It takes a village and I have no village

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand, OP, and I do have a village. My family is all on the west coast and I moved here as an adult, post-grad school, so my only close friend was DH. Although it is REALLY not in my nature, I forced myself to go to a new moms’ group when my first kid was just weeks old. I was so shy, but I ended up with great friends. Some of those people have moved away but as my kids entered elementary school and later middle school, i added to my “village” with parents from those schools. Honestly, it’s a village built on proximity and mutual dependence. We all work and so rely on each other for carpooling, homework backup, and socializing. Pretty much all my close friends are both my neighbors (in the broadest sense of within a 2-mile radius) and my kids’ friends’ parents. We do live in a neighborhood where everyone is physically quite close and no one has a big yard, which helps. My only advice is to be helpful and accept help when it’s offered.

Please explain the homework backup.

Carpooling I get but you hardly need a village to establish a carpool.

Sure--when our kids started middle school, they sometimes forgot to bring a worksheet home for homework. We would text another parent or two with kids in the same class and they would send a snapshot of the assignment.

There are lots of other ways we support each other. It's so helpful to have someone to vent to about kid problems, to drop your kid with when DH is traveling and you need to get in to work early, to pick up your kid when you're going to be late to school. These are all the things that make my life easier and my kids' lives more pleasant and fun. Why are you so resistant to the idea of a village?

Because most times the “village” is women providing unpaid labor that the husband/father should be providing. Case in point - OP’s husband should have canceled his trip instead of OP thinking a neighbor or friend should have stepped in to help with childcare/sick care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It takes a village and I have no village. We have no local family (family is thousands of miles away) and neither of us is close with aunts, uncles and cousins (who also live thousands of miles away). I'm an only child and my husband has one sister who he is not close with. We moved to this area from out of state, so don't have a network of college/grad school friends. I had to make a whole new social network and I have worked hard to make a lot of mom friends in the area through mom groups, and we get together often for playdates, but they're not the kind of friends who "show up" for me, even though I try to show up for them by doing thoughtful gestures, bringing meals for new babies, hosting baby showers, offering to watch their kids, etc.

For example I recently had surgery, and my husband had to go on a business trip the next day. It was hard taking care of the kids while I was still under the weather.

Since family is not local we had no help there. I would have appreciated some companionship from a friend, or even a simple check-in to see how I was doing, but they didn't even do that (and they knew I was having surgery and that my husband was going on a business trip). I guess I should have hired a home health aide or something?

It's hard raising kids without a village. DH and I work and kids go to full-day preschool with aftercare, so no nanny. Kids are 3 and 5.

You chose to have children so you should have also figured out the lack of help and been prepared for it. What exactly do you want your aunts, uncles and cousins to do for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your case, you need to hire your village. Roster of babysitters, home health aides, teenage mother's helpers if need be etc. We have family a 4 hour drive away, but they've bailed me out so many times when our nanny or I got sick, for which I am truly grateful.

+1 Pay the money for hired help now. You can continue to work on your social network, but when the going gets rough, most people depend on family rather than friends.

+2.

Op, you were already in no village situation, but chose to have a second child. It doesn't take a village - first and foremost it takes a responsible adult to make those decisions and plan ahead. If you can't afford hiring out some of the necessary support and can't be near family who are willing to help - then don't have another child till you can. The math is very basic. You sound like you need a lot of babying yourself. Why can't you take a taxi from a hospital? It's a simple thing to do and doesn't have to be an ask to a friend. Unless you're trying to save $ on a cab ride, in which case - why don't you save on care packages and birthday lunches and just pay for your own necessities?

If a close friend asked for a ride or to babysit her children I would frankly offer to pay for it in the nicest way I can, but am very unlikely to actually do it for her. Because there is a way to get it done without making me the household labor.

Taking a cab from the hospital after being ill really sucks. I take it you haven't experienced it? I don't think it's the $$ that OP is worried about here. It would be nice to feel like you are supported. I don't blame OP for feeling the way she does. I also understand that people are busy, etc. People are also very self-absorbed and just don't know how to reach out to someone anymore unless it's liking thier post

I think it should be the husband's duty to help OP out because he's her spouse. What is the point of being married when you can't rely on your spouse?????

[Anonymous]

You have to make your own village. Do you belong to a church or Synagogue? If so, there are retired womens groups who help with meals, run errands, take to medical appointments. If you have no religious group then there are still volunteer groups who will help. Good luck. Just one good friend leads to others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,

Same situation here re: no village.

Here is what I did:
* actively seek out other mothers without a village. You are prib attracted to nice smiley women with families in the area who help. They are lovely, but they are not your village. Look for women who don't have a village. Candidly discuss trading childcare. It works.

OP here. I totally agree with this. And actually I do seek out women to be friends with who don't have any local family here/are new to the area, because they have more time to get together. than those who do have family in the area.

I'm not looking for childcare help. I'm looking for warm, caring friends who care about me. Here's the kind of things I do for others: send care packages if they've had a major illness/been in the hospital, take my friends out for lunch on their birthday, bring by a Mother's Day gift on Mother's Day, bring home-baked cookies on Christmas, check in with them daily by email/text if they or their kids are sick, host baby showers, host holiday meals.

I feel like they don't do anything in return, and it bothers me. I don't need babysitting help, I need a friend who cares enough to check in and see how I'm doing the day after surgery when they know my DH is on a business trip.

Here's another example: a few years ago I was in a car accident. DH was on a business trip, so I had no one. I posted a FB message from the ER asking if anyone could pick me up so I wouldn't have to take a cab home. No one responded. Do you know how terrible that made me feel?

First off, I think this no village thing just totally sucks and I really am sorry.

But....and I don’t know how to say this.... the things you describe above are a little odd. None of my friends celebrate mother’s day with me. That wouldn’t make sense. Mother’s Day is for spending with their kids and their moms, not bringing presents to other mom friends.

Similarly, my friends and I don’t do much for each other on actual holidays. We might share cards or do an activity together in December, but also maybe not. Everyone is swamped that time of year.

OP here. I get what you're saying that the things I do for my friends may sound odd. But when you have no local family, only see Grandparents once a year, and have no relationship with extended family, then friends become like your family. So on Mother's Day we often go out for brunch with another family whose kids my kids are friends with. I host holiday get togethers often because we don't spend holidays with extended family, etc. We entertain often and host families for game night and Sunday brunch. I spend a lot of time trying to build a strong village/social network for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,

Same situation here re: no village.

Here is what I did:
* actively seek out other mothers without a village. You are prib attracted to nice smiley women with families in the area who help. They are lovely, but they are not your village. Look for women who don't have a village. Candidly discuss trading childcare. It works.

OP here. I totally agree with this. And actually I do seek out women to be friends with who don't have any local family here/are new to the area, because they have more time to get together. than those who do have family in the area.

I'm not looking for childcare help. I'm looking for warm, caring friends who care about me. Here's the kind of things I do for others: send care packages if they've had a major illness/been in the hospital, take my friends out for lunch on their birthday, bring by a Mother's Day gift on Mother's Day, bring home-baked cookies on Christmas, check in with them daily by email/text if they or their kids are sick, host baby showers, host holiday meals.

I feel like they don't do anything in return, and it bothers me. I don't need babysitting help, I need a friend who cares enough to check in and see how I'm doing the day after surgery when they know my DH is on a business trip.

Here's another example: a few years ago I was in a car accident. DH was on a business trip, so I had no one. I posted a FB message from the ER asking if anyone could pick me up so I wouldn't have to take a cab home. No one responded. Do you know how terrible that made me feel?

First off, I think this no village thing just totally sucks and I really am sorry.

But....and I don’t know how to say this.... the things you describe above are a little odd. None of my friends celebrate mother’s day with me. That wouldn’t make sense. Mother’s Day is for spending with their kids and their moms, not bringing presents to other mom friends.

Similarly, my friends and I don’t do much for each other on actual holidays. We might share cards or do an activity together in December, but also maybe not. Everyone is swamped that time of year.

OP here. I get what you're saying that the things I do for my friends may sound odd. But when you have no local family, only see Grandparents once a year, and have no relationship with extended family, then friends become like your family. So on Mother's Day we often go out for brunch with another family whose kids my kids are friends with. I host holiday get togethers often because we don't spend holidays with extended family, etc. We entertain often and host families for game night and Sunday brunch. I spend a lot of time trying to build a strong village/social network for us.

So then you should have texted some of these people asking for a ride home, vs. posting on FB of all places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,

Same situation here re: no village.

Here is what I did:
* actively seek out other mothers without a village. You are prib attracted to nice smiley women with families in the area who help. They are lovely, but they are not your village. Look for women who don't have a village. Candidly discuss trading childcare. It works.

OP here. I totally agree with this. And actually I do seek out women to be friends with who don't have any local family here/are new to the area, because they have more time to get together. than those who do have family in the area.

I'm not looking for childcare help. I'm looking for warm, caring friends who care about me. Here's the kind of things I do for others: send care packages if they've had a major illness/been in the hospital, take my friends out for lunch on their birthday, bring by a Mother's Day gift on Mother's Day, bring home-baked cookies on Christmas, check in with them daily by email/text if they or their kids are sick, host baby showers, host holiday meals.

I feel like they don't do anything in return, and it bothers me. I don't need babysitting help, I need a friend who cares enough to check in and see how I'm doing the day after surgery when they know my DH is on a business trip.

Here's another example: a few years ago I was in a car accident. DH was on a business trip, so I had no one. I posted a FB message from the ER asking if anyone could pick me up so I wouldn't have to take a cab home. No one responded. Do you know how terrible that made me feel?

It sucks but I also need you need to take a more realistic view of people. People suck. They're not going to reciprocate unless there is some compelling reason for them to do so. They probably don't feel obliged for whatever reason. It's not you, it's them. There an article I read about how difficult it is to form the kind of connections you are talking about as people get older. There's a term for it- socioemotional selectivity theory. Basically as you get older, your time horizons shrink and you focus on more important things in your life. Like raising children and making money. All those things you mentioned sound more about people fulfilling a utilitarian need for you- drive from the hospital etc. So I'm not surprised you don't have people stepping in. They don't sound like they're in your inner circle but just want your holiday meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your case, you need to hire your village. Roster of babysitters, home health aides, teenage mother's helpers if need be etc. We have family a 4 hour drive away, but they've bailed me out so many times when our nanny or I got sick, for which I am truly grateful.

+1 Pay the money for hired help now. You can continue to work on your social network, but when the going gets rough, most people depend on family rather than friends.

+2.

Op, you were already in no village situation, but chose to have a second child. It doesn't take a village - first and foremost it takes a responsible adult to make those decisions and plan ahead. If you can't afford hiring out some of the necessary support and can't be near family who are willing to help - then don't have another child till you can. The math is very basic. You sound like you need a lot of babying yourself. Why can't you take a taxi from a hospital? It's a simple thing to do and doesn't have to be an ask to a friend. Unless you're trying to save $ on a cab ride, in which case - why don't you save on care packages and birthday lunches and just pay for your own necessities?

If a close friend asked for a ride or to babysit her children I would frankly offer to pay for it in the nicest way I can, but am very unlikely to actually do it for her. Because there is a way to get it done without making me the household labor.

Taking a cab from the hospital after being ill really sucks. I take it you haven't experienced it? I don't think it's the $$ that OP is worried about here. It would be nice to feel like you are supported. I don't blame OP for feeling the way she does. I also understand that people are busy, etc. People are also very self-absorbed and just don't know how to reach out to someone anymore unless it's liking thier post

I think it should be the husband's duty to help OP out because he's her spouse. What is the point of being married when you can't rely on your spouse?????

That's between him and her - why and how it was decided that he will go on a business trip? Did she agree to it? Then make a plan, and use a cab. Did she disagree with the trip? Then the problem is not the village it's the husband, and the title should be "It takes two responsible adults to run a functional household, doesn't it?"

[Anonymous]

People in DC suck. The worst part of it is how unaware they are of how much they suck. The "close friends" who volunteered to take me to the hospital when my baby came, answered the phone at 10 minutes after midnight and told me, as I panted with contractions very close together, that it was too late on a weeknight to leave the house, and I should take a cab. My doula got on the phone with them, when she heard my summary of what they'd said before hanging up, and told them again what was going on. She was livid, disgusted. Those folks never apologized. They still think they're kind, generous, open, helpful, probably have half a dozen stories of how charitable of selfless they are.

I've had 2 emergencies that made me call friends since then, although those times in the middle of the afternoon. In both cases, the phone kept on ringing. Maybe, as I've seen suggested on this forum, just in case I was going to ask for last-minute childcare, which I've never done with a phone call, and may have done with a group text 3 times in 5 years. No, one of these 2 emergency phone calls, I thought I was going to bleed to death in front of my kids. Turns out I didn't, but I didn't realize that while I was dialing with one hand and pushing on the wound with another and watching my calls to my neighbor "friends" get screened out.

People suck. Funny someone upthread wrote "did you ASK someone to help you?" Reminds me of a non-friend who is a pro at letting other people's requests for help slide right off her back in person, or into voicemail, and never offering help when it seems needed, and is also great at scolding folks in hindsight for not asking clearly enough, loudly enough, urgently enough.

They all love their pussy hats and think their values beat your values, but DC is full of selfish people who like to pretend they're part of a village when they're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in DC suck. The worst part of it is how unaware they are of how much they suck. The "close friends" who volunteered to take me to the hospital when my baby came, answered the phone at 10 minutes after midnight and told me, as I panted with contractions very close together, that it was too late on a weeknight to leave the house, and I should take a cab. My doula got on the phone with them, when she heard my summary of what they'd said before hanging up, and told them again what was going on. She was livid, disgusted. Those folks never apologized. They still think they're kind, generous, open, helpful, probably have half a dozen stories of how charitable of selfless they are.

I've had 2 emergencies that made me call friends since then, although those times in the middle of the afternoon. In both cases, the phone kept on ringing. Maybe, as I've seen suggested on this forum, just in case I was going to ask for last-minute childcare, which I've never done with a phone call, and may have done with a group text 3 times in 5 years. No, one of these 2 emergency phone calls, I thought I was going to bleed to death in front of my kids. Turns out I didn't, but I didn't realize that while I was dialing with one hand and pushing on the wound with another and watching my calls to my neighbor "friends" get screened out.

People suck. Funny someone upthread wrote "did you ASK someone to help you?" Reminds me of a non-friend who is a pro at letting other people's requests for help slide right off her back in person, or into voicemail, and never offering help when it seems needed, and is also great at scolding folks in hindsight for not asking clearly enough, loudly enough, urgently enough.

They all love their pussy hats and think their values beat your values, but DC is full of selfish people who like to pretend they're part of a village when they're not.

This isn't a DC problem but more a function of how Americans operate. Btw, how did you watch your neighbors screen your calls? Were you watching them through a window?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in DC suck. The worst part of it is how unaware they are of how much they suck. The "close friends" who volunteered to take me to the hospital when my baby came, answered the phone at 10 minutes after midnight and told me, as I panted with contractions very close together, that it was too late on a weeknight to leave the house, and I should take a cab. My doula got on the phone with them, when she heard my summary of what they'd said before hanging up, and told them again what was going on. She was livid, disgusted. Those folks never apologized. They still think they're kind, generous, open, helpful, probably have half a dozen stories of how charitable of selfless they are.

I've had 2 emergencies that made me call friends since then, although those times in the middle of the afternoon. In both cases, the phone kept on ringing. Maybe, as I've seen suggested on this forum, just in case I was going to ask for last-minute childcare, which I've never done with a phone call, and may have done with a group text 3 times in 5 years. No, one of these 2 emergency phone calls, I thought I was going to bleed to death in front of my kids. Turns out I didn't, but I didn't realize that while I was dialing with one hand and pushing on the wound with another and watching my calls to my neighbor "friends" get screened out.

People suck. Funny someone upthread wrote "did you ASK someone to help you?" Reminds me of a non-friend who is a pro at letting other people's requests for help slide right off her back in person, or into voicemail, and never offering help when it seems needed, and is also great at scolding folks in hindsight for not asking clearly enough, loudly enough, urgently enough.

They all love their pussy hats and think their values beat your values, but DC is full of selfish people who like to pretend they're part of a village when they're not.

This isn't a DC problem but more a function of how Americans operate. Btw, how did you watch your neighbors screen your calls? Were you watching them through a window?

"watch" was used figuratively, not literally. Watched my phone screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in DC suck. The worst part of it is how unaware they are of how much they suck. The "close friends" who volunteered to take me to the hospital when my baby came, answered the phone at 10 minutes after midnight and told me, as I panted with contractions very close together, that it was too late on a weeknight to leave the house, and I should take a cab. My doula got on the phone with them, when she heard my summary of what they'd said before hanging up, and told them again what was going on. She was livid, disgusted. Those folks never apologized. They still think they're kind, generous, open, helpful, probably have half a dozen stories of how charitable of selfless they are.

I've had 2 emergencies that made me call friends since then, although those times in the middle of the afternoon. In both cases, the phone kept on ringing. Maybe, as I've seen suggested on this forum, just in case I was going to ask for last-minute childcare, which I've never done with a phone call, and may have done with a group text 3 times in 5 years. No, one of these 2 emergency phone calls, I thought I was going to bleed to death in front of my kids. Turns out I didn't, but I didn't realize that while I was dialing with one hand and pushing on the wound with another and watching my calls to my neighbor "friends" get screened out.

People suck. Funny someone upthread wrote "did you ASK someone to help you?" Reminds me of a non-friend who is a pro at letting other people's requests for help slide right off her back in person, or into voicemail, and never offering help when it seems needed, and is also great at scolding folks in hindsight for not asking clearly enough, loudly enough, urgently enough.

They all love their pussy hats and think their values beat your values, but DC is full of selfish people who like to pretend they're part of a village when they're not.

Why were you texting friends and not calling 911?

Sometimes you ask and the answer is no. Sometimes other people have stuff going on in their lives as well and maybe you don't know it. Sometimes phones are muted because people are napping or sick.

OP: I am glad that you have opened your house and your heart to people. I get that there are things that you do without being asked that others don't do. We have done similar things. We have had Thanksgiving and Christmas for local folks without family. We do it because we enjoy sharing that time with our friends. I cna't say that it bothers me that we have not been invited to other peoples houses for the same event, that is their call. We are comfortable having folks to out place, it doesn't feel like a burden. But I know that most of those same people would help if we really needed help. But we would have to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in DC suck. The worst part of it is how unaware they are of how much they suck. The "close friends" who volunteered to take me to the hospital when my baby came, answered the phone at 10 minutes after midnight and told me, as I panted with contractions very close together, that it was too late on a weeknight to leave the house, and I should take a cab. My doula got on the phone with them, when she heard my summary of what they'd said before hanging up, and told them again what was going on. She was livid, disgusted. Those folks never apologized. They still think they're kind, generous, open, helpful, probably have half a dozen stories of how charitable of selfless they are.

I've had 2 emergencies that made me call friends since then, although those times in the middle of the afternoon. In both cases, the phone kept on ringing. Maybe, as I've seen suggested on this forum, just in case I was going to ask for last-minute childcare, which I've never done with a phone call, and may have done with a group text 3 times in 5 years. No, one of these 2 emergency phone calls, I thought I was going to bleed to death in front of my kids. Turns out I didn't, but I didn't realize that while I was dialing with one hand and pushing on the wound with another and watching my calls to my neighbor "friends" get screened out.

People suck. Funny someone upthread wrote "did you ASK someone to help you?" Reminds me of a non-friend who is a pro at letting other people's requests for help slide right off her back in person, or into voicemail, and never offering help when it seems needed, and is also great at scolding folks in hindsight for not asking clearly enough, loudly enough, urgently enough.

They all love their pussy hats and think their values beat your values, but DC is full of selfish people who like to pretend they're part of a village when they're not.

This isn't a DC problem but more a function of how Americans operate. Btw, how did you watch your neighbors screen your calls? Were you watching them through a window?

"watch" was used figuratively, not literally. Watched my phone screen.

I think I can see why no one answers your calls anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in DC suck. The worst part of it is how unaware they are of how much they suck. The "close friends" who volunteered to take me to the hospital when my baby came, answered the phone at 10 minutes after midnight and told me, as I panted with contractions very close together, that it was too late on a weeknight to leave the house, and I should take a cab. My doula got on the phone with them, when she heard my summary of what they'd said before hanging up, and told them again what was going on. She was livid, disgusted. Those folks never apologized. They still think they're kind, generous, open, helpful, probably have half a dozen stories of how charitable of selfless they are.

I've had 2 emergencies that made me call friends since then, although those times in the middle of the afternoon. In both cases, the phone kept on ringing. Maybe, as I've seen suggested on this forum, just in case I was going to ask for last-minute childcare, which I've never done with a phone call, and may have done with a group text 3 times in 5 years. No, one of these 2 emergency phone calls, I thought I was going to bleed to death in front of my kids. Turns out I didn't, but I didn't realize that while I was dialing with one hand and pushing on the wound with another and watching my calls to my neighbor "friends" get screened out.

People suck. Funny someone upthread wrote "did you ASK someone to help you?" Reminds me of a non-friend who is a pro at letting other people's requests for help slide right off her back in person, or into voicemail, and never offering help when it seems needed, and is also great at scolding folks in hindsight for not asking clearly enough, loudly enough, urgently enough.

They all love their pussy hats and think their values beat your values, but DC is full of selfish people who like to pretend they're part of a village when they're not.

Why were you texting friends and not calling 911?

Sometimes you ask and the answer is no. Sometimes other people have stuff going on in their lives as well and maybe you don't know it. Sometimes phones are muted because people are napping or sick.

OP: I am glad that you have opened your house and your heart to people. I get that there are things that you do without being asked that others don't do. We have done similar things. We have had Thanksgiving and Christmas for local folks without family. We do it because we enjoy sharing that time with our friends. I cna't say that it bothers me that we have not been invited to other peoples houses for the same event, that is their call. We are comfortable having folks to out place, it doesn't feel like a burden. But I know that most of those same people would help if we really needed help. But we would have to ask.

Two things for you to work on: 1. defensiveness to strangers' posts, and 2. reading comprehension. I'll work on calling 911 more and understanding that people have things going on in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,

Same situation here re: no village.

Here is what I did:
* actively seek out other mothers without a village. You are prib attracted to nice smiley women with families in the area who help. They are lovely, but they are not your village. Look for women who don't have a village. Candidly discuss trading childcare. It works.

OP here. I totally agree with this. And actually I do seek out women to be friends with who don't have any local family here/are new to the area, because they have more time to get together. than those who do have family in the area.

I'm not looking for childcare help. I'm looking for warm, caring friends who care about me. Here's the kind of things I do for others: send care packages if they've had a major illness/been in the hospital, take my friends out for lunch on their birthday, bring by a Mother's Day gift on Mother's Day, bring home-baked cookies on Christmas, check in with them daily by email/text if they or their kids are sick, host baby showers, host holiday meals.

I feel like they don't do anything in return, and it bothers me. I don't need babysitting help, I need a friend who cares enough to check in and see how I'm doing the day after surgery when they know my DH is on a business trip.

Here's another example: a few years ago I was in a car accident. DH was on a business trip, so I had no one. I posted a FB message from the ER asking if anyone could pick me up so I wouldn't have to take a cab home. No one responded. Do you know how terrible that made me feel?

First off, I think this no village thing just totally sucks and I really am sorry.

But....and I don’t know how to say this.... the things you describe above are a little odd. None of my friends celebrate mother’s day with me. That wouldn’t make sense. Mother’s Day is for spending with their kids and their moms, not bringing presents to other mom friends.

Similarly, my friends and I don’t do much for each other on actual holidays. We might share cards or do an activity together in December, but also maybe not. Everyone is swamped that time of year.

OP here. I get what you're saying that the things I do for my friends may sound odd. But when you have no local family, only see Grandparents once a year, and have no relationship with extended family, then friends become like your family. So on Mother's Day we often go out for brunch with another family whose kids my kids are friends with. I host holiday get togethers often because we don't spend holidays with extended family, etc. We entertain often and host families for game night and Sunday brunch. I spend a lot of time trying to build a strong village/social network for us.

So then you should have texted some of these people asking for a ride home, vs. posting on FB of all places.

Agree. OP seems to have a weird, surfacey understanding of how intimacy develops. It's not through sending care packages or hosting game nights! It's through actually ASKING people (in person!) for help, and showing up IN PERSON for them, and talking about what's actually going on in your life. And you also have to work to find that person who's willing to open up to you in that way as well. If I saw that an acquaintance who I had never really talked about life with was posting on FB asking for a ride home from the hospital ... I'd probably take a step back, because that's a bit odd? But if you emailed or send a group email, I'd do what I could to help.