Coy About College Decision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t post anything because DC wasn’t posting anything. Not that I post a lot, but this could be considered biggish news. Why wasn’t DC posting? Because DC got into her dream school (top ivy) and the same school rejected a lot of her friends. Boasting on social media didn’t seem kind.

OP here. This is where I have a problem. Are you supposed to never post on social media any of your happy news if it may make another person feel bad, ever? This is sort of what you are saying -- DC didn't post because others who also applied did not get in. It's not boasting if you politely share and then move on. It's boasting if you are rubbing it in their faces. Some schools here in DC actually post where each graduate is going (G Prep, Anslem, etc). Is that considered boasting? Are the kids that wear the sweatshirts from their school of choice boasting each year when the school snaps that shot and places it all over their social media in May each year?

Most private schools here do that (look at recent school photos) and somehow, we don't usually consider it bragging. So would you tell your daughter to not wear her sweatshirt for the pic (or rather to sit it out) because other classmates did not get into that school also? I know that I wouldn't.

It depends on when you post.

Before May 1, when the dust has settled and everyone knows where they are going, it can be a little insensitive. By May 1 99% of kids have made a decision and are ready to share.

I do not know any high school that posts this information before May 1 or graduation (at my DC's high school it was printed on the graduation programs).

[Anonymous]

Maybe the 18 y.o. told the parents no more posting or pictures of me. I know my kid would not want me blabbing about his life. More people need to stop posting personal information about their ADULT children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like every step, every milestone has been documented leading up to this day-- clearly they were braggy. Sounds like whatever decision they have been part of here they are not at all proud of.

I've noticed that many private school kids who are headed to public for HS, the parents are very hush hush about it. That's also odd to me. Are they embarrassed? Bragged about private fr the first 9 years but now can't afford the higher price tag in HS?

Okay wow. Full blown b—-h. Congrats on being the the cattiest person on DCUM today.

[Anonymous]

My thoughts are you are a nosy busy body.

[Anonymous]

I would not want to post my child's future location on line, but then again, I don't do Facebook or get social media.

Can you call them or have lunch? It may come up organically, but if it does not, respect their boundaries (even though, I agree, they are unusual).

[Anonymous]

Some people do the big reveal on move-in day!

[Anonymous]

Of all the parents in DCs class on FB that I know, only one combined graduation photos with college choice. And that parent has never missed an opportunity to share this information. All year since ED. She’ll work it into any post or photo. I’m actually embarrassed for her because she seems to have a desperate need to prove something. A few others shared on May 1. Some shared during ED. Some didn’t share at all except for group photos of T-shirt day. One posted with an apology to her child for sharing.

[Anonymous]

It must mean the kid didn’t get into UVA, right?

[Anonymous]

I waited to post because my kid was waiting to come off waitlist. The wait was worth it.

People did ask what the college choice was before then because deposits needed to be made by May 1. I responded without answering the question.

My guess is this is the same situation.

[Anonymous]

If these parents are used to sharing these types of accomplishments and now they aren’t, just know that they probably have a pretty good reason and leave it at that. I am friends with a family like this and it turns out that they son developed a mental illness late in HS. He barely graduated because he missed so much school. They didn’t share where he was going to college because he didn’t apply anywhere. He stayed at home and worked part-time the following year while he was also in therapy (his mom told me a few close friends).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t post anything because DC wasn’t posting anything. Not that I post a lot, but this could be considered biggish news. Why wasn’t DC posting? Because DC got into her dream school (top ivy) and the same school rejected a lot of her friends. Boasting on social media didn’t seem kind.

OP here. This is where I have a problem. Are you supposed to never post on social media any of your happy news if it may make another person feel bad, ever? This is sort of what you are saying -- DC didn't post because others who also applied did not get in. It's not boasting if you politely share and then move on. It's boasting if you are rubbing it in their faces. Some schools here in DC actually post where each graduate is going (G Prep, Anslem, etc). Is that considered boasting? Are the kids that wear the sweatshirts from their school of choice boasting each year when the school snaps that shot and places it all over their social media in May each year?

Most private schools here do that (look at recent school photos) and somehow, we don't usually consider it bragging. So would you tell your daughter to not wear her sweatshirt for the pic (or rather to sit it out) because other classmates did not get into that school also? I know that I wouldn't.

I mean, yeah, it's all kind of gauche. I wouldn't tell my kid not to participate in school promotion that the kid wants to (and all those private school posts are just advertisement for the school), but I wouldn't facilitate it myself. It's one thing for your child to be excited and share where they're attending college (or to keep it quiet because they think it's obnoxious braggadocio), but it's another for the parents to promote the attendance for their kids. It's a different world with social media, but when I got into a top college I never wore any school apparel or told anyone unsolicited where I was going. I still think school sweatshirts are ungraceful unless you're cheering on the team at a sporting event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to gain other parents thoughts on this. Have a few friends that have kept us in the loop of their kids lives over the years on social media. Every accomplishment, milestone, picture from childhood and on -- you name it -- was shared with friends (including me) on social media. Their DC just graduated from high school and a few of us on their social media site have asked where DC is going to college. They refuse to release the name of the college.

My thought is that they have every right to not share if they don't want to. But I find it a little disingenuous that they would share so much of their personal lives with us on social media, see that we share our DC's details as well, and then pull back on releasing the college decision. So many of us put ours out there.

Is this normal? I would think that they have shared so much until now, but now we're supposed to not ask?

They seem incredibly proud of their DC, but I have to wonder why the secrecy. What are they signaling?

DP To answer your question: yes it is normal and although you say you don't expect it you seem to sort of do in your later posts. I have a senior and while I don't post anything ever my kid got tired of answering questions about where they were going and what they were doing. Yes, it is normal chit chat but, it got annoying after a while when the first thing all adults do is ask this information. It gets old very fast. And it is from everyone not just close friends.

[Anonymous]

I observed a FB friend in the same situation. She posted photos of her daughter graduating and someone asked in the comments where she is going. Then I saw her respond, "It's not what she hoped for -- I will DM you." I think this happens more often than not, and that is why there might be radio silence with regard to college acceptances. Clearly your friends daughter may not have gotten into her first choice and is grappling with her options. Yes, I realize the decision date has passed, but she may have made two deposits or considering a gap year.

I think the OP asked a legit question, however, I also think it should have been obvious to him/her that the friend is not sharing for a specific reason -- and not being "coy."

[Anonymous]

I am one of those parents who brags about her kid on FB. Yes, go ahead, fire away.

It is funny because the other day my recent graduate was in a room with us and another couple who had not seen us in a long while. They congratulated my DS, who then said, "What did I do this time?" The posts on FB about 1) acceptance into a top 20, 2) acceptance afterward into the honors program at that top 20, 3) graduation photos, etc. etc. He is a bit caught off guard when people keep congratulating him, but he takes it in stride. He doesn't mind that mom is a big fan of his and by nature he is quote humble. Didn't get it from me obviously lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not want to post my child's future location on line, but then again, I don't do Facebook or get social media.

Can you call them or have lunch? It may come up organically, but if it does not, respect their boundaries (even though, I agree, they are unusual).

Clearly OP doesn't really like this family. Don't encourage her to try to have lunch with the mom.