It takes a village and I have no village

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a PP. Dropping off meals etc are all lovely gestures. I’m not saying no one should do that, or that people who do that should be compensated. What bothers me is when people feel entitled to that. I don’t like the “hey there was supposed to be a village available to me” attitude. It always seems to be people who think their dual career, no family, no paid help lifestyle would work out just great if only the other neighborhood ladies would just pitch in like they’re supposed to.

I understand what you are saying but OP is clear that she puts out the effort, is eager to do her part. She just isn't getting it reciprocated. She isn't a taker.

Sometimes you realize friends aren't what you want them to be, and the answer is to find new friends.

You make a fair point - maybe certain things are just not a thing in her social circle. However, if you re-read the OP - she is doing nice and light social things. And mentioned "offering to babysit", not actually doing it. No late night drives to the hospital on demand, no pick ups from the hospital, no actual childcare. But, she needs all of these things plus emotional support.

To me it seems very asymmetrical. She perceives herself as putting in the effort, but she is doing fluff, yet, she expects others to do heavy lifting in return. Notice, I am not saying it's right or wrong. I am just saying - maybe people around her got it handled. And she doesn't. And that's why they are not coming through for her?

Another thing that confuses me - putting on a babyshower for someone is more expensive that taking a cab from the hospital. So why not take care of your own needs, rather than expect others to rush to her based on a Facebook post? I mean can we talk about the practical stuff? It doesn't take a village to get Lyft home, lady.

You have obviously never had an emergency trip to the hospital, or been able to help someone who has. Hospitals will not discharge people without someone else signing them out (presumably to make sure they make it home). God help you should you ever be in that position. Or maybe you'll hire a taskrabbit friend for an hour?

What's the point of having a spouse then? If they can't actually be the one to help their spouse get home from the hospital? Unless one is deployed, there is no excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a PP. Dropping off meals etc are all lovely gestures. I’m not saying no one should do that, or that people who do that should be compensated. What bothers me is when people feel entitled to that. I don’t like the “hey there was supposed to be a village available to me” attitude. It always seems to be people who think their dual career, no family, no paid help lifestyle would work out just great if only the other neighborhood ladies would just pitch in like they’re supposed to.

I understand what you are saying but OP is clear that she puts out the effort, is eager to do her part. She just isn't getting it reciprocated. She isn't a taker.

Sometimes you realize friends aren't what you want them to be, and the answer is to find new friends.

You make a fair point - maybe certain things are just not a thing in her social circle. However, if you re-read the OP - she is doing nice and light social things. And mentioned "offering to babysit", not actually doing it. No late night drives to the hospital on demand, no pick ups from the hospital, no actual childcare. But, she needs all of these things plus emotional support.

To me it seems very asymmetrical. She perceives herself as putting in the effort, but she is doing fluff, yet, she expects others to do heavy lifting in return. Notice, I am not saying it's right or wrong. I am just saying - maybe people around her got it handled. And she doesn't. And that's why they are not coming through for her?

Another thing that confuses me - putting on a babyshower for someone is more expensive that taking a cab from the hospital. So why not take care of your own needs, rather than expect others to rush to her based on a Facebook post? I mean can we talk about the practical stuff? It doesn't take a village to get Lyft home, lady.

You have obviously never had an emergency trip to the hospital, or been able to help someone who has. Hospitals will not discharge people without someone else signing them out (presumably to make sure they make it home). God help you should you ever be in that position. Or maybe you'll hire a taskrabbit friend for an hour?

What's the point of having a spouse then? If they can't actually be the one to help their spouse get home from the hospital? Unless one is deployed, there is no excuse.

I guess you've never had to make hard decisions to hold on to a job bc of health insurance???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I sympathize and agree it sucks. People are mean and most really selfish. I've lived in many places in the works. My advice is to move to a Midwest metro area or even southern city (progressive). It's a very different vibe. It's a hard environment here where people are somehow not supportive. The other thing is consider a nanny PT or something. We had a nanny and PT nanny who've been with us for 10 years and we think of them as family. For years they were our village. I'm serious - it's like something in the water here - people just lack a certain compassion. I couldn't do it because I can't make the time commitment but joining a church may be helpful to find at least support. Best wishes!

This is the most ridiculous post in the entire thread, waxing poetic about how supportive people are in the south and Midwest while mentioning having not one, but TWO household employees. Ding, ding, all aboard the clue train. Even in places with more traditional vibe you need to EMPLOY people if you need to get your shit done, neighbors and friends don't replace the help.