SIL who never shows a crack in the armor

[Anonymous]

OP, have you posted before?

[Anonymous]

I have friends who really and truly practice gratitude every day. Their lives are sunny because, well, they are sunny. It’s not that they don’t have hard times, it that they choose to focus on the good. They aren’t trying to be a brand, they really want to share and spread the good. Sure, their lives aren’t perfect, but I don’t need to see that. I have enough imperfect in my life. I check them out when I need a laugh or pick me up.

I don’t get the idea that “real life” has to be miserable, or sharing misery. Misery passes if you let it go.

I don’t get the idea of blowing out someone else’s candle to make yours look like it’s burning brighter, either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who really and truly practice gratitude every day. Their lives are sunny because, well, they are sunny. It’s not that they don’t have hard times, it that they choose to focus on the good. They aren’t trying to be a brand, they really want to share and spread the good. Sure, their lives aren’t perfect, but I don’t need to see that. I have enough imperfect in my life. I check them out when I need a laugh or pick me up.

I don’t get the idea that “real life” has to be miserable, or sharing misery. Misery passes if you let it go.

I don’t get the idea of blowing out someone else’s candle to make yours look like it’s burning brighter, either

Part of teaching kids good character is being optimistic and grateful sure, but it's also being humble. You share your good news absolutely, but if you are crossing over in bragging DAILY, it's not being optimistic. It is being obnoxious. It's like humblebragging on social media and then posting #blessed. That is not showing gratitude if you do it all the time. It's trying to hide your bragging. Do you see the difference? OP is saying this is happening every single day. Our kids should not need a constant stream of praise to function. Of course we want them to be optimistic and grateful. That doesn't mean they don't need read the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who really and truly practice gratitude every day. Their lives are sunny because, well, they are sunny. It’s not that they don’t have hard times, it that they choose to focus on the good. They aren’t trying to be a brand, they really want to share and spread the good. Sure, their lives aren’t perfect, but I don’t need to see that. I have enough imperfect in my life. I check them out when I need a laugh or pick me up.

I don’t get the idea that “real life” has to be miserable, or sharing misery. Misery passes if you let it go.

I don’t get the idea of blowing out someone else’s candle to make yours look like it’s burning brighter, either

Part of teaching kids good character is being optimistic and grateful sure, but it's also being humble. You share your good news absolutely, but if you are crossing over in bragging DAILY, it's not being optimistic. It is being obnoxious. It's like humblebragging on social media and then posting #blessed. That is not showing gratitude if you do it all the time. It's trying to hide your bragging. Do you see the difference? OP is saying this is happening every single day. Our kids should not need a constant stream of praise to function. Of course we want them to be optimistic and grateful. That doesn't mean they don't need read the room.

Also if you’re constantly yapping about your amazing life, it means you aren’t listening which is also key to being a good friend and reading the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, does anyone have advice for getting over the envy of a SIL who is always upbeat, happy, and projects constant perfection? Everything is awe and wonder, from the cookies she baked with her kids to a sunset to her brand-new puppy to her new deck and on and on. Sometimes it's all a bit much because she shares this stuff in texts constantly. It is ALL RAINBOWS all the time.

I am going through some issues with my parents right now and just beginning to feel annoyed by her constant Pollyanna-ness. I also want to do some internal work on my envy. Anyone been there and have ideas?

I might be jaded but if someone's constantly yapping about cookies and a new deck, they strike me as being, umm, not too bright. Not to mention, materialistic.
Nothing personal against people like that but it's just so damn boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who really and truly practice gratitude every day. Their lives are sunny because, well, they are sunny. It’s not that they don’t have hard times, it that they choose to focus on the good. They aren’t trying to be a brand, they really want to share and spread the good. Sure, their lives aren’t perfect, but I don’t need to see that. I have enough imperfect in my life. I check them out when I need a laugh or pick me up.

I don’t get the idea that “real life” has to be miserable, or sharing misery. Misery passes if you let it go.

I don’t get the idea of blowing out someone else’s candle to make yours look like it’s burning brighter, either

+1

Your friends have better coping mechanisms than most adults, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who really and truly practice gratitude every day. Their lives are sunny because, well, they are sunny. It’s not that they don’t have hard times, it that they choose to focus on the good. They aren’t trying to be a brand, they really want to share and spread the good. Sure, their lives aren’t perfect, but I don’t need to see that. I have enough imperfect in my life. I check them out when I need a laugh or pick me up.

I don’t get the idea that “real life” has to be miserable, or sharing misery. Misery passes if you let it go.

I don’t get the idea of blowing out someone else’s candle to make yours look like it’s burning brighter, either

Part of teaching kids good character is being optimistic and grateful sure, but it's also being humble. You share your good news absolutely, but if you are crossing over in bragging DAILY, it's not being optimistic. It is being obnoxious. It's like humblebragging on social media and then posting #blessed. That is not showing gratitude if you do it all the time. It's trying to hide your bragging. Do you see the difference? OP is saying this is happening every single day. Our kids should not need a constant stream of praise to function. Of course we want them to be optimistic and grateful. That doesn't mean they don't need read the room.

Why is sharing good news exclusively considered “bragging”?

We’ve created this weird world of social media. If you say something happy, you’re bragging. If you say something negative, you’re attention seeking. Etc.

The only person who needs to examine their reaction is the reader, for their reaction. I have friends who yes, are bragging, I have others who are showing gratitude. I have some seeking help, and some who are seeking attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who really and truly practice gratitude every day. Their lives are sunny because, well, they are sunny. It’s not that they don’t have hard times, it that they choose to focus on the good. They aren’t trying to be a brand, they really want to share and spread the good. Sure, their lives aren’t perfect, but I don’t need to see that. I have enough imperfect in my life. I check them out when I need a laugh or pick me up.

I don’t get the idea that “real life” has to be miserable, or sharing misery. Misery passes if you let it go.

I don’t get the idea of blowing out someone else’s candle to make yours look like it’s burning brighter, either

Part of teaching kids good character is being optimistic and grateful sure, but it's also being humble. You share your good news absolutely, but if you are crossing over in bragging DAILY, it's not being optimistic. It is being obnoxious. It's like humblebragging on social media and then posting #blessed. That is not showing gratitude if you do it all the time. It's trying to hide your bragging. Do you see the difference? OP is saying this is happening every single day. Our kids should not need a constant stream of praise to function. Of course we want them to be optimistic and grateful. That doesn't mean they don't need read the room.

Why is sharing good news exclusively considered “bragging”?

We’ve created this weird world of social media. If you say something happy, you’re bragging. If you say something negative, you’re attention seeking. Etc.

The only person who needs to examine their reaction is the reader, for their reaction. I have friends who yes, are bragging, I have others who are showing gratitude. I have some seeking help, and some who are seeking attention.

Have you read the thread? There is nothing wrong with sharing good news and getting positive feedback. There is a point where you cross a line into bragging. It's the difference between posting the occasional vacation photo or child winning award and posting something daily where you are thirsty for praise. Honestly though, you do you. If you think it's fine do it. If your friends think it's awesome great. If you find people stop responding though....you may want to read the room and start listening more and bragging less.

[Anonymous]

Op, it's your responsibility to manage the communication. The communication you see. The communication you respond to. You only allow so much "in". You need to take responsibility to learn how much is reasonable to expose yoursel to --- without being resentful. Managing resentment is your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who really and truly practice gratitude every day. Their lives are sunny because, well, they are sunny. It’s not that they don’t have hard times, it that they choose to focus on the good. They aren’t trying to be a brand, they really want to share and spread the good. Sure, their lives aren’t perfect, but I don’t need to see that. I have enough imperfect in my life. I check them out when I need a laugh or pick me up.

I don’t get the idea that “real life” has to be miserable, or sharing misery. Misery passes if you let it go.

I don’t get the idea of blowing out someone else’s candle to make yours look like it’s burning brighter, either

Part of teaching kids good character is being optimistic and grateful sure, but it's also being humble. You share your good news absolutely, but if you are crossing over in bragging DAILY, it's not being optimistic. It is being obnoxious. It's like humblebragging on social media and then posting #blessed. That is not showing gratitude if you do it all the time. It's trying to hide your bragging. Do you see the difference? OP is saying this is happening every single day. Our kids should not need a constant stream of praise to function. Of course we want them to be optimistic and grateful. That doesn't mean they don't need read the room.

NP. Unless someone is putting things like job promotions, raises, new clothes/jewelry/handbags, kids' accomplishments, or each BJ they get from their spouse on social...it's not bragging, it's sharing.

Photo of a hike with kids...that's just sharing. Photo with spouse on vacation...that's just sharing. Photo of grandma visiting and making cookies...that's just sharing. That's just LIFE.

Some sharing is more special and anomalous. I have a friend who is a school principal. Most of his posts are pretty rid of the mill...but he was selected to go on a university delegation to China for an education panel. That wasn't bragging, that is just sharing an extraordinary moment in his life.

I highly doubt anyone is bragging and boasting to their family via text daily. But sharing positive things (hey, it snowed! We went sledding a bit!)...that is just LIFE.

[Anonymous]

What does she need to be armored against in your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does she need to be armored against in your family?

Have you read OPs resentments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she need to be armored against in your family?

Have you read OPs resentments?

Yes. Has OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does she need to be armored against in your family?

Have you read OPs resentments?

Yes. Has OP?

Ha, good points 😂

[Anonymous]

Because it shows lack of depth. Most people have nuanced emotions that telegraph authenticity.