Pretty sure my husband is cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom who is close enough with a handful of other families that I sometimes end up alone with the dads and all the kids. Never overnight, but for various activities or day trips.

Every single text I send about those activities goes to both the husband and the wife.

The most damning and suspicious thing to me about this whole situation isn't that a man might have been clueless, it's that a single woman wasn't EXTREMELY clear in her communication with OP.

The fact that both of them were being shady is suspicious AF.

Thank you for your answer. I do not know this woman so she would not have contacted me. But yes, with kids related activities, making sure BOTH parents know, is 101 basic communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

Thank you for all your answers. The kids are 9. The single mother does not have custody of the child and only see the kid a few time a year. So she had to stay with the kid. This is high touristic season and impossible to rent another place so if they wanted to stay together longer, they had to stay together. That would have been very odd for the other kid to be alone with the mum and my husband. In that context, bringing our kid, and saying everything was done because our kid wanted so much to stay with the other kid makes sense. We communicate regularly but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.

HUGE, MAJOR RED FLAG WITH THIS WOMAN! No custody and only sees her 9 year old a few times a year???!?!?

Sounds like the kind of 'mother' that would have no qualms about bringing various boyfriends around her kids and sitting them in front of an Xbox or movie to go bang him.

How does your husband know this woman? In what context? How well do you know her? Why does she have such limited visitation with her child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

Thank you for all your answers. The kids are 9. The single mother does not have custody of the child and only see the kid a few time a year. So she had to stay with the kid. This is high touristic season and impossible to rent another place so if they wanted to stay together longer, they had to stay together. That would have been very odd for the other kid to be alone with the mum and my husband. In that context, bringing our kid, and saying everything was done because our kid wanted so much to stay with the other kid makes sense. We communicate regularly but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.

HUGE, MAJOR RED FLAG WITH THIS WOMAN! No custody and only sees her 9 year old a few times a year???!?!?

Sounds like the kind of 'mother' that would have no qualms about bringing various boyfriends around her kids and sitting them in front of an Xbox or movie to go bang him.

How does your husband know this woman? In what context? How well do you know her? Why does she have such limited visitation with her child?

THE BIGGEST RED FLAG:

but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.

oH honey, this is so bad I would think you were trolling. If true, oh honey....not good, not good at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

Thank you for all your answers. The kids are 9. The single mother does not have custody of the child and only see the kid a few time a year. So she had to stay with the kid. This is high touristic season and impossible to rent another place so if they wanted to stay together longer, they had to stay together. That would have been very odd for the other kid to be alone with the mum and my husband. In that context, bringing our kid, and saying everything was done because our kid wanted so much to stay with the other kid makes sense. We communicate regularly but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.

HUGE, MAJOR RED FLAG WITH THIS WOMAN! No custody and only sees her 9 year old a few times a year???!?!?

Sounds like the kind of 'mother' that would have no qualms about bringing various boyfriends around her kids and sitting them in front of an Xbox or movie to go bang him.

How does your husband know this woman? In what context? How well do you know her? Why does she have such limited visitation with her child?

Yeah that really stood out to me too. I don’t know the story behind her not having custody, but she only sees her child a few times a year and when they’re together he is basically tagging along while she spends time with some guy? I feel so bad for the kid. I can’t even imagine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

The single mom probably couldn't get anyone to watch her kid or afford to have someone do it. I assume it was her 'custody time'.

It's just so nasty. It reeks of the distorted, sick cheater mentality that in a fog think stuff like this is okay. Those kids will look back when their older, and realize they were scapegoats for dad to cheat on mom.

Or her childcare arrangements fell through. The fact that he only brought only one of his kids is the definitive red flag. They needed one kid to occupy hers but not the whole bunch which will not allow for enough quality time together.

For the people that think this is too obvious and dumb, yep some men cheat and it is obvious and dumb, they are caught up in the excitement of the affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

Thank you for all your answers. The kids are 9. The single mother does not have custody of the child and only see the kid a few time a year. So she had to stay with the kid. This is high touristic season and impossible to rent another place so if they wanted to stay together longer, they had to stay together. That would have been very odd for the other kid to be alone with the mum and my husband. In that context, bringing our kid, and saying everything was done because our kid wanted so much to stay with the other kid makes sense. We communicate regularly but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.

HUGE, MAJOR RED FLAG WITH THIS WOMAN! No custody and only sees her 9 year old a few times a year???!?!?

Sounds like the kind of 'mother' that would have no qualms about bringing various boyfriends around her kids and sitting them in front of an Xbox or movie to go bang him.

How does your husband know this woman? In what context? How well do you know her? Why does she have such limited visitation with her child?

I’m the PP that was confused at first and I said this happens to me where I may end up with other solo parents for the kids then re meet with group. But this is a huge red flag I bet her kid wasn’t supposed to be there and the kid just tagged along because she needed to see your husband. This is a huge red flag and everything else like friends or play dates or high season is just a red herring. I would act normally but would call a friend and make a casual “oh a bummer you could go to the cabin” this is how you find out were the friends supposed to be there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is his other family. If not already, then soon.

This OP! My father had another family, invited my mother and I on a beach trip. I didn’t realize until years later those were my half brother and sister. Sorry OP for this unfortunate news. Take your time to do what is best for you and your children.

[Anonymous]

OP I know other commenters have said this but I would stop confronting him about it for now and gather solid evidence and prepare for a divorce. Maybe it’s nothing but if you keep pushing the issue he might see the writing on the wall and drain your bank accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d have said no to the week’s trip without me and I’d have said “hell no” to a trip where he was essentially going with another woman single or otherwise. How that came to be wouldn’t matter, I’d eat the loss on the house and tell the kids “mommies and daddies don’t take trips with members of the opposite sex.. it looks bad even if it isn’t or shouldn’t”. If eating the loss isn’t something you can stomach (yes I know I had to go there) then you as his wife needs to be more willing and able to go on these trips, or the two of you don’t book trips unless you both can go. I “get” not having as much vacation time, but isn’t there enough he could do with the kids in your local area while yo’re at work to keep everybody happy?


It isn’t controlling to state clearly what you want/need in a marriage. Saying “I’m not a fan of you hanging out with another woman” is hardly unreasonable.. it’s not like you’re telling him he can’t ever eat chicken again.


You will never know what your husband did or didn’t do on this trip and who he did or didn’t do anything with. You have to decide if you can and want to live with it. If you do live with it, be nice, but do set down some rules for your marriage. Tell him you don’t want him socializing with other women unless you are there. Obviously if the kids play soccer and they have a female coach, your husband will need to talk with her, but he shouldn’t need to text her, not unless you are included on the string. He shouldn’t be eating meals or staying at houses with other women, it looks and feels too coupply.

Trust your instincts not what this board is telling you. Having said what I’ve just said, I do know men-women pairings that function more like siblings. Make sure that your sensors are configured properly.. if he mentions a g-rated story a female coworker told him are you upset or do you think “that was a pretty good story?”

Finally, if you feel you can’t or shouldn’t talk to the other woman, or your husband says “please don’t bring her into this, it would embarrass me” I’d seriously look into a divorce. Your comfort and well-being need to be and should always be his top priority. Everybody you interact with should be able to tell who is married to who when they see you.

I agree that he should never have been alone with this woman, like ever... but you seem like a HUGE control freak.

Your take has nothing to do with the OP's situation, and everything to do with your untreated anxiety... seek help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband who has more holidays than I do, had planned to rent a house with our kids and some friends in the State where he grew up while I had to go home. Then his friends canceled and only a single woman, a friend of his friends was able to come with her kid.
I was not too thrilled about the idea of him spending a week with a single woman but I am not controlling and I let it go.
Then, he was supposed to leave our kids with their grandparents and spent four days alone, something he had talked about for months. At the last minute, he changed his plan and instead of spending these 4 days alone, he had decided to keep one kid with him leaving the others with the Grandparents. While talking with our kid, I learned that my husband had “forgot” to mention that he had also invited the single woman and her kid with him to that other place. His explanation was that suddenly, he did not need to spend 4 days alone and that he had done it to please our kid who likes the other kid so much and wanted to spend more time with the kid.
My husband is telling me that I am crazy and that he did nothing wrong with this woman. I don’t believe a word of it. Should I believe him?

If your husband and the single woman did not know each other or were only acquaintances, it's strange they would want to go on vacation and share a house with a person they barely know. That part is suspicious. But if he was cheating, wouldn't it had been easier to drop off all of the kinds at the grandparents and then spend his four days "alone" while secretly meeting the woman at her hotel/rental house?

True but OP said this woman only sees her kid a few times a year. I bet she had some scheduling issues with her ex and ended up bringing the kid to the 4 day trip she had planned with OP’s husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

Thank you for all your answers. The kids are 9. The single mother does not have custody of the child and only see the kid a few time a year. So she had to stay with the kid. This is high touristic season and impossible to rent another place so if they wanted to stay together longer, they had to stay together. That would have been very odd for the other kid to be alone with the mum and my husband. In that context, bringing our kid, and saying everything was done because our kid wanted so much to stay with the other kid makes sense. We communicate regularly but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.

Thanks. I agree it would have been odd for the kid to be alone with the other lady and your husband, but you would never have known if you own kid hadn't come along. That's what is so odd. I agree that all the other stuff is problematic, but it seems like he easily could have skated on this if your kid hadn't come along and told you about it. And he must have known your kid would tell you, which makes him not telling you all the weirder. It doesn't really add up as an affair, but it is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

The was no four day trip alone. The other woman was unable to leave her kid, which was the plan, so he brought a kid along too so they could entertain each other while dad and other woman had sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

Thank you for all your answers. The kids are 9. The single mother does not have custody of the child and only see the kid a few time a year. So she had to stay with the kid. This is high touristic season and impossible to rent another place so if they wanted to stay together longer, they had to stay together. That would have been very odd for the other kid to be alone with the mum and my husband. In that context, bringing our kid, and saying everything was done because our kid wanted so much to stay with the other kid makes sense. We communicate regularly but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.

HUGE, MAJOR RED FLAG WITH THIS WOMAN! No custody and only sees her 9 year old a few times a year???!?!?

Sounds like the kind of 'mother' that would have no qualms about bringing various boyfriends around her kids and sitting them in front of an Xbox or movie to go bang him.

How does your husband know this woman? In what context? How well do you know her? Why does she have such limited visitation with her child?

THE BIGGEST RED FLAG:

but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.

oH honey, this is so bad I would think you were trolling. If true, oh honey....not good, not good at all.

Who knows if this story was true or a lie for sympathy/excuse. Sounds far fetched. If DH baby daddy, wonder if OP can find child support case docs. Assuming OP has no idea what DH does with all his money.

[Anonymous]

This is a level 10 troll. I can not believe it has been 5 pages to call this out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just taking a trip with another woman is wrong. That alone is like cheating.

Anonymous wrote:Wow! That he went on vacation with another woman is ENOUGH for me! I can’t get pass this, to wade through all of the other bullcrap😡

Yeah. Full stop. That right there is DEFINITIVE proof of cheating. Forget all the other details, they're just noise. OP, you aren't "not controlling" and "laidback," you're gullible and stupid, holy crap. No wonder he was so sloppy in his coverup -- he's used to getting away with it.