My boys don't want me to get remarried

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were you OP I would marry in secret and not tell children for a while. Just go to court and have a nice dinner. You don't need a wedding.

This is a terrible, selfish, stupid, stupid, stupid idea.

My dad did this and finding out (from one of her friends who casually mentioned the wedding in front of me, not knowing the kids weren't told) was like a slap in the face. It literally took my breath. My relationship with my dad is STILL broken, not that he cares very much.

If you care about your kids, don't do this. Don't hide the marriage. Include them and send the message that they are important and you want them involved in your significant events, and that they are still your family.

your father had wedding. I am suggesting no wedding.

it's much easier for a man to get married than for a woman. OP is lucky. it would be stupid to let this so when in a few years her sons won't give a shit what happens to her.

You are completely missing the point. Nobody cares if the marriage takes place within the context of a wedding, or is just a courthouse affair. I feel sorry for you if you really don't see how/why the OP's kids would be hurt if she goes ahead and marries secretly, wedding or no wedding.

i am not missing the point. if you father didn't have a wedding, random people wouldn't know he was married and wouldn't have had been able to surprise you. marriage needs to be a secret and the only way to keep it is not to tell anyone.

kids are upset with marriage, that much is clear. whether she hides it or not is irrelevant. it's never about the cover-up, it's always about the deed itself.

if OP postpones marriage she might never marry. meanwhile her sons will be on her own calling her once a week, maybe. she needs to think about herself, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were you OP I would marry in secret and not tell children for a while. Just go to court and have a nice dinner. You don't need a wedding.

This is a terrible, selfish, stupid, stupid, stupid idea.

My dad did this and finding out (from one of her friends who casually mentioned the wedding in front of me, not knowing the kids weren't told) was like a slap in the face. It literally took my breath. My relationship with my dad is STILL broken, not that he cares very much.

If you care about your kids, don't do this. Don't hide the marriage. Include them and send the message that they are important and you want them involved in your significant events, and that they are still your family.

your father had wedding. I am suggesting no wedding.

it's much easier for a man to get married than for a woman. OP is lucky. it would be stupid to let this so when in a few years her sons won't give a shit what happens to her.

You are completely missing the point. Nobody cares if the marriage takes place within the context of a wedding, or is just a courthouse affair. I feel sorry for you if you really don't see how/why the OP's kids would be hurt if she goes ahead and marries secretly, wedding or no wedding.

i am not missing the point. if you father didn't have a wedding, random people wouldn't know he was married and wouldn't have had been able to surprise you. marriage needs to be a secret and the only way to keep it is not to tell anyone.

kids are upset with marriage, that much is clear. whether she hides it or not is irrelevant. it's never about the cover-up, it's always about the deed itself.

if OP postpones marriage she might never marry. meanwhile her sons will be on her own calling her once a week, maybe. she needs to think about herself, too.

He had a very small destination wedding in another country. The wedding itself wasn't the reason we found out. We found out because she was unable to keep her big mouth shut and resented having to keep her new marriage a secret: her friend who told me wasn't even at the wedding. If they had married at a courthouse, we would have found out in exactly the same way. And even if we didn't find out so early, I would have been super hurt if my dad himself told me, years later, that he had married in secret. You are assuming that OP's kids will, in the future, be equally accepting of the new knowledge that their mom married secretly years before as they would be of the prospect of their mom bringing up a possible marriage years later.

It really isn't so simple, PP. IF the OP marries in secret, there is a huge chance her kids will be terribly hurt when they do learn, even if she waits years to tell them. They will be hurt at the secrecy, not at the fact that she got married at all. This is what you are just not understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were you OP I would marry in secret and not tell children for a while. Just go to court and have a nice dinner. You don't need a wedding.

This is a terrible, selfish, stupid, stupid, stupid idea.

My dad did this and finding out (from one of her friends who casually mentioned the wedding in front of me, not knowing the kids weren't told) was like a slap in the face. It literally took my breath. My relationship with my dad is STILL broken, not that he cares very much.

If you care about your kids, don't do this. Don't hide the marriage. Include them and send the message that they are important and you want them involved in your significant events, and that they are still your family.

your father had wedding. I am suggesting no wedding.

it's much easier for a man to get married than for a woman. OP is lucky. it would be stupid to let this so when in a few years her sons won't give a shit what happens to her.

You are completely missing the point. Nobody cares if the marriage takes place within the context of a wedding, or is just a courthouse affair. I feel sorry for you if you really don't see how/why the OP's kids would be hurt if she goes ahead and marries secretly, wedding or no wedding.

i am not missing the point. if you father didn't have a wedding, random people wouldn't know he was married and wouldn't have had been able to surprise you. marriage needs to be a secret and the only way to keep it is not to tell anyone.

kids are upset with marriage, that much is clear. whether she hides it or not is irrelevant. it's never about the cover-up, it's always about the deed itself.

if OP postpones marriage she might never marry. meanwhile her sons will be on her own calling her once a week, maybe. she needs to think about herself, too.

Well played, troll.