3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

Because we potty-trained her when she was two, but a bad bout of constipation resulted in her absolutely refusing to poop on the potty. We have never put her back in diapers, but that just means we're cleaning up a lot of poop. We've tried everything. Charts, rewards, playing it down, making her participate in the clean-up process, making the clean-up process long and unpleasant, playing the "big girl" card--everything. Nothing works.

[Anonymous]

Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

no, none at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

[Anonymous]

My friend's three kids all had constipation problems that required medication and made them delayed potty trainers. Don't judge OP.

[Anonymous]

Constipation problems mean that the parents are not feeding the kids a healthy, unprocessed food diet and plenty of water. It's hard to be constipated with enough natural fiber and water in your diet, but if you eat sugary yogurt, cheese sticks and chicken nuggets and wash it down with milk, it can be pretty hard to go to the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

I waited until my son was 3. Before that, he wasn't interested in sitting on the toilet, not even for rewards. I didn't know how to proceed, so I waited, all the while encouraging him and talking it up. By then he was old enough that there wasn't any "training" other than convincing him to use the toilet. It worked very well for us, no problems. And yes, people told me to force him to use the toilet earlier ("who's the parent, here?"). Which didn't make any sense to me, so I did what worked for us.

While you should do what works for you, you should lose the "you've potty trained 2 kids, you've potty trained 'em all" attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

This could apply to everything! Genius! Don't teach your kid to use silverware and hopefully he will feel like the odd one out and a little ape-like and start using it once he sees peers doing so! Shame! Who would have thought of this?! I am going to lay off all the teaching right now! Will save me a ton of effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here's my theory -- it's easier to deal with the diapers now in the age of disposables and pullups, so parents aren't as motivated to start the training sooner.

And it's the simple truth!

There is a direct correlation between age of potty-training and availability and quality of disposable diapers. It's been researched. So what it comes down to, is parent motivation. Many are not putting in the hard work anymore.

My son with diagnosed global developmental delay was potty-trained at 2.5, just like his normally developing sister. The percentage of children with medical issues so severe as to make normal potty-training impossible is very small indeed.

If potty training at age 2 typically takes several weeks (or more), and results in lots of accidents, why not wait until it's easier at age 3? You think absorbent diapers make parents lazy. I believe absorbent diapers save parents the stress and hassle of a long drawn out potty training process. I don't see parents on this post explaining exactly what's so important about having a potty-trained one- or two-year-old.

Does the invention of baby formula mean women today are too lazy to offer themselves up as wet nurses? Are children these days lazy now that we don't all live on farms and make our kids do hard labor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I waited until my son was 3. Before that, he wasn't interested in sitting on the toilet, not even for rewards. I didn't know how to proceed, so I waited, all the while encouraging him and talking it up. By then he was old enough that there wasn't any "training" other than convincing him to use the toilet. It worked very well for us, no problems. And yes, people told me to force him to use the toilet earlier ("who's the parent, here?"). Which didn't make any sense to me, so I did what worked for us.

While you should do what works for you, you should lose the "you've potty trained 2 kids, you've potty trained 'em all" attitude.

This is precisely right. At 2 or before, you teach them, and at 3 or 4 you persuade them. You will notice who tends to make this choice tends to extend to most other aspects of parenting. It does not mean you are a bad parent, just a different one. Your kid is not who is different--YOU are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here's my theory -- it's easier to deal with the diapers now in the age of disposables and pullups, so parents aren't as motivated to start the training sooner.

And it's the simple truth!

There is a direct correlation between age of potty-training and availability and quality of disposable diapers. It's been researched. So what it comes down to, is parent motivation. Many are not putting in the hard work anymore.

My son with diagnosed global developmental delay was potty-trained at 2.5, just like his normally developing sister. The percentage of children with medical issues so severe as to make normal potty-training impossible is very small indeed.

If potty training at age 2 typically takes several weeks (or more), and results in lots of accidents, why not wait until it's easier at age 3? You think absorbent diapers make parents lazy. I believe absorbent diapers save parents the stress and hassle of a long drawn out potty training process. I don't see parents on this post explaining exactly what's so important about having a potty-trained one- or two-year-old.

Does the invention of baby formula mean women today are too lazy to offer themselves up as wet nurses? Are children these days lazy now that we don't all live on farms and make our kids do hard labor?

The reasons are:

1) it does not seem to be easier at 3 (lots of kids battle it and develop constipation/only poop in pull-ups issues);
2) some people actually find it empowering for children to learn to do things that are developmentally appropriate and like to teach their kids to do those things;
3) some people actually find changing diapers on older children not to be "easy" but rather revolting (yes, I love my kids, but I did not think that wiping poop off of them when they could talk/swim/do gymnastics was necessary to prove that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

This could apply to everything! Genius! Don't teach your kid to use silverware and hopefully he will feel like the odd one out and a little ape-like and start using it once he sees peers doing so! Shame! Who would have thought of this?! I am going to lay off all the teaching right now! Will save me a ton of effort.

You're not understanding or reading. I said clearly that if the reason they're not trained is simply because they are resistant, seeing other kids could be a great motivator. Kids do learn from each other, you know. You're being obtuse (or just dumb) if you think these parents aren't even attempting to teach their kids to use the toilet. If you're just ignorant, here's your lesson: parents of untrained 4-year-olds are undoubtedly TRYING TO POTTY TRAIN THEIR KIDS. Is there nothing in your parenting experience that your kid picked up or improved upon once exposed to other kids in preschool? You can't think of one example? None? And actually your silverware example could be a good one if you reframe it. If you teach your kid to use silverware, but he's not very adept at it, or he flat out prefers to use his hands, well, hell, watching other kids at preschool use silverware might actually motivate him to use a fork. If you think that type of thing makes you a failure as a parent, oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:here's my theory -- it's easier to deal with the diapers now in the age of disposables and pullups, so parents aren't as motivated to start the training sooner.

And it's the simple truth!

There is a direct correlation between age of potty-training and availability and quality of disposable diapers. It's been researched. So what it comes down to, is parent motivation. Many are not putting in the hard work anymore.

My son with diagnosed global developmental delay was potty-trained at 2.5, just like his normally developing sister. The percentage of children with medical issues so severe as to make normal potty-training impossible is very small indeed.

If potty training at age 2 typically takes several weeks (or more), and results in lots of accidents, why not wait until it's easier at age 3? You think absorbent diapers make parents lazy. I believe absorbent diapers save parents the stress and hassle of a long drawn out potty training process. I don't see parents on this post explaining exactly what's so important about having a potty-trained one- or two-year-old.

Does the invention of baby formula mean women today are too lazy to offer themselves up as wet nurses? Are children these days lazy now that we don't all live on farms and make our kids do hard labor?

The reasons are:

1) it does not seem to be easier at 3 (lots of kids battle it and develop constipation/only poop in pull-ups issues);
2) some people actually find it empowering for children to learn to do things that are developmentally appropriate and like to teach their kids to do those things;
3) some people actually find changing diapers on older children not to be "easy" but rather revolting (yes, I love my kids, but I did not think that wiping poop off of them when they could talk/swim/do gymnastics was necessary to prove that).

These are fine reasons. Note, this poster specifies "some people." These things aren't universal truths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a point to training them earlier than they want? Does potty training at 4 have any negative effect on a child?

Yes, four year olds notice that all the other children can use the bathroom and aren't wearing diapers under their clothes, hanging out of their bathing suits at the pool, etc. Do you think they are like infants and have no social awareness at 4?? Also, they will remember it because also unlike infants, 4 year olds are forming long term memories. Have you ever interacted with a child older than about 12 months?

If they notice other kids, all the better. If the kid isn't trained simply because he's resistant (no other physical or neurological problems), then seeing their peers using the toilet can be a good motivator.

This could apply to everything! Genius! Don't teach your kid to use silverware and hopefully he will feel like the odd one out and a little ape-like and start using it once he sees peers doing so! Shame! Who would have thought of this?! I am going to lay off all the teaching right now! Will save me a ton of effort.

You're not understanding or reading. I said clearly that if the reason they're not trained is simply because they are resistant, seeing other kids could be a great motivator. Kids do learn from each other, you know. You're being obtuse (or just dumb) if you think these parents aren't even attempting to teach their kids to use the toilet. If you're just ignorant, here's your lesson: parents of untrained 4-year-olds are undoubtedly TRYING TO POTTY TRAIN THEIR KIDS. Is there nothing in your parenting experience that your kid picked up or improved upon once exposed to other kids in preschool? You can't think of one example? None? And actually your silverware example could be a good one if you reframe it. If you teach your kid to use silverware, but he's not very adept at it, or he flat out prefers to use his hands, well, hell, watching other kids at preschool use silverware might actually motivate him to use a fork. If you think that type of thing makes you a failure as a parent, oh well.

If they have a 4 year old who is not potty trained, I doubt very seriously that they started before or right at age 2 and committed to it. They waited until it was too late and then half-heartedly tried to persuade the child to use a toilet and, not surprisingly, it did not work. I don't think most younger children are "resistant" if you just teach/show them how to do it. Resistance comes when there is a battle of wills (and option not to do what the parent says). It is an entirely different view of potty training that late trainers have. I was the one above who said earlier training involved teaching as opposed to persuading. If you think it is better to let other children teach your child than to do it yourself, that will probably work if he/she is social enough (and this does work for younger siblings).