Pretty sure my husband is cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t act like it’s some moral virtue to end a marriage before you cheat instead of after. You still broke your vows.

People suck.

Trust me. I'd rather have it end before knowing I had been boning him w.in hours of him having unprotected sex with someone else for years. The pain and disgust and violation (literally it takes away your consent, you are violated and it feels like assault) when you find out you were not in a monogamous marriage.

DP. You're right. When someone cheats, that person's spouse/partner ends up fundamentally sexually involved with every person with whom the cheater has sex. The idea of someone coming home from an AP hookup and then having sex with a committed spouse or partner is revolting. At the very minimum there is the issue of disease (something rarely mentioned on the many threads here about cheating). Beyond that, there is the betrayal that goes far beyond sexual betrayal.

+1,000

THIs one hundred times over. So traumatizing.

If you, like me, had sex about 4 times per week with STBX spouse. It’s so gross and violating…and to find they never used condoms. There are no words.

Weird that no one talks about the real threat of health. We knew a guy that ended up with HPV throat cancer and died. Lifestyle is a big factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband who has more holidays than I do, had planned to rent a house with our kids and some friends in the State where he grew up while I had to go home. Then his friends canceled and only a single woman, a friend of his friends was able to come with her kid.
I was not too thrilled about the idea of him spending a week with a single woman but I am not controlling and I let it go.
Then, he was supposed to leave our kids with their grandparents and spent four days alone, something he had talked about for months. At the last minute, he changed his plan and instead of spending these 4 days alone, he had decided to keep one kid with him leaving the others with the Grandparents. While talking with our kid, I learned that my husband had “forgot” to mention that he had also invited the single woman and her kid with him to that other place. His explanation was that suddenly, he did not need to spend 4 days alone and that he had done it to please our kid who likes the other kid so much and wanted to spend more time with the kid.
My husband is telling me that I am crazy and that he did nothing wrong with this woman. I don’t believe a word of it. Should I believe him?

Folks, this is a TROLL. Who in their right mind would let their husband stay for a WEEK in a house with a SINGLE woman that he didn't even hardly know (a friend of his friends). And OP is okay with this because she doesn't want to be 'controlling'. Oh come on! Then he supposedly meets up with her AGAIN for four days and OP goes online and asks complete strangers if she should believe him???? I can't believe that there are 8 pages of advice for OP.

[Anonymous]

^^^ There is a condition called Cognitive Dissonance. You can look it up. Basically it occurs when you are faced with a situation that differs so much from your expectations and what you understand is reality that you resolve this painful dissonance by erring on the side of the less painful option. An extreme example is a person who claims to never have known that their spouse was a serial killer. Fact is there probably were many, many signs that could have indicated something was very wrong, but the spouse chose to ignore them. Not because the spouse was complicit, but because who wants to “go there” by considering that their spouse — the person they love and built their life around — could be such a low life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband who has more holidays than I do, had planned to rent a house with our kids and some friends in the State where he grew up while I had to go home. Then his friends canceled and only a single woman, a friend of his friends was able to come with her kid.
I was not too thrilled about the idea of him spending a week with a single woman but I am not controlling and I let it go.
Then, he was supposed to leave our kids with their grandparents and spent four days alone, something he had talked about for months. At the last minute, he changed his plan and instead of spending these 4 days alone, he had decided to keep one kid with him leaving the others with the Grandparents. While talking with our kid, I learned that my husband had “forgot” to mention that he had also invited the single woman and her kid with him to that other place. His explanation was that suddenly, he did not need to spend 4 days alone and that he had done it to please our kid who likes the other kid so much and wanted to spend more time with the kid.
My husband is telling me that I am crazy and that he did nothing wrong with this woman. I don’t believe a word of it. Should I believe him?

Folks, this is a TROLL. Who in their right mind would let their husband stay for a WEEK in a house with a SINGLE woman that he didn't even hardly know (a friend of his friends). And OP is okay with this because she doesn't want to be 'controlling'. Oh come on! Then he supposedly meets up with her AGAIN for four days and OP goes online and asks complete strangers if she should believe him???? I can't believe that there are 8 pages of advice for OP.

Her husband is a grown man. She doesn't let him do anything. Also if I read the OP correctly it seems OP wasn't away he was staying alone with a single woman until after the trip. Even if she did know, what is she supposed to do pack the kids in the car drive over there and drag him out of the hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband who has more holidays than I do, had planned to rent a house with our kids and some friends in the State where he grew up while I had to go home. Then his friends canceled and only a single woman, a friend of his friends was able to come with her kid.
I was not too thrilled about the idea of him spending a week with a single woman but I am not controlling and I let it go.
Then, he was supposed to leave our kids with their grandparents and spent four days alone, something he had talked about for months. At the last minute, he changed his plan and instead of spending these 4 days alone, he had decided to keep one kid with him leaving the others with the Grandparents. While talking with our kid, I learned that my husband had “forgot” to mention that he had also invited the single woman and her kid with him to that other place. His explanation was that suddenly, he did not need to spend 4 days alone and that he had done it to please our kid who likes the other kid so much and wanted to spend more time with the kid.
My husband is telling me that I am crazy and that he did nothing wrong with this woman. I don’t believe a word of it. Should I believe him?

Folks, this is a TROLL. Who in their right mind would let their husband stay for a WEEK in a house with a SINGLE woman that he didn't even hardly know (a friend of his friends). And OP is okay with this because she doesn't want to be 'controlling'. Oh come on! Then he supposedly meets up with her AGAIN for four days and OP goes online and asks complete strangers if she should believe him???? I can't believe that there are 8 pages of advice for OP.

Her husband is a grown man. She doesn't let him do anything. Also if I read the OP correctly it seems OP wasn't away he was staying alone with a single woman until after the trip. Even if she did know, what is she supposed to do pack the kids in the car drive over there and drag him out of the hotel?

Ummm, I would. But I’d have someone watch my kids when I went to do it. But, that’s me. I don’t bury my head in the sand. Plus, evidence is great in an at fault divorce or merely as bargaining chip for spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband who has more holidays than I do, had planned to rent a house with our kids and some friends in the State where he grew up while I had to go home. Then his friends canceled and only a single woman, a friend of his friends was able to come with her kid.
I was not too thrilled about the idea of him spending a week with a single woman but I am not controlling and I let it go.
Then, he was supposed to leave our kids with their grandparents and spent four days alone, something he had talked about for months. At the last minute, he changed his plan and instead of spending these 4 days alone, he had decided to keep one kid with him leaving the others with the Grandparents. While talking with our kid, I learned that my husband had “forgot” to mention that he had also invited the single woman and her kid with him to that other place. His explanation was that suddenly, he did not need to spend 4 days alone and that he had done it to please our kid who likes the other kid so much and wanted to spend more time with the kid.
My husband is telling me that I am crazy and that he did nothing wrong with this woman. I don’t believe a word of it. Should I believe him?

Folks, this is a TROLL. Who in their right mind would let their husband stay for a WEEK in a house with a SINGLE woman that he didn't even hardly know (a friend of his friends). And OP is okay with this because she doesn't want to be 'controlling'. Oh come on! Then he supposedly meets up with her AGAIN for four days and OP goes online and asks complete strangers if she should believe him???? I can't believe that there are 8 pages of advice for OP.

Her husband is a grown man. She doesn't let him do anything. Also if I read the OP correctly it seems OP wasn't away he was staying alone with a single woman until after the trip. Even if she did know, what is she supposed to do pack the kids in the car drive over there and drag him out of the hotel?

Ummm, I would. But I’d have someone watch my kids when I went to do it. But, that’s me. I don’t bury my head in the sand. Plus, evidence is great in an at fault divorce or merely as bargaining chip for spouse.

Me too.

SURPRISE !!!!

The look on their faces would be priceless. Snap, snap 📷

[Anonymous]

I’m not understanding. Other kids mom only sees kid once or twice per year? So does that mean that OPs husband didn’t even know her before this trip; only knew kids dad maybe?

I am calling troll too. It is too unbelievable that you would invite families to stay in the same house as you on a vacation that you don’t even know. Never mind the opposite gender.

There are a couple super close family friends we have when I am often alone with the dad because my DH works long hours and their spouse travels a lot. We see them as families frequently at our homes, do dinner together all the time, kids in same activities, etc. It has been this way for a decade. Still- no way would I stay overnight with one of the dads and our kids. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband who has more holidays than I do, had planned to rent a house with our kids and some friends in the State where he grew up while I had to go home. Then his friends canceled and only a single woman, a friend of his friends was able to come with her kid.
I was not too thrilled about the idea of him spending a week with a single woman but I am not controlling and I let it go.
Then, he was supposed to leave our kids with their grandparents and spent four days alone, something he had talked about for months. At the last minute, he changed his plan and instead of spending these 4 days alone, he had decided to keep one kid with him leaving the others with the Grandparents. While talking with our kid, I learned that my husband had “forgot” to mention that he had also invited the single woman and her kid with him to that other place. His explanation was that suddenly, he did not need to spend 4 days alone and that he had done it to please our kid who likes the other kid so much and wanted to spend more time with the kid.
My husband is telling me that I am crazy and that he did nothing wrong with this woman. I don’t believe a word of it. Should I believe him?

Not sure if this is a troll or what. If true why on earth would he have have left knowing everyone else canceled except a single woman? Why would you have condoned it? It's so crazy, but at this point I would look at his phone records to see if they are talking then either divorce, or put a stop to it. Tell him in no uncertain terms if he ever does something like that again you will go through with a divorce and he will lose his family. Which is what divorce is all about, especially for cheating men.

Based on other comments I don't think OP knew the other friends didn't show up until her kid said something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t act like it’s some moral virtue to end a marriage before you cheat instead of after. You still broke your vows.

People suck.

Trust me. I'd rather have it end before knowing I had been boning him w.in hours of him having unprotected sex with someone else for years. The pain and disgust and violation (literally it takes away your consent, you are violated and it feels like assault) when you find out you were not in a monogamous marriage.

DP. You're right. When someone cheats, that person's spouse/partner ends up fundamentally sexually involved with every person with whom the cheater has sex. The idea of someone coming home from an AP hookup and then having sex with a committed spouse or partner is revolting. At the very minimum there is the issue of disease (something rarely mentioned on the many threads here about cheating). Beyond that, there is the betrayal that goes far beyond sexual betrayal.

+1,000

THIs one hundred times over. So traumatizing.

If you, like me, had sex about 4 times per week with STBX spouse. It’s so gross and violating…and to find they never used condoms. There are no words.

Weird that no one talks about the real threat of health. We knew a guy that ended up with HPV throat cancer and died. Lifestyle is a big factor.

Do you not know how HPV works?
Unless both him and his wife were virgins before they met, lifestyle probably didn’t have much to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t act like it’s some moral virtue to end a marriage before you cheat instead of after. You still broke your vows.

People suck.

Trust me. I'd rather have it end before knowing I had been boning him w.in hours of him having unprotected sex with someone else for years. The pain and disgust and violation (literally it takes away your consent, you are violated and it feels like assault) when you find out you were not in a monogamous marriage.

DP. You're right. When someone cheats, that person's spouse/partner ends up fundamentally sexually involved with every person with whom the cheater has sex. The idea of someone coming home from an AP hookup and then having sex with a committed spouse or partner is revolting. At the very minimum there is the issue of disease (something rarely mentioned on the many threads here about cheating). Beyond that, there is the betrayal that goes far beyond sexual betrayal.

+1,000

THIs one hundred times over. So traumatizing.

If you, like me, had sex about 4 times per week with STBX spouse. It’s so gross and violating…and to find they never used condoms. There are no words.

Weird that no one talks about the real threat of health. We knew a guy that ended up with HPV throat cancer and died. Lifestyle is a big factor.

Do you not know how HPV works?
Unless both him and his wife were virgins before they met, lifestyle probably didn’t have much to do with it?

Yes. I know if I was negative the 25 years (and even before I met my husband; only 2 other partners and negative) , if I suddenly tested positive. That 100% means my husband was unfaithful.

A person that has oral sex with 100s of women (lifestyle), based on odds alone, is more likely to get HPV. Yes, it could be from one act and you are unlucky, just like HIV. But, the riskier, condomless and more promiscuous and indiscriminating, you are likely to have many more STIs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t act like it’s some moral virtue to end a marriage before you cheat instead of after. You still broke your vows.

People suck.

Trust me. I'd rather have it end before knowing I had been boning him w.in hours of him having unprotected sex with someone else for years. The pain and disgust and violation (literally it takes away your consent, you are violated and it feels like assault) when you find out you were not in a monogamous marriage.

DP. You're right. When someone cheats, that person's spouse/partner ends up fundamentally sexually involved with every person with whom the cheater has sex. The idea of someone coming home from an AP hookup and then having sex with a committed spouse or partner is revolting. At the very minimum there is the issue of disease (something rarely mentioned on the many threads here about cheating). Beyond that, there is the betrayal that goes far beyond sexual betrayal.

+1,000

THIs one hundred times over. So traumatizing.

If you, like me, had sex about 4 times per week with STBX spouse. It’s so gross and violating…and to find they never used condoms. There are no words.

Weird that no one talks about the real threat of health. We knew a guy that ended up with HPV throat cancer and died. Lifestyle is a big factor.

Do you not know how HPV works?
Unless both him and his wife were virgins before they met, lifestyle probably didn’t have much to do with it?

Yes. I know if I was negative the 25 years (and even before I met my husband; only 2 other partners and negative) , if I suddenly tested positive. That 100% means my husband was unfaithful.

A person that has oral sex with 100s of women (lifestyle), based on odds alone, is more likely to get HPV. Yes, it could be from one act and you are unlucky, just like HIV. But, the riskier, condomless and more promiscuous and indiscriminating, you are likely to have many more STIs.

Not true. HPV can be dormant for 20+ years in the body. You will test negative during this time.

[Anonymous]

I do not understand why OP has not updated this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t act like it’s some moral virtue to end a marriage before you cheat instead of after. You still broke your vows.

People suck.

Trust me. I'd rather have it end before knowing I had been boning him w.in hours of him having unprotected sex with someone else for years. The pain and disgust and violation (literally it takes away your consent, you are violated and it feels like assault) when you find out you were not in a monogamous marriage.

DP. You're right. When someone cheats, that person's spouse/partner ends up fundamentally sexually involved with every person with whom the cheater has sex. The idea of someone coming home from an AP hookup and then having sex with a committed spouse or partner is revolting. At the very minimum there is the issue of disease (something rarely mentioned on the many threads here about cheating). Beyond that, there is the betrayal that goes far beyond sexual betrayal.

+1,000

THIs one hundred times over. So traumatizing.

If you, like me, had sex about 4 times per week with STBX spouse. It’s so gross and violating…and to find they never used condoms. There are no words.

Weird that no one talks about the real threat of health. We knew a guy that ended up with HPV throat cancer and died. Lifestyle is a big factor.

Do you not know how HPV works?
Unless both him and his wife were virgins before they met, lifestyle probably didn’t have much to do with it?

Yes. I know if I was negative the 25 years (and even before I met my husband; only 2 other partners and negative) , if I suddenly tested positive. That 100% means my husband was unfaithful.

A person that has oral sex with 100s of women (lifestyle), based on odds alone, is more likely to get HPV. Yes, it could be from one act and you are unlucky, just like HIV. But, the riskier, condomless and more promiscuous and indiscriminating, you are likely to have many more STIs.

Not true. HPV can be dormant for 20+ years in the body. You will test negative during this time.

That is much more rare. I never had it. Two boyfriends- negative before and after. And negative 25 years of marriage. Even my Gyn said- yeah- if I were positive one day, I could assume spouse cheated.

A lot of cheaters really hang onto the “dormant HPV, dormant herpes” thing even though in their entire lives they never had symptoms and/or tested positive prior. It’s the equivalent of “honey, I got herpes from a public toilet seat or a hot tub”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t act like it’s some moral virtue to end a marriage before you cheat instead of after. You still broke your vows.

People suck.

Trust me. I'd rather have it end before knowing I had been boning him w.in hours of him having unprotected sex with someone else for years. The pain and disgust and violation (literally it takes away your consent, you are violated and it feels like assault) when you find out you were not in a monogamous marriage.

DP. You're right. When someone cheats, that person's spouse/partner ends up fundamentally sexually involved with every person with whom the cheater has sex. The idea of someone coming home from an AP hookup and then having sex with a committed spouse or partner is revolting. At the very minimum there is the issue of disease (something rarely mentioned on the many threads here about cheating). Beyond that, there is the betrayal that goes far beyond sexual betrayal.

+1,000

THIs one hundred times over. So traumatizing.

If you, like me, had sex about 4 times per week with STBX spouse. It’s so gross and violating…and to find they never used condoms. There are no words.

Weird that no one talks about the real threat of health. We knew a guy that ended up with HPV throat cancer and died. Lifestyle is a big factor.

Do you not know how HPV works?
Unless both him and his wife were virgins before they met, lifestyle probably didn’t have much to do with it?

Yes. I know if I was negative the 25 years (and even before I met my husband; only 2 other partners and negative) , if I suddenly tested positive. That 100% means my husband was unfaithful.

A person that has oral sex with 100s of women (lifestyle), based on odds alone, is more likely to get HPV. Yes, it could be from one act and you are unlucky, just like HIV. But, the riskier, condomless and more promiscuous and indiscriminating, you are likely to have many more STIs.

Not true. HPV can be dormant for 20+ years in the body. You will test negative during this time.

That is much more rare. I never had it. Two boyfriends- negative before and after. And negative 25 years of marriage. Even my Gyn said- yeah- if I were positive one day, I could assume spouse cheated.

A lot of cheaters really hang onto the “dormant HPV, dormant herpes” thing even though in their entire lives they never had symptoms and/or tested positive prior. It’s the equivalent of “honey, I got herpes from a public toilet seat or a hot tub”.

Ok, yeah, you are pretty old to get it now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t act like it’s some moral virtue to end a marriage before you cheat instead of after. You still broke your vows.

People suck.

Trust me. I'd rather have it end before knowing I had been boning him w.in hours of him having unprotected sex with someone else for years. The pain and disgust and violation (literally it takes away your consent, you are violated and it feels like assault) when you find out you were not in a monogamous marriage.

DP. You're right. When someone cheats, that person's spouse/partner ends up fundamentally sexually involved with every person with whom the cheater has sex. The idea of someone coming home from an AP hookup and then having sex with a committed spouse or partner is revolting. At the very minimum there is the issue of disease (something rarely mentioned on the many threads here about cheating). Beyond that, there is the betrayal that goes far beyond sexual betrayal.

+1,000

THIs one hundred times over. So traumatizing.

If you, like me, had sex about 4 times per week with STBX spouse. It’s so gross and violating…and to find they never used condoms. There are no words.

Weird that no one talks about the real threat of health. We knew a guy that ended up with HPV throat cancer and died. Lifestyle is a big factor.

Do you not know how HPV works?
Unless both him and his wife were virgins before they met, lifestyle probably didn’t have much to do with it?

Yes. I know if I was negative the 25 years (and even before I met my husband; only 2 other partners and negative) , if I suddenly tested positive. That 100% means my husband was unfaithful.

A person that has oral sex with 100s of women (lifestyle), based on odds alone, is more likely to get HPV. Yes, it could be from one act and you are unlucky, just like HIV. But, the riskier, condomless and more promiscuous and indiscriminating, you are likely to have many more STIs.

Not true. HPV can be dormant for 20+ years in the body. You will test negative during this time.

That is much more rare. I never had it. Two boyfriends- negative before and after. And negative 25 years of marriage. Even my Gyn said- yeah- if I were positive one day, I could assume spouse cheated.

A lot of cheaters really hang onto the “dormant HPV, dormant herpes” thing even though in their entire lives they never had symptoms and/or tested positive prior. It’s the equivalent of “honey, I got herpes from a public toilet seat or a hot tub”.

Ok, yeah, you are pretty old to get it now

Not if her husband is having an affair or banging randoms. Duh