BF failed to help me with something very important

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are either codependent or taking advantage of him.

I've been married for 10 years, but I don't see this kind of "help" as assumed. If you help each other, great, but try to reduce your expectations and learn to rise to the occasion and figure life out yourself. Everyone will be happier.

Also, all monetary comingling is not advisable before marriage. After marriage it's a no-brainer to get on the same insurance, for example, but not before. After marriage your money is really in one pot, legally. Before, it is not, and someone can really be taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

You want your BF to simp for you.

The fact that he needs mommy to stand up to you shows that he is an easy mark, so it makes sense that you're surprised/disappointed that you don't get your way this time.

Though it sounds like you both deserve each other, I don't think you two are a match.

[Anonymous]

OP here
Please people don’t tell me that I’m immature or taking advantage of him
It has nothing to do with money

People come with different issues and in different variety’s
There’s people with medical debt or student loans
People with criminal records
People with DUIs
I have none of this, I simply asked him to add me to his insurance for 2 months, there’s nothing illegal
The point is he said yes and then send me to his mom to say no

Thank you for your responses!!!!

[Anonymous]

You should move out and break up with him.

The fact that he couldn't tell you himself that he didn't want to do it anymore (after talking to his mom I'm sure) because you'd be a liability on his insurance if something were to happen. If you need the car for a job, that means you're driving more, which increases likeliness of an accident, etc. I'm not saying that's rational - but may be the way they are thinking.

The problem has nothing to do with what you asked - or whether he should agree to do it. Any man who can willingly take so much from another person - and then promise something and not follow through and doesn't have the courage to say so himself but put his mother up to it is not a man you want to date and live with, much less marry.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you haven't had a conversation with him about this since you spoke to his mom.

So, have the conversation.

"I was talking to your mom and she said that I should get my own car insurance and told me how. I'm confused - we discussed this, and you were fine with adding me to your insurance. Did you ask her to talk to me? Have you changed your mind?"

Then, see what he says. If he says he changed his mind, then say something like "that might be the right path, we can discuss it further, but why on earth did you have your mom tell me that instead of just talking about it with me?"

If he really did change his mind, then have his mom tell you instead of talking to you himself, and he isn't immediately very apologetic and wanting to fix it, then move out. You've got yourself a man-baby.

**This advice is only about the relationship issue, I don't know enough about the insurance issue (or car stuff generally, I don't even own one) to know if this is legal/advisable/a good idea.

[Anonymous]

OP, what you're not understanding is that your boyfriend probably can't do what you want him to do.

First, most auto insurers won't cover someone who doesn't hold a U.S. drivers license.

Second, even if he could add you as a driver on his insurance policy, that would only apply to his own vehicle, not to you driving your own separate vehicle.

Third, you generally cannot add a car owned by someone else to your own insurance policy, so he couldn't have added your new car to his policy in order to get your coverage.

In sum, since you didn't already have a U.S. drivers license, he probably was stuck and couldn't help you, even if he wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m getting a bad vibe here, op… from you.
Why do you need his help to fill out routine paperwork? Are you doing something illegal? Is something wrong with you where routine paperwork is more difficult, and if so why didn’t you say this in your initial post?

I’m also not a fan of you doing things for his family expecting to get anything back. You don’t have to date this guy, live with this guy, or marry this guy, but you also shouldn’t do things for his family expecting anything in return. Do things because you love the people, or be up front and not do things if it is too much for you.

I get the sense that you are doing things for his family because you are up to no good and are using the brother’s condition to mask your true intentions, the same way that some though not all nurses use nursing to have access to drugs or some but certainly not all use youth activities to abuse children.

Much as you don’t want to hear it, I’m on team boyfriend here.

Pls go see a doctor
It’s a pandemic I needed help from my bf, I thought we are taking the next step together
I already feel embarrassed and ashamed for even having to ask him before I moved in
Stuff happens
I’m not doing anything illegal
It’s the opposite, I’m trying hard to do it legally but can’t riggt now bc of dmv
I got an appointment in early September to go there to start the license

Yes but did HE think you are taking the next step together?

Quite often women look at cohabiting as the next step toward marriage while men look at it like...there's a chick who lives here.

[Anonymous]

Is he still on his mom’s insurance, OP?

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t the car dealer typically handle the registration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes but did HE think you are taking the next step together?

Quite often women look at cohabiting as the next step toward marriage while men look at it like...there's a chick who lives here.

My thoughts exactly.

You think you are closer to him and his family than he thinks you are. Respond accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you're not understanding is that your boyfriend probably can't do what you want him to do.

First, most auto insurers won't cover someone who doesn't hold a U.S. drivers license.

Second, even if he could add you as a driver on his insurance policy, that would only apply to his own vehicle, not to you driving your own separate vehicle.

Third, you generally cannot add a car owned by someone else to your own insurance policy, so he couldn't have added your new car to his policy in order to get your coverage.

In sum, since you didn't already have a U.S. drivers license, he probably was stuck and couldn't help you, even if he wanted to.

Ok I understand if he maybe couldn’t do it law wise
But don’t you think he should have told me himself?
He could have said oh I called geico and I can’t do it sorry
I’d say ok no problem thanks for TRYING
But he didn’t even try

[Anonymous]

I'm getting a very weird vibe off this situation. Did you condition moving in on him helping you with the car insurance? I'm not really sure why you're tying the two together so much.

Also, how did his mom "indirectly" tell you what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you're not understanding is that your boyfriend probably can't do what you want him to do.

First, most auto insurers won't cover someone who doesn't hold a U.S. drivers license.

Second, even if he could add you as a driver on his insurance policy, that would only apply to his own vehicle, not to you driving your own separate vehicle.

Third, you generally cannot add a car owned by someone else to your own insurance policy, so he couldn't have added your new car to his policy in order to get your coverage.

In sum, since you didn't already have a U.S. drivers license, he probably was stuck and couldn't help you, even if he wanted to.

Ok I understand if he maybe couldn’t do it law wise
But don’t you think he should have told me himself?
He could have said oh I called geico and I can’t do it sorry
I’d say ok no problem thanks for TRYING
But he didn’t even try

Look, I'm sorry this is causing you distress. The explanation is simple - it always is. He didn't do it because he doesn't want to do it. The why is not important. It's not important what he told you before. He routed you to his mom because you failed to take the hint he was channeling toward you. Men do not like to be direct with women because contrary to what women say (just tell me!), their experiences in this sphere tell them otherwise. When a man avoids doing something he promised to do, it means he doesn't want to do it, and it also means the original promise was extracted under duress. You may think he gave you a promise joyfully, but it is sadly not the case. He said he will do it to avoid the argument he foresaw taking place if he declined.

Again, I'm sorry. This knowledge is not pleasant. But you must learn to read men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here
I was unemployed with no income for 4 months during Covid, I finally found a new job and had to buy a new car and needed help with registering the car, insurance and stuff
Nothing too crazy
It might not look like a big deal, but to me this was VERY important as I needed the car ASAP and he knew about this for months and he acknowledged the issue and said he would help me
I don’t want to go into too much detail about it

There is absolutely NO reason why you couldn't do this yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both sound very immature.

OP sounds very needy. Not a good look on a woman.

- man