My husband always lets us down

[Anonymous]

This can’t be new behavior. You’ve known about this. What on earth possessed you to have unprotected sex with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I have done this before and it doesn't work. If I were not pregnant I would leave in a heartbeat but everything is a lot harder right now.

Your husband is definitely a jerk, so forgive me in advance for what I'm about to say.

I think you need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. I get the impression everything is harder because you make it harder. You seem to have a very "woe is me" attitude. For some reason your husband is avoiding being home and spending time with his family. Are you depressed? Maybe it's a chicken and egg thing and your husband's treatment of you turned you into this person. But either way it's not working for you and only you can pull yourself out of this dynamic and change your situation.

[Anonymous]

You must be a SAHM. If your son is young enough to be in diapers, it sounds like you are the one that needs to get out of the house (and rightly so), not your son. Most importantly, get a car and go about doing the fun things you want with your son. DH should have input in planning of course, but that way if something comes up last minute you arent stuck always home. Or Uber if you must..but point is, carry on with the plans you made together with or without him. Don’t do this “tit for tat” leave DH with son as soon as he gets home business being suggested. That is immature.

I stay home too and have a husband that works long hours including weekends and often gets called in on “off” weekends or decides he needs to go in last minute all the time— I get what you are saying. It gets a lot easier when the naps stop and you don’t have to be so rigid with your schedule. I have three kids with the youngest being in diapers and napping still. On the weekends when DH is around, we forgo naps and the toddler snoozes in the car on the way to an outing, on the way back, or in the stroller. If I stuck to a strict 1-3 nap schedule on the weekends we would never get out the door as a family. Give it a try. I don’t think your DH means to be “putting you second” he probably just doesn’t the nap schedule and what the big deal is if you aren’t home at the exact right times for nap. And he has a point. I’ve lightened up with weekend naps as I’ve had more kids and it isn’t that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic case of a SAHM, working dad dynamic. He probably believes he provides enough family time during the week to the kid. The issue might be being around you, OP.

I get it, as a working single parent in the district. I would cringe at the thought of someone trying to schedule my weekend hours. I just want to be left alone.

Pull back. Leave him alone if you want to save the marriage. Get a job even.

I am not a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a classic case of a SAHM, working dad dynamic. He probably believes he provides enough family time during the week to the kid. The issue might be being around you, OP.

I get it, as a working single parent in the district. I would cringe at the thought of someone trying to schedule my weekend hours. I just want to be left alone.

Pull back. Leave him alone if you want to save the marriage. Get a job even.

I am not a SAHM.

Pp is a jerk. Ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

I don't think anyone thinks her feelings about her husband are unjustified or that she should be content to do things by herself. What people are saying is that the reality is that her husband is this way so she has to deal with her reality, not what she wishes he were like and would do.

No one thinks the husband is behaving well, people just don't think OP should be held back by that bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

I don't think anyone thinks her feelings about her husband are unjustified or that she should be content to do things by herself. What people are saying is that the reality is that her husband is this way so she has to deal with her reality, not what she wishes he were like and would do.

No one thinks the husband is behaving well, people just don't think OP should be held back by that bad behavior.

OP here. It's easy to give this advice but his behavior does hold me back. It's like telling someone not to feel bad after a break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

+1 You need to have your own car, pp, especially since you have another child on the way. My father convinced my mother to give up her car for financial reasons and she was stuck at home while he did his thing. This is controlling and selfish behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

OP here. Thanks for this. I wish he would think like this. He will call family abroad for hours sometimes in the middle of something we're doing. Last weekend for example he sat in the restaurant parking lot talking on the phone for an hour while we went out to breakfast. I do have patience but he takes it to another level.

[Anonymous]

He's either just a selfish jerk or he's having an affair. Go buy yourself a car and go do what you want without him and start planning for your future alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have done this before and it doesn't work. If I were not pregnant I would leave in a heartbeat but everything is a lot harder right now.

Your husband is definitely a jerk, so forgive me in advance for what I'm about to say.

I think you need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. I get the impression everything is harder because you make it harder. You seem to have a very "woe is me" attitude. For some reason your husband is avoiding being home and spending time with his family. Are you depressed? Maybe it's a chicken and egg thing and your husband's treatment of you turned you into this person. But either way it's not working for you and only you can pull yourself out of this dynamic and change your situation.

Wow, way to turn it around and blame OP for her husband’s crappy behavior. I guess you have a lopsided marriage too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

OP here. Thanks for this. I wish he would think like this. He will call family abroad for hours sometimes in the middle of something we're doing. Last weekend for example he sat in the restaurant parking lot talking on the phone for an hour while we went out to breakfast. I do have patience but he takes it to another level.

Are you sure its his parents? This sounds like an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

I don't think anyone thinks her feelings about her husband are unjustified or that she should be content to do things by herself. What people are saying is that the reality is that her husband is this way so she has to deal with her reality, not what she wishes he were like and would do.

No one thinks the husband is behaving well, people just don't think OP should be held back by that bad behavior.

OP here. It's easy to give this advice but his behavior does hold me back. It's like telling someone not to feel bad after a break up.

Stop. No one is telling you how to feel. No one is saying that this isn’t sh!tty behavior by your husband. But to continue to sit there and shoot down every response to do something is on you. You’ve been advised to leave for the day, but you like watching your son play and have tried that before and don’t want him watching tv. You’ve got every excuse for not advocating for yourself. At some point you have to decide not to be a helpless victim here. Otherwise, stop complaining. You’re either part of the problem or part of the solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

I don't think anyone thinks her feelings about her husband are unjustified or that she should be content to do things by herself. What people are saying is that the reality is that her husband is this way so she has to deal with her reality, not what she wishes he were like and would do.

No one thinks the husband is behaving well, people just don't think OP should be held back by that bad behavior.

OP here. It's easy to give this advice but his behavior does hold me back. It's like telling someone not to feel bad after a break up.

Stop. No one is telling you how to feel. No one is saying that this isn’t sh!tty behavior by your husband. But to continue to sit there and shoot down every response to do something is on you. You’ve been advised to leave for the day, but you like watching your son play and have tried that before and don’t want him watching tv. You’ve got every excuse for not advocating for yourself. At some point you have to decide not to be a helpless victim here. Otherwise, stop complaining. You’re either part of the problem or part of the solution.

OP here. I have not shot down every response. I have confronted DH about this many times. I am not helpless and I am free to choose what I want to do with my day. I would rather stay at home. You sound a bit mean pp.