Coy About College Decision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People DO get off the waitlists but it requires a few things to happen. For example my DC won a national prize : off waitlist when college received letter. Cousin also. It does happen but not frequently.

DD graduated from a top private this year and will attend Ivy of her choice so this is not sour grapes but I think schools manipulate these things to help kids they want to help.

DD's school does not have class rank but at the end of 12th grade school bestows "cum laude" status to 20% of class based on combo of GPA + class rigor. The calculation is not public. This year the class president, popular kid, popular (ie rich) family had a bad college admissions season. Despite not being in the highest level of math, this kid was named to cum laude and admission to aUS news top30 off wait list was announced shortly after. I wonder if they tilted Cum Laude that way to help with the wait list.

Maybe he had the GPA and a rigorous schedule other than not being in highest math. Also, by highest math do you mean not taking AP Calc BC? I don't think being in the highest math group should be the benchmark of rigor. The counselor can look at everything and decide. Not everyone is going to take the highest physics either. I say this as someone who loved math in school. My kids are on track to take Calculus in 11th. Some kids take it in 10th and others don't take it in high school. I can assure you, there have been many valedictorians who didn't take the highest math or physics....

Its a private so they got rid of AP classes about 2 years ago. In math they have 3 options: grade level, advanced and honors. Advanced and honors are same course (12th grade calculus) with honors being harder. Its the only class that has an "advanced" option in addition to honors and grade level; I think bc in if honors English is too hard you can always jump back to grade level but once you've taken Algebra 1 if you find honors Geometry too hard you cant really jump back.

The Cum Laude distinction is combination of class rigor and GPA but they dont say how its weighted. My 3 DCs have been in the school for years and I cannot remember a kid who got cum laude who was not in honors math. I guess my point is that the school (esp. at privates) have a lot of leverage to tilt things they way they want to help kids have something to tell the college so they can maybe get off a waitlist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to really think they owe it to you to tell you this information. It's kind of astounding that you would think that!

Op here. I have taken my humble pie and admitted that perhaps there are good reasons to not disclose. I’ll admit that in hindsight. But I also take offense to those social media friends that posts family details nonstop, drawing people in for clicks or nice comments about their families, lives, accomplishments, etc. they are putting it out there for everyone to admire and comment on, drawing us in and making us part of the extended family. Affirmations.


Maybe part of my humble pie approach is that I just won’t take the bait anymore and refuse clicking or providing comments to essentially make them feel better about the pics or updates. It doesn’t always get to go one way. Like many of the more angry posters have said, none of my business. My response going forward could very well be, just don’t ask me to participate in the game. I think its a fair response. They knew that people would ask, especially posting as much as they do. It’s within their right to withhold it. But it’s also within my right to ignore future posts.

I already know that some of you will be like “ no don’t do that,” but seriously it’s an exchange. People have choice to share and to respond.

Consequences or else it will always be a Lucy/Charlie Brown situation.


So you “liked” their happy posts and feel they consequently owe you and should share everything with you? Wow. I have to agree with the Pp who said you are just dying to know that they are hiding some deep dark terrible secret. You are an adult and it is on you if you are drawn in and admire and comment. You can refuse their invitation. You should. Yes, you should ignore future posts. Unfriend them. That will show ‘em.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People DO get off the waitlists but it requires a few things to happen. For example my DC won a national prize : off waitlist when college received letter. Cousin also. It does happen but not frequently.

DD graduated from a top private this year and will attend Ivy of her choice so this is not sour grapes but I think schools manipulate these things to help kids they want to help.

DD's school does not have class rank but at the end of 12th grade school bestows "cum laude" status to 20% of class based on combo of GPA + class rigor. The calculation is not public. This year the class president, popular kid, popular (ie rich) family had a bad college admissions season. Despite not being in the highest level of math, this kid was named to cum laude and admission to aUS news top30 off wait list was announced shortly after. I wonder if they tilted Cum Laude that way to help with the wait list.

Maybe he had the GPA and a rigorous schedule other than not being in highest math. Also, by highest math do you mean not taking AP Calc BC? I don't think being in the highest math group should be the benchmark of rigor. The counselor can look at everything and decide. Not everyone is going to take the highest physics either. I say this as someone who loved math in school. My kids are on track to take Calculus in 11th. Some kids take it in 10th and others don't take it in high school. I can assure you, there have been many valedictorians who didn't take the highest math or physics....

Its a private so they got rid of AP classes about 2 years ago. In math they have 3 options: grade level, advanced and honors. Advanced and honors are same course (12th grade calculus) with honors being harder. Its the only class that has an "advanced" option in addition to honors and grade level; I think bc in if honors English is too hard you can always jump back to grade level but once you've taken Algebra 1 if you find honors Geometry too hard you cant really jump back.

The Cum Laude distinction is combination of class rigor and GPA but they dont say how its weighted. My 3 DCs have been in the school for years and I cannot remember a kid who got cum laude who was not in honors math. I guess my point is that the school (esp. at privates) have a lot of leverage to tilt things they way they want to help kids have something to tell the college so they can maybe get off a waitlist.

Agree. Our private still does AP and there was a bit of controversy over a student who took AP Art History, Psych, English and 2 Art Studio who made Cum Laude but several students who took AP Calc 1&2, Stats, and Physics classes who didn’t. They can decide if those are all considered equal or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People DO get off the waitlists but it requires a few things to happen. For example my DC won a national prize : off waitlist when college received letter. Cousin also. It does happen but not frequently.

DD graduated from a top private this year and will attend Ivy of her choice so this is not sour grapes but I think schools manipulate these things to help kids they want to help.

DD's school does not have class rank but at the end of 12th grade school bestows "cum laude" status to 20% of class based on combo of GPA + class rigor. The calculation is not public. This year the class president, popular kid, popular (ie rich) family had a bad college admissions season. Despite not being in the highest level of math, this kid was named to cum laude and admission to aUS news top30 off wait list was announced shortly after. I wonder if they tilted Cum Laude that way to help with the wait list.

Yep

[Anonymous]

In my experience it’s not the parents who announce but the students. Find one that didn’t! Including Ivy.

[Anonymous]

Also I think not announcing Harvard because others just can’t take it is titans patronizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also I think not announcing Harvard because others just can’t take it is titans patronizing.

The cool person thing to do is not announce - ie brag about - your super awesome accomplishment, but when someone asks you are delighted to answer. Didnt OP's ppl decline to answer when asked?

[Anonymous]

I didn’t share as doing a Gap year. Got into a dream school and request for deferral accepted but DC mentions possibly trying for another school where doing gap year. Therefore why mention until DC has foot on the campus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience it’s not the parents who announce but the students. Find one that didn’t! Including Ivy.

The pushiest mom in DD school announced her kid's Ivy status on facebook. It was a totally predictable but moment.

[Anonymous]

Declining to mention your Harvard acceptance is step one in becoming a real genuine Harvard snob. We can handle your acceptance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to really think they owe it to you to tell you this information. It's kind of astounding that you would think that!

Op here. I have taken my humble pie and admitted that perhaps there are good reasons to not disclose. I’ll admit that in hindsight. But I also take offense to those social media friends that posts family details nonstop, drawing people in for clicks or nice comments about their families, lives, accomplishments, etc. they are putting it out there for everyone to admire and comment on, drawing us in and making us part of the extended family. Affirmations.


Maybe part of my humble pie approach is that I just won’t take the bait anymore and refuse clicking or providing comments to essentially make them feel better about the pics or updates. It doesn’t always get to go one way. Like many of the more angry posters have said, none of my business. My response going forward could very well be, just don’t ask me to participate in the game. I think its a fair response. They knew that people would ask, especially posting as much as they do. It’s within their right to withhold it. But it’s also within my right to ignore future posts.

I already know that some of you will be like “ no don’t do that,” but seriously it’s an exchange. People have choice to share and to respond.

Consequences or else it will always be a Lucy/Charlie Brown situation.

OP
You are far too invested in this? Be happy or be unhappy. Life is what you make of it. How does what one posts reflect on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to really think they owe it to you to tell you this information. It's kind of astounding that you would think that!

Op here. I have taken my humble pie and admitted that perhaps there are good reasons to not disclose. I’ll admit that in hindsight. But I also take offense to those social media friends that posts family details nonstop, drawing people in for clicks or nice comments about their families, lives, accomplishments, etc. they are putting it out there for everyone to admire and comment on, drawing us in and making us part of the extended family. Affirmations.


Maybe part of my humble pie approach is that I just won’t take the bait anymore and refuse clicking or providing comments to essentially make them feel better about the pics or updates. It doesn’t always get to go one way. Like many of the more angry posters have said, none of my business. My response going forward could very well be, just don’t ask me to participate in the game. I think its a fair response. They knew that people would ask, especially posting as much as they do. It’s within their right to withhold it. But it’s also within my right to ignore future posts.

I already know that some of you will be like “ no don’t do that,” but seriously it’s an exchange. People have choice to share and to respond.

Consequences or else it will always be a Lucy/Charlie Brown situation.

I am a NP and I have to say that you, OP, are sounding meaner and more unkind every single time you post. I thought your first post was abhorrent but now … sheesh.

Their posts are not about you. If you think they are then you need to pull your narcissistic head out of your rectum and take a good look at the world. They are sharing information they want to share … the same way that 30 years ago they would if you were sitting at a table enjoying dinner. That they can use social media now means that more people hear more quickly. They aren't baiting you. They aren't waiting for you to "make them feel better about the pics or updates." And as far as I can tell no one is trying to impede your "right to ignore future posts." In fact that sounds all the better. Since you aren't a friend and clearly don't feel friendly about them, you should really ignore their posts and hopefully they will ignore yours.

FWIW, I don't even have a Facebook account and even I know it isn't about you, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe the child now wants to be off their parents social media circus, and has told the parents as much. Or maybe they're disappointed and wait-listed, and not going to the school their parents thought they were. Or maybe they now have a stalker, due to all the info their parents pushed on social media. Could be anything.

[Anonymous]

Just check back at DC's social media accounts. By Sept. his/her college destination will likely be in their bio or featured in tshirt in a pic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also I think not announcing Harvard because others just can’t take it is titans patronizing.

I wouldn't announce Harvard because it seems like bragging and there is now where to go but down. I know many people love to see braggers fail. I'd allow my child to humbly tell in person if asked, and I'd do the same. It would have nothing to do with thinking people couldn't take it.