My boys don't want me to get remarried

[Anonymous]

I would be worried about the safety of my children. Children living with an unrelated man are far more likely to be abused. Personally, I wouldn't want to put my children or grandchildren in that situation, so I wouldn't get remarried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have already broken their family. Do not continue to break their spirits by not listening to them. Post divorce your kids should be your focus. Their happiness trumps yours. Sorry about that.

+10000. Until they are 18, their happiness is yours OP.

Oh, come on. There is an enormous difference between sacrificing for your kids' happiness, and caving in to unrealistic demands of teenagers. This would be much more the later.

100% agree with this. Some of y'all just want to be martyrs. And some of you have let your children run the show since they were babies. OP needs to take a stand. Their happiness is important, yes, but they will adjust. They are NOT the parent, and NOT in charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried about the safety of my children. Children living with an unrelated man are far more likely to be abused. Personally, I wouldn't want to put my children or grandchildren in that situation, so I wouldn't get remarried.

Oh, get a life. Grandpa is just as likely to be a culprit, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have already broken their family. Do not continue to break their spirits by not listening to them. Post divorce your kids should be your focus. Their happiness trumps yours. Sorry about that.

+10000. Until they are 18, their happiness is yours OP.

Oh, come on. There is an enormous difference between sacrificing for your kids' happiness, and caving in to unrealistic demands of teenagers. This would be much more the later.

100% agree with this. Some of y'all just want to be martyrs. And some of you have let your children run the show since they were babies. OP needs to take a stand. Their happiness is important, yes, but they will adjust. They are NOT the parent, and NOT in charge.

And he might suck. If he doesn't he can wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have already broken their family. Do not continue to break their spirits by not listening to them. Post divorce your kids should be your focus. Their happiness trumps yours. Sorry about that.

+10000. Until they are 18, their happiness is yours OP.

Oh, come on. There is an enormous difference between sacrificing for your kids' happiness, and caving in to unrealistic demands of teenagers. This would be much more the later.

100% agree with this. Some of y'all just want to be martyrs. And some of you have let your children run the show since they were babies. OP needs to take a stand. Their happiness is important, yes, but they will adjust. They are NOT the parent, and NOT in charge.

Look, I agree that it's the OP's decision to make, but think about it practically. If she tells them to suck it up, what will they do? Leave and move in with their dad? Be obnoxious and dare her to punish them and get into a huge power struggle? It will be unpleasant. OP should think about the real-life scenario that will likely result if she forces her children to live with someone they do not like. Is it really worth it to wreck her older son's last year at home?

[Anonymous]

OP, the cliche is "children are resilient", and that's not even really true. It's definitely not "teenagers are cooperative". Not "teenagers like your boyfriend". Look before you leap.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with PP's advice to enter family therapy. It seems from your original post that it's not really your fiancé but the fact that the boys are hoping you'll get back with their dad.

It's been four years so hopefully a good therapist can help the kids with this transition.

Their dad may want to re-marry one day as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait till they are deep in college and don't have a strange man living with them. Divorce is forever the ramifications never end and there is always a thorn in your side.

Put THEM first for now.

[Anonymous]

Are they truly fine except for talk of the wedding? Drop the subject for a while. Figure out if they are truly fine or not. I tend to doubt it.

Kids aren't stupid and they like peaceful homes. I doubt they just want you and dad back together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with PP's advice to enter family therapy. It seems from your original post that it's not really your fiancé but the fact that the boys are hoping you'll get back with their dad.

It's been four years so hopefully a good therapist can help the kids with this transition.

Their dad may want to re-marry one day as well.

I wonder if it's really that. Getting back with dad is a safe answer for them, it's understandable and elicits some sympathy and will not cause blowback. If they tell her the real reason (boyfriend poops in the fridge?) she will just turn around and tell her man, and then things will be way worse than they are now. Pretending to like the boyfriend is the easiest path, they gain nothing from saying more.

[Anonymous]

Many PPs are just unhappy and want you to be too. Child abuse, really?

I would have a very small wedding, try to keep my kids forward in all plans and their living arrangements after, and require them to deal a little bit if the dude was a good one you are sure about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many PPs are just unhappy and want you to be too. Child abuse, really?

I would have a very small wedding, try to keep my kids forward in all plans and their living arrangements after, and require them to deal a little bit if the dude was a good one you are sure about.

PP would you risk alienating your children from you just because you have to get married? Why not wait until the youngest is in college? What's the rush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many PPs are just unhappy and want you to be too. Child abuse, really?

I would have a very small wedding, try to keep my kids forward in all plans and their living arrangements after, and require them to deal a little bit if the dude was a good one you are sure about.

PP would you risk alienating your children from you just because you have to get married? Why not wait until the youngest is in college? What's the rush?

Yes. Because you can and will alienate your teenage children by being not cool enough, which none of us are. At that age, if the new husband is a good person, they can roll with it. But I am not divorced so I guess I have Little at stake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have already broken their family. Do not continue to break their spirits by not listening to them. Post divorce your kids should be your focus. Their happiness trumps yours. Sorry about that.

Strongly disagree with this.

These are teenagers. They should be able to communicate about their feelings and come to an understanding with their mother about her life. Wanting their parents to get back together isn't going to happen. You can talk to them about the specific nature of their concern, but "Because I want you and dad to get back together" is not something that I would find acceptable. I am the parent, not them.

This. Children should not be allowed a deciding vote on adult decisions.

This "adult decision" affects the family. The children actually have very little voice in the matter - did they vote for the divorce too?

You give up adult decisions when you marry and have kids. It's not about you any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried about the safety of my children. Children living with an unrelated man are far more likely to be abused. Personally, I wouldn't want to put my children or grandchildren in that situation, so I wouldn't get remarried.

Oh, get a life. Grandpa is just as likely to be a culprit, too.

Except grandpa doesn't live with them.

You ever watch "who the bleep did I marry?" Half of those stories start with a single mom struggling who meets a "perfect" man just itching to pay their bills