Single moms and dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All: don't give up. Once you meet someone, be upfront. Share that your kids come first, and that if they aren't up for the journey, then they can hit the road. As a single father in his 30's, I'd understand. With my career, 50% custody, and all the other intricacies of my life, I'd totally understand. Out time is limited.

Can I ask you something?
I am a single mom of 3, work fulltime and have full custody. So my plate is really full. Only thing I miss is physical intimacy.
With my stats, I only expect to find a few times a month NSA type of arrangement with a guy. What decent man would go for that? And if so, why?

Before I answer, would you be open to a real relationship? Or are you only interested in a fwb because of your "full plate?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yeah, men are just dying to find a divorced 43 year old woman with kids! That's what every guy wants!

A divorced guy with kids in his 50s would probably say yes to that.

(And then all the DCUM women scream, "No way, I'm in my 40s and ewwww 50-something to
men are too old!")

Hm weird I am actually a real live divorced early 40s woman with two kids. I’d love to meet a 50s single dad. I’d only consider a dad, actually. People who aren’t parents seem unrelatable to me. How could I be close to someone who didn’t understand the parent/child bond? His kids might be cool older kids, which mine might eventually enjoy hanging out with. I don’t want him to help me raise my kids however. Maybe get some bananas on the way home, ok. But parent? No. He can be like a friendly Uncle, max.

I empathize OP. It’s challenging.

That's what I am looking for. I'm a 53-year-old dad in NOVA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All: don't give up. Once you meet someone, be upfront. Share that your kids come first, and that if they aren't up for the journey, then they can hit the road. As a single father in his 30's, I'd understand. With my career, 50% custody, and all the other intricacies of my life, I'd totally understand. Out time is limited.

This is encouraging. I think other single parents understand without needing explanation. But kidless Dads, don't you want to find someone who will focus on YOU, and maybe want to have kids with you? Or if you have chosen to not have kids intentionally, then why would you want hang around with a parent who will always sort you to a second or third tier priority.
Kids
Family
Work
Friends
Exercise
Home stuff
.
.
.
.
.
.
dating.....?

People who have experienced being married and raising children, are way more easy to talk to and have relationships with. They know the do's and don'ts of life. They know what causes issues and tension in romantic relationships. They are more bold and honest. They don't beat around the bush. This is what I'm attracted to. Sure, dating a divorced parent can be tough in the beginning, but once you get past it, the fun begins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All: don't give up. Once you meet someone, be upfront. Share that your kids come first, and that if they aren't up for the journey, then they can hit the road. As a single father in his 30's, I'd understand. With my career, 50% custody, and all the other intricacies of my life, I'd totally understand. Out time is limited.

Can I ask you something?
I am a single mom of 3, work fulltime and have full custody. So my plate is really full. Only thing I miss is physical intimacy.
With my stats, I only expect to find a few times a month NSA type of arrangement with a guy. What decent man would go for that? And if so, why?

I am a single dad in much the same situation. Busy at work, busy with kid stuff at home. Miss having sex. I'd be happy with that arrangement for the same reason you would be. I think I'm probably as decent as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All: don't give up. Once you meet someone, be upfront. Share that your kids come first, and that if they aren't up for the journey, then they can hit the road. As a single father in his 30's, I'd understand. With my career, 50% custody, and all the other intricacies of my life, I'd totally understand. Out time is limited.

This is encouraging. I think other single parents understand without needing explanation. But kidless Dads, don't you want to find someone who will focus on YOU, and maybe want to have kids with you? Or if you have chosen to not have kids intentionally, then why would you want hang around with a parent who will always sort you to a second or third tier priority.
Kids
Family
Work
Friends
Exercise
Home stuff
.
.
.
.
.
.
dating.....?

People who have experienced being married and raising children, are way more easy to talk to and have relationships with. They know the do's and don'ts of life. They know what causes issues and tension in romantic relationships. They are more bold and honest. They don't beat around the bush. This is what I'm attracted to. Sure, dating a divorced parent can be tough in the beginning, but once you get past it, the fun begins.

Funny, I'm single and men say the same about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All: don't give up. Once you meet someone, be upfront. Share that your kids come first, and that if they aren't up for the journey, then they can hit the road. As a single father in his 30's, I'd understand. With my career, 50% custody, and all the other intricacies of my life, I'd totally understand. Out time is limited.

This is encouraging. I think other single parents understand without needing explanation. But kidless Dads, don't you want to find someone who will focus on YOU, and maybe want to have kids with you? Or if you have chosen to not have kids intentionally, then why would you want hang around with a parent who will always sort you to a second or third tier priority.
Kids
Family
Work
Friends
Exercise
Home stuff
.
.
.
.
.
.
dating.....?

People who have experienced being married and raising children, are way more easy to talk to and have relationships with. They know the do's and don'ts of life. They know what causes issues and tension in romantic relationships. They are more bold and honest. They don't beat around the bush. This is what I'm attracted to. Sure, dating a divorced parent can be tough in the beginning, but once you get past it, the fun begins.

Funny, I'm single and men say the same about me.

Well, it's true, at least for me.

OP: have fun with the dating scene. Don't worry too much about what your prospects will want. If things work out, yay. If not, onto e next fella.

GL.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom of three. I have full custody and my youngest is 13. Because they are older, I find I have more time and energy to think about dating and possibly meeting someone for a LTR. I'm 53 and have dated casually off and on since my divorce 4 years ago, had a FWB for a few months - all good. And it was fun, really fun. I've never introduced anyone to my kids, so zero disruption to my family or routine.

But now I want more than just sex or coffee dates. I'd like a LTR. I'm open to meeting a single dad, or a guy who's never had kids. As long as they get than I'm a package deal. So how do I put that out there? I don't want to sound psycho, I'm financially solid, I have great friends, I'm good looking, fit, etc, I'm just at a place where I'm ready for more.

So what say you DCUMers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom of three. I have full custody and my youngest is 13. Because they are older, I find I have more time and energy to think about dating and possibly meeting someone for a LTR. I'm 53 and have dated casually off and on since my divorce 4 years ago, had a FWB for a few months - all good. And it was fun, really fun. I've never introduced anyone to my kids, so zero disruption to my family or routine.

But now I want more than just sex or coffee dates. I'd like a LTR. I'm open to meeting a single dad, or a guy who's never had kids. As long as they get than I'm a package deal. So how do I put that out there? I don't want to sound psycho, I'm financially solid, I have great friends, I'm good looking, fit, etc, I'm just at a place where I'm ready for more.

So what say you DCUMers?

There are guys out there that are game. You have to weed them out though, as there are just as many scumbags (versus good men) that will lie only to satisfy their sexual needs.

The fwb thing is fun for short term, but as we age, a LTR is craved and provides more pleasure.

[Anonymous]

You don’t want to date you want to have sex . There’s a big difference between the two. Both are fine, but you need to be clear about what you want or you will find trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I started dating it wasn't difficult at all explaining the parenting dynamic. Most people I was dating were also divorced parents. I was 37 with 2 kids, 6 and 3. I had them all the time except every other weekend.

So I dated on those "every other weekends" and sometimes found time to go out for lunch or for coffee during a weekday. Phone calls.

As some PPs pointed out, just having every other weekend was more freedom than I'd had. I'm the first to say that my kids came in as most important. But part of being a good parent is having some boundaries and self-care. Ultimately I found dating (in my personal time) very rewarding.

I wasn't looking to remarry but fastforward and I'm very happily remarried. We dated for several years. The most challenging part was the years of not seeing each other as much as we wanted due to our respective parenting schedules. Also, we did not introduce our kids to our partners for a year after dating.

This! Especially about self care. I think many times single parents use my kids come first as a shield. I’m glad my sister had a chat with me about my attitude towards dating. In my case I wanted to marry again. How could I properly vet a guy if I only saw him 2-3 times a month? I learned to skip a yoga class here and there. Compromise. He didn’t meet my kids for about a year of dating , not just grabbing coffee and having sex. They got the know each other little by little. 9 years later we’re all very happy together.

[Anonymous]

If you're just looking for a FWB, that is surely easy to find. LTR is going to be hard because no man in his right mind likes to deal with baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mom of three. I have full custody and my youngest is 13. Because they are older, I find I have more time and energy to think about dating and possibly meeting someone for a LTR. I'm 53 and have dated casually off and on since my divorce 4 years ago, had a FWB for a few months - all good. And it was fun, really fun. I've never introduced anyone to my kids, so zero disruption to my family or routine.

But now I want more than just sex or coffee dates. I'd like a LTR. I'm open to meeting a single dad, or a guy who's never had kids. As long as they get than I'm a package deal. So how do I put that out there? I don't want to sound psycho, I'm financially solid, I have great friends, I'm good looking, fit, etc, I'm just at a place where I'm ready for more.

So what say you DCUMers?

Check the box on your dating profile indicating you want a relationship, or write that. If you meet a guy you’d like to see again, make it happen. Don’t tell him “No thanks. Buffy has a dentist appointment.” Find a way to show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All: don't give up. Once you meet someone, be upfront. Share that your kids come first, and that if they aren't up for the journey, then they can hit the road. As a single father in his 30's, I'd understand. With my career, 50% custody, and all the other intricacies of my life, I'd totally understand. Out time is limited.

Can I ask you something?
I am a single mom of 3, work fulltime and have full custody. So my plate is really full. Only thing I miss is physical intimacy.
With my stats, I only expect to find a few times a month NSA type of arrangement with a guy. What decent man would go for that? And if so, why?

Before I answer, would you be open to a real relationship? Or are you only interested in a fwb because of your "full plate?"

Back to answer your question. Would love a partner who truly loves me but I can also accept that such may not happen for me.
FWB may be all I can hope for. I have not tested if I am made for such arrangement because deep down I am a relationship person.

Now I don't know if I even answered your question ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're just looking for a FWB, that is surely easy to find. LTR is going to be hard because no man in his right mind likes to deal with baggage.

Even when I was pretty young (20s...) I never wanted a FWB. I need to have a good relationship to have good sex. Doesn't have to be the whole catastrophe of living together, more kids, financial messes, but the person needs to be someone I can get to know over time. Otherwise, no thanks.

Is the FWB status merely like scratching an itch? Or is it a way of saying to you want affection and dating but not marriage and all of the baggage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I were single.

It sounds like I could bang a milf 7 nights a week.
Just slide on over to the fwb of the day and service her.

Who knew there was so many moms that needed di@k with no strings.

God to be single again. I’d hit the moms ASAP.

I'm about to be a single dad. I'll report back to you if things are as good as you describe them here.

The grass is not greener on the other side....

Grass isn’t greener bc strings end up being attached or bc it’s just not as good as when the chicks were younger?