Pretty sure my husband is cheating

[Anonymous]

What ages are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Normally I’m the last one on DCUM to jump to “he’s cheating,” but this one is really problematic.

Let me get this straight, he told you he was on a four-day trip with just your kid, when in reality another woman and her kid were also with him and your kid!? That’s insane. Beyond insane. I’m sorry, he does not get to “forget” to tell you that he’s spending four nights with another woman.

Personally, I would pretend to forgive him to get his guard down and hire the best PI in the region immediately, but realistically you may just need to confront him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s cheating. The kids were used as decoys. Like “this is innocent because Timmy and Bobby are with us”. Meanwhile park them in front of a DVD and bang away. Probably a trail run to get the kids to know each other too, as future step/brothers and all.

Want a sicko. In no way, shape or form is what went down even remotely okay in a marriage.

Put on your flammable gear and deflect the major gaslighting happening here.

*trial

And her husband was likely not suspicious because she took the kid with her. Her leaving on her own would have raised more questions. These two are major scum.

Per OP she's a single mom.

[Anonymous]

OP - did you talk to him when he was on this 4 day trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normally I’m the last one on DCUM to jump to “he’s cheating,” but this one is really problematic.

Let me get this straight, he told you he was on a four-day trip with just your kid, when in reality another woman and her kid were also with him and your kid!? That’s insane. Beyond insane. I’m sorry, he does not get to “forget” to tell you that he’s spending four nights with another woman.

Personally, I would pretend to forgive him to get his guard down and hire the best PI in the region immediately, but realistically you may just need to confront him.

Yes. I agree. And if he's really clueless and did not have cheating intentions... that's autism-level social deficiencies right there. Does he appear to you to be on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

All signs point to YES. He is cheating. I'm sorry OP. It's almost the exact same situation that my friend went through. She was in complete denial to the end, and she never suspected, even after he filed for divorce, and for a long time after. Her husband was hanging out with a single mom whose kids were the same age, and he pretended it was for the kids. Meanwhile they were together from the very beginning.

[Anonymous]

Is the other woman attractive?

[Anonymous]

Is he a dentist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he a dentist?

🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the other woman attractive?

This is so completely irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

[Anonymous]

I’d have said no to the week’s trip without me and I’d have said “hell no” to a trip where he was essentially going with another woman single or otherwise. How that came to be wouldn’t matter, I’d eat the loss on the house and tell the kids “mommies and daddies don’t take trips with members of the opposite sex.. it looks bad even if it isn’t or shouldn’t”. If eating the loss isn’t something you can stomach (yes I know I had to go there) then you as his wife needs to be more willing and able to go on these trips, or the two of you don’t book trips unless you both can go. I “get” not having as much vacation time, but isn’t there enough he could do with the kids in your local area while yo’re at work to keep everybody happy?


It isn’t controlling to state clearly what you want/need in a marriage. Saying “I’m not a fan of you hanging out with another woman” is hardly unreasonable.. it’s not like you’re telling him he can’t ever eat chicken again.


You will never know what your husband did or didn’t do on this trip and who he did or didn’t do anything with. You have to decide if you can and want to live with it. If you do live with it, be nice, but do set down some rules for your marriage. Tell him you don’t want him socializing with other women unless you are there. Obviously if the kids play soccer and they have a female coach, your husband will need to talk with her, but he shouldn’t need to text her, not unless you are included on the string. He shouldn’t be eating meals or staying at houses with other women, it looks and feels too coupply.

Trust your instincts not what this board is telling you. Having said what I’ve just said, I do know men-women pairings that function more like siblings. Make sure that your sensors are configured properly.. if he mentions a g-rated story a female coworker told him are you upset or do you think “that was a pretty good story?”

Finally, if you feel you can’t or shouldn’t talk to the other woman, or your husband says “please don’t bring her into this, it would embarrass me” I’d seriously look into a divorce. Your comfort and well-being need to be and should always be his top priority. Everybody you interact with should be able to tell who is married to who when they see you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

The single mom probably couldn't get anyone to watch her kid or afford to have someone do it. I assume it was her 'custody time'.

It's just so nasty. It reeks of the distorted, sick cheater mentality that in a fog think stuff like this is okay. Those kids will look back when their older, and realize they were scapegoats for dad to cheat on mom.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom who is close enough with a handful of other families that I sometimes end up alone with the dads and all the kids. Never overnight, but for various activities or day trips.

Every single text I send about those activities goes to both the husband and the wife.

The most damning and suspicious thing to me about this whole situation isn't that a man might have been clueless, it's that a single woman wasn't EXTREMELY clear in her communication with OP.

The fact that both of them were being shady is suspicious AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's odd is that he was already cleared to go on a four-day trip by himself. If he wanted to cheat with this woman, he could have done that without bringing the kid along as a witness. Maybe it was just to have someone to occupy the woman's kid, but doesn't seem like that would really free you up to hook up during the day.

But it would be impossible to forget that he invited someone else on the trip. That doesn't seem believable at all.

Yet he also must have known that his kid would tell OP about the woman being there.

The whole thing is so odd, but I also think the oddities point to it not being cheating because normally a cheater would be so much more careful (I would think).

Thank you for all your answers. The kids are 9. The single mother does not have custody of the child and only see the kid a few time a year. So she had to stay with the kid. This is high touristic season and impossible to rent another place so if they wanted to stay together longer, they had to stay together. That would have been very odd for the other kid to be alone with the mum and my husband. In that context, bringing our kid, and saying everything was done because our kid wanted so much to stay with the other kid makes sense. We communicate regularly but my husband never mentioned anything until our kid did.