Need advice - I have zero attraction to DH and avoid sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My guess is your husband is reading things like married man sex life which tells you to be aggressive with initiations.

I had that thought as well.

Aggressive initiations are fine when there is some underlying attraction. Women, more than men, have responsive (as opposed to spontaneous) desire. Aggressive initiations give her something to respond to. But, if the underlying attraction isn't there, then aggressive initiation ends up being worse for the relationship than passively doing nothing. You're not having sex either way, but if you're just an asexual guy who does a lot of chores, she can overlook how not into you she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a hooker.
Everyone wins!!

Ha you all are killing me lol - I can just drug him with anti testosterone grow long nose hair and get him a hooked and I'm straight lol

[Anonymous]

Hooker not hooked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him a hooker.
Everyone wins!!

Ha you all are killing me lol - I can just drug him with anti testosterone grow long nose hair and get him a hooked and I'm straight lol

Extreme behavior needs to be met with extreme recourse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him a hooker.
Everyone wins!!

Ha you all are killing me lol - I can just drug him with anti testosterone grow long nose hair and get him a hooked and I'm straight lol

Extreme behavior needs to be met with extreme recourse.

You think he's really extreme? (I'm OP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a hooker.
Everyone wins!!

No hookers in the house or around the kids. I vote making him strong drinks, might slow him down. A friend of mine is married to a much older guy, she loves him minus the sex part. Thankfully he loves happy hour almost nightly. Let's just say strong martini's are a girls best friend. OP would you say he's a "minute man" type or a long distance guy? Somewhere in between?
I mean if it's a 10-15 min. deal you could probably do it I'm thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

But you are actively repulsed by him. That's different than just being tired. Are you resentful about something with him?

Oh that's interesting. I never thought of the repulsion having nothing to do with being tired. I think I'm resentful about his nasty game skills, like how he's socially awkward and I'm never safe from his unwanted advances at inappropriate times and involving forcefulness. If he was never grabbing and pulling and force kissing me I don't know maybe he wouldn't repulse me.

Disgusting. I can't blame you, that would be a total turn off. Try and explain it and you're not interested unless it's both of you and when you're both having your "downtime".

That's not 'disgusting'- geez, too many people are frigid once they marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting because a year or so ago I posted asking women about how they felt being groped and pawed at by their DHs, and specifically used the example of this occurring at the sink while DW is doing dishes. Many women replied that they loved it and would drop what they are doing and get it on right then and there. The bottom line with OP's situation is that she has lost sexual desire and while DH's approach might not be the best, I don't think they would be having more sex if he stopped the aggressive advances and tried a different technique. OP is able to avoid accountability for her loss of desire by blaming DH's approach.

Exactly, it's not disgusting. This is not a drunk stranger at a bar, but your hot husband desiring you. I love when my husband does this.

Have you had a health checkup lately? Does premature ovarian failure run in your family?
Do you have regular periods? How is your thyroid functioning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again - I should add DH works about 70 hours a week. Sometimes 7 days a week. So I think his lack of ownership over any household duties is a combination of his long hours, plus growing up in a home where daddy was always on the road and his stay at home mommy did all the cooking cleaning etc and hired people to do the mans type of work. DH doesn't even know what a flat head s reward driver is.

Unfortunately, I just don't see DH being able to be much help around the house. He's sort of inept like I have to micromanage everything I asked him to wash towels yesterday he doesn't even know how to set tge,washer we've had it for 3 years I've told him many times. It's like 5 questions and answers till I jump up and just turn it on myself.

You need live in help. If you are both working and DH is working 70 hour weeks you should be able to afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him a hooker.
Everyone wins!!

Ha you all are killing me lol - I can just drug him with anti testosterone grow long nose hair and get him a hooked and I'm straight lol

Extreme behavior needs to be met with extreme recourse.

You think he's really extreme? (I'm OP)

Force kissing, yuck. If you've truly shown him by your reactions, talked to him yet he doesn't stop. Then yes, I find it bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Force kissing, yuck. If you've truly shown him by your reactions, talked to him yet he doesn't stop. Then yes, I find it bizarre.

No more bizarre than being married to someone whose kisses repulse you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting because a year or so ago I posted asking women about how they felt being groped and pawed at by their DHs, and specifically used the example of this occurring at the sink while DW is doing dishes. Many women replied that they loved it and would drop what they are doing and get it on right then and there. The bottom line with OP's situation is that she has lost sexual desire and while DH's approach might not be the best, I don't think they would be having more sex if he stopped the aggressive advances and tried a different technique. OP is able to avoid accountability for her loss of desire by blaming DH's approach.

Exactly, it's not disgusting. This is not a drunk stranger at a bar, but your hot husband desiring you. I love when my husband does this.

Have you had a health checkup lately? Does premature ovarian failure run in your family?
Do you have regular periods? How is your thyroid functioning?

Bahahah! You sound like Dr. Phil, it's always the woman's fault if she doesn't want sex. They have pills on the market that will mess up a woman's health, but as long as the guys D is happy it's not important. What b.s.

Her DH doesn't like nor is he adept in home skills. Maybe he needs shock therapy, or hours listening to Home Show.
Maybe DH has testosterone problems, and needs Mr P checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Force kissing, yuck. If you've truly shown him by your reactions, talked to him yet he doesn't stop. Then yes, I find it bizarre.

No more bizarre than being married to someone whose kisses repulse you.

When they're doing it forcefully, at inappropriate times....then hell yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

Think you're repulsed at your situation. Who is taking care of you? You are running around ragged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting because a year or so ago I posted asking women about how they felt being groped and pawed at by their DHs, and specifically used the example of this occurring at the sink while DW is doing dishes. Many women replied that they loved it and would drop what they are doing and get it on right then and there. The bottom line with OP's situation is that she has lost sexual desire and while DH's approach might not be the best, I don't think they would be having more sex if he stopped the aggressive advances and tried a different technique. OP is able to avoid accountability for her loss of desire by blaming DH's approach.

Exactly, it's not disgusting. This is not a drunk stranger at a bar, but your hot husband desiring you. I love when my husband does this.

Have you had a health checkup lately? Does premature ovarian failure run in your family?
Do you have regular periods? How is your thyroid functioning?

Bahahah! You sound like Dr. Phil, it's always the woman's fault if she doesn't want sex. They have pills on the market that will mess up a woman's health, but as long as the guys D is happy it's not important. What b.s.

Her DH doesn't like nor is he adept in home skills. Maybe he needs shock therapy, or hours listening to Home Show.
Maybe DH has testosterone problems, and needs Mr P checked out.

OP I wouldn't listen to the hateful, dried up old women egging you on towards celibacy. They don't have your best interests in mind.
Unless you want to be a hateful dried up old fart yourself. Then by all means go for it.