Single moms and dating

[Anonymous]

Im a single mother with two kiddos under age 10 and have started dating. I want to hear how dating with children feels like to you. Do you find it hard to actually make time to go out on a date? Currently Im talking to a nice guy who i really like but find that i dont really havethe time to see him maybe two to three times a month in the evenings due to my parenting responsibilities and just being so busy all the time. This makes me feel bad at times because I feel he would want me to spend more time with him. A friend told me once I will have a hard time finding someone because my kids will always come first, which is true.I would like to hear other single mother experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im a single mother with two kiddos under age 10 and have started dating. I want to hear how dating with children feels like to you. Do you find it hard to actually make time to go out on a date? Currently Im talking to a nice guy who i really like but find that i dont really havethe time to see him maybe two to three times a month in the evenings due to my parenting responsibilities and just being so busy all the time. This makes me feel bad at times because I feel he would want me to spend more time with him. A friend told me once I will have a hard time finding someone because my kids will always come first, which is true.I would like to hear other single mother experiences.

How old are you? Do you share custody of your kids? How good is your support system i.e. do you have occasional free childcare? How stressful is your work and how ambitious are you? Do you ever proof-read yourself? Those are questions that arise when reading your post.

[Anonymous]

2 to 3 times a month? You cannot expect one guy to be ok with that type of schedule. Maybe you are not ready to date?

I am a single mom and I have more time available than you but I am not ready to date. Trying to find an arrangement for some companionship only but so far only married men have indicated interest and that doesn't work for me.

[Anonymous]

I'm brand new to this, but have recently started dating. I have the kids all but every other weekend and one night a week dinner/after school visits. That gives me an automatic one night per week. Then on my non weekends I have from Thursday night-Sunday night to meet up. Thats WAY more freedom than I've had in years, so I feel like its limitless! I don't want a LTR as I'm coming out of a long marriage, but would love to find someone witty and handsome to have some hot sex with. I find that working from home/having a lot of flexibility during the day while my kids are in school helps too, lunch dates are fun and a great easy way to determine if they're worth an evening date next time. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a single mother with two kiddos under age 10 and have started dating. I want to hear how dating with children feels like to you. Do you find it hard to actually make time to go out on a date? Currently Im talking to a nice guy who i really like but find that i dont really havethe time to see him maybe two to three times a month in the evenings due to my parenting responsibilities and just being so busy all the time. This makes me feel bad at times because I feel he would want me to spend more time with him. A friend told me once I will have a hard time finding someone because my kids will always come first, which is true.I would like to hear other single mother experiences.

How old are you? Do you share custody of your kids? How good is your support system i.e. do you have occasional free childcare? How stressful is your work and how ambitious are you? Do you ever proof-read yourself? Those are questions that arise when reading your post.

You are right! I should proof-read. I’m 32 and have no support from father. Children are with me only.

[Anonymous]

You're in a tough spot, OP. I'd get good sitters or find friends who can watch your kids one night a week, give that to yourself to date. If you find someone who is worth sharing your limited time with, you will find a way to make more.

[Anonymous]

Let me give you a single dad perspective; I am in a similar situation. Two kids, 50/50 custody. I understand your situation perfectly. My kids come first, too. If you can only see me infrequently, when our mutual parenting schedules permit, that's totally fine with me. If your current guy doesn't work out, find someone like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me give you a single dad perspective; I am in a similar situation. Two kids, 50/50 custody. I understand your situation perfectly. My kids come first, too. If you can only see me infrequently, when our mutual parenting schedules permit, that's totally fine with me. If your current guy doesn't work out, find someone like me.

Single mom with two kids here. Date single dads. Boom. Nobody will understand your situation better or have more respect for you. I'll date men without children, but I don't see myself craving something long term from somebody who doesn't completely get my situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have found that when you jump through hoops to prioritize dating as a single mom, the guys do not appreciate it. I have an excellent network of friends that are able to keep my child, even same day spontaneous dates. I also have work leave stored to date during the day--say for a nice long work lunch.

But . . .

I believe that you should really find out if a guy is serious about you before upsetting your routine in any way. This means coffees, and quick lunch dates for the first 6 months. If you want a FWB situation, then you should proceed differently. If he is serious about you, he will wait.

I have to say it but men don't respect you when you make yourself available. Keep doing what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me give you a single dad perspective; I am in a similar situation. Two kids, 50/50 custody. I understand your situation perfectly. My kids come first, too. If you can only see me infrequently, when our mutual parenting schedules permit, that's totally fine with me. If your current guy doesn't work out, find someone like me.

Single mom with two kids here. Date single dads. Boom. Nobody will understand your situation better or have more respect for you. I'll date men without children, but I don't see myself craving something long term from somebody who doesn't completely get my situation.

I've been dating with for about 2 yrs now. Or I should say, trying to date. My kids are now 9 and 12. I have one night a week without them and they are usually with me on the weekends. For my one night of alone time, I want to be alone. I don't want to share my time or be obligated to go out on a date with someone. I want to sit on the couch, drink my wine, watch netflix and fall asleep until I wake up at 2am and crawl into bed..

I'd like to have a partner, but I want the end result without having to go through the work of getting there. So for now, I don't really date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me give you a single dad perspective; I am in a similar situation. Two kids, 50/50 custody. I understand your situation perfectly. My kids come first, too. If you can only see me infrequently, when our mutual parenting schedules permit, that's totally fine with me. If your current guy doesn't work out, find someone like me.

Single mom with two kids here. Date single dads. Boom. Nobody will understand your situation better or have more respect for you. I'll date men without children, but I don't see myself craving something long term from somebody who doesn't completely get my situation.

I've been dating with for about 2 yrs now. Or I should say, trying to date. My kids are now 9 and 12. I have one night a week without them and they are usually with me on the weekends. For my one night of alone time, I want to be alone. I don't want to share my time or be obligated to go out on a date with someone. I want to sit on the couch, drink my wine, watch netflix and fall asleep until I wake up at 2am and crawl into bed..

I'd like to have a partner, but I want the end result without having to go through the work of getting there. So for now, I don't really date.

You only go though the work if he is truly worth it. For that, it takes months. Don't upset your life, enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me give you a single dad perspective; I am in a similar situation. Two kids, 50/50 custody. I understand your situation perfectly. My kids come first, too. If you can only see me infrequently, when our mutual parenting schedules permit, that's totally fine with me. If your current guy doesn't work out, find someone like me.

Single mom with two kids here. Date single dads. Boom. Nobody will understand your situation better or have more respect for you. I'll date men without children, but I don't see myself craving something long term from somebody who doesn't completely get my situation.

I've been dating with for about 2 yrs now. Or I should say, trying to date. My kids are now 9 and 12. I have one night a week without them and they are usually with me on the weekends. For my one night of alone time, I want to be alone. I don't want to share my time or be obligated to go out on a date with someone. I want to sit on the couch, drink my wine, watch netflix and fall asleep until I wake up at 2am and crawl into bed..

I'd like to have a partner, but I want the end result without having to go through the work of getting there. So for now, I don't really date.

I don't have one night a week without mine and I feel the same. The village's help barely covers real child-care emergencies, my salary can't cover leisure childcare or housecare, and my kids and I have little time together as it is, without building in a weekly evening apart anyway, especially if it's not for them to be with a parent or grand-parent.
Basically I need me-time more than I need a he, and I don't see this changing until they're in high-school.
Sometimes I suspect deadbeat dads act extra-dead so that baby-mamas have no choice but to stay on task working and raising deadbeat's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me give you a single dad perspective; I am in a similar situation. Two kids, 50/50 custody. I understand your situation perfectly. My kids come first, too. If you can only see me infrequently, when our mutual parenting schedules permit, that's totally fine with me. If your current guy doesn't work out, find someone like me.

Single mom with two kids here. Date single dads. Boom. Nobody will understand your situation better or have more respect for you. I'll date men without children, but I don't see myself craving something long term from somebody who doesn't completely get my situation.

I've been dating with for about 2 yrs now. Or I should say, trying to date. My kids are now 9 and 12. I have one night a week without them and they are usually with me on the weekends. For my one night of alone time, I want to be alone. I don't want to share my time or be obligated to go out on a date with someone. I want to sit on the couch, drink my wine, watch netflix and fall asleep until I wake up at 2am and crawl into bed..

I'd like to have a partner, but I want the end result without having to go through the work of getting there. So for now, I don't really date.

This is me too! I enjoy being single right now but I don't want to get too comfortable! That said, I have been separated under a year and figure there's time.

OP- determine what you want right now and prioritize it. If it is this guy that you are seeing, then you need to figure out a way to see him more frequently. If it doesn't seem worth the hassle, then he is not right for you right now.

[Anonymous]

Single dad here.

The first few women I dated after my divorce didn't have kids. It was difficult. They were used to spontaneity and frequency. I couldn't give them that. One woman seemed okay with the situation, but she wasn't able to accept not being the sole focus of my life. I got the impression that if we were to get married, she'd always treat my daughter like an obligation more than anything else.

I started dating women with kids, and it worked out a lot better. They seemed better equipped to make the most out of the time we did have together. The downside is that you may have to navigate a crazy ex.

[Anonymous]

Definitely date other parents. Find one that has the same commitment to their kids that you do to yours. Be flexible around their kids schedules and you should get the same in return.