My head and my heart can’t agree on 50/50 custody

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a choice? I thought 50/50 was a given unless there are valid reasons on either side not to.

I know women who fail to feed their kids, get them to school etc.

.
Nothing is a given- just agree to the terms. My ExDH wanted his weekends free, so gave up that bonding time when off work, but “presents well” to the outside world...typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not agree to 50/50. I knew my ex well. I used child support to negotiate. I agreed to dramatically less child support in exchange for primary physical custody. He had every other week end and four week over the summer.

This won’t work here. I make more money. I actually think this is part of why he wants 50/50 custody. I have to pay him child support no matter what our custody arrangements are.

That is alimony. Child support uses nights at each parent and other expenses to calculate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not agree to 50/50. I knew my ex well. I used child support to negotiate. I agreed to dramatically less child support in exchange for primary physical custody. He had every other week end and four week over the summer.

This won’t work here. I make more money. I actually think this is part of why he wants 50/50 custody. I have to pay him child support no matter what our custody arrangements are.

That is alimony. Child support uses nights at each parent and other expenses to calculate.

OP here. No, I make enough more than him that unless I have the kids almost full time I will still owe him some form of child support. We both waived the right to alimony. But I do think that he’s looking at the fact that I will pay him $50 a month if he has 40% custody and $500 a month if he has 50% custody and he’s using that to fuel his argument for 50% custody.

I still am not sure how he’s going to make this all work with work- he’s just going to tell them that he’s coming in and hour later ever other week since he has his kids and they’ll be okay with it? For years I asked him to have some flexibility with timing of this type of thing and he told me no “At 7:30 I’m the last one to the office.” And now all the sudden he says he can just come and go as needed? How long does this grace from work last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let him fail and slowly move to more custody for [b]youself
He isn't going to change who he is and actually start doing the work.

NO. Do NOT take 50/50 custody but do more than 50 percent of the work. WHY would you tell a woman this? Why are women even open to doing this? You think a man would do this? Do NOT do his work for him. He won’t even be your husband.

OP, ignore this poster. ^ The legal point flew right over their head. A parent gives the child what is necessary, if that goes over 50% at time, so be it. If parenting or behavioral pattern emerges of concern, document, and if there is a need to ever modify, explore it. You can have 50/50 as a needle and it go s little over or beneath on occasion and never have any issue worth jeopardizing a good coparenting relationship or going to court. It’s when you remove options protecting a child’s interest, or agreements are violated, that court enforcement should step in.

[Anonymous]

Op tell him to prove it. He can start now; make it formal 6 months after he shows he can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not agree to 50/50. I knew my ex well. I used child support to negotiate. I agreed to dramatically less child support in exchange for primary physical custody. He had every other week end and four week over the summer.

This won’t work here. I make more money. I actually think this is part of why he wants 50/50 custody. I have to pay him child support no matter what our custody arrangements are.

That is alimony. Child support uses nights at each parent and other expenses to calculate.

OP here. No, I make enough more than him that unless I have the kids almost full time I will still owe him some form of child support. We both waived the right to alimony. But I do think that he’s looking at the fact that I will pay him $50 a month if he has 40% custody and $500 a month if he has 50% custody and he’s using that to fuel his argument for 50% custody.

I still am not sure how he’s going to make this all work with work- he’s just going to tell them that he’s coming in and hour later ever other week since he has his kids and they’ll be okay with it? For years I asked him to have some flexibility with timing of this type of thing and he told me no “At 7:30 I’m the last one to the office.” And now all the sudden he says he can just come and go as needed? How long does this grace from work last?

You should want to pay him child support as they are your kids and it is expected that they keep the same standard of living as they had prior to the divorce. $50/month is a pittance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not agree to 50/50. I knew my ex well. I used child support to negotiate. I agreed to dramatically less child support in exchange for primary physical custody. He had every other week end and four week over the summer.

This won’t work here. I make more money. I actually think this is part of why he wants 50/50 custody. I have to pay him child support no matter what our custody arrangements are.

That is alimony. Child support uses nights at each parent and other expenses to calculate.

OP here. No, I make enough more than him that unless I have the kids almost full time I will still owe him some form of child support. We both waived the right to alimony. But I do think that he’s looking at the fact that I will pay him $50 a month if he has 40% custody and $500 a month if he has 50% custody and he’s using that to fuel his argument for 50% custody.

I still am not sure how he’s going to make this all work with work- he’s just going to tell them that he’s coming in and hour later ever other week since he has his kids and they’ll be okay with it? For years I asked him to have some flexibility with timing of this type of thing and he told me no “At 7:30 I’m the last one to the office.” And now all the sudden he says he can just come and go as needed? How long does this grace from work last?

Now just imagine if the situation were reversed, and dad was trying to avoid paying more support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not agree to 50/50. I knew my ex well. I used child support to negotiate. I agreed to dramatically less child support in exchange for primary physical custody. He had every other week end and four week over the summer.

This won’t work here. I make more money. I actually think this is part of why he wants 50/50 custody. I have to pay him child support no matter what our custody arrangements are.

That is alimony. Child support uses nights at each parent and other expenses to calculate.

OP here. No, I make enough more than him that unless I have the kids almost full time I will still owe him some form of child support. We both waived the right to alimony. But I do think that he’s looking at the fact that I will pay him $50 a month if he has 40% custody and $500 a month if he has 50% custody and he’s using that to fuel his argument for 50% custody.

I still am not sure how he’s going to make this all work with work- he’s just going to tell them that he’s coming in and hour later ever other week since he has his kids and they’ll be okay with it? For years I asked him to have some flexibility with timing of this type of thing and he told me no “At 7:30 I’m the last one to the office.” And now all the sudden he says he can just come and go as needed? How long does this grace from work last?

Now just imagine if the situation were reversed, and dad was trying to avoid paying more support.

GTFOH with this. DCUM eviderates the OP regardless of gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not agree to 50/50. I knew my ex well. I used child support to negotiate. I agreed to dramatically less child support in exchange for primary physical custody. He had every other week end and four week over the summer.

This won’t work here. I make more money. I actually think this is part of why he wants 50/50 custody. I have to pay him child support no matter what our custody arrangements are.

That is alimony. Child support uses nights at each parent and other expenses to calculate.

OP here. No, I make enough more than him that unless I have the kids almost full time I will still owe him some form of child support. We both waived the right to alimony. But I do think that he’s looking at the fact that I will pay him $50 a month if he has 40% custody and $500 a month if he has 50% custody and he’s using that to fuel his argument for 50% custody.

I still am not sure how he’s going to make this all work with work- he’s just going to tell them that he’s coming in and hour later ever other week since he has his kids and they’ll be okay with it? For years I asked him to have some flexibility with timing of this type of thing and he told me no “At 7:30 I’m the last one to the office.” And now all the sudden he says he can just come and go as needed? How long does this grace from work last?

Now just imagine if the situation were reversed, and dad was trying to avoid paying more support.

GTFOH with this. DCUM eviderates the OP regardless of gender.

Really? Perhaps OP needs to consider the flip side. It seems to me (female) that OP is trying to avoid paying the other $450. Maybe I'm wrong.

Her soon to be ex doesn't need to prove anything to her. If he's an unfit parent then say so - to the court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op tell him to prove it. He can start now; make it formal 6 months after he shows he can do it.

That's not the way it works. Why are you offering such stupid, useless, irrelevant advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not agree to 50/50. I knew my ex well. I used child support to negotiate. I agreed to dramatically less child support in exchange for primary physical custody. He had every other week end and four week over the summer.

This won’t work here. I make more money. I actually think this is part of why he wants 50/50 custody. I have to pay him child support no matter what our custody arrangements are.

That is alimony. Child support uses nights at each parent and other expenses to calculate.

OP here. No, I make enough more than him that unless I have the kids almost full time I will still owe him some form of child support. We both waived the right to alimony. But I do think that he’s looking at the fact that I will pay him $50 a month if he has 40% custody and $500 a month if he has 50% custody and he’s using that to fuel his argument for 50% custody.

I still am not sure how he’s going to make this all work with work- he’s just going to tell them that he’s coming in and hour later ever other week since he has his kids and they’ll be okay with it? For years I asked him to have some flexibility with timing of this type of thing and he told me no “At 7:30 I’m the last one to the office.” And now all the sudden he says he can just come and go as needed? How long does this grace from work last?

Now just imagine if the situation were reversed, and dad was trying to avoid paying more support.

GTFOH with this. DCUM eviderates the OP regardless of gender.

Really? Perhaps OP needs to consider the flip side. It seems to me (female) that OP is trying to avoid paying the other $450. Maybe I'm wrong.

Her soon to be ex doesn't need to prove anything to her. If he's an unfit parent then say so - to the court.

OP here- Geeze Louise people. Have I said ANYTHING here about either avoiding or not wanting to pay child support? Good Lord. I’ll pay whatever is needed depending on our situation. And if you go back and actually READ my original post you’ll see that I’m trying to make my heart line up with what my brain already knows- that my soon to be ex-is making a huge push and try to make this work at 50/50 so I’m trying to accept it into my heart and as my reality. I am just wondering if this push is coming from a desire to actually 50/50 parent or a desire to keep his own lifestyle closer to where it currently stands given the fact that when we were married he never was willing to really 50/50 parent despite me asking him to.

[Anonymous]

I mean- I’m 8 mo the into a divorce with kids and there’s no clear end in sight—— but we agree the parenting will be what we have done during the interim. And yes- it painful to let him fail because we are used to picking up their slack. My ex just completely assumes I will be available to help with kids sports on his weekends- uh- NO- that’s your time, buddy.

He has every other weekend (thirsday night-Monday morning) and one weeknight visit on his off week.

[Anonymous]

Oh- my point is that divorce takes a while. Presumably you’re separated- what are you doing right now and for the coming months?

[Anonymous]

So tell him you will give him the $500 a month regardless of 50/50 to ensure your kids still have the same standard of living when at dads. If he really was only in it for the money, he will agree to less custody. If he actually wanted to see his kids, he won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So tell him you will give him the $500 a month regardless of 50/50 to ensure your kids still have the same standard of living when at dads. If he really was only in it for the money, he will agree to less custody. If he actually wanted to see his kids, he won't.

Wouldn’t that be called alimony?