't look backwards and think about the cheating ex, you may still may have reaction to cheating in general.

[Anonymous]

My reaction to cheating depends on who is doing the cheating and who is being cheated on. A good friend getting cheated on by a scumbag man, I loathe him. Another good friend cheating on a shrew and belittling wife, good for him. Most feel similarly.